EDIT:
DAMMIT I FUCKING GIVE UP I'M STILL GETTING NOTIFIED

So this is basically a part 2 from last time and I'm here to say I have a solution! @/loyallyric has enlightened me with the wonderful knowledge of knowing how to turn the new update tHE FUCK OFF! So to help all you awesome people who do not deserve this level of spam, please spread the word that all you have to do (for mobile, though I'm pretty sure this works on the website too) is go into settings and click account settings. You with me so far? Then, after that, scroll down until you see the category of notifications. Then when you see the part where it says "updates from profiles I follow" then turn that. bitch. off.

I'll be posting this on my message board to notify other people too! Please spread the news but try not to spam people with it!