.

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Y/N's POV

-So, how are you feeling today?-Doctor Raynor spoke in her calmly tone.

-Same as always.-You answered.- I feel...empty.

-I see...-She wrote something down on her little beige notebook.- Did you do what I told you to on our last week meeting?

-Yes.

-And how it was?

-I....I went on the place where it happened, with Bucky.

-And?

-And...I realized I couldn't have made something like that...Maybe everyone was right, it just confirmed your thought.

-That?

-That...-You tried to pronounced the words- That after Steve...-You couldn't finish the sentence-... the shook was so big...that I suffered from a post traumatic halucination.

-It's good to see that you are finally accepting it Y/N.

-Yes...Thanks Doctor Raynor.-Your eyes runned through the quiet and organized room, as you sat on the same sofa with that weird painting behind you.

-So...How was your week?-She asked.

-I went to the lab so Bruce can check on my health, like he does this whole month...-You continued- I still couldn't come back to work...Mr.Stark said I'm not ready.

-He's completely right.-She agreed.

-I'm still living in the tower. I'm taking care of a plant...But I still don't want to go out...I...Can't even look at the parking lot without thinking about him.

-I know...It must be hard for you to accept. It's okay, these things take time..

She made a gesture for you to continue.

-I called Sarah...She's doing good at school, ans said she missed me...-You took a deep breath- I made sure I was okay to her.

-And you'll be. -She said optimistic.

-I...I don't think so...with all due respect.-You started- Your work is great, I realized that it was not my fault but...I can't just forget Steve.

-I'm  not trying to make you forget him Y/N you see...

-But it seems like it. And for your information, yes, I go everyday to his room-You felt the tears come to your eyes- I'm actually washing HIS plant... I take the dust from the shelves...Everyday, expecting for him to come....

-Y/N...

-Sometimes I think I'm there, with him...-You shaked your head to avoid crying- I start talking alone...Thinking that he's hearing me somehow...

-All I'm trying Y/N...-She spoke slowly to make it clear- ...Is trying to make you understand, and accept, that Steve is not coming back. You don't need to forget him, but accept.

-No.-You shaked your head reluctant.

-Y/N please-

-Just because he's in coma doesn't mean his dead.-Youd voice increased its tone-No one will make me accept this.

-Miss Y/N please listen to yourself, the doctors already said he won't wake up-

-No-You lifted one finger at her- Don't.

-B-

-I think we ended this session already.-You got up, grabbed your purse and walked to the door- Have a good day Doctor Raynor.

You left and slammed the door. When you stepped outside at the street Happy was waiting for you.

-Over already?-He asked surprised.

-Yes. Let's go please.-You said entering the limo and staying in silence the whole travel.

🔹️

You didn't go to your room, instead you entered Steve's that's what you did week after the therapies sessions.

You put a disc on the record player, washed the jade plant and sat on the bed.

You holded the snowglobe on your hands, shaking a little then watching the snow slowly fall.

It's been one month since you didn't have him by your side. So much happened.

Crazy He Calls me by Billie Holiday Playing

After the attack you woke up in a bed on the medical area of the tower, Bucky was the first one to see you awake, he called the others and everybody seemed to be glad, according to them you stayed 2 days asleep.

The first thing you said was asking about Steve. When you said those words everybody's smiles turned into a thin straight line on their faces.

Tony asked to be alone with you, and after they all left, he explained that Steve was seriously injured, and that he was grave estate in coma.

But you had hope. You hoped that he could get up from that bed and give that beautiful smile of his, make a silly joke and you could hug him in your arms. You still waited for that day.

Tony made various changes, he first was take you away from work, speacially when you told him what happened. Him, and everybody said that they found you next to Steve and then fainted, it was just it, no powers, no robots (because they defeated them), and he denied about the serum you found. He even showed again the drawer, completely different from the one you have found with password.

He signed you in therapies sessions, helping you understand what truly happened. Moved you to a Tower's room, because he said that you weren't in a good condition and that Hydra knew who you were, so it would be dangerous for Sarah and Manuel for you to stay there.

Wanda was always supportive but it still was hard. Specially on the first days.

You wanted to enter the hospital room, but Tony continued to insist that you shouldn't, that you needed to rest.

You'd woke up at night having nightmares about Steve, remembering what happened.

You cried all the time since everything reminded you of him. You didn't want to go to therapy, you didn't want none of that, you wanted Steve back. Just that. You couldn't even enter his hospital room to see him.

But the people who changed your mind were Bucky and Pepper, who finally came back from her trip.

He didn't express, but you knew that Bucky was depressed just like you.

Flashback

You heard a knock on your door.

"Go away" you said.

"It's me. Bucky" he spoke. "Can I come in?"

You didn't want to let him in, but you also didn't want to make him upset. You opened the door.

"What do you want?" You asked.

"Talk." He answered. "I know you need to"

"No I don't. If that's what you came for you can go now" you were about to close the door but he holded it.

"He is my friend too." His words echoed in your ears " I know how you're feeling better than anyone"

You let go the door and sat again in bed. Bucky entered and closed the door behind him, then slowly sat on the edge of the bed, his back turned to you.

He stayed quiet for a second, probably didn't know what to say until he entered there.

"Do you think he's gonna wake up?" He started  but you didn't say a word. "Steve went through so much...I...It's kind of hard for me to accept this..."

"He's not dead" you broke your silence.

"He's not." He agreed "Unfortunetly I think we are the only ones who still think that" and he was right, everybody refered to Steve on the past, or didn't talk about him at all.

"He will wake up. I know he will"

Bucky turned to you and you could see the black circles around his eyes, the sadness on his face, he looked tired.

"Probably...But, until then...We need to be strong" he gave a half smile "Steve wouldn't want you and I depressed."

"But..."

"Y/N..." he interrupted you "I know how important he is for you"

Those words hit you heavier than you thought they would. You could see in his eyes. He knew. He knew everything.

"How...?"

He looked down and sniffed.

"I know you two too well to know when you are hiding something." He looked back at you "and you were very happy so...Kinda guessed." He made a pause and knew exactly what you would say "And I don't mind...at all. I'm happy. For you both."

Bucky was truly an angel.

"I miss him." You let go and felt the tears tolling through your cheeks.

Bucky standed his arms in the air, you went after him and hugged him.

"It's okay, you can cry" he comforted you and the tears continued to fall down.

The other day was with Pepper, you remembered her coming, beautiful as always, but looked tired and her face had a concerned look.

Flashback

"Hello Y/N" she said kindly in a meeting room with just you, her and Tony.

"Hello Miss Potts" you tried to be polite. "How was your trip?"

"Very...insightful" she replied "but I'm glad to be back"

"So...Pepper and I have been talking about your job" Tony joined the conversation "We think that everything that happened...you should take a rest, vacations maybe"

"Vacation...?" You asked feeling slightly offended, the last thing you wanted was a 'vacation'. You needed Steve.

"What Tony meant..." Peppee noticed her partner's mistake "you worked very hard, harder than you should actually, and we thank you for that...That's why we think you should have a break, and I'll take care of things meanwhile you're gone"

"But"

"Take a break Y/N" Tony insisted "for real. You need it"

Without much choice you accepted it.

Now you were there, in that room, covered into those awful feelings and alone.

You got up from the bed, put the snowglobe aside and opened the wardrobe, taking and putting on Steve's sweatshirt, his scent there, like he was by your side at that moment. You closed your eyes for a brief moment and imagined him, in front of you. Just that.

The music had already stopped a long time ago. Outside the day was in a deep blue, lightned and clear, almost like a crime having such a great weather for days like those.

You took a deep breath and decided to leave the room. You needed to live. You needed to stay strong.

You left and closes the door. Walking through the hallways, quietly, not wanting to anyone know your presence.

-Who are you hiding from?-You heard a voice behind you.

You turned to see Natasha. Obviously. You can't hide from a spy.

-I'm just...walking.-You answered her.

-You? Just walking? Alright.-She didn't seem to believe. She came closer and observed your sweatshirt on, pribably recognised you weren't the owner- How are you feeling?

-Normal.

-And what the hell is normal?

-Not feeling...anything.

-And that applies to anything good.- She said, maybe you were very transparent about your feelings.

-Well...I should get going...-You said avoiding any other further question.

-Where?-She asked as you passed through her, making you stop. - As far as I know your therapy session already happened and you're not working at the moment.

She was too attentive to details, it was impressjve bht at the same time annoying to be true. It's almost impossible to hide a secret from Natasha.

-Hm...The end of the hall?-Good Y/N, incredible, she totally believed in that.

-Did...-She looked down at the floor- Did you see him, already?-Then stared at you again.

-Who?-You pretended to didn't know.

-Steve.-She answered.- Did you see him, at his hospital room?

-No.-You answered.- No one...let me in.

You don't know what exactly happened in that moment, Natasha looked to the walls, blinked twice and bit her lip, like she was thinking about something, something that she shouldn't and wasn't supposed to do.

-Meet me at 10 pm here.-She spoke.

-Why?

-Just do it before I change my mind.

And she left.

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After being anxious all day wonsering what Natasha meant, 10 pm has arrived.

You went to the hall, all of the others had already began to sleep, so you had to be quiet.

When you came out the hall she was already there, waiting.

-Come on.-She said walking in front of you.

-Wait-You followed her until a certain area then stopped her- Where are we going??

-Just shut up and follow me, okay?

You didn't know what else to say. Just did as she ordered.

🔹️

You found yourself at the medical floor on the tower. It's a floor dedicates to take care of the Avengers when they hurt themselves in battle, it's just like a hospital, so you often call it hospital, or hospital room unconsciouly.

That was the place you stayed after the day you passed out on Fisk's meeting and after the attack. The same place where Steve was.

The problem is that for you to enter you need an access card, wich were only provided to doctors and selected members, like Tony, Bruce and Pepper.

But appearently someone had broke that rule.

-Here-Natasha took the card from her pocket, it was Bruce's- If you tell this to anyone I'll kill you.

She opened the door and you nodded agreeing you wouldn't say a word.

Hospital supplies can look pretty scary in the dark, you often gasped in surprise mistaking shadows with silhouettes reflected by the moonlight, as Natasha would roll her eyes unimpressed and tell you to walk faster.

That's when you finally arrived there. She used the card again, opening the door. You glanced at her, still unsure and hesitating, she gave a confident look and told you to go on.

You stepled inside and could feel your heart heavier. The atmosphere like the time was frozen, so silent that you could  only hear your heartbeat inside your chest and the machines beeping.

There he was.

Lying with equipments tied to his skin, that blue uniform from hospitals, a thin blanket covering the lower part of his body, while you could see slightly his belly lifting and going down in a weak sign of breath.

Natasha stayed by the door as you got by the side of his bed.

-Hey...-You spoke in a low tone.

His face was like a stone, the eyes closed in a deep sleep, someone had shaved his beard, and you noticed that his face was thinner than usual, not that he didn't eat well, but probably wasn't as healthy as before.

-Are you comfortable?-You asked like he would answer, but all you received was silence.

You holded his hand lied on the cushion. So cold. His hands used to be so warm, so alive, now they were there, almost frozen, paralyzed.

-I missed you...-Your voice sounded like a whisper. - I heard somewhere people can hear you while in a coma...is it true?

You expected Natasha to say something, make fun, or say you were being stupid, but she didn't. She was so quiet that you almost couldn't feel her presence in the room.

-Does it still hurt?-You asked while straighting a part of his hair.-I hope you're feeling better...

It was almost frustrating to not have his answer, Steve always had a comment about something.

-I know you have no fault but...-You felt the tars already in your eyes- You promised you'd stay by my side...-Ypu exhaled hardly and bit your lip trying to hold the emotions- I...I just want you to wake up...

Your tears fell finally, freeing themselves running through your face. Steve remained the same, static on the bed, with his weak breath as the machines continued in a sincronized beep.

Who'd know that the only man you truly loved would leave you like that? Who'd have thought that you'd have your heart shattered into pieces like that?

You leaned to his forhead and gave him kiss, on of your hands holding tight his, and the other landed on his chest.

Natasha's POV

You felt betrayled by your own body when a single tear slip through your face. You were by the door, watching Y/N quietly observing if anyone else appeared.

That's when it happened.

Y/N leaned and kissed Steve's forehead, you already in tears didn't say a word, just gasped when you noticed it.

It's not like those fairytales where the prince wakes up the princess with a true love kiss, no, it was different, the end of Y/N's hair floated in the air, her hands materializing and dismaterializing, making that dust fly through her fingers. The hand placed on Steve's chest had more movement of this particles, circling fast like they word into something. Then, his arm had his infuries slowly being cured, disappearing the traces of violence from one month ago.

You saw his hand make a slightly movement.

Y/N's POV

You aparted your lips from his skin, looking at his face, ready to say goodbye, when it happened.

You felt his hand move on yours, his breath was stronger, and when you less expected Steve opened his blue eyes, full of life.

You couldn't believe on what you were looking at.

He looked at you, still waking up from his deep sleep, and gave a smile.

-Y/N...-He spoke finally.

-STEVE!-You shouted and hugged him immersing yourself into happy tears.

He hugged you back, lifting his arms that were paralyzed before on your back, you could feel him warming, the cold going away, your heart blooming with joy as you tried to accept what juat happened.

You holded his face with your hands and looked at him still speachless, he chucklef softly as you noticed a single tear fall fastly off his eye with emotion.

-I...how...-You tried to speak- I...missed you so much...

-I'm here now. I'm here for you.-He spoke and you leaned to him giving him a slow and delicate kiss.

The feeling of his sweet lips lovked on yours, that sudden sadness that consumed you the last month had come to an end. He was back. That's all you wanted.

You aparted from him, still carressing his face as he smiled so cutely that you thought you'd melt.

You heard footsteps coming closer. You standed normally and gave space.

Natasha stared at her friend, speachless, her eyes wide and her mouth a little opened.

-Good to see you Nat.-Steve greeted her.

-What the fuck-