Song Recommendation: Inside Out - Duster

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June 16th, 2018.

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"S-Sam, dude, please, pick up!" The brunette's shaky voice begged, clutching onto the phone as his hands shook rapidly non-stop. Heavy breathing was heard as Colby hissed in a breath, clutching his abdomen that leaked a dark liquid, a dark liquid that coated his hands and the other man's knife. Colby's back hit the wall and he cried out in pain as he felt the wound open more, shaky sobs escaping him.

The man had left him to die. Left him completely alone, vulnerable, and in horrid pain. Blurriness filled his vision as tears fell from his eyes, waiting for his best friend to answer the call. Multiple rings have gone through and nobody has picked up. 

He continued to dial the number, panicked and too fuzzy in his brain to even think about calling 911. The only person he cared about contacting was Sam. 

Colby couldn't leave this world without hearing his voice one last time.

"Fuck, fuck..." He cried, noticing the blood that used to just be on his hands now travel to the ground, soaking the fabric and the concrete slowly. Everything was going by too quickly. Shallow breaths escaped him, the heavy breathing leaving as black dots invaded his vision. 

"Hey, It's Sam, sorry I couldn't pick up your call, please call again later, thanks."

Another sob escaped Colby at that, knowing he would never be able to talk to him again. Voicemail came on once again, and Colby knew what he was going to say.

His goodbye.

With a gulp, Colby started, "H-Hey, Sam... I'm going to keep this short... o-okay?" Taking a deep breath through his nose, Colby continued, "This... is going to be a lot. I know we said we'd live-" A wince escaped him. "Our lives together... and we still will... just- not how we imagined." Gulping, Colby spoke, "I'm s-still here... and I'll be by your side... forever."

Sniffling, Colby felt the blood continuing to ooze out of his wound, leaking further and further and he felt himself drawing closer to unconsciousness. "D-Don't end the channel, p-please... I want you to continue without me." 

And with one last breath in, Colby genuinely whispered with a shaky voice, "I-I love you, man..."

His eyes closed for the last time.

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The blonde would never feel the same happiness again. 

Sam Golbach became a lost cause that day.

He couldn't find himself, never, not again. How would he? Colby Brock was the person who kept him there for years ever since band camp, and now he's gone. Ripped away from him. His best friend was dead, and he'd never get him back. He'd never find the same joy, same love, same feeling again. 

All because he didn't answer that call.

Just maybe, maybe he'd be okay if he answered that call.

But he didn't.

And now he pays the consequence.

It's all of his fault.

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"Hey, Sam, you ready to film today?" Jake's surprisingly chipper voice asked, patting Sam gently on the back as he sat on the couch beside the blonde. Shrugging, Sam looked down at the ground, his expression filled with no emotion as he couldn't find it in him to care. The only reason he kept up with the channel is because Colby wanted it--he's only doing it for Colby.

In the end, he's only alive for Colby.

 "C'mon, It'll be fun." The younger friend's voice was more gentle now as he didn't want to trigger anything; He knew if he said anything about Colby wanting him to continue the channel, Sam would break. 

Mumbling, Sam spoke, "I don't... feel like it."

Sighing, Jake nodded, leaning back and resting his head on the couch cushion--his eyes averting to the ceiling as if he were looking up at the sky. The younger male started to feel hopeless, knowing that there was a possibility he'd never be able to get Sam back. 

The only person who was able to get Sam back was Colby.

But Colby... wasn't here.

Not anymore.

"Sam..." Jake started, trailing off as he continued to look up at the ceiling. Solemn eyes gazed over at Jake in little curiosity. Gulping, he continued, "I bet he's happy... about the channel." A thick wave of emotion waved over the room, and Jake found his voice cracking a little as he imagined Colby's happy and proud smile facing them. "He wouldn't want to see you like this, man."

Those words pierced Sam quickly, stabbing him right in the heart as visions of Colby spun through his head rapidly--taunted him, taunted him of the person he no longer had, reminding him he had nobody to live for, reminding him that his life wasn't worth anything anymore-

"He's gone, Jake. Why does it matter now?" He spoke coldly, re-directing his gaze from Jake and ahead of him as he stood up from the couch. Fists clenching, Sam growled, "It's not easy to continue this anymore. Not without him."

And with that, he walked away from Jake.

A sigh escaped Jake as he shook his head sadly, rubbing his hands over his face.

God, where are you now, Colby?..

He needs you.

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A smirk appeared on Sam's face as he felt the stinging pain subside as the warm liquid fell from his wrists slowly, spotting on the cold tile floor below him. With his back along the cabinet of the sink, Sam rested his head backward, looking up at the ceiling with teary eyes and a smile on his face. 

How could he do this any longer?

The pain of the blade piercing his skin and tearing it didn't even compare to the pain of Colby; With Colby dead, the pain wouldn't ever heal, the pain would stick, reminding him in every way possible that he has failed. Failed to keep the only person he truly needed safe.

Colby needed him that night, and where was he?

Sam wasn't there for him, not at that time.

The guilt overwashed him forever, but it still didn't compare to the loss.

Colby was the only reason Sam was still holding on.

Now, there's no reason to continue.