I never wanted this to happen.

Numb to all the impressions around her, Larkwing stumbled out of the camp. She only felt the crumbly earth between her toes and heard her loud, ragged breathing.

How could she ever erase Phoebe's horribly frightened face from her memory? Only now did she realise how much she had grown fond of the little dark brown and white tabby tomkit. Not to mention Amaranth and Crystal. Ever since she had rescued the three of them from the tree, they seemed to adore her as well.

But now everything was different. She was turning into a living horror and had no idea how long it would take before she finally lost herself completely.

Without a specific destination in mind, Larkwing wandered around the forest in a zigzag pattern. She knew that despite everything, she had to carry out the task she had set herself, but her head was literally buzzing with thoughts.

The worst part was that it seemed incredibly nerve-wracking. She didn't even want to worry so much. If she could, she would simply distract herself, as she always did. It was just unfortunate that this time, nothing helped.

Suddenly, her front paws stepped into thin air, and before she knew it, she was up to her neck in a stream. "StarClan-damned mousedung!" she hissed irritably and jumped out of the water. Her pelt was heavy and wet, sticking to her body. She shook herself vigorously to dry off.

Cautiously, she scanned her surroundings. Hopefully no one had seen her literally overlook a stream because of her carelessness!

Shivering from the cold water, she collapsed on the shore. She had never felt so lonely before. It was as if she were the only cat in the whole world.

I wish Lakepelt were here. A deep, aching longing came over Larkwing. Since they had met again a few nights ago, when he had confessed that he wanted her to be his platonic mate, her affection for him seemed to have grown even stronger. Every moment she could be with him made her forget reality.

It was crazy, because she never would have dreamt that she could love another cat so much that she couldn't bear to be apart from them. Subconsciously, she had always assumed that only romantic love could be so strong. Despite her clear rejection of anything to do with it, she had sometimes secretly wondered if she was just fooling herself. What cat told their best friends that they loved them? What cat licked their best friends on the muzzle?

At the same time, she was aware that she didn't have to let herself be pigeonholed. If she was disgusted by romance and could still feel love, then so be it. For many other cats, differences in relationships might be black and white and clearly defined, but she was slowly realising that it could be much more colourful and complicated.

Finally having certainty was a real relief. Besides, she didn't mind the new term as much as she thought she would. They were simply platonic mates — at least until they could think of a better term.

However, she had to admit that it already sounded perfect to her ears. Why did they need complicated words when there was a simpler way?

The only serious problem was making it clear to the other cats. The thought of it darkened Larkwing's mood again. If it were up to her, her relationship with Lakepelt would be nobody's business. But she realised that some cats probably assumed they were romantic mates.

She reluctantly recalled the embarrassing moment when Leafwind had assumed she was into Lakepelt. At the time, she had felt so angry that she hadn't had the nerve to explain everything calmly.

Just because you lick each other's fur doesn't mean you want to procreate! Larkwing's tail twitched tensely through the rustling leaves.

After sitting motionless for a while, she tore herself away from her thoughts and trotted on. A slight joy flowed through her at the prospect of participating in battle training. This time, everything would surely go well. She wouldn't make the same mistake again.

She glanced around furtively. When she was sure there were no cats nearby, she did a few jumps in the air, circled a tree trunk and climbed up the next one, pushing off from one branch to catapult herself to the next.

It's so wonderful to be a forest cat! Crouching low, Larkwing balanced on the branch until she reached the top. In this small part of the forest, the trees stood close together, perfect for jumping from one to the next.

Larkwing aimed for the long branch of the tree opposite. If she wanted to land safely, she had to take as much momentum as possible. She felt along her branch with her paws until she found a firm grip, then pushed off powerfully with her hind legs.

The branch sprang beneath her and she stretched out as far as she could. Before she knew it, she landed in the next tree. She quickly unsheathed her claws and moved her tail around to regain her balance.

A happy purr escaped from her throat. This is really fun! Why have I never tried this before? At the same moment, she could answer the question herself. It was simply too risky. One wrong paw step, one misjudged distance, and she would seriously injure herself.

In her mind's eye, she saw Crowshadow's grotesquely twisted hind leg. With a shudder that made the hair on her back stand on end, she quickly returned to the ground. She could hardly imagine what it was like to injure a leg so badly that she could no longer use it.

Near a fern, Larkwing sniffed the scent of Cirrus, Dove and Swamp. Judging by the intensity, they had passed by here only recently, possibly on their way to their training hollow.

As Larkwing followed the trail, she couldn't help but wonder how Dove and Swamp would react to her. She was still far from being able to match every name and personality to every single ruin cat.

Eventually she found the three she-cats in a sandy hollow. Her gaze automatically wandered to Dove and Swamp. They were practically identical in stature and eye colour. Both were small and exceptionally petite, and their irises were a shiny, dark copper colour, like a brown pebble washed smooth by water.

The light grey tabby of them was the first to notice Larkwing's arrival. Her eyes narrowed and she rose to her slender paws. "Well, look who's joining us," she purred slowly as she scrutinised the tortico she-cat piercingly with an expression of scorn. "The wild cat. The so-called 'warrior' who thinks she can treat she-cats like toms and teach them how to fight."

Larkwing wrinkled her muzzle in confusion. Wild cat? Is that supposed to be an insult? She could already feel her claws twitching beneath her paws.

"Stop it, Dove!" the brown she-cat with the black speckles meowed in between. "Cirrus told us to listen to everything Larkwing tells us." At these words, she blinked at Cirrus. "Besides-"

"You'd rather follow the words of a stranger? One who thinks she can impose her false views on us?" Dove scoffed.

Swamp winced. "Besides, I believe Larkwing. Everything she's told us. That Sunray is a kind of special Soul— I meant Shadowless. And that she has turned our campmates against us. How else do you explain the night they attacked us, as if they had forgotten all their memories?"

"You can't just let it go, can you?" Dove snarled. "Once again, you've given me a reason to be ashamed of being related to you."

With growing impatience, Larkwing's tail tip began to twitch. "By the way, I'm right next to you, in case you've forgotten!" she snapped harshly.

At the same time, Dove and Swamp stopped growling at each other. While the latter lowered her head and licked her lips appeasingly, Dove continued to glare at Larkwing.

Instead of paying any further attention to her, Larkwing turned her back on the two cats and turned to Cirrus. "How has the training been going so far?"

Cirrus took a deep breath in and out, resignation evident in her tired expression. "I'm sorry, really," she sighed. "At sunrise, Splashfur showed us the techniques we were supposed to go through today. But when we were left alone, Dove refused to do anything the whole time."

Anger welled up in Larkwing. "And she didn't listen to you? You're her leader, aren't you?" she whispered so that Dove wouldn't hear.

"About that..." Suddenly, Cirrus seemed almost embarrassed. "I'm afraid she doesn't see me as a leader. More cats may soon follow suit. I'm sure of it. For a while now, they've been treating me like a normal cat. They prefer to ask each other for advice rather than me. Every time I try to say something to them, they pretend not to hear me. Tell me, what am I doing wrong?"

Slightly overwhelmed by this confession, Larkwing stepped back. "You can't just let them get away with that! You have to fight back!"

But Cirrus just shook her head.

I don't believe it! How are the ruin cats supposed to survive if they don't even obey their leader? Larkwing glanced behind her. "Is that true?" she demanded of Swamp, who was closest to her.

The brown she-cat flinched violently, as if she had just fallen into a thorn bush. "Y-you'd better ask Dove," she croaked in a squeaky voice.

When her name was mentioned, Dove fluffed up her fur. "Give me one good reason why I should trust Cirrus, when she was Sunray's closest confidante and has now taken over her role!"

Larkwing's mouth hung open in disbelief. She had heard with her own ears that Cirrus had cursed Sunray for her betrayal. Dove couldn't possibly be serious.

"What are you meowing about?" Larkwing objected vehemently, hot with anger. "If you seriously believe that Cirrus is just like Sunray, you are sorely mistaken! She only wants the best for you. Her shared past with Sunray means nothing to her anymore. Isn't that right, Cirrus?"

Cirrus twitched an ear. "How can you say that?" she whispered. Her jaw trembled slightly, as if she wanted to say something else, but no sound came out of her mouth.

"Please, Dove, you're getting upset over nothing!" Swamp interjected again. "The Shadowless will be back soon, and you have nothing better to do than rebel against everything you don't like!"

With bared fangs, Dove whirled around to face her. "Be quiet! It's just shameful how you blindly follow everything you're told. That's what happens when you can never think for yourself. Don't you realise that everything that our ancestors worked so hard to build is being taken away from us?"

"Do me a favour and listen to me!" Larkwing interrupted her. "I never wanted to tell you how to live. But everything has changed-"

"You're wrong." Dove's voice was low and pressed. "We've survived on the same principles for many leaf-changes. Even if you have spoken the truth and the Soulless are indeed coming back, we still don't need your so-called help."

All at once, Larkwing felt as if she were on fire — flames of immeasurable anger that engulfed and possessed her. It was enough. Dove had had long enough to change her rigid views.

She hardly realised what happened next. It was more as if she became a completely different cat. Little by little, all the hairs in her pelt stood up, which was filled with a strange, unpleasantly prickling sensation from paws to tail tip.

"Go. Go away and don't come back," she heard the strange words coming from her own mouth.

Dove gasped in disbelief. "You can't be serious! Nobody tells me what to do, and certainly not you!"

Undeterred, Larkwing pressed her claws into the ground. "Get away from here before I make you."

Swamp leapt forward, her eyes wide. "Don't hurt her! Please!" she begged.

Once again, the familiar throbbing made itself felt in Larkwing. Quietly and faintly, doubts arose in her mind. Swamp was right. She shouldn't hurt Dove.

I don't want to hurt her. That wouldn't do any good. I want her to learn to trust me. Larkwing pressed her ears to her head and backed away.

A smug expression appeared on Dove's face and she licked a forepaw. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have better things to do than let cats tell me I can learn to fight."

With these words, she turned and stalked off. All tension promptly fell away from Larkwing. Her paws gave way beneath her from exhaustion.

What was happening with her? First she hurt Topaz and now she was about to chase Dove away. The fact that she had turned into a Shadowless had to be the only reason. She couldn't explain it any other way.

Deep in thought, Larkwing realised too late that a blur of grey lightning flashed past her. Not a heartbeat later, a screech pierced her ear canals.

Swamp howled. "No, stop! What are you doing?"

The smell of fresh blood hit Larkwing's nostrils, and she finally saw what was happening.

Snarling and growling, Cirrus lashed out at Dove with her claws unsheathed, with a speed and precision that was extraordinarily impressive for an untrained cat.

Every time a piece of fur was torn out and small drops of blood trickled down her body, Dove let out a shrill cry of pain. Her body jerked violently as she tried in vain to drag herself away.

As if spellbound, Larkwing could not take her eyes off the scene. Involuntarily, she spread her claws herself. Her body grew warmer and warmer, seemed to burn the more she felt Dove's despair.

"Stop it, Cirrus! This isn't right! Can't you see you're hurting her?" Swamp's horrified scream cut through the air, but did not reach Larkwing.

Don't just stand there. This cat is an easy target. Go on, make use of the abilities we've given you. Whispered and faint as mist, the words echoed in Larkwing's head. She felt stings in her flanks, as if countless claws were digging into them.

"My claws into her throat," Larkwing murmured in a husky, toneless voice, staggering forward.

That was what they wanted — the will of the tentacles and the Shadowtakers.

No, it was much more than that. It was what she herself wanted. An urge that came from deep within her. She had to follow it.

I have to... I want... Larkwing's gaze fixed on Dove. Nothing else mattered to her. Here and now, she had only one goal.

She ducked down, pressing her hind paws into the ground to get ready to pounce. In her mind's eye, she was already visualising what would happen in the next moment: Dove, lying lifeless in a fresh pool of shiny, dark red blood that was constantly spurting from her body, which had been shredded beyond recognition. Larkwing herself, as she had done the will of the Shadowtakers and fulfilled their wish.

And then — a booming silence. The voices fell silent. The whole world lost its sounds. Dizziness overcame Larkwing, her vision blurred, and before she knew it, her paws gave way beneath her.

Her head ached and throbbed as if someone was hitting it with stones. With great effort, she tried to lift it, but she felt as if her head had become a rock itself.

"Larkwing?" Someone called her name. A blurred silhouette moved towards her, barely distinguishable from the bright light that surrounded her.

"Be careful, Cirrus," another voice warned. "I haven't got the slightest clue what's going on with her and I don't think I even want to know."

Confused, Larkwing turned her ears to the sides, trying to make out where the voice was coming from, when suddenly, without any warning, she felt a touch on her shoulder. As if struck by lightning, she hissed and lashed out blindly with her front paw.

"Ow, damn it! By my whiskers, come back to yourself!" Cirrus scolded.

What? 'Ow'? Did I just... Larkwing blinked repeatedly until she could see Cirrus clearly in front of her. "Where did Dove go?" she mumbled dazedly.

Cirrus heaved a sigh. A long drawn out sigh, as if a heavy burden was finally falling away from her. "Gone. I sent her away," she meowed simply.

Larkwing's eyes were wide open. "Sent her away?" she repeated. "She'll be back, won't she? What about training?"

At these words, Cirrus scratched her paws uncertainly. "No, I banished her," she clarified.

"No way!" Larkwing gasped, expecting Cirrus to correct herself in a moment. She couldn't just banish Dove like that! Even among the ruin cats, there had to be fixed rules that determined under what circumstances a cat could be excluded.

But Cirrus shook her head. "That's how it was. Unfortunately, I had no other choice. She would only have continued to refuse to take part in the training, slowing everything down. That... I couldn't have let that happen. In the end, it would have ended like that time when... when..."

Grief shone in Cirrus's eyes and her voice grew quieter and quieter until it finally died away.

Larkwing realised in dismay that she might have been right. She, too, had actually wanted Dove to disappear.

A cold shiver immediately ran down her spine. But was it really her at that moment? Those hateful thoughts that had haunted her only a few heartbeats ago - they never, ever reflected her true self.

The only logical answer was that the shadowless part of her had regained the upper paw and controlled her. As this dawned on her, her breathing quickened, faltering. What have I done to deserve this? Please, I just want my normal life back. I would give anything for that...

"Um, Larkwing?" Cirrus crouched in front of her, head tilted. "Did you even hear what I said?"

"You said what?" Larkwing asked helplessly as she tried to remember what Cirrus might have said.

With a heavy sigh, the grey and cream she-cat sat up. "I said that you should go back to camp and rest," she explained in a slightly annoyed tone. "You've overworked yourself quite a bit in the last few days. No, don't say anything now," she meowed quickly as Larkwing tried to open her mouth to reply. "Do you know what I think? I think Sunray has severely traumatised you. By catching you and tying you up for a whole day and leaving you without prey and water. By destroying Crowshadow's leg to the point of uselessness in your presence and giving you that strange scar. That's what changed you, isn't it?"

Not a word came out of Larkwing's mouth, though her head was pounding with countless thoughts. It was very true that what Sunray had done and wanted to do to her had shocked her in the most extreme way. Not a night went by that she didn't think about it.

"I..." She swallowed hard. "Yes, I think that's the reason."

For now, it was probably for the best if the cats thought she was acting so belligerent because of her trauma. And maybe it would help her herself, too, if she convinced herself of that.

Cirrus let out a sympathetic coo. "Go and rest," she repeated forcefully. "I appreciate your eagerness and willingness to teach us how to fight, but..." She hesitated for a moment. "But you'd only be putting us in danger that way."

That had hit home. Her words, though they were the truth, stung like icicles through Larkwing's heart. They don't trust me. They think I'm a danger. And the worst thing is, they're right. Why? Why... why... why can't I suppress this urge?

Her cold, ragged heart pounded against her ribcage, as if trying to free itself from the shell that was her body, as she slowly shuffled backwards — away from Cirrus's and Swamp's far too serious gazes.