"MALLY DAVIS."

I stood up straighter, lifting my head a little higher and putting everything into not letting my fear poke through my facade. My palms were sweaty as I locked my fingers, cracking my knuckles — a habit I'd grown for whenever I was anxious.

"This is your final chance. How do you plead?"

I swallowed the lump that had formed in my windpipe in a bid to be able to get my words out. The judge's gaze was intimidating and I forced myself not to crumble under it.

"Not guilty."

His expression never changed but soft murmurs echoed across the court room. Out of my peripheral vision I saw my mom stiffen as she stood besides me.

The judge nodded and he turned to his left hand side, "And the jury have reached a verdict?" He questioned.

A woman I knew was from Figure Eight nodded her head. She was sat in the middle of the first row, "We have your Honour."

"And that verdict is?"

I held my breath in apprehension, my heart beating wildly against my chest. I felt dizzy and I felt physically sick. My knees trembled under the pressure of standing upright when really all my body wanted to do was give in.

I felt my moms fingers brush across the back of my hand before she gripped to it tightly while we waited.

"Guilty."

The hairs on the back of my neck rose and I felt my moms hold on my hand loosen, she fell back into her chair with a disbelieving shake of her head. The court suddenly grew in a chaotic favour and I heard the voices of my friends behind me, loud and protesting.

"She's innocent!"

The judge hit his pad several times in a bid to restore order in his court room while I stood motionless. I was surprised I hadn't fallen yet but I think my body was in too much shock to even move.

"Order!"

"You can't do this!" I heard Kiara's outraged voice.

No matter how hard the judge tried to calm to court he failed and so he pressed on with the process.

"Mally Davis, you have been found guilty of aiding and abetting John Booker Routledge in the murder of Sheriff Susan Peterkin and I hereby sentence you to forty years in prison-"

It was like my world was falling at it's feet quickly, erupting like a volcano would when it exploded and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.

"—You will be eligible for parole in thirty years."

Thirty years.

I'd be 46 years old then...

"She didn't do this!" Pope shouted.

My mom stifled a sob besides me, her elbows resting on the table as she buried her head into her hands.

"—You'll be transported to the mainland for your sentence and you will remain there until your release."

The mainland. That was an overnight journey. How was I supposed to survive in prison on the mainland? I wouldn't be able to have my mom and dad visit me daily. Kiara, Pope and JJ wouldn't be able to visit during term time, only on the holidays.

How was this happening to me right now?

Shoupe headed over to me, a pair of handcuffs in his hands and he wore a sympathetic expression on his face. I don't know why, it was he who arrested me and charged me with Peterkin's murder with no evidence in the first place.

By now I was no stranger to the cold bite you were faced with when put into cuffs. I'd grown familiar to it and at my age that was never a good sign. What sixteen year old had grown accustomed to being put into handcuffs?

Once they were fastened around my wrists Shoupe grasped the top of my arm in his hand and pulled me gently away from my mom as she broke down on the table. He guided me towards the door to the cells and I let him without a single word of protest.

I was done now— tired. I was sick of fighting my case when nobody believed it anyways. There wasn't anything I could do now.

"Shoupe! This is your fault man, you—hey— you bastard!" JJ's voice was loud, it boomed across the court room and his angry tone was what coaxed me into not turning around. I didn't want to see and remember him this way.

Shoupe and I had nearly reached the door to the cells, the court still in an uproar and I could hear security guards and police officers forcing my friends and JJ back — hear them arguing to get past. Then, all of a sudden, a thick silence engulfed the room and it was suffocating. I heard doors slam and I turned back to see what had stopped the commotion.

I didn't expect to see John B and Sarah standing there, hand in hand, after they'd been presumed dead. I didn't think I'd ever see them again and neither did anyone else from the silence that seeped into the room.

John B was looking at me though and I could only imagine how my face looked right now.

"Shoupe, come on man." John B said. His voice was as clear as day, "You know she didn't do anything, you know I didn't. It was Rafe. Rafe Cameron killed Peterkin and Ward covered it up."

And then the court was in complete uproar. The jury had been struck with such a revelation that they had only been able to gasp while my friends dived for John B and Sarah, almost tackling them to the ground in an embrace and I wished I could've joined them.

"Holy shit." Shoupe muttered lowly from my side.

John B stepped forwards, away from our friends as they stood behind him for support and he was about to say whatever else to clear our names but a loud and deafening gun shot scattered across the enclosed space and I jumped in shock.

I watched as John B grasped his stomach suddenly, a growing red stain on his white shirt and as Sarah screamed he fell to the floor.. dead.

And then as I turned my head I saw Rafe standing there holding a hand gun and aiming right at my forehead from across the room. Another shot echoed around us, creating a ringing in my ears and then everything went black...

I shot awake with a start, grasping on to the sheets around me as I sat up quickly. I heaved for breath, panting quickly as tears leaked from my eyes. The heart monitor that had been set up next to me beeped wildly, indicating my fast heart rate. The only light in the room came from a desk lamp that had been turned on in the bed opposite me, it wasn't bright but it was enough.

I panicked, grasping the sheets of the bed I was lying in as I tried to regain my breathing. It was a dream, the whole thing was a dream and it hadn't happened. I wasn't charged for the murder or shot.

Once I had calmed myself down somewhat I noticed no one was with me. I looked around curiously for either my mom or my dad or JJ but I couldn't see them. I looked further down the empty ward and saw someone standing in the shadows, I frowned settling back into my bed, "JJ?"

But he didn't answer, whoever it was stepped forwards slowly and their shoes echoed off the tiled floor. Each step was louder and louder and I could feel my heart quickening again in my chest as the person drew closer.

"JJ— is that you?" I asked again, my voice quivering in anxiety.

They stepped into the light and it wasn't the right shade of blond hair. It was dirty and the person it belonged to was tall. My breath hitched in my throat and I suddenly found myself crawling up my bed in terror, desperate to escape but I was routed to the spot.

He grinned but it was sadistic and borderline psychotic. It caused a chill to creep up my spine.

"Mally."

"Rafe—" I choked on my breath, "What the hell are you doing here."

He shrugged while continuing to walk towards my bed, "Oh, you know, nothing much. Just here to make sure you're doing all right."

His tone of voice contradicted his words. The way he spoke was menacing and I could feel my hands shaking at my sides.

"Y-yeah, I'm fine." I stuttered in fear, "You can go now."

He shook his head, "I think I'm gonna stay." He said to me, nodding his head, "Just to make sure you're really okay."

I gulped harshly, "Rafe—"

I choked on my words — literally — as he wrapped his hands around my throat and pressed his thumbs into my windpipe. The pressure was unimaginable and the panic that seeped through my veins paralysed me as he strangled me. I met his eyes to see them swirling with mania and brimming with intent.

Rafe wanted to kill me.

I wrapped my hands around his wrists, trying to pry him off my throat and push his weight off of me so I could breathe again but it was absolutely no use. I was weak compared to him and he was easily overpowering me. I could feel the blood rushing to my face, my eyes widening as I looked to Rafe pleadingly but he didn't ease up.

I spluttered his name, tried to call for help but it was no use. My cries were mute due to the pressure on my windpipe and I quickly found my body succumbing to the darkness. I was too tired, too weak to put up a fight after I'd been doing just that for so long now. My eyes started to roll to the back of my head but one thing that remained was the intense pressure on my throat and then all of a sudden I was floating in a dark abyss, trapped for eternity.

I gasped awake, my eyes opening faster than ever before as my hand wove round my throat lightly. I sat up so quickly I went dizzy, black spots hitting me and taking over my vision. I panted for breath, gripping to the sheets around me while trying to figure out where I was. I could hear a fast paced beeping beside me as my eyes recovered from the black spots and dizziness.

"Mally-Mally, calm down!"

I was still panicking even though I could see clearly now where I was. It wasn't dark and I wasn't alone. Rafe wasn't lurking in the shadows of the room, waiting for a time to strangle me or shoot me but I couldn't be convinced I wasn't stuck in a third nightmare.

"Mally, it's okay."

I shook my head as my body trembled, hot tears piercing my eyes, "No—"

An arm wrapped around my chest from behind me lightly and I was guided back into the person's chest. Whoever it was held me comfortingly and they whispered soothing words into my ear, shushing me as I continued to hyperventilate. I grasped their arms around my body, my palms sweaty as my fingers trembled and I squeezed my eyes shut only to see the mental image of Rafe hovering over my body again. My bottom lip trembled and I relaxed completely into the person holding me taking a deep breath before exhaling to try and calm down.

I saw my dad sitting on the edge of my bed in front of me, his eyes wide in worry and just then the door to my room opened and my mom rushed in with a nurse behind her.

"Is she okay—are you okay?" My mom asked me quickly, rushing to my side.

I didn't trust my voice and so I nodded in response.

The nurse my mom had fetched walked round my bed to the monitor next to me and she checked my vital signs before taking my blood pressure, "What happened Mally?" She asked me.

I swallowed, "I had a nightmare."

She nodded a few times to herself before pursing her lips and turning to my mom and dad, "I'm not so sure the medication we're giving her to help her sleep is proving effective if she's waking up from terrors all the time."

"Is there nothing you can do to stop the terrors?" My mom asked.

She shook her head and pressed her lips together, "The only thing I could suggest is therapy."

I dropped my head against the person behind me tiredly, feeling my eyes droop once more. I wanted to go back to sleep, my body was craving to shut down again but my mind fought it. I didn't want to slip back into my nightmares. With a tired sigh I peered up, looking to the person who was behind me and I met the oceanic blue gaze of JJ's eyes. His blonde tresses hung low against his forehead and he offered me a tired smile. His eyes told me everything that his smile did not however as he reached down and pushed a lock of my hair from my sweaty forehead. I saw how worry consumed him and the dark bags under his eyes — or at least I hoped they were bags and not bruises — stained his skin.

"Are you okay?" He asked me quietly.

I nodded wordlessly before saying, "I'm tired."

"Go back to sleep."

"I'm scared." I admitted honestly and I watched as he pressed his lips together.

"Should she even be sleeping this much?" My mom asked of the nurse, her question interrupting JJ and I, "She's been awake for two hours since yesterday afternoon."

"Mrs. Davis—"

"—Thornton." My mom corrected her weakly. I could hear the tired strain of her voice.

"I'm sorry." The nurse replied, "Mrs. Thornton, your daughter has spent three days stranded at sea. The likelihood that she will have acquired any sleep during that time is slim."

"You're not answering my question." My mom said to her in frustration, "Please, you haven't answered any of my questions since we got here. You said she wasn't even going to be admitted and now look."

"We're waiting on scan results, Mrs. Thornton." The woman replied, "The doctor will be along as soon as she has those results."

Since my mom didn't reply she showed herself out and left the four of us in a thick silence. I watched my mom as she dragged her hands over her face and paced, "Brain scan." She muttered, "Brain scan, why would you need a brain scan?"

"Natalie, come on, calm down." My dad urged her gently, "I'm sure it's just for precautionary measures."

"I had a brain scan?" I asked my parents, sinking further into JJ's chest. His scent was helping to put me at ease, the familiar aroma of the cheap aftershave he wore brought me a small but much needed sense of normalcy.

"Yes." My dad nodded, "You hit the sack pretty hard after they got you on the bed yesterday."

"Yesterday?" I murmured. I had only been rescued yesterday? It felt like I had spent a lifetime in here.

My mom finally collapsed in a chair and she sighed, "Shoupe will be here soon."

"She shouldn't be made to talk to him though, right?" JJ asked my mom, "She's not really in the best position."

"That's the point I'm going to argue when he arrives." My mom responded to him and I saw the faint smile she gave him. It made my heart feel warm again after all the heartbreak it had suffered from over the past couple of days.

"Did he find John B and Sarah yet?" I asked.

JJ's arms tightened ever so slightly around me and it was the answer I needed. I felt my heart sinking further into my stomach at that. Why had I been found but not them? What made me so special? I hoped that wherever they were they were alive and together, not alone like I had been because that had been terrifying. I hoped that they'd washed up on an island somewhere and had managed to get back on the path of crossing the boarder and making their way down to Mexico.

"No." My dad told me solemnly, "I'm sorry sweetheart."

I only nodded in response and no one said anything after that for quite some time. I continued to snuggle into JJ's hold for comfort and after a while the door to my room opened again.

The four of us looked up to see the doctor walking in, the white coat hanging over her uniform and the nurse followed her. I noticed she was carrying a large brown envelope in her hands and she walked over to the light box in the room.

"Good afternoon, Mally. How are you feeling?" She asked me politely, turning her head back to glance at me.

"Not good." I replied honestly.

"What's going on?" She said curiously, "Anything different from this morning?"

I shook my head, "No."

She nodded, reaching into the envelope and pulling out two scan films. She placed them on to the light box and I saw two pictures of a brain — my brain — but she didn't turn the light on. She walked over to me and smiled, "Can I see your hands?"

I held my hands out for her and watched as they trembled.

"Okay." She nodded and I dropped them back into my lap. JJ picked them up and he slowly slotted his fingers into mine. The doctor reached for a pocket torch and clicked it on, "Look into the light for me."

I did as she asked but I found myself shrinking away immediately, my eyes sore from the bright light and I turned my head away.

She nodded, putting the flashlight away and looking to the nurse, "Last time she was sick?"

"Just after eleven this morning." The nurse replied.

"Okay." She muttered before sighing and turning the light box on, "Mally, I'm afraid you're suffering from something we call a subdural hematoma. The good news is it's only very small so at the moment we don't need to take any surgical action."

My eyes were immediately drawn to the small white spot on the film of the scan. It was on the left side of my brain, close to the front but it stood out amongst the grey.

"A-a what?" My mom asked her, stuttering, "What is that?"

"It's a slow bleed on the brain."

JJ's grip on my hand loosened immediately and I felt my heart still.

I shook my head in disbelief, "You— you're not serious."

"I'm afraid I am." She responded, "We believe it's been caused by your fall off that boat a week or so ago when you cracked your head open. Your symptoms you described to me match that of a subdural hematoma, headaches, nausea and vomiting, confusion, double vision."

"If this was caused by the boat accident why wasn't it discovered then?" My dad asked her, "She was in the hospital — this hospital."

"I went through Mally's notes when she was admitted yesterday. There was no scan done when she was admitted after the head trauma. When I checked the reasoning behind it it said her insurance wouldn't cover the cost of the scans."

"What?" My mom snapped. I could tell by her tone of voice that she was appalled but I was just too busy trying to process the fact I had a literal bleed on my brain, "You're meaning to tell me that someone neglected to give my daughter a brain scan just because her insurance wouldn't cover it? Which is total bullshit by the way because I pay for her insurance. If you'd of informed me I'd of paid for the scan."

"Mrs. Thornton all I can do is apologise." The woman said to my mother.

"I'm not upset with you." My mom told her but she was still furious, "I'm upset with whoever made this decision. I'd like to talk to them actually, see how a case in the court of law sounds to them."

I shook my head in protest, "Mom, you can't sue everyone—"

"—This is medical negligence, Mally." She told me softly though she was still appalled, "We're damn lucky it's only small. This could've been so much worse. The bleed could've killed you!"

"Your mom is right, Mal." JJ said to me then. It was the first thing he'd said since the news had been broken to us.

I could only sit and process what was happening to me. How a stupid mistake I had made had affected my life now so drastically. I should've never of been that close to the edge of the boat in such horrendous weather conditions and I certainly shouldn't of been pulling on that tether so angrily. My dad had taught me never to sail angry because would lose your focus and the moment you lost your focus you could die, especially in bad weather conditions.

But then I thought what if the bleed wasn't caused by the boating accident but by my fight with Rafe?

Whatever it was, it was something I could've easily avoided. Now I was here, stuck in the hospital where I'd be for a few days to find out whether this bleed needed operating on or not.

• • •

The solitude of the old and run-down dock that ran out from my fathers house as the day cast away the cloak of the night was bliss. I always admired the sunrise because at this time, nature was always at its best. It was another day .. a fresh and unwritten page in everyone's book. Soon, the islanders who resided on the South would be out on the waters — if they weren't already — ready to make their living.

This was the closest I'd been to the water since my rescue. I thought an incomprehensible fear would've consumed me but in the four days since I'd been found I'd craved to dip my feet in the mysterious yet never-ending crushing force. The sapphire waves would forever bring me comfort as they exuded tranquility.

I'd given up on my pathetic attempt of sleep an hour or so ago, sneaking out of the front door and tip-toeing over the floor boards I knew to creak on the porch. I couldn't stare at my ceiling any longer and the heavy breaths that emitted from JJ's chest frustrated me in the sense that he could sleep and I could not.

I was jealous of him. He had no plaguing memories of death or trauma that prevented him from sleeping .. not anymore anyways. He no longer had to drink himself into such a state where it inevitably ended in his passing out just so he could acquire some shut eye. Yes, John B was still missing but in the days I'd returned into his arms the black circles that stained his skin under his eyes had disappeared. Instead, I'd developed them.

I couldn't sleep without my mind conjuring up some lucid dream of Rafe Cameron killing me or reliving Sheriff Peterkin's death but watching it end differently. Rafe had killed me in ways I never thought imaginable in my nightmares. I thought perhaps my brain had exhausted every way to murder someone but it hadn't. It was utterly disturbing and it made sleeping something I didn't even want to attempt.

Last month I'd watch the sunrise because my insomnia would leave me with no choice. Today, I was forcing myself to stay awake because I couldn't bare to witness another nightmare. This was my life now and it was shit.

I couldn't sleep because of nightmares of Rafe Cameron killing me. Even in my dreams he was still managing to cause me complete hell. All the while, he was walking around Kildare as a free man — as if nothing had ever happened that day on the tarmac. It was beyond infuriating and what made it worse was that every believed him and Ward.

Even after John B had said loud and clear that night of the hurricane that Ward had killed his dad and that Rafe had killed Peterkin the police still didn't believe him .. or me. I'd been in and out of the Sheriff's station over the last week. It was almost my second home now and I was sick to my back teeth of pleading my case when Shoupe and his shitty cop buddies had already decided who was guilty and who was not.

Like I had said before, the injustice on this island was absolutely appalling. The rich always won. It didn't matter about wether or not you were innocent, just as long as you had money and you could bribe your way into the pockets of the officers and judges that ruled this island.

Though — as much as I hated it — I was somewhat lucky in a sense because my mom was really the only person keeping me out of a jail cell right now. I'd never been so thankful for her driving ambition to peruse a career in law because she'd saved my ass. No one could argue with Natalie Thornton, they didn't call her the best attorney in the whole of South Carolina for nothing.

Still, it didn't keep me out of prison forever. It just made the cops' job a whole lot harder because she fought against them tooth and nail. She knew my rights like the back of her hand and she wouldn't let the cops anywhere near me without her by my side. She was determined to prove both me and John B innocent — in his memory.

His memory..

Two days ago the search for him and Sarah was called off. They had come to the conclusion that they wouldn't be alive after eight days and so there was no point in searching anymore. Their bodies could be anywhere and so the case was closed and both Sarah and John B had been presumed dead.

The faint echo of a car door slamming shut forced me to turn around out of curiosity. A part of me wondered if it was my dad heading out to work for the day but when I remembered he was still taking time off to look after me I frowned in confusion. It ceased quickly though when I saw the front of a cop car poking out from behind my dad's truck.

I sighed in utter disdain and reluctantly drew my legs into my chest and pulled myself up to my feet. I put my hands into the pockets of JJ's hoodie as I walked up the dock to the house and walked in, closing the door behind me.

The first thing I heard was the annoyed sigh of my father as Shoupe spoke to him in quite a loud tone. I didn't even know why he was here so early anyways, I know my dad and I were early risers but still.

"—When does the concussion wear off." I heard Shoupe's irritated voice say.

"When does it wear off?" My dad repeated incredulously, "Shoupe it's concussion—you know what, it's not just concussion either. It's a bleed on the brain and you know that. It's life threatening and she could've died because you and your idiot officers chased her off this island."

"Mr. Davis—"

I walked round the corner that led me into the kitchen and saw Shoupe and the leading SBI officer standing before my dad. I rose my brow at the acting Sheriff, "It's a bit early for you Shoupe, don't you think?" I asked him, "Not even the fishermen have reached the ocean yet."

"You know you're supposed to be on house arrest, right?" The man fired at me, "You're not allowed to leave this house."

"Um, no." I shook my head as I pulled my lips down into a slight frown. I leaned on the kitchen island while looking between the two officers, "I'm not on house arrest because that's actually illegal, right? You haven't arrested me, you haven't charged me therefore you can't put me under house arrest."

"That can be arranged." The SBI officer said to me.

I met his gaze and narrowed my eyes somewhat at him in sheer annoyance.

"You know what?" My dad said then, "How about I give Natalie a call? She's already on a roll between defending Mally, suing the hospital for medical negligence and defending JJ too. I'm sure she'd personally hire a firing squad for you and your officers, Shoupe."

Just then the door to my bedroom opened and I saw JJ emerge from the darkened room down the hall. His hair was a dishevelled mess as he dragged his hand through it lazily. He shuffled down the hall with one eye squinted open wearing only a pair of shorts and when he reached the kitchen he yawned loudly, "Not to be unappreciative or anything, Mr. D, but do you know how early it is?" He mumbled to my dad as he rubbed his eyes, "Not all of us are morn—"

JJ opened his eyes and immediately fixated them on Shoupe and the SBI officer. His expression changed instantaneously, his soft blue gaze hardening into glaciers. There was a lot of hostility towards the two men on his behalf as he glared at them and for a minute I couldn't decipher what was going through his head. To my relief though, he walked over to my dad and I and stood opposite the two men in uniform.

"What the hell do you think you're doing here?" JJ practically snarled at him. Fury dripped from his tone and the man deserved it.

The night of Peterkin's death — the night I tried to sneak home to say goodbye to my dad — I thought Shoupe was on my side. He seemed to believe what I was saying and the logic behind my words. If anyone were to look at it properly the first question they would be asking was how did Peterkin know John B was on the airstrip if he was the one she was supposedly coming to arrest? The answer was simple, she wouldn't of known. We were only on the tarmac ten minutes maximum before she arrived. She wouldn't of been able to find him that quickly.

So if that was me and I was an investigative officer working on solving her murder I'd be questioning what truly brought her to the tarmac. The answer was one I'd already given to Shoupe — to arrest Ward for Big John's murder.

The day I'd been rescued by island coast guards Shoupe seemed to be on my side though in the days that followed his alliance switched. It was like he didn't believe a word I was saying but I knew Ward Cameron was breathing down his neck heavily. He and Rafe were the only two people they could question at present given I still wasn't allowed anywhere near an interview room.

Maybe Ward had convinced Shoupe that I was delusional — confused from the concussion. Perhaps he used the simple 'she's afraid of him' trick but if he had been declared dead why would I continue to defend his case if it was truly afraid of him? Or maybe he was just bribing him with obscene amounts of money.

I'd never know.

Shoupe sighed as he leaned on the counter opposite us and he hung his head for a minute before he looked up again. I didn't feel for him, not one little bit. The bags under his eyes were visible, yes, but mine were ten times darker. He thought he had a hard life right now but he had no idea.

"I don't even want to know your answer to be honest." I ended up saying before Shoupe could even open his mouth, "Just get out."

JJ nodded from beside me and glared at Shoupe, "Couldn't of said it better myself."

"No, Mally." My dad sighed, "You can't just kick a police officer out of your house."

I turned and looked up at my dad, "And you place someone on house arrest without actually arresting and charging them." I continued to hold my dad's gaze but he didn't say anything and so I looked back at Shoupe, "I know I'm innocent, JJ knows it, my friends know it, mom knows it, my dad knows it. I know I'm putting a halt on your stupid investigation but some of us are still grieving, all right? I lost my best friend .. because of you. I'm sick, I was discharged from the hospital yesterday afternoon and you think it's acceptable to come knocking on my door at six in the morning to question me? News flash, it's not. I won't say it again Shoupe, get out of this house or you'll have my mom on your ass even more than what she is now and we both know she's ten times worse than me."

Shoupe released a long sigh and he looked to Agent Bratcher in defeat. The man didn't seem impressed but he had no choice but to oblige and listen to Shoupe. He looked at my dad, JJ and I before he said, "This isn't over."

"Yeah, whatever." I mumbled dismissively as I walked round the counter and passed them. I didn't bother looking back as I walked towards the hallway, eyeing the bullet holes still in the plaster from when Plumb had tried to shoot me. I swallowed deeply as I carried on, walking towards my room and said, "I hope the door hits you on the way out, assholes."

I was unsure of whether or not they replied to me because I slammed my bedroom door behind me before I leaned against it. I pushed my head into the white glossed wood and closed my eyes before releasing a shaky breath. I felt my hands trembling at my sides as my nose began to burn, warning me of the imminent tears that were about to run freely down my face.

I heard the front door close loudly and it echoed into my bedroom making me jump in terror. The loud noise triggered the scarring memory of that day on the tarmac and I pressed my lips together in a bid to keep myself from falling apart. I hated how my brain tied the slamming of a door or a cupboard to a gunshot. I could never escape Peterkin's death, ever. The harrowing memory would haunt me forever and it frustrated me that while I suffered, the cops and the island still thought I'd helped John B kill the Sheriff.

I stepped away from my door but I'd barely placed one foot in front of the other when my knees began to tremble underneath me. I couldn't hold myself up anymore and I lowered myself to the ground before I fell and sat against the wooden frame at the edge of my bed.

I drew my knees up to my chest and locked my arms around them, rocking back and forth as I cried to myself.

Was death better than this? Was John B the lucky one for escaping? It seemed like it. That night on the boat he'd said he'd of rather died than gone to prison and at the time I didn't know if I agreed with him though now I think I would. It was just all too much and I couldn't handle it on my shoulders anymore. I was being eaten alive by night terrors, grievance, survivors guilt, frustration, pain .. and I just couldn't take it.

I just couldn't believe John B was dead — actually dead and for whatever shitty reason I survived. Me, of all people. What was so special about me.

My shoulders shook as sobs wracked through my body and the only audible thing was the sound of my loud cries.

I heard my bedroom door closing quietly and as JJ's calloused fingers grazed across my shoulders to pull me into him I gave in. I fell into a dead weight as he pulled me into his lap and wrapped his arms around me, feeding one hand into my hair as he slowly rubbed his thumb back and forth along my scalp. He held me while I needed him and he shushed me quietly while he rocked us back and forth and listened to me sob.

I carried on for what felt like hours until nothing remained but the spasming of my diaphragm accompanied by the odd hiccup. My tears had dried out but I could I still feel the tracks they left on my face. JJ didn't move though, he just continued to hold me until eventually I fell victim to my harrowing night terrors again — reliving the day my life turned so drastically south.

• • •

A/N; chapter one of season 2!!!!