🌸ڿڰۣ-P̠O̠V̠ P̠a̠t̠r̠i̠c̠e̠

I was trying to put the best myself forward, I think I was doing a reasonable job of it too. I was chatting with the girls at a corner of the church's wide front verandah as other attendees of Simone's funeral kept filing into the church.

I watched briefly as people found various benches on their own while Ushers guided others to places where they could be seated.

My eyes traveled to the reserve benches where we would be joining her family and other close friends and I felt my equanimity slip. I turn my attention away and look out into the busy churchyard in hope of getting some semblance of composure but as I did so my eyes came to rest on Maleek walking into the churchyard.

I felt my knees tremble in both fear and longing and my heart began to beat with such a thrill it took quite a few silent warnings to myself to remain put and not rush to him.

My eyes feasted on him.

My body leaped with awareness.

My need for him pooled into my center with such force I gasped.

My love wrapped itself around me like a bittersweet love song.

"Aunty Nikki!"

I heard rather than saw the figure that ran up to the group of us and clung to Nikki. I made out the words of the softly spoken voice as it ask Nikki to take her to a restroom.

I had eyes only for the man walking up to us.

He seemed to have eyes only for me too.

I felt my feet make a step then another but somehow I was still on the veranda and an arm was now on my lower back and a familiar voice was speaking into my ear.

I turn to Odean irritation evident in my eyes but he was oblivious to it as he was now speaking to the others. As he spoke he took my hand and I turned which caused me to press closer to him creating an intimate stance.

I made to move away; before I could pull away the small figure by Nicole called out.

"Daddy Aunty Nikki is taking me."

Medz was now at the bottom of the steps I look to see that his eyes were no longer on me. His attention was on the little girl who he smiled lovingly at as he nodded. My eyes trailed to her and Nikki as they left the group for the restroom at the back of the church.

I swallowed visibly as I automatically leaned into Odean as he spoke further. I heard nothing he said it was as if the words were clouds drifting around my face.

"Hey Medz," Kronazz said as he moved up the steps to us, and with a mind of its own my body press closer to OD's.

"Waah gwaan," he smiled and there was something about that smile that wrenched my heart further.

It was not the smile that I knew. It was a mere version of the bright and compelling grin that made you want to smile in return.

Wah yuh tink, afta the way yuh lef e man yuh believe him a guh kin out e teet wen e see yuh agen?

I backed away and mumbled I was going inside. I was not ready to face the facts and my conscience was more than ready to rub my face in the bits and pieces as to why I was in this current dismal dilemma.

Yes track star, run galang!

I hiss my teeth I was by no means up for the back-and-forth tussle with my conscience. I was barely able to keep my feelings in check after seeing Medz again much less to have this inward battle with my inner self.

I was almost at the reserved pew when I heard my name being called. I turned to see Ms. May a church sister of Mama waving me down. I resisted the urge to keep on walking and turn to her with the most polite smile I could muster.

"Could you get a few programs for us dear?"

I look at her and then at the other people sitting beside her and much to my annoyance turn around to do as she asks.

Where the hell was Petrice she was one of the persons designated to hand out programs. I scan the church looking for any other possible way of getting the programs but the two ushers I saw were way out of my reach.

Just my damn luck the usher nearest to me was standing by the door where Medz stood waiting for Nikki and his daughter's return.

"It's just three programs", Peggy I mumbled to myself as I hastily made my way to the usher but as I got closer he moved away from the door.

I sighed and turn to see if there was any other way to get the programs when I saw Deenie coming in with Odean's cousin Myopah and a few other children.

Yes, I could ask Deenie to get the program for me.

I walk towards them before they continued up the aisle to sit with the other children that would be performing an item.

"Dee---" I called but Myopah cut me off by greeting me her smile overly bright beneath her matt pink lipstick.

"Hey, Peggy."

"Hi, My."

"What a way Deenie can sing."

I was not in the mood for polite conversation. I just wanted to get the programs and sit the hell down so I started walking up the aisle to an usher that was making their way down to us.

Myopah was not keen on my disinterest so she kept up the conversation as Deenie walked ahead and went to sit at the edge of one of the pews ahead of us.

Why the damn usher nuh mek haste man! Chro!

We were now standing at Deenie's pew, and the usher standing two pews ahead in a conversation initiated me as I waited for him to continue towards us.

"She really sounds good love."

She was not exaggerating, my daughter has a lovely singing voice. I look at Deenie who smiled shyly as Myopah continued much to my annoyance.

"Girl you sure did not get it from our side of the family," she giggled.

I did my best to ignore her but Deenie who sat smiling gave her the attention she found lacking in me and she continued chatting.

"We the Davis can't sing and your father cannot hold a note to save his life."

Deenie looked from a laughing Myopah to me and then back to the woman who much to my dismay placed matters in a position I was not yet ready to step towards. Well not in this manner, I did plan on getting the truth out to her.

"Odean has you Peggy to thank for this little songbird."

I wanted to tell Deenie about Odean and get her to know him but Myopah sure took things out of hand with her babbling. I surely was not expecting this reveal at all.

I shook my head and sigh as I promptly grab a few of the programs from the usher who happen to finally wander to the bench where we were.

What was I to do or say to Deenie now?

I look from the program where Simone joyfully smiled up at me hoping to find an answer there before I look to my daughter but she was not looking at me, she was staring at Odean who sat on the other side with DD, and some friends a few pews up.

Just as I look over at him he turned and look at me his eyes questioning and I gave a slight smile before turning away only to meet the eyes of Medz.

I felt my body freeze at the pain I saw there before he looked away.

What was he thinking?

Seh yuh lef him fi yuh pickney fawdah daahhh.

I hissed my teeth at my meddling inner voice and wish for what was a million times for a chance to go back in time and fix what I have broken with Maleek.

I sighed as I turn to look at Deenie with the hope that Myopah had not further made matters worse but my daughter's attention was turned to the pallbearers of the funeral home that were wheeling Simone's casket inside.

The moderator of the service was now instructing persons that the first viewing will take place and in the next half an hour the service would commence.

I made my way to Ms. May giving her the program only to see that she had somehow gotten one. I glared at her then made my way to my place beside Nikki who wrap her arm around my shoulder and pull me to her side.

As I sat there appreciative of my friend's kind gesture my mind was in turmoil. I had my desire for Deenie to have her father in her life but my desire to love Maleek was shattered to bits.

The storm of brokenness causes a tear to roll down my cheek and I swiftly brush it away only to have another one take its place.

I had so much wanted Maleek with me after the storm has passed but I was all alone now that I stupidly walked away from him.

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Please👇

Nuff love 🇯🇲