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chapter twelve

After Yoongi and I stare at each other without daring to say a word, I quickly make my way over to the boys to avoid the uncomfortable tension.

Why did he have to say that? Now things will get even more awkward than they are already. I can't deal with feelings.

"Ahri, are you okay?" Hoseok comes up to me worriedly.

I nod my head quickly. "Yeah, I'm fine, don't worry," I reassure him.

He smiles lightly and goes back to the other boys. Hoseok is such a caring and loving person. They don't deserve someone like me in their group. I'll only bring trouble.

Sighing loudly, I quicken my steps and arrive at the building a little earlier than the boys. I stretch my body when the boys arrive.

After a few hours, Bang Si-Hyuk suddenly opens the door of our practice room. "Hello, Bangtan Sonyeondan!" He greets us with a big smile on his face.

We bow and greet him back politely. "I have great news!" He exclaims.

The boys and I share a few glances. "Your debut will be in a week!" He announces and we stare at him, shocked about the new information.

"Someone pinch me, I think I'm dreaming again," I mumble.

I feel a sudden pain in my cheek and immediately touch the spot Taehyung pinched me at. "Ow!" I furrow my eyebrows and stare at him.

He simply shrugs. "You said that someone should pinch you," he smirks.

"I was being ironic—"

"Didn't you guys hear?" Jimin asks around. "We're going to debut!" He exclaims happily and starts to jump around.

The realization hits me and a big smile makes it's way to my own face. All of us cheer and we engulf each other in a group hug. "We're going to do this. Together," Namjoon whispers reassuringly as he smiles at every single one of his.

We smile back at him and soon pull away from the hug. "You're a great leader, hyung," I lay a hand on his shoulder, a smile still planted on my face.

He blushes a little and his smile seems to widen even more. "Thank you, Ahri-ssi," he chortles.

"Your debut will be on June 13. We still have to shoot the music video, which is due tomorrow. So, tomorrow's no practice, but you guys have to study even more the upcoming days," he informs us and we nod our heads.

"Oh, and Ahri," he calls out, "you're going to attend school from now on. You'll go with Jungkook. You can't go the upcoming days because of the shoot."

Jungkook and I nod our heads.

"Work hard, fighting!" Our manager holds a proud fist up and leaves the room soon after.

"Can you guys believe this?" Hoseok asks around.

"I can't comprehend that we're really going to debut in just a week," Seokjin exclaims.

"It feels surreal," Yoongi adds, deep in thought.

"Let's practice hard now, guys," Hoseok clasps his hands together and motivates the whole group.

Knowing when the debut will make me want to work even harder than I actually do. In just a week, many people will know us as Bangtan Sonyeondan and see our strengths and weaknesses.

As Yoongi said, it just feels surreal. I think I'll know the feeling of being an idol when I really live like it.

I hope that everything's going to be fine and that the group will always be together.

This is the most special choice I've ever made in my life, and I can't share it with my loved one. I wish I could see my grandma. Just for a minute, I want her to say that I've made her proud.

I just want to know how it feels like to make someone proud. I was always a burden and stressed everyone. I was never worth it.

But maybe this will change things.
Maybe, this will change my whole life positively.

"Ahri, come on now," Taehyung shakes my shoulder, pulling me away from my thoughts.

Nodding my head, I get ready for a few more hours of practice until my work at the cafe starts.

After practice ends, we make our ways home and I quickly take a shower to free myself from the suffocating smell called sweat. Before heading to the cafe, I say goodbye to the boys.

Opening the door, I enter the small shop and quickly put my apron on. I search for Jaehyun as I look around.

Where is he?

"He isn't working today."

Rolling my eyes, I turn around and look at my co-worker. "Out of all the people in Korea, he picked you?" I mutter aside.

"Nice to see you too, Arquero," he smiles and stands in front of me.

My eyes widen. "Don't call me that here," I warningly whisper-yell to him.

"Why?" He raises his right eyebrow teasingly, "afraid that someone will know about your past?" He looks down at me, face inches apart from mine.

"Shut up," I roll my eyes and push him away to head behind the counter. He quickly rushes behind me.

"What do you want, Seojun?" I ask him while replacing the cakes, annoyed.

"You have to show me around," he demands. Turning around slowly, I gaze at him in disgust.

"No one tells me what to do. Especially not you," I cross my arms sassily.

He rolls his eyes. "I get it, you're a free girl. Ain't new to me," he begins, "Jaehyun told me that you have to show me around."

"Oh," I blurt out, uncrossing my arms. Sighing loudly, I wave him a lazy hand to follow me.

"Since you're new, you have to cut the cakes and the sweets in general," I tell him while cutting the cakes swiftly.

"You're doing that as fast as your tongue while ra—" he smirks, but I soon cut him off with slapping the back of his head.

"Don't say anything about my past. Especially not while Jaehyun or anyone else I know is around," I declare, eyes wide.

He stares at me with an unreadable expression. "You really don't want anyone to know about the real Ahri, huh?" Seojun observes.

"I am the real Ahri, just without my past. Leave it," I emphasize the last part beggarly.

He nods his head thoughtfully. "What else do I have to do?" He soon switches his moods and puts his hands on his hips.

I shrug. "Keep the counters and tables clean all the time and take care of the customers. Be friendly!" I warm him, knowing that he can be really rude sometimes.

"Hey, I am friendly!" He argues, pointing at himself.

Nodding my head in a sarcastic manner, I go to the cash register to take the orders of the customers. "Clean the tables and don't annoy me," I demand before taking care of another visitor.

"Damn, okay," he scoffs and soon starts cleaning the small shop.

After Seojun is done with the work I gave him, he comes up to me again. "Ahri, I'm bored," he breathes and leans onto the counter next to the cash register.

"Don't care," I tell him nonchalantly as I fix the money.

"You never cared," he whispers more to himself, crossing his arms and looking at the floor.

Suddenly stopping my actions, I stare at the counter while gulping. "How is your grandmother doing?" He asks me thoughtfully, "she isn't here, right?"

Cringing lightly, I shake my head quickly. "Haven't seen her," I reply unemotionally and continue my work.

Why does he have to bring my grandma into this now? Before I could get any more emotional in front of him, I shake my head again and take in a deep breath.

I sense him staring at me. "Don't act like you don't care. I know you, Yona," he whispers to me.

Letting a deep breath out, I clench my jaw and look up to him. "Do you really think that everything is fine between us after everything you've done?" I ask him harshly.

His lips turn downwards and his eyes hold a lot of sad emotions, all mischief and wittiness are gone. "Arquero—"

"No, don't call me that!" I raise my voice and a few heads turn towards us.

Looking around the cafe swiftly, I shut myself down and sigh defeatedly. While my head's hanging low I tell him quietly, "I'm not your friend, Seojun, so stop acting like it. Everything's not going to be fine just because you came here."

Seojun stares at me, irritated. "Fine," he murmurs, "don't try to hide yourself. Everyone's going to see right through your facade one day and then no one will stay beside you because you lied to them all the damn time," he spits into my face and walks away to continue his work.

Breathe in and out. It's my past, it's not me.

Just a few more hours with this annoying bug and after that I'm done, I can sleep. I already miss the love of my life, my bed.

Seojun and I don't exchange any words as we finish work and head home. Jaehyun has to pay me tomorrow, I guess.

I wonder where he is. I hope he's doing fine.

Heading home with my aching legs quickly, my mind wanders to my grandma.

Maybe she's happier without me. She doesn't have to worry about a broken kid anymore, she can live peacefully for the rest of her life.

What am I even telling myself, I really miss her and just want to see her face, her beautiful voice she used to sing me asleep with and her love in general.

No one has ever loved me like my grandmother did and I just stabbed her back like this. Why do I always let the people who love me down?

Why am I like this?

Maybe this whole idol thing isn't right.

While being too deep in thought, I don't notice the door in front of me and slam against it. Falling a few steps away, I rub my now aching head.

"Clumsy bitch," I mumble to myself.

Discovering that I already arrived at the old building I live at, I pull my key out and open the front door of my dorm.

Lazily taking my jacket off and changing into my pajamas, I go over to the boys' dorm and knock a few times.

Please, don't be Yoongi, I beg you. Have mercy with me.

The door opens and thankfully Taehyung is standing behind it. "Hey," he smiles.

"Hello," I smile back, "I just wanted to say that I came back from work and wish you all a good night."

I turn around to go back to sleep, but a firm grip on my wrist is holding me back from it. "Nuh-uh," Taehyung shakes his head, "we're sleeping together, remember?"

Scratching the back of my head embarrassingly, I look at the ground. "That's sweet and all, but I'm good on my own—"

"Nope," he mumbles and drags me inside by my wrist he's still holding onto.

"Wait," I squeak, "I'm sleeping in your dorm?" I panic slightly.

"Yes, duh," he says it like it's the most obvious thing ever.

"I can't sleep here!" I tell him way too quickly, which leaves him suspicious.

"Why not?" He narrows his eyes.

"Um, because," I trail off and look behind him, trying to come up with something believable.

I can't be in the same room as Yoongi. He would eat me alive just with his stares. The awkward tension between us would increase and I'm not here for it.

"There's no space!" I blurt out loudly.

"We do have space, silly," he ruffles my hair and smiles faintly.

"You share a nine square meters room with six other people," I say as a matter of fact.

"Well—" Taehyung is trying his best to defend himself, but he is unable to do so. So, he simply says, "We can share a bed."

Rapidly shaking my head in refusal, I don't notice someone entering the living room.

"Hey, Ahri," Jimin greets me with a light smile and comes up to us.

Me and Taehyung focus our gazes on Jimin now. "Ahri should sleep with us in a dorm, right? We're Bangtan together, and not without our female maknae," Taehyung articulates.

I shake my head at Jimin quickly. He simply smirks and shrugs his shoulders. "Yeah, she should."

This bitch.

My eyes narrow while looking at Jimin. "I thought you were loyal," I whisper to him as Taehyung is already dragging me into their shared bedroom.

Let Yoongi be asleep, please.

Taehyung opens the door while I close my eyes securely. "Be quiet, everyone's already sleeping," he lays a finger on top of his lips as he turns around to face me.

Sighing in relief, I nod my head after a few seconds. Thank god.

"In which bed do you want to sleep in?" He asks me in a very quiet tone.

"I don't think the boys are comfortable with this," I tell him insecurely.

He thinks for a second. "Hm, you're probably right," his eyes roam over the room to look for a bed to sleep in.

"Let's just use a time machine to go into the future where we have more space," he tells me without a hint of sarcasm or irony in it.

"Ugh, dude, tell me about it." I roll my eyes in exhaustion. "The things I would do to time-travel."

He smiles and chuckles, his lips forming a square.

Something seems to be on his mind, for he suddenly pulls me closer by his arms and engulfs me in a hug.

Why is everyone so touchy around me?! I panic internally.

"I'm so, so happy to have you back. I really thought I lost you, Nana."

A small sigh leaves me at that, calming down.

And for the first time, I don't mind him using my nickname.