ᴡɪɴɴᴇʀ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴜᴇʟ
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Meditation wasn’t my thing.

No matter how hard I tried, I always ended up getting distracted by something: a fly buzzing around me, the clouds moving across the sky through the window, the amount of dust on the floor, and so on.

Shaak Ti, my master, was an expert at disconnecting from reality and immersing herself in her thoughts. She could easily compete with Master Yoda without either of them letting out a single snore.

There I was. Sitting cross-legged in the meditation room, relaxing my limbs and trying to get my brain to simply stop functioning so the Force could guide me through my thoughts. I opened one eye just to check if my companions had succeeded and stifled a frustrated sigh.

«I sense you’re a bit tense» Master Ti’s voice echoed in my head, startling me. Telepathic communication was something we had learned to handle between her and me when I turned sixteen.

Now I was twenty-two, and my days as her padawan were numbered. I didn’t know when my trials to become a Jedi Knight would take place, but I hoped it would be soon.

I tried to convey how calm I was through the Force. «I’m fine, Master. I’m just… ovulating» I communicated through our bond.

With my eyes half-open, I saw Shaak Ti raise the corner of her lips, still in her "meditation" state, and I sighed.

I was ovulating, yes, but there was something else. Another disturbance in the Force.

I had experienced several throughout my life, but each one felt so different, and for some reason, I realized I had sensed this one before.

"Your eyes now you may open," Yoda’s voice filled the room, and I let out a sigh of relief. We had been in the same position for half an hour.

Beside me, Aayla let out an exhausted breath and flopped backward, lying on the floor. "Finally! I’m exhausted."

"You didn’t even move from your spot," Kit commented, giving her an amused look.

She shot him a glare.

"So? I’m twenty-two, my bones aren’t what they used to be," she grumbled, making me burst into laughter.

Yoda cleared his throat, and his large green eyes settled on us.

"Strive harder than ever, you must now," he spoke seriously. "Close to your trials you are, and to make your masters proud you must, if Jedi you wish to become."

Aayla raised her hand timidly before asking:

"And what happens if we don’t pass the trials on the first try?"

Before Yoda could respond, Master Vos intervened and shot his padawan his usual grumpy expression.

"Then you’ll have to start from the beginning," he growled, crossing his arms. "You’ll train with the younglings again, and who knows how long it’ll take for you to be ready once more."

Kit frowned, visibly confused, and repeated the question.

"Train with the younglings again?"

Master Vos nodded with a stern expression. "That’s right. It’ll be as if you never progressed."

My eyes widened in surprise and fear at the idea of going back to the level of the younglings who didn’t even know how to hold a lightsaber properly. But before panic could take hold of us, Shaak Ti gave Vos a meaningful look as she stepped forward.

"Calm down, padawans," my master said, transmitting her calm to us. "Master Vos was only joking. If you don’t pass the trials, we’ll simply intensify your training until you’re ready to try again. It’s not a step back, but an opportunity to improve."

The tension in my shoulders eased a bit as I heard Aayla complain to her master for lying to her. Shaak Ti watched me with a slight smile, as if her eyes could tell me the message I needed to hear: I believe in you.

"Oh, well, I’m glad to know Helene won’t be close to the younglings," Kit said, crossing his arms and giving me a sideways glance. "We can’t risk her convincing them that meditating upside down is a good idea again."

"That was one time!" I protested. "Besides, I stopped them when I saw the youngest one’s head turning red!”

"I was the one who stopped them! You were laughing while recording it on a holocron!"

"Alright, alright, and I got punished for a month because of that," I huffed, rolling my eyes at all the drama.

Yoda and Vos watched me seriously, while Shaak Ti let out a sigh. The patience this woman had with me was out of this world, not even the first Jedi in existence would have endured so much.

"You may leave now, padawans," Shaak Ti intervened. "Remember, we have general training in an hour, and someone might decide to pay us a visit."

We looked at each other, alarmed.

"It won’t be Master Windu," she reassured us immediately, before giving me a meaningful look. "He no longer wishes to oversee the sparring sessions after Helene fell on him during one of her acrobatics."

I huffed, letting out another groan. "He got in the way! If he doesn’t want to get hit, he shouldn’t step in."

"Helene, the combat  was already over."

I rolled my eyes, unable to help it. Mace Windu was like a damn thorn in my side, impossible to tolerate. I wasn’t a fan of his, and I was sure the feeling was mutual, especially since, at thirteen, I decided our lightsabers matched and I bedazzled his with glitter. I thought it would help me make a new friend (even if he was bald), but he nearly sent me back to Alderaan with the Force when he saw it.

"See you later."

The three of us bowed to our masters and left the meditation room, though I could still feel Master Ti’s intense gaze burning into my back. I noticed how she tried to gently infiltrate my mental defenses to figure out what was bothering me, but I blocked her, turning my head and giving her a smile.

We walked around the Temple, which was bustling with Jedi coming and going, and my eyes couldn’t help but drift toward two droids holding small bundles in their hands: babies who probably weren’t even six months old.

A shiver ran down my spine, and I wondered how my parents had reacted when people took their three-year-old daughter away because she was destined to ensure the galaxy's peace. What did they look like? Who did I look like? Did it hurt them to let me go? Did they miss me?

"Who do you think will oversee the training?" Kit's voice pulled me out of my thoughts, and I was grateful. It wasn’t good to dwell on our origins.

Aayla shrugged. "Maybe Master Plo or some senator interested in us."

I thought it was unlikely that a senator would decide to travel to the Temple with the Separatists growing increasingly threatening and powerful. When I opened my mouth to suggest someone, another voice stopped me:

"Helene?"

A tug in the Force.

For some reason, I shuddered, and the disturbance within me grew stronger. When I turned around, I was stunned to see him:

He had grown at least thirty centimeters since the last time I saw him. His blond hair had darkened slightly and wasn’t as straight anymore. His figure was tall and lanky, but there was an obvious development in the muscles of his arms. What truly left me breathless were his eyes. They were still the same clear blue that had watched me in all my daydreams, with pupils more dilated than ever.

"I’m Anakin," he introduced himself quickly, seeing that I didn’t respond. "I…"

"I remember you," I interrupted, still staring at him intently. He had definitely changed. I was tall, but he was undoubtedly a few centimeters taller than me. "You’ve... grown," I said, pointing at his padawan braid.

Anakin smiled at me.

"You too," he said shyly, leaning slightly to one side. "You’re more beautiful, I mean," he added quickly, glancing nervously at my friends, who were watching us with curiosity. "...for a Jedi," he blushed.

I heard Kit’s soft laugh behind me and how Aayla elbowed him, but I could feel the sheer amusement radiating from both of them at the scene. Immediately, I blushed too.

"Thanks... I guess."

We stood there, staring at each other. The tug in the Force pushed me to move closer to him, but I was sure that if I took even a single step, it would look like I was ready to kiss him.

Aayla moved to my side, resting her elbow on my shoulder as she examined Anakin with curiosity. "So... you’re the famous Chosen One?"

I understood her fascination. Anakin Skywalker had rarely been seen around the Temple while growing up. He was always on missions with his master, and the Council seemed to keep him as a surprise weapon against their enemies. This guy was incredibly powerful, or so I’d heard.

"Something like that," Anakin replied, looking away shyly.

Kit moved to our side.

"How do you two know each other?" he asked.

I cleared my throat, looking away from Anakin’s face and praying that the awe didn’t show in my tone. "We met at the Temple a few years ago," I replied, briefly recalling his expression when he first saw me.

"Yes," his eyes sparkled, or maybe it was just my imagination, "I was just a kid back then."

"You’re still a kid," I raised my eyebrows, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Not really," Anakin stretched his neck, asserting his height over me. "I’m older now. I’m seventeen."

A small memory flashed through my mind, but I quickly pushed it away with a slight shake of my head. "Yeah, well... It’s been great seeing you again…"

"Same here," he smiled widely, and I had to make a great effort not to hide behind one of Aayla’s tentacles. "I hope we can see each other more often around the Temple."

See each other? More often? No, thank you. My social battery was already drained.

I smiled awkwardly, feeling Kit’s piercing gaze on me. He always told me that smiling with my teeth so exaggeratedly made me look like a Klatooinian.

"Yeah... I hope not," I muttered under my breath, still smiling with clenched teeth so he wouldn’t hear me. Aayla elbowed me, and I cleared my throat again. "Well, we have to go train, so..."

"But there’s still an hour left," Aayla interrupted, confused.

"Don’t you know how long it takes me to do my business in the bathroom?" I grumbled, glaring at her.

Aayla seemed to catch the hint while Kit let out a nasal chuckle, and Anakin blinked, perplexed. My friend nodded, coughing uncomfortably:

"Oh, right! Yeah, we take forever to unclog it afterward," she added with a nervous laugh. "Shall we go?"

Anakin blushed. "Well..." he straightened his shoulders, "I should go talk to my master. He needs me for some activity with other padawans."

"Great," I kept my tone as neutral as possible. "Goodbye… I guess."

But Anakin didn’t move, and I was really starting to need to pee. Finally, he shook his head and spoke more confidently: "See you around," he nodded before turning and walking away.

I sighed in relief, and as soon as he was far enough, I felt Aayla and Kit grab my arms, quickly turning me around to walk in the opposite direction.

"What the hell was that?" Kit asked, uncertain.

I didn’t have an answer either, but the disturbance in the Force kept tightening around me as intensely as if it were choking me. We walked a few more meters, and before turning the corner, I glanced back: Anakin was watching us from afar, leaning against a wall... or rather, watching me. After a few seconds, he shook his head and disappeared behind the wall.

I sighed.

"I don’t wanna know.”

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

There were still ten minutes left before training, and I was devouring a juicy apple while walking through the upper wing of the Temple. Kit and Aayla had split off, each with excuses about "taking care of their real needs," so I decided to kill time by raiding the kitchen.

I was distractedly gazing out the windows that offered incredible views of Coruscant when voices behind a door stopped me in my tracks. Gossip called to me more than the Force itself.

Stealthily, I slid along the wall and tried to eavesdrop on the conversation. The last time I had secretly listened in, I overheard two padawans bragging about the measurements of what I had thought were their lightsabers.

Spoiler: they weren’t talking about lightsabers.

I pressed my ear against the door, taking a bite of my apple, and listened intently:

"She barely recognized me, Master," came a frustrated voice from the other side.

Wait.

That awful voice... I know it.

My eyes widened as I realized that the infamous Anakin Skywalker was the one talking to who seemed to be Master Kenobi. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Was he going to be everywhere now?

I shook my head and decided to keep listening in silence:

"She’s been in my dreams, her face in my meditations every day for the past eight years, and she barely..."

"Be mindful of your thoughts, Anakin," Obi-Wan Kenobi’s calm voice interjected. "They betray you."

"I’m aware, Master," Anakin replied, even more frustrated. "But you didn’t see the look on her face. She looked me up and down... like I was an unwanted presence."

The apple caught in my throat, and I choked. Were they talking about me?

I tried not to make noise as I thumped my neck to dislodge the piece of apple, but I kept listening to their conversation:

"Search your feelings, Anakin," Master Kenobi urged. "What truly bothers you? Is it not having been able to form friendships with other padawans?"

"No, of course not.”

Finally, I managed to dislodge the piece of apple and took a deep breath, gasping for air. Without thinking twice, I tossed the piece out the open window, where it fell into the void... or possibly onto someone’s head.

"Spending more time at the Temple will be good for you, Anakin," Master Kenobi said, unperturbed. "Perhaps the pressure from recent missions has made you more irritable than usual. Come on, it’s time for you to socialize with your peers."

My senses went on high alert when I heard the footsteps of both of them heading toward the door. Without wasting another second, I activated my legs and ran like a soul pursued by a Sith toward the nearest staircase, leaping down the steps in a desperate, improvised parkour.

I didn’t stop and kept running frantically through the hallways, feeling Anakin’s powerful presence following close behind. I didn’t want to run into him again, and now it seemed like he was hot on my heels.

I ran until I reached the training room, where I found Kit and Aayla leaning against the doors, talking casually. Both of them stopped their conversation as soon as they saw me in front of them, panting, sweaty, and with my face undoubtedly red.

Aayla wrinkled her nose.

"Helene, what the hell? Are you being chased by a Sith or something?"

I wish it were that.

I shook my head, trying to compose myself. "No, it’s just that Yoda caught me in the kitchen, and now I’m running away from hi..."

I stopped talking as soon as the training room door opened, revealing the small figure of Master Yoda welcoming us with a calm smile.

"Young padawans," he greeted us serenely, "you may come in now."

Aayla and Kit turned to look at me in disbelief, while I just blushed even more, shaking my head before following the master into the room. I’d explain what I’d overheard to them later.

As I entered, I saw Master Ti and Master Vos standing in the center of the training area. My master smiled at me, narrowing her eyes, but her expression faded as soon as she noticed something was wrong.

«What’s wrong?» she asked me mentally.

«I choked on an apple» I replied instead. It wasn’t entirely a lie.

She raised an eyebrow but said nothing more and cleared her throat. "Alright, padawans. Today’s training will be basic, and you can use any forms you want. But no using the Force today."

We nodded in unison.

"Yes, Master..."

"Sorry to interrupt," a voice spoke behind us, making me tense up instantly. It couldn’t be true.

Master Ti smiled.

"Ah, Obi-Wan, I thought you wouldn’t come," she greeted cheerfully. "Everyone, Master Kenobi and his padawan have decided to join today’s training." Her expression softened as she looked past my face, right behind me. "You say his level is high enough to face them?"

I thought Master Kenobi would respond, but it wasn’t him:

"That’s right, Master Ti," his voice almost made me shudder again.

I turned on my heels with a bewildered look only to see him just a few meters away from me. Anakin smiled and maintained a confident posture without taking his eyes off me. I struggled to keep an indifferent expression, but this guy’s enthusiastic feelings were hitting me in an incredibly disconcerting way.

"Alright," Master Vos called everyone’s attention, and I was immensely grateful. "Aayla!" His padawan jumped. "It’s time to kick some butt! Go to the center!"

My friend dashed to the center of the mat, where her master and Shaak Ti made room for her to fight. I wished with all my might that they would call me to face her, praying to every deity that crossed my mind.

"Kit," Yoda called his padawan, and I let out a pitiful groan. "Go ahead."

The Nautolan nodded and headed to the mat, positioning himself in front of Aayla. Just then, Anakin stepped forward to stand beside me, and I remained so rigid that it seemed like my feet were anchored to the ground. Although I wished the floor would open up and swallow me at that moment, I didn’t want to show any weakness. I could feel his presence with every fiber of my being, and even though I avoided looking at him, it was impossible to ignore the tension that had formed.

Kit and Aayla activated their lightsabers, and the familiar sound filled the room, followed by the clash of their weapons. Trying to focus on the battle in front of me was difficult with the Chosen One so close. I tried to analyze my companions’ movements in case I had to face them, but the intensity with which he was looking at me kept diverting my attention from the fight.

Shaak Ti, observing everything from the side, gave me a brief but meaningful look, as if sensing my discomfort. "Calm down," she seemed to silently tell me.

I took a deep breath, trying to focus on the fight. However, the pull of the Force I felt toward Anakin grew stronger, and I feared that eventually, my willpower would fail me. While Master Vos and Master Kenobi exchanged words about the padawans' technique in the center, Anakin leaned toward me, and my pulse quickened.

"Do you want to go after them?" he asked quietly, with a confidence that barely concealed a hint of nervousness.

I glanced at him sideways, trying to keep my voice from betraying what I felt. "Whatever the masters decide. I don’t care," I replied, trying to sound indifferent.

He smiled, as if he knew my words didn’t quite match my thoughts. Of course, I cared.

Even though I tried to maintain my reputation as the strongest padawan of my generation, I couldn’t ignore the fact that Skywalker had been climbing the ranks far too quickly. Over these eight years, I had only heard rumors, but his presence in the Force clearly indicated they weren’t just gossip.

I took a deep breath. No. A kid wasn’t going to beat me, no matter how powerful he was.

The fight between Kit and Aayla was extremely close. Both moved with agility and seemed to anticipate each other’s attacks well. I might have been able to memorize their movements for a future fight if it weren’t for Anakin’s intense gaze fixed on me throughout the entire. My stomach churned, and I bit my tongue to avoid making a comment that would undoubtedly leave me without blue milk for a week.

Finally, the fight ended with both of them disarming each other at the same time, which momentarily distracted me from my discomfort and made me laugh at the bewildered expressions on my friends’ faces. They picked up their lightsabers, and I saw Master Vos grunt in approval at Aayla while Yoda nodded toward Kit.

Master Ti stepped forward with a smile.

"Congratulations to both of you. You did very well," she gave them an empathetic look, then turned to Master Kenobi. "Obi-Wan?"

He nodded. "I expected a different outcome, but I’m impressed," he crossed his arms. "You have good techniques, and they’re very similar. Something tells me you spend a lot of time training together."

I made a tremendous effort to hold back a laugh when I saw Kit’s embarrassed face and Aayla’s blushing one.

"Anakin," Shaak Ti called, and my joy faded. "You’ll fight Helene. Are you agree?"

No, I wanted to say.

Instead, Anakin nodded and stepped onto the mat. Immediately, I stepped forward to avoid giving off an impression of insecurity to the others. He was supposed to be the intimidated one; I was the best of my generation.

His overwhelming presence in the Force enveloped me, and I felt slightly dizzy. I growled, trying to clear my mind as I positioned myself in front of him and tightened my grip on my weapon.

"I’ll go easy on you," Anakin assured me quietly, leaning in and smiling.

I smiled cruelly.

"Big and stupid," I savored the words on my tongue, "...just how I like them."

Anakin frowned, offended, and ignited his brilliantly blue lightsaber, which immediately contrasted with mine as I activated it, glowing purple. Master Vos gave the signal, and I lunged at him without hesitation.

At first, Anakin simply dodged my attacks with smooth, agile movements. Every time I swung, he blocked or deflected with an ease that felt almost mocking. His lightsaber remained in a defensive stance, never attempting to counterattack. His attitude annoyed me, as if he didn’t really want to take me seriously.

I shot him a challenging look as I unleashed another series of attacks. My movements became faster and more furious, fueled by my frustration. However, as time passed, Anakin began to adjust his defense. He started responding to my strikes with more precision, making the fight more balanced. I noticed he was taking things more seriously, which, in theory, should have pleased me, but in reality, it only made me angrier.

My strikes became more uncontrolled, and my movements more erratic. Anger was starting to cloud my judgment, and I focused less on technique and more on the desire to defeat him. Anakin seemed to have a natural ability to read my intentions, anticipating my moves with unsettling skill. Every time it seemed like I was about to land a hit, he moved with an agility that made me feel like I was fighting a shadow.

My attacks grew more violent, my lightsaber cutting through the air with force, and the mat was filled with the sound of our battle. Every time my strikes missed, frustration pushed me to attack with more rage, which only played into Anakin’s hands. He took advantage of every opening, every mistake I made.

Finally, I was completely exhausted. My breathing was heavy, and my movements grew clumsier by the second. Anakin noticed and, in a moment of pure strategy, decided to act: before I could react, I felt a strong kick to my side that sent me flying several meters backward, and my lightsaber flew out of my hand.

The ground met me harshly, and pain shot through me like lightning, forcing a groan out of me. I lay there, staring at the ceiling of the room, trying to catch my breath. The room filled with murmurs, but I could barely focus on anything other than the pain and the humiliation of being so clearly defeated by a seventeen-year-old kid.

After a few seconds, his figure appeared in my field of vision, and he leaned down, offering me his hand to help me up. He had a slightly concerned expression and seemed to search my face for any sign of pain.

I clenched my teeth and rejected his help, pushing myself up on my own. I caught the astonished looks from my friends, the curious one from Master Vos, the serene one from Master Yoda, the proud one from Master Kenobi, and the extremely worried one from Master Ti.

I huffed, trying to calm my nerves so he wouldn’t sense my disturbance in the Force, but it was impossible with Anakin so close to me, a constant reminder of what had just happened.

"Now this " Master Vos began before smirking and pointing at us, "...is a real fight."

Shaak Ti pressed her lips together, shooting him a look before turning back to us, or rather, to me. "Are you two alright?"

I brushed the dust off my shirt from the floor. "Perfectly fine," I replied through gritted teeth.

Master Kenobi nodded.

"Good. If you don’t mind, I’d like to see a rematch between the padawans now that they’ve observed other techniques," he gestured to Kit and Aayla, who were still watching us, impressed.

I ignored their stares and headed to the back of the room, avoiding eye contact with any breathing being in the place. But his voice stopped me again:

"Helene, wait!" Anakin called out, and I turned to face him once more. "Your... your lightsaber," he said breathlessly, without any bravado, his face serious as he offered me the weapon.

It seemed like he was trying to say something more, but the words wouldn’t come out. I snatched the lightsaber roughly from his hand and turned away again to sit at the back of the room.

His gaze and Shaak Ti’s followed me for the rest of the afternoon.