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chapter nineteen

My breathing is heavy as my body shoots up into a sitting position.

Fortunately, I wasn't screaming so the boys don't know that I had another nightmare.

I don't want them to worry about me. They already have their own problems and struggles, so I don't want to burden them anymore.

The clock on the wall tells me that it's 4:21 a.m. in the morning.

Since I have a lot of time left, I take the notebook that Namjoon has given me out of my suitcase and grab myself a pen.

Opening the black book, my hands go over the papers. Crisp and clean, not a mark on its almost sparkling surface.

Brand new edges so straight and sharp even a sword could not be compared to its glistening beauty.

I'm getting more and more eager to write on the paper before I allow my imagination to take over.

Maybe this will really help to deal with my feelings better.

The pen is smaller than an inch away from the paper but my hands refuse to write something.

Breathing in and out, I relax my body.

My thoughts are filled with all the memories, losses, and my life in general and soon the once completely white paper has many different black words written on it.

"When I'm with you I'm in dystopia..." are the lady lyrics that I say out loud to see if it rhymes with the rest of it.

And it does. Finishing the text, I feel relief and repose in my chest.

"What are you writing there?"

Startling at the new voice, my eyes widen as I gaze at Hoseok. "N-Nothing," I answer rather quickly, making him squint his eyes in suspicion.

"Why are you awake? Didn't you sleep?" He asks me worriedly, sitting down on the sofa beside me while I swiftly place the notebook under my pillow.

It's not that I don't trust them. It's just that I don't want them to read this. I would be so embarrassed because they would know about all my feelings and thoughts.

"No, I did sleep," I nod my head, "I just woke up earlier, it's normal for me. I'm a morning person."

"Me too!" He exclaims, a heart-shaped smile painted on his face.

I smile back at him and we soon sit in comfortable silence.

"PD-nim will probably tell us today if we debut or not," he speaks up in a quiet tone, his head hanging low.

Nodding my head slowly, I croak out, "I don't know what to do if we won't."

"I would just be really sad to let all of you go," he looks up at me while having a sad smile on his lips.

I nod my head again, thinking about all the events that happened with the boys until now.

Happiness, joy, anger, and sorrow. So many mixed emotions occurred in these past few weeks.

"Let's not think negatively. Positivity is the key to a healthy life," he quotes while standing up.

"You're right," I agree and stand up as well, "should we wake the others?"

"Yeah, let's do it!" He exclaims in English and strides to their dorm.

Chuckling lightly, I follow him while he opens the door.

"Wake up, the sun has risen!" Hoseok yells in his happy-cute voice.

"It's 5 am," Yoongi grumbles while throwing his pillow above his head, "there ain't no sun outside."

"Yes, but there's a sun inside," The other lead rapper smiles, "me!"

Laughing faintly, I nod my head, "he's right. Hoseok is our sun."

Suddenly, all the boys lift their heads from the pillows and all eyes turn towards me. Pupils enlarging, I stare at the offended sunshine.

"Who am I, Kim Ahri Yona?" He asks me lowly.

He used my full name. Fuck.

"Jung Hoseok," I reply in a flustered and quiet tone.

"How old am I?" He asks me again, bobbing his head to the side.

"19," my widened eyes stare back at him, not ready for the storm that's about to bear.

"And how old are you?"

"15," I gulp and take a few steps back already.

"Don't forget about honorifics!" He yells before running towards me.

Eyes widening, I rush away while he's chasing me.

"I'm sorry!" I yell while laughing, "we don't use that in Germany, it's not my fault!"

Hoseok suddenly grabs me from my waist and both of us fall on the floor.

He starts to tickle me and since I'm a really ticklish person, I immediately start to laugh and try to push him away.

"No! No! No" I scream in between laughs.

"I get it! I'm sorry! I will say it the next times!" I promise and he stops after my apology.

"Good," he smirks and stands back up on his feet.

He holds his arm down at me so I can get back up as well, which I gladly accept. He pulls me onto my two feet and we both head back to the room where the boys are already awake.

"Well, at least we woke them up," Hoseok shrugs his shoulders and we fist-bump each other.

"Not everyone though," Jimin tells us in his morning voice while pointing towards the youngest male member, "Jeongguk is not a morning person."

"I'll wake him up," I state while making my way towards him.

The boys soon leave the room and I squat down to be on eye-level with my fellow maknae.

"Kookie," I coo and tap his shoulder.

He simply grunts and turns to sleep on his other side. Sighing loudly, I shake his shoulder. "Kookie, wake up."

He shakes his head slowly while his eyes are still closed, a small pout on his lips. "Okay, you're cute and all but wake the fuck up," I demand.

His eyes shoot open and he slowly locks his brown hues with mine. The apples of his cheeks turn into a dark shade of red.

"Good morning!" I smile while putting my arms up in a happy manner.

He stares at me, his eyes not even blinking once. "Koo, you're okay?" I worry and squat down again.

Slowly nodding his head, his eyes stay locked with mine. "You know, you don't need to be flustered or scared around me, right?" I tell him in a small voice.

"I won't do no harm or anything. Hell, you're my other maknae. I always thought the youngest get along well all the time," I mumble the last part to myself, a pout slowly building on my face.

It's actually quite saddening, really. I don't even know why he's scared of me, I never did anything, or did I? Am I a bad person?

"I'm sorry."

Looking up quickly, I gaze at big brown eyes. "You're not a bad person," he replies.

Eyes widening, I stare at him. Did he just read my mind? What the hell.

"I'm just kind of shy around new people. It's even worse with girls," he mumbles, his eyes not leaving mine.

"It's fine, I'm not that open with new people as well. See me as one of the boys," I shrug my shoulders, "a lot of people called me 'Alpha Female' or even a man."

A chuckle leaves his mouth and he nods his head softly. "Okay," he whispers, a big smile planted on his lips.

"Good," I smile back at him," you still have to get up, though."

He nods his head and stands up. "I'll be at the kitchen, helping Jin hyung a little and all," I tell him as I go out.

Before going to the kitchen, I head to the bathroom to brush my teeth.

After that's done, my legs take me to the cooking area where some of the boys are at already.

"Good Morning, beautiful people of Seoul," I exclaim and smile at all of them.

"You're even happier than Hoseok," Yoongi mumbles while stabbing his eggs, "disgusting."

Laughing loudly, I rush towards him and hug his head tightly. "Good morning, hyung!" My smile enlarges.

"Let me eat," he complains and I soon let go of him.

Before heading to the fridge though, I notice a small smile creeping onto his pale face. Caught him.

"Did you wake Kookie up, Ahri?" Jin asks me while cooking some more eggs.

"Yes, hyung," I answer while gazing into the refrigerator, trying to find something to eat.

Pulling out some bread, I soon sit down beside Namjoon at the end of the table.

A big smile is still painted on my face as I wait for the others to start eating.

"Why are you so happy?" Namjoon asks me, my infecting happiness making him smile as well.

"I don't know," I shrug my shoulders, "I feel like today is going to be a great day."

"Everyday is great when I'm in it," Seokjin states confidently while sitting down as well.

"Everyday is great when you have some fucking sleep," Yoongi murmurs, "that's why mine are never since some people tend to wake people up in an annoying manner."

He stares at me knowingly and I look at Hoseok quickly. "He's right, Hoseok hyung. You shouldn't wake up people like that, especially grumpy grandpas."

The sunshine of the group holds his hands up in surrender, shock evident on his face. "He's talking about you, Ahri-ah!" He points his finger at me.

Looking at him in fake-shock, I point at myself. "What? Me? No! It was all you!"

"We did it together. Why would you throw me under the bus like that—" he accuses, still being offended.

Seokjin is quick to slap the back of his head. "Dude, she's playing," he tells Hoseok and occupies himself with his food again.

Hoseok's mouth is agape in shock and he points his finger at me, shaking his head up and down. "You're good," he tells me.

Flipping my hair to the side sassily, I nod my head. "I know," I confidently agree.

"Where are the others?" Namjoon asks around.

My eyes roam over the room and I notice that the maknae line isn't here.

"I'll look for them," I announce while standing up from my chair and making my way out of the kitchen.

Looking around the bedroom, I don't find any of the boys. "Guys, where are y'all? We're having breakfast!" I yell while looking into the bed Jeongguk slept in.

Suddenly, the boys open the wardrobe and scream, "BOO!"

My body startles and I fall on my butt. Heartbeat rising and eyes wide, I yell, "what the f—"

"No swearing!" I hear Jin screaming from the kitchen.

The boys begin to laugh hysterically as they look at my shocked face.

Smirking to myself, I think of something mischievous.

Cupping my face with my hands, I start to make my body tremble.

My loud sobbing soon fills the room up, silencing the boys.

The younger male members stare at each other, none of them know what to do.

I start to cry frantically and they soon rush towards me.

"Oh my god, Ahri! I'm so sorry!" Taehyung apologizes, sitting down next to me while hugging my head.

"We'll never do it again!" Jimin squeaks, "but please don't tell the others."

"We're sorry!" Jeongguk apologizes.

Pulling my hands out of my face, I smirk at all of them and stand up.

"Get to the kitchen now, we're having breakfast," I state.

Before I enter the kitchen, I hear Jeongguk mumble, "did she just prank us after we pranked her?"

"Yep, she did," Taehyung affirms.