I'm literally crying bye-

🔹️

Y/N's POV

It was the other day after what Bucky did, and you still didn't talk with him.

Steve was better, the same day he went back to the tower, even though you were worried if something could happen to him.

A part of you were holding on Bucky, didn't want to let him go, while the other couldn't stay like that anymore. You cared about Bucky, you had feelings for him. You at some point loved him. But everything seemed like it was a long time ago now. It looked like it happened with two different people.

You didn't know what to do or how to say. How to look at his eyes and say it was over, say goodbye to him, someone who you loved so much. Someone you built memories with.

-Pizza are you listening to me?-Tony asked annoyed.

-Hm? Uh yeah.-You lied.

-You don't seem so.

-I do, of course I do.

-I'll pretend I believe it-He said while organizining some papers on his desk.

-Mr.Stark... Have you seen Bucky?

He stared at you surprised.

-If you don't know I have no idea kid. Why?

-I just wanted to talk with him...

-Call him.

-He doesn't answer my calls...

-Oh shit, you two fought again?-He said holding a smile.

-Mr. Stark don't laugh, it's serious.

-Ok, ok sorry.-He said getting serious again- But seriously I don't know where he is.

-I guess I'll have to search for him then.

-Is it that important?

-Yes.

-Good luck.

You two stayed more time handling some paperwork and then you left.

You went to lunch, meeting Steve, Wanda and Vision at your usual table.

You sat still in silence, immersed in your thoughts.

-Y/N? Y/N?-Wanda called bringing you back to reality.

-Uh? Sorry I was distracted.-You asnwered.

-Is something on your mind?-Vision asked.

-Yeah and...Something big.

Steve looked at you, just by glancing at each other he knew what you meant.

-I'm sorry guys I'm killing the mood here.-You apologized.

-Hey don't say that- Wanda grabbed your hand- It's okay. You can tell us.

-I...-You took a deep breath- I'll make a big decision today and...I don't know. I don't know if I have courage to do that.

-Miss Y/N you are capable of doing many things. Don't underestimate yourself.-Vision supported you.

-Thanks.

-He's right- Wanda agreed- No matter what, we are here to support you.

-Thank you Wanda.

Steve looked at you and gave a sweet smile, sqeezing a little your hand under the table without them seeing.

After lunch you talked with him alone.

-Can I skip training today? I still have work and--

-It's okay don't worry-He answered- I am not in condition  to fight with you either.-He chuckled.

-When you get better be prepared for it.-You joked.

-I will.- He got serious again.- Are you really okay?

-No, I don't think I'll ever be. But I need to.

Steve nodded, you said goodbye and headed to your office.

You caught yourself writing lots and lots of times "Bucky Barnes" in a piece os paper. You'd miss the important meaning that name had for you, the way you loved to pronouce it slowly and clearly, the way you introduced who he was and what relationship you had.

You remined when you heard that name from him for the first time.

Flashbacks

"Whoa there!" He caught you from falling off the stairs. "Didn't know angels fell from stairs nowadays"

You smiled as you remembered the way your eyes met for the first time. He with you on his arms and you all clumsy hurrying to prepare the party.

"Sorry, I'm Y/N Y/L/N, Pepper Potts'  assistant" you introduces yourself.

"Since when?"

"Since today"

That seemed like years ago even though it was just a couple of months, the tears forming on your eyes.

"You think my name is Winter Soldier?" He said ironically.

You chuckled remembering his exact same expression.

"Bucky Barnes" he said.

You never thought that name would make such a mark in you.

The tears started to blurr the written words in the paper, just like your story with him.

You never expected to cry like that in your work, but you did. You still didn't even broke up with him yet but you were already crying. You already missed him. You missed the old Bucky. Maybe you destroyed him. Maybe your relationship ruined that sweet guy, and now the only way to bring him back was letting him go.

You contiued crying, hoping no one would enter and find you like a mess.

🔹️

Your work time was over, you went to the Avengers' floor, no sign of him, then at his room, the hall, nothing.

You were wishing for him to don't be where you thought he could be. You entered the elevator and pressed the button to the last floor.

You found him there.

Sitting on the edge of the building. The same way you both were at the party when you started working there. His hair shaking by the wind breeze hushing by, at the same time drying the rest of tears on your face.

-Bucky.-You said. You knew he heard you, but still he didn't turn around. You got next to him and touched his shoulder.-Bucky.

He looked at you, his face like a sad baby, his lips closed, he didn't say a word, you wished you could read his mind.

-We need to talk.-You finally said.

-About what?-He finally said, turning his gaze to the city again.

-Everything.

He got up from the edge and standed in front of you.

-I'm sorry about Steve.-He apologized.-I...I was mad.

-And jealous.

-...And jealous.

-Did you notice what you did to your friend? You shouldn't apologize to me. You should say sorry to him.

-I know. I will do that.

-Good.-You said and stayed in silence.

-Are you angry with me?

-No, I'm not angry...Disappointed.

-I--

-Not just because of yesterday.-You interrupted him. -What is happening between us...

You couldn't finish the sentence. You tried to avoid looking at his face, it was painful, it killed you inside, it made you hate yourself.

-We can work it out-He said reaching for your hand.

-No. We can't.

-Y/N...

-I-I'm tired Bucky...-You said- I'm tired of how this is happening. The arguments, the way we treat each other. That's not how it was supposed to be.

-Then let's make it be how it should be.

-We already tried.

-But Y/N--

-It doesn't work. We both have different visions about our future. Different opinions about my job. The way we keep fighting and pulling ourselves in this...It's just wrong.

-Y/N please...

-You deserve better than this.

-You don't know what I deserve.

-I do. I do know very well. The Bucky Barnes I loved it's not the same anymore. You changed.

-I didn't change, I still love you.

-But not  as the same pure Bucky as before. Not the one who would motivate me to work, who would support me no matter what I tried to do.

-I just don't think you shoukd work for Stark.

-Have you ever thought about what I wanted?

-I just think about what was better for--

-For you. I know that. I know that really well. But you should ask me about it sometimes. We already talked about this.

-And I'm sorry.

-But it won't change the situation. I don't want to hurt ourselves more in this.

-Please don't do this.

-I think we should..

-I need you.

-We need to...

-I don't know how to live without you anymore.

-Let's end this.

-I love you.

His words echoed in your ears. You struggled to hold the tears.

-I love you too. And because of that I'm letting you go.-You held his face.- You mad me feel loved again...I love you Bucky Barnes...

You kissed him, the tears mixing it,you never thought that would happen. You never thought you two would have a last kiss. A desperate and tragic one. You broke it.

-Don't leave me...-He whispered destroying you inside. The tears making his eyes reflect your image on his eyes.

You carressed his hair and gave him a bittersweet smile.

Then you got out of his arms. Leaving parting your hands you were still holding.

You looked at him for the last time. The man you loved. Memorizing every single detail of that day. The day you and him had their hearts broken.

You walked away, crying, trying to don't look back, and convincing your heart you made the right choice. While the pain consumed you inside.

Bucky's POV

Driver's License- cover by Leroy Sanchez playing (see video at the beggining of the chapter) keep in loop or put a sad playlist until the end of the chapter, it's better that way ;)

"I love you."

"I love you so much that at that second I wanted to kill myself. Thinking that at least that way you'd miss me. Ending this jumping from Stark's tower, what an ironic way to die" were your thoughts at that moment

You were still standing there where she left you. Still astonished by what just happened.

It was over.

All the moments, all the memories, all the feelings, all the kisses, all of that. Eveything was like a wave erased it at the sand.

You looked at the place you were standing.

Flashback

"Mr Barnes would you give me the honor of this dance?" She said bowing.

"If i step on your feet don't say I didn't warn you" was your answer.

You remembered exactly that night. You two dancing to that Italian song, she drunk but so happy to have made that party.

"This was nice" you remembered you two sitting on the edge "good drinks, good decoration, good company"

"Couldn't have said better" you two cheered.

"It was very nice to meet you Bucky" she said.

"I...I liked to meet you too" you felt your heart burning inside.

The tears falling down violently. How did it go wrong? When did we fell apart?

You looked down the stairs.

"You can't take the elevator?"

"Long story, see you there"

Everything reminded you of her.

You took the elevator.

"Why are you ignoring me?" You asked.

"I...I...I like you Bucky" she answered shy closing her eyes.

"As a friend? I like you too"

"No...more than friends..."

You put your hands in your head, and yelled angry with yourself.

Got to the hall

"Okay I'll help you with this ice sculpture"

You went to your bike. Rememebering all the times she would had a ride with you.

"Hold on tight" you said to feel her hugging you.

You speeded, still, the thoughts wouldn't abandon you.

You passed next to the place the amusement park was. Now it was empty. First date. First kiss.

"I've never went to an amusement park before. Thanks"

"Did I say I loved your lipstick?" You said.

"You like red?"

"Yeah, speacially on your lips"you said leaning to her.

Now that place was gone. Everything was.

You almost crashed into a car but could avoid before it, the car horning like crazy.

You didn't care.

Everythimg seemed lost.

Ironically after some time you found yourself at Brooklyn. At thhe same abadoned building you went with her. You got out of the bike and went to the same old spot.

"Steve's like a brother to me"you said.

The memories colliding with what happened yesterday.

"Bucky I-I'm sorry I can't control this!"

"I TRUSTED YOU"

"BUCKY STOP, HE'S LIKE A BROTHER TO YOU. HE'S YOUR FRIEND!"

You punched a wall, making your hand bleed. You didn't care.

"Do you consider me as your friend?"

You remembered you two there sitting together.

"I can train you" you said to her as you made her fall and got onto her, Y/N's face blushing.

"What is passing on that cute head of yours?" She asked.

"My cute head thinks you are beautiful and that you need to rest a bit"

"Rest how?"

"Like..." you leaned for a kiss but got interrupted by the phone. Even that time you were already falling for her.

-How am I supposed to forget you?- You said alone.

"I'm not the perfect man you deserve" you remembered your first night together.

"You are perfect to me"

"Your flaws is what makes you yourself. And I love you for that" she said touching your soul.

"I love you Y/N" you confessed your love giving yourself to her.

-HOW CAN I FORGET YOU?-You yelled crying.

The city still bright, life still going on. But for you, the world was ending.

-You were the only reason to live in this shit world.-You continued sobbing- I can't just stop loving you.

The tears falling like a waterfall.

-I love you...-You would say between all the crying- You're the only one I'll ever love. I don't want to say goodbye.

You closed your eyes, all the scenes from the beggining until the end coming to your mind. She was the only one who understood you, who stayed by your side, who made you laugh, the reason you woke up and looked foward the next day. She was the meaning of the word love. And now the word pain.

The cold wind passing through your hair.

"I'm here with you"

-What am I supoosed to do now without you?

You reflected while looking down at the streets full of cars.

-...I never thought love would hurt so much. If I could just make you stay...I don't regret loving you, I never will.

You looked at the stars. Maybe in another life. Maybe in another crazy dimension. Someday you could love again. And you'd be enough, you'd deserve and treat her the right way. What you feel wouldn't fade away, no matter what:

-I will love you forever.