After the conversation we had yesterday and his mother's reaction to our decision , i started to feel bad about everything .

I truly loved him and as much as i was trying to run away from him i felt bad , i felt like i was tearing myself apart . I wasn't going to give up on him and so was i , i didn't want to let him face his father alone so i decided to go with him .

If he was about to face the consequences of our decision , i would face them too . Sultan suleyman was very strict and categoric and i knew how difficult it would be to persuade him if he said no .

I prepared myself mentally and emotionally, and got ready with the help of fahriye who kept encouraging me .

" This is going to be a first if it happens , no prince has ever dared to get married . it's not forbidden but it's not really well seen , it's not that i am discouraging you princess but i just wanted to let you know" fahriye was right and i knew it , marriage was not as common here as in europe and i understand it .

Because there was no way i would be with him without marriage or even worse share him with other women , i would not accept that for myself .

" You were right all along fahriye , i have to do something about it" i said getting up from my seat and leaving my room .

Every step i took forward felt like hell , a mix of excitement and fear washed over me but it had to be done .

I saw yahya from a distance outside standing and i was already asking myself where mustafa was .

"Yahya?" i called as i walked towards him , he looked at me and bowed down when he saw me "your highness"

I looked at the door and him and gave him an interrogative expression waiting for him to answer my unasked question.

" Sehzade mustafa is already inside , but you aren't supposed to be here your highness" He went to face everything alone , it's not like i didn't excpect it .

" I have to , he can't put himself out there as if he's the only one who took this decision" i looked at the door wanting to get inside but the guards didn't seem to care.

" His highness can handle this, rest assured" before i could answer him the door to his majesty opened revealing a guard who came straight to us .

"Your highness , Yahya bey" he bowed down to me and looked at yahya " His majesty wants to see your highness"

I looked at yahya and proceeded to follow the guard who guided me towards the sultan's room . I stood infront of the wooden door taking deep breaths , my hands were sweaty and i felt like nervousness was getting the best of me .

The door opened to me and i stepped in , taking few steps inside . I looked infront of me and saw sultan suleyman standing infront of his son mustafa and there was also Mahidevran sultan .

" Come in » i stepped inside and took hesitant steps forwards , i tried to catch a glimpse of their faces but they all had their back facing me .

" I have heard some things regarding you and i want to know if it's true or not and what do you think about it" sultan suleyman glanced at mahidevran sultan then at mustafa before looking at me again .

"You and mustafa have developed feelings for each other isn't that right?" he asked , it was very different and weird to hear this coming out of someone else's mouth and not from one of us .

« I - yes your majesty it's true » i finally replied after gathering courage , i waited for the response but only got a chuckle in response .

I couldn't even get my words right, i was so nervous and scared of their reactions . mostly his father because at the end of the day his consent mattered more than anyone else's .

" In that case" he said turning his back on us , i took the chance to glance at mustafa and get a glimpse of his face. because they have obviously talked about this matter for a long time .

" I do respect love more than anything else , i have experienced it in all its forms and i know how valuable it is" the sultan looked at us turning around " I think
both of you are old enough and mature enough to take your own decisions but"

My heart sank deeper when i heard the word but , it was a nightmare . and that's when i knew he would refuse and go against our wish .

" Mustafa is my crown prince and the apple of my eye , he is the second most important person after me and by any means am i saying that this is wrong . Feelings can not be controlled and i accept it but it isn't the right time »

That's what all i needed to hear to finally be convinced that all the hope i had was discarded by a simple fact.

« I also believe that his majesty is right , and i already talked with the princess about this . It is not the right time » his mother took away the part where she threatened me and only kept this part .

« Whatever you see fit your majesty » i fought the lump in my throat and had to comply even if it made no sense for me .

« Your majesty , i am sure about me decision and i hope you will keep us in your mind » Mustafa finally spoke  , i just hoped they wouldn't discard this matter and forget about us .

« I never forget my son don't you worry , as for now you can leave" i stood there waiting for them to also leave but he meant that only i could do so .

I took few steps back and bowed down to them before stepping outside of the room , Yahya was standing right outside the door where i left him

"What happened princess ? is the matter solved ? did his majesty approve ?" he asked many questions at once nervously

" I don't even know what to say , you can say it worked but not now . we have to wait , god knows how long that is but his majesty saw it convenient" Yahya looked down at the floor and shook his head .

" I knew it .. his majesty would not allow this especially when sehzade mustafa was just appointed to Manisa" he rubbed his temple with his hand and reassured me again " You have to wait .. at least years but it will pass by really fast and you will be reunited again" these words hit me like a dagger .

No i didn't want to wait but did i have to ? yes i had to . i didn't want to waste no time anymore but i had to .

I was completely devastated that i walked the way back to my room silently looking at the floor. Fahriye saw me in this state but didn't bother me with questions at all , it was written all over my face

I had to speak with mustafa one last time
before we part ways , he had to leave to manisa and i had to go back to my country . as much as we hated it , it was imposed upon us to do so