ashtonofbricks: darling
ashtonofbricks: honey
ashtonofbricks: cupcake
ashtonofbricks: sweetie
ashtonofbricks: angel
ashtonofbricks: sunshinneeee

[ caluminthehood is online ]

caluminthehood: what do you want

ashtonofbricks: to make you happy
ashtonofbricks: is it working?
ashtonofbricks: do i need to be more cheesy?

caluminthehood: i did not order any of this cheese
caluminthehood: i ordered a sweater

ashtonofbricks: yeah okay well you didn't say which one so i'm trying to pick
ashtonofbricks: plus there may or may not be other things with it

caluminthehood: ooh i love surprises
caluminthehood: how fun

ashtonofbricks: can you do me a favour?
ashtonofbricks: it's something really simple
ashtonofbricks: you don't even have to move

caluminthehood: depends
caluminthehood: what is it?

ashtonofbricks: can you just smile?

caluminthehood: can you give me a reason to?

ashtonofbricks: it only takes 17 muscles to smile but more than 40 to frown
ashtonofbricks: and if you're still gonna be mad at me
ashtonofbricks: smile for duke

caluminthehood: see
caluminthehood: 40 muscles to frown
caluminthehood: my face gets a lot of exercise then

( fuckin hell me too )

ashtonofbricks: please?

caluminthehood: how are you even supposed to know if i actually do it?

ashtonofbricks: well
ashtonofbricks: the sun will shine brighter
ashtonofbricks: the stars will align
ashtonofbricks: and my heart will do something like
ashtonofbricks: jebdaodjnsbdiwnsnzkaisndndndb
ashtonofbricks: 💖💞💗💕💘💝💖💞❤️💝

caluminthehood: you planned that
caluminthehood: you knew that my grumpy ass was gonna be mean

ashtonofbricks: i was being honest
ashtonofbricks: that's all

caluminthehood: that just earned you a whopping 6%

ashtonofbricks: so i'm at 11%

caluminthehood: how does one math??

ashtonofbricks: +3% from when i said the stupid thing about being an organ donor
ashtonofbricks: +4% from saying that i like you a lot
ashtonofbricks: -2% when i said i was "better than you"
ashtonofbricks: and +6% just now for my cuteness
ashtonofbricks: 3+4=7
ashtonofbricks: 7-2=5
ashtonofbricks: 5+6=11%

caluminthehood: excellent job mr. smarty pants
caluminthehood: you've passed 1st grade with a B average
caluminthehood: you will be allowed to see me irl when you reach 75%

ashtonofbricks: allowed?
ashtonofbricks: i can fly down to you right now

caluminthehood: i can call the cops and have them waiting for you at the airport
caluminthehood: :-)

ashtonofbricks: the NOSE
ashtonofbricks: oh my Jesus Christ
ashtonofbricks: the nose
ashtonofbricks: wowie
ashtonofbricks: i am truly shocked
ashtonofbricks: you said you hated the nose????

caluminthehood: it is called a hyphen
caluminthehood: and i do hate it
caluminthehood: but clearly it makes you happy
caluminthehood: so i can deal with it

ashtonofbricks: awWwwWw
ashtonofbricks: yes it makes me happy
ashtonofbricks: you make me happy
ashtonofbricks: oh my gOD so happy
ashtonofbricks: 💝❤️💘💞💖💕💗💕💖💝❤️

caluminthehood: what the fuck is wrong with you
caluminthehood: are you high?

ashtonofbricks: shh
ashtonofbricks: don't tell

caluminthehood: what did you take

ashtonofbricks: it is the most powerful drug of all

caluminthehood: what is it

ashtonofbricks: your affection and attention

caluminthehood: i don't know where you got my affection from
caluminthehood: but yeah
caluminthehood: you've got my attention alright

ashtonofbricks: i want your affection
ashtonofbricks: and i want a hug
ashtonofbricks: fucking hell
ashtonofbricks: so badly
ashtonofbricks: i'm so lonely cal
ashtonofbricks: can't you at least pretend to like me

caluminthehood: i do like you

ashtonofbricks: you said you hated me
ashtonofbricks: you don't care about me
ashtonofbricks: i should just die

caluminthehood: have you been drinking ash
caluminthehood: please tell me you haven't been drinking

ashtonofbricks: noooo

caluminthehood: ashton
caluminthehood: why did you drink?
caluminthehood: you said it hurts you

ashtonofbricks: that's exactly why i did it
ashtonofbricks: it'll help me forget
ashtonofbricks: even just for a little

caluminthehood: please stop
caluminthehood: i don't want you to hurt

ashtonofbricks: at least nick said he liked me
ashtonofbricks: he may have been lying
ashtonofbricks: but at least he didn't tell me that he hated me

caluminthehood: i swear i don't hate you
caluminthehood: you're right okay
caluminthehood: i wanted to be angry at someone other than myself
caluminthehood: please don't drink anymore
caluminthehood: i don't hate you
caluminthehood: i really like you
caluminthehood: stop it

ashtonofbricks: but you don't believe me when i speak
ashtonofbricks: you always think i'm lying to you
ashtonofbricks: and even when there is proof of my truthfulness
ashtonofbricks: you went with MICHAEL'S words over mine

caluminthehood: i'm sorry
caluminthehood: will you please just stop drinking
caluminthehood: be angry at me all you want
caluminthehood: scream and yell
caluminthehood: but please don't hurt yourself

ashtonofbricks: why the fuck not
ashtonofbricks: there really is no point
ashtonofbricks: work is just too much
ashtonofbricks: they need me to protect so many people
ashtonofbricks: i can't even take care of myself
ashtonofbricks: i can't keep killing these people
ashtonofbricks: they've got families cal
ashtonofbricks: they don't deserve it

caluminthehood: what the fuck
caluminthehood: you kill people?

ashtonofbricks: i wasn't supposed to tell you that
ashtonofbricks: fuck
ashtonofbricks: i'm such a screw up
ashtonofbricks: i need it to stop
ashtonofbricks: i need it to stop calum

caluminthehood: ashton
caluminthehood: talk to me please baby
caluminthehood: you need what to stop??

ashtonofbricks: everything

[ ashtonofbricks is offline ]

caluminthehood: ASHTON I SWEAR TO GOD
caluminthehood: tALK TO ME
caluminthehood: fine
caluminthehood: i don't wanna do this but

[ caluminthehood has left the chat ]

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caluminthehood: michael
caluminthehood: listen
caluminthehood: you're a fucking dick and i hate you but i need your help

cliffordthebigredddog: what the fuck do you want

caluminthehood: shut up and listen asshole
caluminthehood: you don't get to be pissy with me
caluminthehood: ashton needs someone to be there with him
caluminthehood: he's been drinking and i feel like he's gonna do something bad

cliffordthebigredddog: i hope he does
cliffordthebigredddog: he's been a shitty friend to me
cliffordthebigredddog: if i don't deserve his attention
cliffordthebigredddog: NEITHER DO YOU

caluminthehood: could you please get over your ego and help him
caluminthehood: i don't want anything bad to happen to him
caluminthehood: he's talking crazy shit about killing people
caluminthehood: and i can't be there to help

cliffordthebigredddog: the crazy shit about killing people is true
cliffordthebigredddog: did he say something about protecting people

caluminthehood: yes
caluminthehood: why?

cliffordthebigredddog: you're so stupid
cliffordthebigredddog: people pay him and his company to protect him from the people they owe shit to
cliffordthebigredddog: and if they don't pay him
cliffordthebigredddog: 🔪🔪

caluminthehood: you're a liar
caluminthehood: just go help him

cliffordthebigredddog: you don't need to believe me
cliffordthebigredddog: but he'll tell you

caluminthehood: go help him or i swear to god i will cut off your dick

cliffordthebigredddog: why does everyone keep making threats against my genitalia
cliffordthebigredddog: i kinda need that

caluminthehood: GO
caluminthehood:

cliffordthebigredddog: i will end your sad little life

caluminthehood: go save Ashton's first

cliffordthebigredddog: fuck you

caluminthehood: you wish

[ cliffordthebigredddog is offline ]

[ caluminthehood is offline ]

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