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chapter twenty-three

He quickly covers his eyes while screaming, "I'm blind!"

"Hyung," I shake my head, closing my eyes and laying a devastated hand on my forehead.

"I'll just go. I'm sorry for disturbing, Ahri-ah!" He tries to walk out of the room with his covered eyes, failing completely as he bumps into me.

"Oh my god!" He squeals, a horrified expression on his face, "I'm sorry!"

Sighing loudly, I grab his hands and put them down. "You're like 5 years older than me," I mumble while gazing at him weirdly.

"Not mentally!" He panics with wide eyes.

"Look, I won't say anything if you don't," I shake my head, "this is just awkward."

Seokjin swiftly nods his head and walks out. "Sorry," he mumbles before closing the door.

"No, really, my life is filled with awkwardness," I critically mumble to myself, hands on my hips.

Taking out some fresh and comfortable clothes, I change into them and dry my hair with the towel that was around my head.

"Ahri!" Namjoon yells from the other side of the door, "are you ready? We need to leave or else we're going to be late for our own debut!"

My eyes widen when I think that we will really debut in just a few hours. My heartbeat quickens while I stare outside the window. "Ahri!" Yoongi yells, knocking on the door multiple times.

"I-I'm ready," I yell back and move to open the door with my jello-like legs.

"Are you okay?" Taehyung asks me worriedly.

"Yeah," I chuckle awkwardly," why wouldn't I? We're just going to perform in front of thousands of people and I need to rap a whole verse and they will see me, judge me, talk about me—"

Jin cuts my rambling off by laying a hand on my shoulder. "No, don't think of it in that way," he encouragingly smiles at me.

"What did we discuss?" Hoseok chimes in while smiling at me widely, "stay positive!"

"Y-Yeah," I swiftly nod my head and try to think positively.

You can finally spread your wings, Yona.

A small smile slowly spreads on my face and the boys smile back in satisfaction. "Good, let's leave now," Yoongi states and we make our way to the entertainment.

"Today is your big day, guys!" Our manager greets us as we arrive in the building.

"Are you guys nervous?" He sincerely asks us in concern.

"Even if we are, we're happy that this is finally happening," Namjoon smiles and we nod our heads along.

"I'm glad," Si-Hyuk smiles, "the car is waiting outside and then you're going to get ready when we arrive there."

We simply nod our heads and go inside the car together. I'm squeezed between Taehyung and Hoseok.

"I'm so excited," Taehyung smiles widely while jumping up and down in his seat.

"I will collapse any second," Hoseok exclaims and jumps around as well.

Great, they just had to sit me in between the hyper ones, right?

Chuckling lightly, I put my hands on both of their shoulders to stop their bouncing. "If you won't stop jumping, the car will collapse," I state while staring at them.

Both of the boys gasp. "Did you just call me fat?" Taehyung asks, an offended hand on his chest.

"Our little maknae is turning more and more fierce with the days passing on," Hoseok playfully rolls his eyes while crossing his arms with a pout on his lips.

"I'm just joking~" I sing-song to them as I put both of my arms around their shoulders.

Their eyes widen and they stare at me in shock. "Wait," Taehyung holds a hand up, "you can sing?"

Chuckling nervously, I shake my head in denial. "No, I can't."

"Yes, you can!" Hoseok agrees with the younger one's statement and points his finger at me.

"We have another Golden Maknae!" They exclaim in unison and soon fist-bump each other.

"Golden what?" I ask them with a frown on my face.

"It means that you're good at everything, just like Jeongguk," Jimin turns around in a dramatic way and explains it to me, looking straight ahead right after.

Laughing loudly, I wave my hands in denial. "I'm not good at anything," I shake my head, "I suck at everything. Sports, mathematics, feelings—"

"Didn't you once tell me that you did karate when you were younger?" Taehyung cuts me off while raising one of his thick eyebrows.

Staring at him with a dumbfounded face, I reply, "you don't remember anything I say to you, but you remember that?"

"You even did karate?" Hoseok exclaims, his mouth wide agape.

"Just for some years, and it's not even really a sports activity," I roll my eyes while slumping down in my seat.

"Yes, it is," Namjoon affirms, turning around and facing me as sassily as Jimin and looking ahead right after he proved me wrong.

"Why are the people in the front so shady and listen to our conversation?" I ask my seating partners while pointing at us.

"Because we want to," Seokjin replies and turns around in his seat like the two other ones.

I sigh loudly and want to scream. "I feel so squeezed, I have no space and can't breathe properly, oh my god!" I talk to myself in German.

The boys stare at each other in confusion and low-key throw me judging looks.

"She's really crazy," Hoseok affirms while nodding his head swiftly.

"I'm not crazy," I sigh loudly, "I just have no proper space!"

"Do you have agoraphobia?" Yoongi asks me.

Staring at him with furrowed brows, I shake my head swiftly. "No," I state.

"You sure?" Jeongguk asks me in a judging way, raising his eyebrows.

"When are you born, Koo?" I question him and change the subject.

"First September, why?" A frown builds on the young boy's forehead.

"Thought of that," I nod my head in a judging behavior.

"What does that mean?" He panics, nearing us with his head while staring at me with widened eyes.

"You're a Virgo, right?" I cross my arms while asking him another question.

"Yeah," he nods his head, still being confused with the situation.

"I'm so good at guessing signs," I approvingly nod to myself with a satisfied smirk on my face.

"How do you even know—" he continues on asking questions, but we arrive and I quickly step outside.

Looking at the building with big eyes, my body suddenly freezes. Jin lays a hand on my shoulder, motioning for me to continue walking.

Dazing out of my thoughts, I nod my head and all of us stride inside the big building.

Our manager approaches us, "good, you guys arrived without any problems. Go inside the dressing room there," he motions with his hand, "get ready, and remember that you guys are being filmed!"

Rolling my eyes, I mumble silently, "great, I'll meet my best friend who likes to record everything about me."

Jeongguk giggles at my remark, but Yoongi tugs on the sleeve of my sweater, giving me the shut-your-ungrateful-ass-up face.

"Gee, I breathed," I sassily hold my hands up, making him scoff but smile at the same time.

"I believe in you guys!" Bang Si-Hyuk holds an encouraging fist up and leaves right after.

After his little speech, we head to a room in the back and the stylists immediately get to work with us.

"Stay still!" The young woman scolds me while she's making my eye make-up.

"But it hurts!" I whine and blink my eyes a thousand times.

"Stop blinking, you'll ruin everything!" She sighs loudly and tries to hold my face still.

"That's what I'm good at, sis," I state in English, making her laugh.

"You really are something else," she tells me in English while shaking her head playfully.

I want to reply to her, but see the cameraman from the last time filming me.

"Oh, look!" I point at him while smiling widely, "it's my long lost friend!"

He laughs lightly but puts on a serious expression when he sees the judging looks from the others. "You're not allowed to talk to the staff members," he mumbles to me in a sad tone.

"I don't care what they think," I roll my eyes, "I'm a free individual, fuck what other people think—"

Everyone stares at me in shock and my eyes widen because of the attention I just gained. "I'm sorry," I mumble with a red face while bowing my head several times.

They shoot me some judging looks, making me slump down in my seat in embarrassment.

"Don't listen to them. From all the idols I was a stylist of, you're the most chill one. Many are withdrawn and think they can command other people around all the time," our stylist whispers to me while she's doing my hair.

"I'm not an idol," I chuckle with a blush on my face as I stare at my fiddled hands on my lap.

"Whatever floats your boat," she shrugs her shoulders, a small smile on her beautiful face, "but you most definitely look like one."

Looking up swiftly, I gaze at my reflection in the mirror. "Wow," I breathe out with widened eyes.

"Thank you so much!" I smile at her widely, which she kindly returns.

"You were the last one, so your members are waiting for you outside," she smiles at me one last time before I happily walk outside to find the boys.

"Guess who looks like a snack!" I confidently state while approaching the boys with lifted arms, high-key presenting myself.

"We look so cool together!" Jimin exclaims as I stand right next to them.

"It's happening, guys," Hoseok smiles, "we will finally debut."

"Well, technically our debut will be tomorrow because that's when our album is out—" Namjoon points out but goes silent as soon as Hoseok throws him a deadpanned face.

"BTS is on in five minutes!" A director yells and my eyes widen.

Trying to maintain my breathing, I go into a corner for some alone time.

Picking out the phone that my manager has given me, I dial a number and put it on my ear.

My lips turn downwards as the person doesn't answer. I gulp while looking at the ground sadly.

What was I even expecting?

The voice-mail comes on and rips me from my thoughts. "H-Hello, grandma," I sniff slightly, "um, I think you're busy right now because you're not answering your phone, but I will be performing in a few minutes. I know you don't want me to, but I called you because you're the only family member that's left."

The sadness flows through my veins and deadens my mind. It's a poison to my spirit, dulling me and killing off my other emotions until it is the only one that remains.

Sighing loudly, I continue, "you'll probably see our performance and your neighbors will talk about it and say bad stuff about me. I'm sorry that I'll make you ashamed, it wasn't my intention," I shake my head softly as my eyes get glassier, "I'm sorry that I could never be the granddaughter you wanted."

Everything and everyone shows me that all will be okay, but I still seem to turn anxious.

It comes as an electrical storm in my brain that, quite honestly, is painful. It's different from a headache and it feels the same as intense sorrow, perhaps as a sort of frozen panic with nowhere to go.

So though I appear calm and collected, my wide eyes are saying far more than.

"You okay?" A small voice asks from beside me and I turn around to face Jeongguk.

"I don't know if I can do this, Kookie," I silently mumble to him since I don't want the others to hear about it.

I don't know why, but I feel like I can say it to him without worrying that he will worry himself or, mayhap, overreact. Maybe it's because he's just a few weeks older than me.

"I'm really nervous too, Yonnie," he whispers to me, anxiously clasping his hands together.

"What If I forget my part? Or stumble over my own words? The people will judge me and I'll ruin everything that you guys wanted to achieve—" I try to explain my feelings as I point at myself.

Fortunately, he cuts me off by wrapping his arms around me in a sudden.

Being startled by Jeongguk's rare touch, I hesitatingly hug him back and rest my head in his neck.

After some time, a big noise can be heard. "Group-cuddle!" Taehyung yells happily and jumps towards us, embracing me from behind.

Soon, all of us are wrapped in each other's arms and the proximity is starting to suffocate me.

"Air—" I choke out and they pull away while chuckling.

"We waited for this," Namjoon starts while smiling at us widely, "and after a long time, it's finally happening. People will know us as BTS, and not some other boys and girl."

"Whatever happens, I'm glad that we're together, and hopefully nothing will divide us," Jin smiles at us, painting a ray of sunshine all over his face.

"We will go through a lot, I can feel it," Yoongi nods his head, "but if we stick together, we'll win in the end."

"You just turned real cheesy," I mumble to him, sheepishly looking at the ground.

He shoots me a disapproving face while shaking his head. Nevertheless, a smile builds on his face, showing off his gums.

"BTS is on in 90 seconds!"

My heart beats fast as I stare at my shoes.

Breathing in and out, I try to control myself and my shallow, almost non-existing, breathing.

"Is it too late to quit?" I ask, as a matter of fact, making all of them chuckle.

They always think that I'm joking. I'm not.

"Wait," I take hold on Yoongi's shoulder and spin him around as everyone goes behind the stage, "listen if my part is correct."

"Ahri, we've been through this—" he rolls his eyes.

"Just listen," I raise my voice but desperately turn it down, "please?"

He stares at me, but nods nevertheless.

Revising my part quickly, he looks at me the whole time while nodding his head to the beat of the song, looking if I'm intact or not.

"It's perfect. No need to be worried, okay?" He comfortingly strokes my shoulder and I nod slowly.

"Let's show them who we are now!" He tries to cheer me up and we jog towards the other boys.

We're behind the stage and I nervously fiddle with my fingers.

Revising my part in my head all the time, I hear the director yell, "go out now!"

Suddenly, red lights are on and we step outside, Namjoon going out first since he begins the whole track and performance.

We go in sync and do our choreography while my members sing and rap their parts of the song.

It's my part, and I quickly step in front and rap my lyrics of the track, trying to fit in with the rough concept as well.

Fortunately, I spit my verse out without any mistakes and try to hide my smile afterward when I head back in my position.

"To all the youth without dreams," Namjoon finishes our performance as we get together around him.

The crowd erupts in cheers and I smirk in satisfaction.

I did my verse without any mistakes.
I smile as I think about it.

We stride back inside and I jump around excitedly. "I need to hug this shit out!" I state while breathing heavily.

"Me too!" Taehyung exclaims and hugs me immediately, we jump around while doing that.

"It was perfect!" Hoseok's mouth shapes a heart as he smiles widely, hugging Jimin in the process.

"I'm so proud of you guys," Namjoon mumbles to himself as he smiles at all of us.

"You did great too, hyung," I elbow him while beaming a smile back.

His cheeks turn a soft shade of red and he quickly tries to hide it with his hand. "Thank you," he looks down, a big smile still planted on his face.

A few minutes later, we're in a small room in the back of the building and are sprawled around on the couches.

"I'm so glad that it's finally over," I exclaim while playing with my hair in boredom.

"It's just the beginning," Yoongi mumbles while gazing at the ceiling.