🌸ڿڰۣ-P̠O̠V̠ P̠a̠t̠r̠i̠c̠e̠

A full week had passed since I met up with my mother. So much has happened but none of them offered me solace only minor distraction from the bitter occurrences of my mother's childhood, then in mine, and now Odeana's.

My heart was filled with a heaviness that seems to grow with each passing day. I yearned for one thing or better yet someone. I wanted his comforting touch, his unwavering support, his tenderness, and most of all his selfless love.

So weh yuh seh yuh nuh miss e sweet long joy stick to?

Bitch chill because if mi guh deh so mi boun fi av blue balls n mi nuh carry cocky.

I need to put my inner voice on a time out she sure as hell not helping.

No matter how I try to convince myself I should forget about Maleek I just could not. His smile, touch, voice, and scent mark me permanently like a tattoo.

Nights on end I wake up crying his name in regret, my pillow drenched in tears, and my body yearning for him in the most hedonistic way possible. I would never get over Maleek. He was my destined love.

If only could I turn back time and pause it on the duration when all was perfect and I was sailing in the tranquility of my romance with Maleek, but as we know life goes on and nothing can stop it.

Last Monday the community, family, and friends paid their final farewell to Ms. Murl. Mama, Petrice, and the girls all went but I stayed home locking myself away. I could not bare to face Odean or his family and neither could I offer that witch any more of my emotions.

It was like an obsticle course whenever I am to face OD and I did not yet know how to build a bond between him and Deenie. He was my cousin making his daughter his cousin too, could life get any more fuck up?

Nonetheless, Odean and I needed to come together and make Deenie knowledgeable of the facts that tarnished her existence. I did not want her to suffer, she needed to know the truth.

But how did you tell an eight-year-old her father is her cousin?

I could not even go to Mama and seek her guidance. I could not ask for her advice because Mama and I barely spoke to each other. Since my return on Sunday night, she was quiet and reserved in such a way that it seemed a literal wall was between us. The minute she was aware that Petrona had not come up with us she had pulled into a dark corner of her existence.

The storm was not yet over.

Mama and Petrona still had their bridge to build and I feared they never will. Petrona had left for the US on a 3 a.m flight hell-bent on never setting foot back in the place where she has lost her first taste of love.

It pained me that the woman who I could always run to and lose myself in her warm hugs was just as broken as me.

In less than an hour, we were going to say goodbye for good to Simone, and for the time being, I was going to use this as my excuse for shying away from dealing with the ghastly revelation of my daughter's paternity. If only my final excuse could stall the inevitable forever.

A knock sounded on my door and when I answered Petrice came in already dressed. She wore a nude high waist pencil skirt with a matching crew neck sleeveless elastic waist crop top and a black ankle strap high heel clog.

She pushed her butt-length lace wig behind her ears and stared gently at me. I watch as she walks over to me and pulls me into her arms.

"Yuh naah get ready, yuh change yuh mind?"

I lean into her and rest my head on her shoulder but quickly move when I realize my makeup could soil her top.

" Yeah, man mi just have mi dress fi put on," I told her looking at the dress I place on the bed.

"Yuh feel up to it Peggy?"

"No." I sighed.  "Mi cyaah bear fi see OD an mi nuh know how mi can see Medz n remain indifferent, mi jus cyaah badda."

"Medz coming to the funeral?"

"Yes, Nikki says he's going to be there."

Three days ago Nikki and Debs had practically pulled me from my room where I had sat with my laptop and curriculum writing lesson plans after I had no more tears to cry and could no longer commit myself to the dark pitiful and dismal place that life had pushed me.

I had told them everything and Nikki had in her boisterous persona cursed Zindi with every fiber of her being. I had to beg her not to unleash her vengeance on Medz as he was far better off making it back up with his wife if he saw it fit to give her his love.

I truly did not want that, I want to have his love only for myself. Yet with what I discovered I could not bare for him to know this dirty secret that could never be washed away in the storm.

Both Nikki and Debs had decided that a mani, pedi, and hair extensions were what we needed to take the damper off my miserable existence. Thanks to them I will not be going to Sim's funeral looking the worst for wear.

I smile slightly as I pull the better parts of the past week to memory to use them to take me away from my pain but in this, I came to remember that Kronazz and Debs are back together and very much happy.

My smile faltered. How could I envy my friend her happiness? Was I such an empty selfish being? As these questions filled my head I was pulled further into my slough of despondency.

"Get dressed an come. Mi a guh out a front with Blakka."

I nod and after she left I remove my house dress took the irregular hem, button down long-sleeve dress from the bed and started to get ready. I look at my reflection.

Yep, this is it. Time to step out of the dark hole life has pushed me in.

Time fi face e music Peggy gyal, an yuh affi duh it before OD guh back a foreign. Stop hide fra things yuh need fi rise up . Yuh run too much. Yuh can't out run a storm yuh affi face up to it.

Pep talk over with I left the room and walk right into Deenie that was leaving Mama's room. My heart sped like a locomotive in my chest as eyes so familiar stared back at me and lips parted in a loving smile.

'Mummy yuh c how mi sweet," she said twirling around her chiffon infinity tie dress billowing around her stocking feet.

"Come give yuh mummy some sugar," I said opening my arms for let to enter.

I hugged her to me tightly and my love for her blossomed more. I felt my eyes fill with tears but I willed them not to fall as I inhaled her smell of chamomile and jasmine.

"I love you so much," I whispered kissing her soft cheek before releasing her to gaze at her face.

"I love you too," she said smiling sweetly back at me.

I had to do it. I had to let her know about her father. Whatever the circumstance she deserves to know. It was also better she heard it from me before she heard it elsewhere.

"Come let's go tell Aunty Sims bye and after that, I am going to let you meet your father."

She stared at me and then at the door where Mama was now standing. I turn my attention to Mama but she only walk away her face a hard veneer of pain.

"Mama!"

She never turn around to acknowledge she heard me calling.

Lord help me, please...mi need some beauty from the ashes, please! I can't rummage through the rumble and come out with nothing. There has to be something that mi can salvage out a d aftermath...

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Please👇

Nuff love 🇯🇲