It's been already three days after me and mustafa last saw each other , it was difficult for me to do so but it had to be this way .
I tried to distract myself from my thoughts and found the chance to reply to one of my brother's letters , after he got the news he grew worried and wanted to come see me but i reassured him that everything was fine .

Back home , based on what my brother describes it was still diffucult . He was still trying to stabilise the situation to bring me back .

" Princess , it's been a while since you left your room and i'm growing worried" Fahriye pulled me out of my thoughts , she was the only one who understood me and i'm glad i had her by my side .

" I am just thinking , you know it's complicated" I said looking at the window trying to distract my thoughts .

" Do you love him ? i mean şehzade mustafa" She asked catching me off guard , i didn't know what to answer because i didn't know myself if i did or not .

"No i don't think so , it's hard to tell" She raised her eyebrow and put down the dresses she was folding "I think he does admire you , your highness" I gave her a confused look trying to get her to develop more .

" His eyes your highness , do you see him ? it's obvious to everyone but you" She sat down next to me and put her hand on my knee .

" He does love you , and you should consider it . He's not the affectionate type but i can definitely see that you're his weakness" she adjusted her seating position " Do you think that a prince with so many responsibilities would do all of this for you ? risk himself out there and go against his parents for you?" She was right but a part of my brain was trying to deny everything because there was no way .

" Look ,we have known each other since we were kids so it's normal" Fahriye rolled her eyes not believing what i was saying .

" Oh don't say that your highness , you're just turning a blind eye on the truth. You should be more open about your feelings to him" She said while i was deeply thinking about what she was saying.

" It's impossible , we come from different backgrounds and im leaving it's complicated" i expressed my frustration .

" I know , but love knows no boundaries . You have to know that hearts know better than our brains do , you're in denial now but i'm scared you will realise all of this very late" she said standing up and resuming her activities .

I chose to not engage anymore with this conversation , i had to think about this well . there was just so many things in my mind and i had to think without rush .

I have decided to get some fresh air , i had been stuck in this room for a long time and i had to change my thoughts.

I left along with fahriye who kept me company , i liked her presence and her company way too much and i didn't even want to think about leaving her to stay here .

We passed by Hurrem Sultan's room and saw her daughter from a distance , she was there along with her brother . They had a brother that was ill and i rarely saw him . Before i could avoid them , Mihrimah saw me and waved at me .

" Your highness" i bowed down to both of them and they both smiled at me .

" Princess , i hope you are better now . We heard about what happened" Mihrimah proceeded to say and her brother nodded after what she said .

"Thank you your highness , it was indeed very tough" I expressed my gratitude and just wanted to leave at some point.

« Care to join us outside ? we were planning to have some tea outside » Her brother invited me over and i was way too timid to say no so i accepted their offer .

Fahriye and Mihrimah's maid followed us as we went to the garden where i saw Hurrem sultan and her eldest son Mehmef sitting .

I tried my best to avoid that woman but seems like i'm never going to succeed , as we walked towards them they have finally noticed our presence .

«  Your highness » i bowed down to hurrem sultan and followed Mihrimah who sat down , i occupied the chair next to her .

« Welcome back Princess , we were worried about you » hurrem sultan talked to me making me look at her « Thank you , it was just an inconvenience im better now » I replied wanting to change the subject .

« You should stay here for some more time » she offered and i awkwardly laughed « I am leaving soon , but i can come visit you from time to time » Mehmed joined the conversation when i talked .

« You have a very rich history and a lot of monuments , i want to visit too » he said with enthusiasm and i didn't break it for him .

« Yes , i would love to host all of you . Sultan suleyman used to come all the time and now i would want to invite all of you » I was being genuine now , i wanted to see my palace full of people since it has always been us three .

Even Mustafa used to come a lot with his father , and i always liked his company . that's from what i remember , even if we didn't see each other for years i could still remember how much we liked each others presence .

Why was i remembering him now ? why do i keep doing this to myself ?

I shut down my inner thoughts and started to chat with them , they were all kind but very wary about what they were saying . Especially Hurrem sultan who had her words measured trying her best not to reveal anything about herself

She insisted on me staying here and honestly i didn't know why , i thought maybe to spite mahidevran sultan but at some point it looked like it was something else .

I was growing more bored and i just wanted to go inside , but before i could even ask for permission i heard the sound of swords .

« It's my brother mustafa » Mehmed said getting up from his seat all excited and looked at the other side of the garden .

I looked up and followed his eyes , that's where i saw mustafa and yahya having a sword fight away from everyone .

I didn't know why mustafa was tiring himself after that injury , it was definitely not recommended but now that our talks were cut short i couldn't give myself the permission to do anything .

« Who wants to join ? » Mehmed asked looking at all of us and i hesitated at first but when i saw everyone except hurrem sultan wanting to go i also joined them .

« Where is prince selim and beyazid ? they're not here ? » i asked mihrimah as we walked away and she shook her head «  No , they're not here yet maybe they'll come later »

I nodded and kept walking until we arrived to where mustafa and yahya were , they didn't stop when they saw us .

I stayed up because i wasn't planning to stay for long, i just wanted to accompany them . Mehmed was getting ready to join them and i couldn't take my eyes off mustafa , there was something about him .

« Eh ? aren't you going to tell me what happened with you and my brother ? » Mihrimah caught me off guard with her question , i wasn't even prepared to hear this from her .

Cihangir heard what she said and decided to walk away , i kept avoiding his gaze because of how awkward this was .

« I don't know what do you mean by that but , nothing happened » Mihrimah gave me a look raising her eyebrow . « You're sure ? i mean look at him » she glanced at her brother and at me .

« My brother is the crown prince , he's perfect and my fathers favorite and the people's chosen one . Don't call me crazy but i sensed that there was something between you both since the first day » I was shocked by what she was saying , she was bold and didn't hide her true words and thoughts .

«  I don't have such intentions your highness » I said trying hard to change the subject and she eventually did .

« Well if i was you , i wouldn't waste any more time » she said one last time before she sighed « Anyways » .

I was blushing so hard and i tried my best not to show it , right as we finished talking Mustafa and Yahya had already finished their duel , both of them put down their swords while breathing heavily .

Mustafa reached for a towel and gently wiped his sweat off his face , suddenly we exchanged looks . I excpected he'd look away but he didn't , he was walking towards us after exchanging some words with his brothers .

« Mihrimah , Princess it's a great day to have you here » He said kissing his sister's forehead and i just stood there like an intruder .

« We just came here to see you , but i'm leaving now i don't feel really well » she said backing away slowly .

« Rest well , i'll come see you later » he said while mihrimah waved at him leaving us both alone , at this point i thought everyone was doing this on purpose .

« Why are you going against what we said ? you're not supposed to train » i was too upset that i didn't care if we were not talking a lot .

« Crown prince duties don't wait , it's just a simple scratch if you can say » he threw the towel over his shoulder and i rolled my eyes in annoyance .

« Are you still sorting things out with your father ? » i asked crossing my arms waiting for an answer but instead he looked down at the floor and shook his head.

« Well it's going to take some time to fix but let's just hope for the best » he answered while looking somewhere , turned out he was staring at his fathers balcony .

« You can't make mistakes , good luck on that » i said stepping back a little bit « i'll leave now , don't give up » i joked while walking away slowly .

« Can i see you tonight ? » he asked so casually and i stopped in my tracks , i turned around .

« I'm not so sure about that but - yeah » i said still confused and taken aback by his question . I was definitely going to end up saying no if i sticked to my plan