astroash: hey baby
astroash: guess what

caluminthehood: what is it what happened i'm here

astroash: i did something
astroash: thought you should see

caluminthehood: should i be concerned?
caluminthehood: did you hurt yourself?

astroash: no

caluminthehood: okay?
caluminthehood: so let me see

astroash:

caluminthehood: ashton fletcher irwin

astroash: calum thomas hood

caluminthehood: are you aware that your hair is red

astroash: i am aware, yes

caluminthehood: oh my god you
caluminthehood: you're so gorgeous
caluminthehood: what is air

astroash: uwu

caluminthehood: how could you do this to me
caluminthehood: i wasn't READY

astroash: sorry?

caluminthehood: and the chain around your neck i-
caluminthehood: how do you exist
caluminthehood: you're way too pretty and i'm literally garbage
caluminthehood: wow 🥺

astroash: you're not garbage
astroash: if you're garbage what does that make me

caluminthehood: a fucking god
caluminthehood: i thought we covered this already

astroash: you're beautiful

caluminthehood: whatever you say
caluminthehood: random subject change in 3

astroash: hooray

caluminthehood: 2

astroash: i'm so excited

caluminthehood: 1
caluminthehood: i took pictures of you when i visited

astroash: i know

caluminthehood: wanna see

astroash: yes

caluminthehood:

caluminthehood:

caluminthehood:

caluminthehood: 😍😍😍
caluminthehood: i love it when you smile

astroash: you're adorable
astroash: what was i smiling at in the third one

caluminthehood: i probably said something unintelligent or pointed at something common and was astonished
caluminthehood: i'm like that

astroash: the second one was actually after the third one tho
astroash: i realized you were taking a photo of me so i tried to look all serious

caluminthehood: i pointed at something to distract you so i could take a cute ass photo of your heart-melting smile
caluminthehood: 😁😁
caluminthehood: but you noticed and went back into full on daddy mode
caluminthehood: i'm really not complaining though
caluminthehood: that was a fun night ⛓🔪

astroash: i don't know how to react

caluminthehood: i'm not done
caluminthehood: i love kissing you and holding your hand and seeing you smile and hearing you moan and i love your eyes and your lips and your everything

astroash: finished?

caluminthehood: no

astroash: sigh

caluminthehood: you're caring and sweet and protective and respectful and adorable and also gorgeous and you're smart and funny and incredibly gentle (when you desire to be) and then hella rough cause u know i like it like that
caluminthehood: and do you know what the best part is?

astroash: no

caluminthehood: you're mine

astroash: fuck calum
astroash: you're so cute

caluminthehood: who's calum

astroash: my baby boy

caluminthehood: oh
caluminthehood: yes i've heard of this baby boy character

astroash: smart-ass
astroash: i took pictures of you too

caluminthehood: let me see these

astroash:

astroash:

astroash:

caluminthehood: interesting

astroash: black and white photos of you are so great
astroash: every photo is
astroash: and you're wearing my jacket i-

caluminthehood: of course i'm wearing your jacket
caluminthehood: by calling me your boyfriend you immediately lost that article of clothing

astroash: i see

caluminthehood: do you have a favourite

astroash: the first one

caluminthehood: because of the lighting?

astroash: yeah kind of
astroash: but also just because i cant explain it
astroash: you're stunning

caluminthehood: hm

astroash: you rambled on for two paragraphs, describing me
astroash: but there's only one word i have for you

caluminthehood: which would be

astroash: perfection

caluminthehood: you-
caluminthehood: ❤️💕😘💖💗💝💞💓💕☺️🏳️‍🌈😍
caluminthehood: something called breath has been lost
caluminthehood: last seen with person known as me

astroash: d o r k

caluminthehood: i am going to cry

astroash: nonono why

caluminthehood: cause you're so sweet and i don't deserve you

astroash: you deserve better than me and you know it

caluminthehood: we've been over this
caluminthehood: i have yet to find a better person
caluminthehood: and even if i do
caluminthehood: i still only want you

astroash: you already have me

caluminthehood: buT yOurE nOt hErE

astroash: thanks for reminding me
astroash: like the hole in my heart didn't do that already

caluminthehood: that's so cute tf
caluminthehood: but
caluminthehood: how am i supposed to hug you if
caluminthehood: yOuRE nOt hErE

astroash: i don't know
astroash: imagine

caluminthehood: all the people

astroash: did you just-
astroash: throw john lennon lyrics at me
astroash: wow 😍

caluminthehood: imagine there's no countries

astroash: it isn't hard to do

caluminthehood: nothing to kill or die for

astroash: and no religion, too

caluminthehood: imagine all the people

astroash: living life in peace

caluminthehood: you, you may say i'm a dreamer

astroash: but i'm not the only one

caluminthehood: i hope someday you will join us

astroash: and the world will be as one

caluminthehood: imagine no possessions

astroash: i wonder if you can

caluminthehood: no need for greed or hunger

astroash: a brotherhood of man

caluminthehood: imagine all the people

astroash: sharing all the world

caluminthehood: you, you may say i'm a dreamer

astroash: but i'm not the only one

caluminthehood: i hope someday you will join us

astroash: and the world will be as one

caluminthehood: applause
caluminthehood: wow you're perfect

astroash:

caluminthehood: wow okay
caluminthehood: i see how it is
caluminthehood: i'm going to accept this award
caluminthehood: cause it's true
caluminthehood: but it in no way means that i like it

astroash: oh be quiet
astroash: you love shit like that
astroash: ugh i need to find the energy to stand up
astroash: i know it's here somewhere

caluminthehood: if he gets up
caluminthehood: we'll all get up
caluminthehood: it'll be anarchy

astroash: and now you're quoting the breakfast club
astroash: i didn't think that my affection for you could grow and then it did
astroash: bam
astroash: just like that

caluminthehood: much uwu
caluminthehood: who's your favourite character

astroash: judd nelson
astroash: i love him
astroash: what about you

caluminthehood: anthony michael hall tbh
caluminthehood: he's so cute
caluminthehood: such a twink

astroash: but i also like ally sheedy
astroash: "i'm a nyphomaniac"

caluminthehood: i love when judd nelson says "hot beef injection"
caluminthehood: it makes me so happy and idk why
caluminthehood: cause i'm a bottom
caluminthehood: cause he talkin bout dick

astroash: probably
astroash: i live for that movie
astroash: can we watch it when i come visit you

caluminthehood: yes of course
caluminthehood: but please do not be frightened by the fact that i know every word to it

astroash: so do i
astroash: and i love the vice principal

caluminthehood: judd nelson's like "is barry manilow aware that you raid his wardrobe"
caluminthehood: yeah i love that movie

astroash: ugh me too
astroash: and i really like you

caluminthehood: UWU

astroash: 😭😍😍

caluminthehood: guess what this is from
caluminthehood: "you are physically flawless"
caluminthehood: "but it doesn't mean i like you"

astroash: pitch perfect 2
astroash: ugh i'm a loser

caluminthehood: i love that series
caluminthehood: and you are not a loser
caluminthehood: tbh i only watch it for fat amy
caluminthehood: cause aussie
caluminthehood: and cynthia rose bc she gay

astroash: sucking too hard on a lollipop

caluminthehood: oh loves gonna get you down

astroash: i went walking with my momma one day

caluminthehood: when she warn me what people say

astroash: live your life until love is found

caluminthehood: cause loves gonna get you down

astroash: take a look at the girl next door

caluminthehood: she's a player and a downright whore

astroash: jesus loves her

caluminthehood: she wants more

astroash: oh bad girls get you down

caluminthehood: why do i know all this

astroash: cause you're cute

caluminthehood: that has nothing to do with anything
caluminthehood: 😡😡

astroash: don't be angry with me
astroash: cute is your thing
astroash: it's fine

caluminthehood: it's not fine
caluminthehood: you're not gonna think i'm cute when you bottom to me

astroash: why do you keep insisting that will happen

caluminthehood: wishful thinking i guess
caluminthehood: anna kendrick is so cute

astroash: yeah
astroash: she's tiny

caluminthehood: mhm

astroash: i'm not okay

caluminthehood: (i promise)

astroash: how could you do that to me
astroash: i-
astroash: tHaTs nOt FAIr

caluminthehood: life isn't fair

astroash: now you're quoting children's movies at me

caluminthehood: the lion king is fucking gold and i don't care what you have to say

astroash: i wasn't gonna argue baby

caluminthehood: good

astroash: i love scar
astroash: he's so cool

caluminthehood: big gay energy from him

astroash: are you serious

caluminthehood: yes

astroash: the hyenas are my favourite tho

caluminthehood: cactus butt

astroash: "oh it's just you"

caluminthehood: "we were worried it might be somebody important"

astroash: wow
astroash: you're amazing
astroash: i cannot believe

caluminthehood: can i have more pictures with your red hair
caluminthehood: i need

astroash: there's like a real fancy one
astroash: that i had taken

caluminthehood: yes please yes please yes please yes please

astroash: okay fine
astroash: don't have a fuckin heart attack

caluminthehood: no promises

astroash:

caluminthehood: well shi
caluminthehood: okay so here's an update
caluminthehood: i'm not breathing
caluminthehood: ASHTON

astroash: yes angel

caluminthehood: my track pants just flew off my fucking body
caluminthehood: and across the goddamn room

astroash: oh my god
astroash: you're so dramatic

caluminthehood: nuh uh
caluminthehood: i'm being 100% serious

astroash: that's not even possible
astroash: but oh shit
astroash: track pants
astroash: i need medical assistance that's so-

caluminthehood: sometimes i just walk around like that
caluminthehood: sweats and a beanie
caluminthehood: because shirts are for losers

astroash: c u t e
astroash: why a beanie tho

caluminthehood: cause i like hats
caluminthehood: and even tho they make my hair all greasy, i can just shower

astroash: don't let me imagine that

caluminthehood: i'm not letting you do anything

astroash: okay fine
astroash: i'm still gonna think about it tho

caluminthehood: i love timon and pumbaa

astroash: pretty random but ok

caluminthehood: haKuNa MatATA

astroash: it means no worries

caluminthehood: for the rest of your days

astroash: iTs OuR pROBleM fREeeEee

caluminthehood: pHiLOsOPhYyYy

astroash: hakuna matata

caluminthehood: so wait
caluminthehood: what is your favourite movie rn

astroash: i don't know
astroash: love, simon

caluminthehood: you stole my answer
caluminthehood: that movie is fucking gReAT

astroash: i want an asexual movie
astroash: because everyone thinks that sex is the only way to bond in a relationship
astroash: but it isn't

caluminthehood: i know
caluminthehood: i want popcorn
caluminthehood: and a warm hug

astroash: hi i'm olaf and i like warm hugs

caluminthehood: no
caluminthehood: i cant permit that

astroash: okay fine
astroash: what other childrens movies do you like

caluminthehood: pocahontas
caluminthehood: monsters inc
caluminthehood: fat albert
caluminthehood: zootopia
caluminthehood: 101 dalmations
caluminthehood: all dogs go to heaven

astroash: you're a baby
astroash: but that's okay
astroash: cause you're my baby

caluminthehood: uwu
caluminthehood: AND MULAN
caluminthehood: do you know why?

astroash: because the guy liked her before he knew she was a her

caluminthehood: y e s

astroash: and the dragon?

caluminthehood: mushu is my spirit animal

astroash: he's a complete idiot, incredibly selfish, tiny and mean

caluminthehood: yes
caluminthehood: i am mushu
caluminthehood: mushu is me
caluminthehood: we are one

astroash: you're not selfish or mean
astroash: or an idiot

caluminthehood: no ash
caluminthehood: i'm an idiot
caluminthehood: i know that much

astroash: no u aren't

caluminthehood: whatever it doesn't matter
caluminthehood: but guess what

astroash: do i really need to guess

caluminthehood: yeah

astroash: okay
astroash: duke did something

caluminthehood: no

astroash: you did something

caluminthehood: no

astroash: uwu?

caluminthehood: correct
caluminthehood: uwu
caluminthehood: x 027292731938

astroash: what if i do this
astroash: -3-

caluminthehood: first of all
caluminthehood: the lips are so big that it's nose is covered so it can't breathe
caluminthehood: second
caluminthehood: it needs a head and body
caluminthehood: and third
caluminthehood: aRE yOu cAllInG mE aSiAN

astroash: okay let me fix this
astroash:    (-3-)
astroash:   — | —
astroash:      /\
astroash: but i can't give it a nose
astroash: and no i'm not calling you aSiAN
astroash: the eyes are closed bc you don't kiss with your eyes open
astroash: haven't you heard that bruno mars song

caluminthehood: please do not
caluminthehood: do not do it

astroash: i won't
astroash: i don't like that song

caluminthehood: i hate everything
caluminthehood: oh that's a drastic mood change

astroash: yeah it is
astroash: you okay?

caluminthehood: yeah i'm fine
caluminthehood: i want the world to end
caluminthehood: wow fun
caluminthehood: alright i'm going to bed

astroash: you'll be okay?

caluminthehood: yes

astroash: alright baby
astroash: sleep well

caluminthehood: uwu

astroash: uwu

caluminthehood: gasp
caluminthehood: maybe uwu will be our always

astroash: oh my god
astroash: go sleep you dork

caluminthehood: okay
caluminthehood: bye daddy

astroash: goodnight angel

[ astroash is offline ]

[ caluminthehood is offline ]

-

this is what my brain does at 4am and i'm so sorry

but if you're reading this~

i love you and i hope you drink lots of water and get enough sleep and eat healthy foods

also—i am aware that the photos were not necessarily taken by ashton or calum (or in l.a) but we're gonna pretend, alright?

and i'm going to leave you with this photo

-