THE BEST WAY TO SAY GOODBYE ━━━━
march 14th , 2014 ‎    in which syunji
& jun spend their last night && an
interview follows shortly after the
incident.

CONTENT WARNINGS ━━━━
mention of sex , mention of
death , abuse , homophobia ,
&& sad syunji :(

  ‎   ‎   ‎ SYUNJI stretched his arms out long enough to touch the edge of the window sill , tapping his fingers along the wood slightly. right as he had tried sitting up , he felt the arms that were around him before pushing him back down to the bed. he laughed. "jun," he sighed out , a slight whine in his voice.

jun didn't budge , keeping syunji basically pinned down to the bed with him. "don't go," he mumbled into his bare shoulder with a small kiss pressed to it. "please," he added , almost sounding a little hurt at the fact that syunji had to leave him.

syunji rarely got to spend the night with jun. as far as jun's mother knew , they were just friends and bandmates , and that's all that he wanted her to know anyways. but syunji's mother knew. it was a little bit of a shock to the woman , when syunji had came out to her two years before he started dating the older. shocked or not , she was accepting. and that was more than jun could say about his own mother.

jun's mother was strict , cold , and abusive. not just to jun , but to his younger brother miyoshi as well. and that is what really pissed jun off. she could beat on jun and yell at him all she wanted but the second she switched her attention to miyoshi , he would lose it. because of all this , it was hard for syunji to ever spend the nights at jun's , but thankfully , she was out of town. just for one night. syunji wished he knew this was their last sooner.

"i'm sorry , jun. mama wanted me home hours ago," he smiled weakly , hoping she hadn't been too nervous about why he was taking so long to come home. "i'd love to take you with me-"

"please , please take me. i'll be quiet , she'll barely know i'm there," jun interrupted with a bright yet sleepy smile , sitting up and having to pull up the covers over his lower half afterwards. "and i'll do chores , and walk your dog , and keep you company at night~"

this made syunji laugh a little , looking up at him with slightly crinkled eyes from how much he was smiling. jun always made him so happy. "you put up a good bargain. but i must decline," he denied dramatically, finally sitting up. and this time , jun didn't pull him down. "i had...a really nice night with you , jun," syunji told him , cupping the side of his boyfriend's pale and always bruised neck. "i hope we can have more soon."

"i do too , ji," jun muttered in agreement , kissing the closest finger to his jaw. syunji smiled at this , reaching under the bed for his discarded clothing , sitting up off the bed and changing. he rolled his eyes , head tilting back in a playful annoyance when he felt jun's arms wrap around him. "you're being difficult."

"i know," jun admitted. he slowly took his arms away , a sudden uneasy feeling growing over him. oh , if only syunji had noticed. if only he had paid more attention. if only he had taken him home. "i know," jun repeated , with another kiss to his lover's back. "i'll love you to the grave , ji. you're my shining star , my life , my world."

the younger turned to face him once he finished putting on his clothes. he cupped his cheek, kissing him longingly. just like their usual hugs or kisses , they were always long , and lasted a good while. "bye , jun," syunji bid his goodbye with a smile , picking up his handbag , not without putting a few filled lined papers inside , that had new lyric ideas to a song scribbled all over that the two were brainstorming earlier yesterday. so far , the title for it was 'butterfly.'

jun watched him leave , that usual glow in his eyes , gone. he brushed back his long hair , hand resting on his neck. he gave syunji a weak smile. "bye , ji. i love you," he whispered.

"i love you too."

if only syunji had realized why jun was so upset. if only he had known that jun knew he wasn't going to be safe when his mother came home. if only he knew they hadn't disabled the ourdoor cameras soon enough that had caught syunji coming inside. syunji will probably continue to blame himself , and think about the 'if only's' , forever.

march 31st , 2014

  ‎   ‎   ‎" TODAY , i am sitting down with ando syunji , vocalist and songwriter for the rock band "pentalogy." syunji , thank you for joining us today."

syunji's eyes danced over to the camera facing him , then back to the reporter sitting in front of him. his legs were crossed and covered by a pair of white jeans - the same jeans he wore when - no , no - he couldn't keep doing this to himself. he had to stop. but it was so hard , not to think about it. not to relate every bit of himself to that day. especially since he was going to be talking about it for the next hour and a half.

"of course."

"now , syunji , we know this is a very sensitive topic for you so , if you need a break at any time , please , don't be afraid to let us know." the amount of breaks syunji would probably need were uncountable , even though he'd had to talk about what happened , so many times. talk about jun so many times. to investigators , writers , reporters. . . he was so tired of talking.

"first , i'd like to start off and say i am so sorry for your loss. jun was an amazing young man."

"yeah. . . i know."

"now that jun is gone , how is the band? will you all be staying together?" the woman asked , fixing her glasses and looking down once more at her notepad for the next question she'd be asking him. "no , no , we um. . . we've decided to release one more song. a song for jun. but , after that we'll all be going our own ways," syunji explained with a weak smile and a nod. "this band was his idea , after all. i'm sure we'll all stay involved with music just not together." his hands rested on his thighs , his palms coated in sweat. was his forehead sweating too? his neck? was it visible how nervous he was?

"i see. we can't wait to hear your final song."

"thank you."

"now , tell us about jun. your relationship with him. your favorite memories. anything you can think of."

syunji smiled again. but this time it wasn't weak , or halfway , or forced. "oh. . . wow there's. . . there's so many good ones, i- i could talk for hours," syunji laughed , which reminded him of jun. "that's one thing about him. he. . . always knew how to make me smile. he told the best jokes. i was always able to laugh genuinely around him.

"and we would go on lots of walks , or hikes or picnics. . . and think of new lyrics for songs together."

the reporter smiled. "you were very fond of him," she commented. syunji nodded a few times. "yeah. yeah , he was. . . he is my everything," he corrected.

"you're very brave , coming here and sharing your relationship with him to the world. it takes a lot of guts. i'm sure he's proud."

this made his eyes start to water a little. damn. he didn't know he'd need his tissues this early on. he picked one up , dabbing his eyes lightly. that would be my only wish. making him proud of me," he whispered , voice cracking at the end of his sentence.

"the last time you saw him," the reporter started , flipping her notes after a lick to her finger tip. "can you describe it to us?"

syunji let out a breath. he glanced out the window , at the bright sun shining in through the transparent , white curtains in the almost empty studio. he felt himself smile , just a little. even though syunji felt he could have prevented his death , just maybe even by a few days , he was proud to know that the last things they said to each other , was about their love for the other.

like jun would always say about syunji , syunji will love jun to his grave. jun was his shining star , his life , his world. he didn't think he'd ever find that again. he didn't know it yet , but his depression would get better. he would find another , kind hearted , tender man who would let syunji grieve. who would sing with him like jun had , who would make syunji a better man, and feel what love was again.

but he would still always , always love his jun.

"we said we loved each other," syunji shrugged , still smiling as tears rolled down his cheeks , looking back at the reporter. "it was the best way to say goodbye."

so sorry for the angsty chapter but let's be honest, it wouldn't be something about syunji if it didn't make u sad </3