Someday, this pain will be useful. Someday at some time, all of this hate, cruel words, mean names, death threats, and blood shed will get us somewhere. We learn from our mistakes, and wounds heal. We may be broken now, but those pieces will come together to form a mosaic. We will use all of this pain to test ourselves and look back on the days that we had where we wanted to give up. We will sigh and remember all the times we were told to end it. We will remember every scar we make across our wrists. We will remember every tear we shed. We will remember. And then, we will smile. We will look at our wrists to see clean slates. We will look at our arms and see no bruises. We will look into our eyes and see no tears. We will look in our messages and see piles of "I love you"s and "let's hang out soon"s. We won't see any hate. But we will remember it. We will look back on our past and smirk, knowing that everything that happened is over. It's called the past for a reason. So we can look past it to focus on the present. We will smile a perfectly real smile and look up at the sky just to say "I love you" to the fallen heroes that got us where we are. They will smile down from the clouds and gaze upon our beautiful souls and feel pride. They will clap as we celebrate every week, month, and year clean of self harm. They will touch our scars and heal them, making them invisible. They will cure our hearts of the cracks and breaks. They will cleanse our minds of unwanted and suicidal thoughts and tell us, "I'm proud of you." Something most people have wanted to hear for a very long time. They will kiss our foreheads and send us to sleep with the reminder that every passing day is new, and the sun will shine on the broken souls once more. So do it for your fallen. Do it for your friends. Do it for me. Take the generous time we have left to live like tomorrow isn't a given, because it's not. If the happiness in you can't keep up and falls, pick it up and heal it's wounds. You're gonna need that happiness. And it's gonna need you. So take it from me. I know. I get it. And I love you. The sun will shine on us again. Until then, I'll be with you every step of the day. You are loved. You are important. You matter. No one deserves to be forgotten. Especially not you. So listen well. I have walked in your shoes. I feel your pain. I understand it. When the world turns its back on you, know that I'm still here. I always forget that there's a reason to keep fighting. Then I look at you and I'm ready to win a war. Believe me, you are special to me and many more people. Find yourself. Understand that crying isn't vulnerability, it's strength. Accept that not everyone will love you, but I will. I'm with you every step of the way. Now go, spread your wings like a mighty eagle and soar past the depression. Soar past the anxiety. Soar past every hurtful word or traumatic experience and smile. Take a breath. You made it. You made it and I'm proud of you. It doesn't matter if you're 8 hours clean or 8 months clean. I'm proud of you. Take your time. Heal. I'll be here. And I'll never leave. You have people to help you along this broken road. You don't have to walk alone. Im here. So take that knife and put it away. Take those pills and save them for when you're actually sick. Take that rope and wait for the perfect time to go climbing so you can look out on the world from high up and say, "I made it." Because you did. You will. And you're not alone.

-Connor, 2020

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You are not alone.
I'm always here.
No matter what.

Please don't steal my writing, it takes a long time and a lot of patience.