genre - ⅓ fluff + ⅓ angst + ⅓ slice of life
word count - 2.7k
date - 17 october 2021

status - unedited

sypnosis - in which alyssa is up late at night because she has worries and for the first time, she tells taehyung about them.

warnings - very brief mentions of sex (it's literally only two sentences), taehyung being the bf ever, just taelyssa being your cute fav otp, fluff overload, you may cry a little (???)

author's note - 2700+ words & 957 repeats of my universe by coldtan later. y'all better hype this chapter up bc i sacrificed three days of sleep just to write it <\3

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

A HALF ASLEEP TAEHYUNG extended a tired arm to draw Alyssa's sleeping figure closer to his body, this was a habit that he had developed since they had began sleeping together in the same bed. There was something about holding Alyssa's body close to his and stroking her hair as he did so that oddly calmed him.

The only problem was that instead of grasping her, he was met with an empty space. He tugged the frigid duvet to the side, his lips forming a pout as he wondered where the Cuban-Korean had gone.

Taehyung instantly shot up, reaching out for his cellphone, which had been residing on the nightstand next to the bed. He pressed his phone's power button, squinting his eyes as soon as they made contact with the phone's high contrast. Taehyung looked at the phone screen, his mouth curling into a slight frown as he saw what time it was.

2:50AM.

He stood up from the bed, a surge of coldness rushing over him as he left the warm duvet due to his lack of clothing- he was only wearing a vest and his boxers because he thought it was a comfortable outfit to sleep in.

As his feet landed on the cold marble tiles, Taehyung's jaw tightend. He walked out of their shared bedroom and into the living room, his expression solemn but the corner of his lips twitching as soon as he noticed Alyssa reclining on the couch with a bowl of ice cream on her lap, softly laughing at the silly cartoon playing on the the television.

Taehyung silently stood there for a minute or so, listening to the reveberating sound of Alyssa's high-pitched laugh. She may have had a loud and obnoxious laugh to some people, but he didn't notice it because her laugh was his absolute favourite sound, he would listen to her laugh all day if possible.

As he was staring at her, Taehyung took note of the fact that she was wearing her glasses rather than her contact lenses. Personally, he thought Alyssa looked stunning in both but, truth be told, he had a preference for her in glasses.

Reason being, He revered her hazel-blue coloured eyes because Alyssa's eyes looked like planet Saturn encompassed by little bits of the night sky, making them an eathereal sight, especially when put in the sun. He had never seen prettier eyes in his entire life, and he could gaze into those hazel pools for hours on end.

He also observed that Alyssa was wearing one of his oversized hoodies and that her black hair, which had one pink streak on the side, was tossed into a disheveled bun, with hair threads hanging out all over the place. Even with her unkempt hair, Taehyung thought she was the most beautiful lady he had ever seen.

He couldn't help but wonder if Alyssa would always look like this if they had children together and if---

"Taehyung?" Alyssa inquired, turning around to face him after sensing his presence behind her. "I hope my laughter didn't wake you up," she said, her tone low and an apologetic expression painted on her face.

"Oh no, not at all, love. If anything, I was woken up by the fact that you were not beside me when I wanted to cuddle you," Taehyung reassured her with a small smile on his face as he approached the couch that she was sitting on.

"So, what are you doing up this late?" Taehyung asked, his voice full of genuine curiosity.

"I couldn't sleep, so now I'm attempting to sleep by watching a cartoon and eating ice cream." She explained as she placed the metal spoon in her bowl to scoop more ice cream.

Alyssa said, after a few moments of silence, "Now it's my turn to ask you a question. What had you been thinking about that had caused you to remain so silent that even I couldn't hear you?"

"I was thinking about a lot of things, and one of them was how wonderful of a mother you'll be one day." He reminisced about his previous thoughts.

Alyssa's face changed into a frown as soon as she heard Taehyung utter those words. Since that fateful cold night when they conversed about their future together and made the momentous choice to attempt to have a family together, the couple had been trying for a child. This discussion took place more than two months ago.

So, they had been trying for a baby but their efforts were unsuccessful. Within the past two months, Alyssa had utilized more pregnancy tests than she would've ever thought she would use in her whole life.

Alyssa would wait an hour or two after each time she and Taehyung had engaged in sexual intercourse before heading to the bathroom to check for a positive pregnancy test.

The result would always be negative.

Alyssa felt devestated every time she saw the singular pink line on the white stick. In all honesty, with each negative pregnancy test she saw, Alyssa was gradually losing the hope and motivation for having a baby. At that point, she was only making an attempt because she couldn't bear to tell Taehyung that she was throwing in the towel.

As a matter of fact, Alyssa would often remind herself of how happy and enthusiastic Taehyung sounded whenever he spoke about beginning a family with her every time she'd feel the urge to not take the test.

Alyssa also convinced herself that Taehyung always went to such great lengths just to see a smile on her face, so it made her feel guilty that she wasn't able to provide him with the one thing he desired, a kid. She saw herself as a complete loser who didn't even deserve a wonderful guy like Taehyung.

This whole situation had bothered her for quite some time and it was still doing so. In fact, it was the reason why Alyssa had remained awake; she couldn't sleep because she kept seeing the words 'you're a failure' or 'you don't deserve him' written in large red letters every time she closed her eyes.

"What's the matter, Lyss?" When Taehyung noticed the immediate difference in Alyssa's facial expressions, he inquired with concern written all over his face.

Alyssa sat her ice cream bowl on the coffee table and chewed her lower lip as she examined the white marble tiles on the floor. She began to twiddle her thumbs, a habit that she had developed when she was either stressed or bored.

"Nothing is wrong, and even if it were, it wouldn't be important. You of all people should know how I have a tendency to overthink things and make them into a big deal when in reality, they don't even matter."

"Sweetheart, we've already discussed this." Taehyung sighed and ruffled his hair with his fingers. "The fact that you're an overthinker doesn't decide the validity of your feelings. We've also spoken about how you should come to me if you're experiencing negative emotions so we can talk about it and work through it together."

Taehyung always asked Alyssa what was wrong each time she showed indications of being sad, and she would always respond with 'it's not important/it doesn't matter' or 'I always overthink things so I could be blowing things out of proportion'. To be honest, this made Taehyung's heart ache since witnessing someone you care about repeatedly cast themselves down is one of the most unpleasant sentiments imaginable.

Furthermore, he despised Alyssa's penchant of keeping things to herself rather than telling anyone. Taehyung wished she would tell him instead of keeping everything to herself because as her boyfriend, all he wanted to do was support her and be there for her at all times.

"Tae, it's not that simple. I know that I've gotten better at talking about my feelings over time, but I still find it difficult." This statement was really true since when Taelyssa started dating two years ago, Alyssa would often bottle up her emotions, but things have improved because she had begun to open out to him a lot more.

"You know what," Taehyung sighed once more as he extended his hand to clasp hers. "We'll talk about that later. Right now, I want to know what's bothering you so we can talk about it." He said as he raised Alyssa's chin with his other hand, making sure that she was gazing at him straight in the eyes.

Alyssa stared at him blankly for a few seconds, as if she were pondering about something difficult. She was debating on whether she should tell Taehyung the real cause for her sudden shift in facial expressions or if she should simply lie. She then concluded that telling him the truth, even though it might've hurt him, was the best course of action because lying would've done more harm than good.

After making her decision, she told him about how she was gradually losing hope for having a child, as well as how much of a failure she had been feeling for the past few weeks - in short, Alyssa told him about everything she was feeling while Taehyung sat there, stroking her hair and listening attentively without interrupting.

After he sensed that she was done speaking, he sympathetically said, "I understand where you're coming from, but patience is the key, Lyss. These things take time, and they usually don't happen overnight."

Alyssa had confided in her mother about the issue a week before, and her mother had given her the same response as Taehyung. Of course, she realized that babies take time to conceive in the majority of circumstances, and she agreed with both of them, but Alyssa had always been impatient. Her impatience stemed from her background, since she grew up in a privileged environment where she could get whatever she wanted at the click of her fingers, so she wasn't used to waiting.

"I guess you're right," Alyssa admitted, realising that patience might be the key to solving everything. "And a small part of me was just terrified that you'd leave me and find someone who could give you children at a faster rate," she said, her gaze falling to the ground as she expressed her worries.

Taehyung furrowed his brows, visibly perplexed as to the source of Alyssa's skepticism---and then it struck him like lightning. He recalled her coming out of a toxic relationship in which her ex-boyfriend cheated on her because she refused to sleep with him since she was waiting for the right guy.

He realised that she was still in pain as a result of what happend. When dealing with someone who has experienced pain in the past, he understood that you have to be patient and kind.

He softly placed his hands around Alyssa's waist and gently pulled her up onto his lap. He pressed his forehead against hers, looked her in the eyes, and whispered, "I hope you know that I would never even dream of doing that, Lyss," he paused to brush a loose strand of her hair out of her face, "I wish you could see yourself the way that I see you, because, you'd realise that I've fallen for you too much for me to leave you."

He then went on to say, "And, while I'd prefer for us to have a child together, I'm equally fine with us not having any. I'm good with whatever you want, Lyss. I'd never want to risk pushing you away or losing you because you're the best thing that has ever happened to me, and will ever happen to me."

"You're such a sap," Alyssa teased, a little smile on her face as she poked him in the shoulder.

"True, but I'm your sap...isn't that what makes me special?"

She pretended to think by placing her hand on her chin. "I guess so."

They both proceeded to look at each other lovingly, their foreheads pressed together, and they breathed in each other's air for a couple of moments. "But in all seriousness, Alyssa, you truly are the best thing that has ever happened to me," Taehyung said after a few minutes of silence.

"I love you, Tae."

"And I love you so much more," he replied, placing a kiss on her forehead.

Alyssa yawned and reached for her phone, which was on the coffee table in front of her. She unlocked it and checked the time.

4:03AM.

"You think we should go to sleep, Tae?"

He was ready to say yes until he noticed the bucket of ice cream on the table in front of them. "Instead, how about we enjoy ice cream while watching cartoons? It may be fun."

Alyssa shrugged, not really wanting to answer no. "Okay then, go get yourself a spoon and a bowl from the kitchen."

Taehyung then rose up, went into the kitchen and made a beeline to the drawer containing all of the utensils, and took a spoon before reaching for the top cupboard to obtain a bowl. He returned to the couch after that and scooped some ice cream for himself.

While watching cartoons together, the pair proceeded to silently consume their ice cream while enjoying each other's company.

***

"You know what I find odd?" Taehyung inquired, breaking the comfortable silence that had descended upon the couple.

"No, but I'm assuming that you'll tell me know." Alyssa answered with her mouth stuffed with chocolate ice cream.

"I'm perplexed as to why you say 'I love you' to your friends and family and still repeat the same words to your partner. Saying it to other people compared to your significant other are two different things. Once you say that you're in love with someone, it contains a much more profound meaning. When you say that you're in love with someone, it implies that you cherish everything about that individual; their intellect, soul, body- practically everything, including their imperfections."

"Woah, that's deep," Alyssa exclaimed as she scooped another spoonful of ice cream. "So, are you about to tell me that you're madly in love with Gucci or something?" She teased, a little grin on her face.

"No, but I'm in love with someone who has previously endorsed the brand," he absent-mindedly replied.

"Wait, what are you sayi-"

"What I'm trying to say is that I'm in love with you, Alyssa Castillo- Actually, I'm madly in love with you."

She averted her focus from the TV screen and toward the boy seated beside her. Alyssa locked her gaze onto him, her mind still attempting to process the words that he had just said to her. Yes, they had said 'I love you' to each other incalculable times but, this one was far more significant than the others because of the words that Taehyung had previously uttered.

After several seconds of stillness, Taehyung decided to speak up, "Lyss, it's okay, you don't have t-"

Alyssa placed her index finger on his lips, preventing him from finishing his sentence. "And I'm madly in love with you, Kim Taehyung."

When Taehyung heard her speak those words, he tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, and took the bowl of ice cream she was holding and placed it on the coffee table. He drew her body closer to his, tenderly caressing her cheek before softly pressing his lips on hers.

"I'm in love with you. A lot. I'm in love with you a lot. It's impossible not to be," He whispered against her lips as his forehead was pressed against hers.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

there's something about taelyssa eating ice cream while watching cartoons together in their underwear at 4am that makes my heart go: 💖💓💘💘💓💞💓💖💗💖💘💗💞💘💓💗💞

  + and before i forget, i would like to credit not_your_mum for inspiring the last scene in this chapter. check out her works, she's amazing! <3
- tee x