Chapter 26
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"YOU FANCY CHARLIE? Ron's brother?"

"I do not fancy him! I just...he's a good looking bloke, isn't he?"

Adhara wrinkled her nose. Good looking? The man had two eyes, a nose and a mouth. Red hair and a set of legs and arms. Quite a regular looking chap, if you asked Adhara. But then again, did she even find anyone good looking? What did that even mean?

She supposed he could be aesthetically pleasing to look at, like how sunsets were nice, or morning dew on leaves. But she doesn't think that was what Harry meant here.

"Is that why you keep staring at him every time you meet him? Are you going to do that tomorrow when the Order comes 'round?"

Harry rolled around onto his stomach. They had ventured up to the attic, boggart and ghoul free now, lying down on the flying carpet, spelled to no longer fly - thanks Remus - with their heads touching. Harry peered down at his sister.

"I don't bloody stare."

"You really fucking do." She flipped the page to her dad's diary. She must've read the thing front to back a million times by now, yet it didn't stop her from rereading.

She had been doing it even more recently, ever since her conversation with Crouch. Harry thought Adhara was looking for clues about Regulus Black's disappearance.

"Speaking of which, how's it going with Cho?"

Harry narrowed his eyes. "I thought you didn't care?"

"Hmm. Millie might have mentioned something about you two making up. And she and Hermione may have spied on you when you two kissed in the Room of Requirement."

"They were there?!" he exclaimed, cheeks flaming up.

Adhara hummed in agreement.

Harry groaned, hiding his face in his arms. "Well, you can tell them to forget it. It is over with Cho." His voice had come out muffled.

"Why?"

"Cho's upset about what the jinx Hermione put on Edgecombe."

Adhara closed the diary. "She didn't put it on Edgecombe. She put it on whoever snitched. It isn't her fault Edgecombe turned out to be a rat."

Rats were a delicate subject in this household. No one liked them.

"She says it was cruel."

Adhara snorted. "It was cruel. But rats deserve it."

Harry sat up, crossing his legs and looking at Adhara where she layed, still. "But isn't it the same as what the Twins did? You know, getting back at her?"

"Giving someone pimples isn't the same as potentially killing someone. I'm letting the Twins go because they weren't aware of how dangerous their actions were. And besides, you know Hermione. Edgecombe's pimples and scarring will fade before the summer hols finish."

Harry thought back at the scene in the courtyard. "You didn't exactly let the Twins go, Adz."

Adhara rolled her eyes. "Oh, hush. I only tied them up-"

"And had one dangling in the air."

"-to make them realise their mistake. And they did, so I let them go. I could've done worse."

"Like what?"

"Could've thrown them in the lake. Or told McGonagall. Or worse, their mum."

Harry laughed, picturing Molly Weasley's flaming red hair as she went down on the boys. "I think she found out, anyway. The twins stayed back for the hols."

Adhara hummed. "Yeah, you've mentioned."

"Yes, but I told you it was because they wanted to work more on their inventions. But Ron told me it's actually because they want to make it up to Montagne."

Slowly, Adhara smiled. "Oh, he is going to hate that."

━━━

"By the way, have you noticed how suspicious Hagrid's been acting recently? He keeps going to the forest."

"And how do you know that?"

"I see him on my walks. But he keeps disappearing, all of a sudden. Almost like he knows I'm there."

"You started going to the Forbidden Forest again?"

Adhara looked confused. "I never stopped?"

"Adz!"

"It's fine. And you taught us all a bloody load of spells this year, I can defend myself."

"I didn't teach that much-"

"Yes, you did. Salazar, you'd be relentless as a teacher."

Harry ducked his head. "I wouldn't be a good teacher."

"You've got me to produce light with the patronus charm, when I couldn't even produce sparks before. You are a good teacher."

━━━━

When the first few people showed up to Grimmauld Place, Harry pulled Sirius aside.

"What is the meeting about?"

"Dumbledore," he answered, honestly. He kept his voice low, like how Harry did. Although he wasn't sure why his godson was being so secretive, he wasn't going to question it. "Minerva received his patronus. She called the meeting to update everyone."

Harry glanced inside the kitchen, when he would see people slowly taking their seats at the table. "Is Snape coming, too?"

"Yes? Why?"

"There's something I want to tell him. Do you think I can get a moment alone with him after the meeting?"

Sirius' brows furrowed in concern. "Sure. Is there any reason? Did he do something again?"

Harry shook his head, suddenly grinning. And Sirius got the feeling that the boy was probably up to no good.

"Oh, nothing important. I just thought some apologies should be in order."

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Minerva McGonagall placed her teacup down on the table, looking very unimpressed. She glanced at her ex-students, who were glaring at each from across the table and cleared her throat.

They turned to her, where she remained seated. Sirius and Severus were standing, having had a rather loud yelling session.

"I do think it's time for you grown adults to stop acting like children," she said. Minerva looked at them not as a colleague, but as a teacher. "There is a war coming, Severus, Sirius. Let's put this childish rivalry behind us, shall we?"

Both men looked thoroughly admonished.

━━━━

Harry lurked near the door, waiting for the meeting to finish. Adhara had offered to back him up, but he refused. He pressed his ear to the door. When he heard the sound of several chairs shuffling back, he entered the room.

The members heard him enter, but didn't say anything, waiting on him to speak. His gaze zeroed in on Snape right away.

"Professor Snape, could we talk?"

━━━

"What do I owe this pleasure? I won't be restarting the lessons, if that is what you want," declared Snape the minute everyone else left the room.

Harry pressed his lips together, preventing any words from spilling. He regarded the man with disdain.

"I came to apologise."

The potions Professor blinked, eyes traveling to Harry's face. He sneered. "You have some gall, showing your face after what you've done. I suppose you thought nothing of it, when you looked into the pensive. Suppose you believe the world belongs to you. Just like your father."

And there it was. The comparison.

Harry played back his conversation with Sirius a couple of times, the past couple of days. That last part of the conversation took him by surprise, he hadn't expected Sirius to notice, let alone bring up Harry's feelings regarding being compared to his dad. Though, he was relieved Sirius did. But he apologised for comparing, explained how he hadn't realised that it hurt Harry and that he should've. Reassured Harry and it was indeed he who Sirius saw and loved and not some shadow of Harry's dad.

Suppose that was the difference between Sirius and Snape.

"I wanted to apologise for my dad, too. For the way he treated you."

At that, Snape's head snapped up.

"Since you obviously see him in me, I thought I'd deliver the message. Since I'm sure he never did."

Snape almost snarled. He stood and rounded the long dining table, his cloak billowing behind him. "You think you can come in here and undo years of -"

Harry stopped paying attention. He wanted to yawn. "I don't like bullies. But at least my dad grew up. Seems like you haven't."

James Potter was a flawed man. He wasn't the perfect person Sirius had described him to be, Harry had come to understand that. But another thing Harry came to understand during his time at Hogwarts was that there was no such thing as good and bad. People were painted in various hues of grey, with both good and bad within them. And his dad was no exception.

He made mistakes, but according to Sirius, Harry's dad had learned from them. And that was the difference between them and Snape. That was the difference between James Potter and Severus Snape. One recognised his mistakes, apologised and did better, while the other one still wallowed in self-pity.

Snape didn't like that. Fury took over his teacher's face. He took a step towards Harry, but the boy stepped back.

"And I think, now, you should apologise to me."

Snape halted in his stride, surprised. He scowled. "Apologise -"

"I saw your entire memory, you know? I saw what you called my mum."

Snape flinched.

"And since I'm apologising on behalf of my father. You should apologise to me for my mum, don't you think?"

"You think you deserve to be called her son? You're the reason why she's dead!"

And yeah, alright. Bring up Harry's own misery. He blamed himself already for the death of others, how people who are close to him died instead of him. His parents, Cedric. Harry wholeheartedly believed those words. But he wasn't about to take them from Severus fucking Snape, what the fuck?

He tilted his head sideways, looking directly into the potions master's eyes. "Weren't you a Death Eater before, though?"

Snape froze.

"You were killing people like my mum before you decided to join our side."

"You don't know any-"

Harry talked over him, raising his voice. And there it was, his armour. "I mean, the only reason you switched was my mum. But she's dead now?"

"How dare you?!"

Harry took a step forward. "No. How dare you? You called my mum a mudblood then joined the very man who wanted her dead because, what? She didn't want you? Is that it?"

Snape's jaw clicked shut.

"You treated her like shit. And now you treat me like shit. And you excuse yourself because you were bullied and abused? Oh, poor you! Well, you aren't the only one!"

Snape was glaring at Harry, nostrils flaring as he breathed roughly. It didn't look like Harry's words mattered to him, at all. Almost as though he was still making excuses for himself in his head, that because his own life was so miserable, that he was allowed to act this way.

Harry swiveled around, intending to leave since his words didn't matter to the man. Just as reached for the door knob, Snape spoke.

"You don't know what I had to do. What I am doing to atone."

Harry didn't look back. He shook his head. "It doesn't matter what you do. I don't care that Dumbledore trusts you, I can't. You've never shown me that I could. You sided with Voldemort despite insisting that you cared about my mom. It didn't matter to you when she was alive, why does it matter now that she's gone? What's keeping you from running back to him?"

Because that was it, wasn't it? If Lily Evans was still alive today, Snape would have been Voldemort's most loyal follower.

Harry didn't turn to see Snape's expression, but the man remained quiet. Harry left.

━━━━

"You never said you didn't want to do anything for your birthday."

"No, I said I didn't care if we did."

"Then why do you care that I did?"

Adhara pursed her mouth, looking away. She didn't want to look at her uncle. She knew what she would see if she did - care, love, sadness - and she didn't want to see it.

He had put together a proper party, in Adhara's opinion. And he hadn't even given her the time to soak in the information, quickly dropping it on her and disappearing into the fireplace.

Adhara turned her narrowed eyes on Remus, who was serving (burned) pancakes to her and Harry. Both Remus and her brother averted their eyes, which made Adhara believe that they were in on it.

"Who's coming?"

"Just the lot," Harry explained, and he said it quite convincingly. Expression neutral, voice even. He was getting better at lying everyday.

Adhara blamed Remus.

"So, Millie, Mione and Ron?"

"And perhaps Roisin. And Ginny."

Adhara crossed her arms. "Why Ginny?" Roisin made sense, but Adhara and Ginny didn't talk all that much. In fact, Luna made more sense than Ginny since Adhara had to keep regular contact with her for the Quibbler.

"Roisin was nervous," answered Remus. "Molly owled and asked if Ginny could accompany her, and we didn't see any reason to refuse. Hope that's alright?"

Adhara waved him off. She didn't care if Ginny came or not - she was convinced she didn't care if anyone came - it was more so curiosity about why the girl was coming. Suppose, Remus' explanation made sense. Although...

Sensing Adhara's confusion, Harry spoke through a mouth full of pancakes, making her wrinkle her nose in disgust.

"They're like you and me."

Adhara hummed. "I thought Luna and Ginny were like you and me?"

"Nah. Luna and Ginny are like me and Ron."

Ah.

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When Sirius returned from wherever it was he went, he entered through the front door, not the floo. Adhara stayed nearly glued to the floor in the entrance hall, eyes wide in shock and confusion when she noticed who he brought with him.

The others had already arrived, carrying gifts and balloons for some reason and a carrot cake from Ron. Adhara genuinely expected that to be all. She hadn't expected anything at all when she awoke this morning, the small gathering being more than she had ever received in her life. Though, apparently, Sirius decided to go a step further.

"Adharaaaaaa!"

Adhara stumbled back from the force of Thomas' collision. The kid had slammed onto her, face first into her stomach, leaving Adhara no other choice but to wrap her arms around him. She hadn't seen the kid since summer, and even then, it was dark and late and quick, and Thomas had hardly spoken. He was taller now, his bright blond hair darkening around the crown. Adhara did some quick math and realised he should be five years old now.

Her gaze locked on Yaritza next, who was smiling at her in a carefree way that Adhara had never seen her. Her hair was growing back, she noticed. Nowhere as long as it used to be, but it was a start. And she had gotten rid of that awful white dress, donned in a jumper and a black skirt.

"Hello, Adhara. How are you?"

Adhara could only nod, almost like she had lost her voice.

Thomas pulled away, pushing into her hands a sheet of paper with what looked to be a drawing. Adhara turned it over and saw three figures, two girls and a smaller boy in the middle holding the others' hands. On top, the words 'Happy Birthday' were written in crayon.

"Do you like it?" Thomas asked eagerly. He was hopping in his spot. "I made it at school. Miss Ursula helped to write the message!"

Adhara blinked. "School?"

He bobbed his head. "Uh huh! Sirius said it would be fun, and it is! I made two whole friends!"

Adhara's gaze flickered towards Sirius, who was watching the entire interaction unfold with a fond smile. He was looking at Thomas like he was the most precious thing in the world.

Adhara placed her hand in Thomas' head, ruffling it. She wasn't the best at consoling, nor was she the best with words - writing articles didn't count, she could sit and think the words through, it wasn't the same - but she could think of a few that sounded appropriate for the current situation.

"That's good. I'm proud of you."

Thomas beamed.

━━━

Yaritza and Thomas joined the others in the kitchen. Kreacher was there too now, probably fussing over the cake he wanted to make while deeming Ron's one inadequate. Adhara stayed back and questioned her uncle.

"School?"

The man shrugged. "Muggle school for any squib who wants to attend."

"And how did the Ministry react to that?"

"The Ministry doesn't give a shit about what squibs do."

As sad as that was, it was true. "And Yaritza? Is she...is she attending?"

"No," said Sirius, smiling sadly. "Says she wants to wait until the end of the war."

Adhara tsked. "Of course, she does."

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Late afternoon, Sirius found himself back inside the house, away from the cluster of kids in the garden. They had gotten the firebolts out, and Thomas wanted his hand at throwing a quaffle from a broom. Either Adhara didn't know how to say no to the sprog, or she was making up for not seeing him in so long.

Sirius returned inside, intending on bringing the tray of drinks out - lemonade with loads of sugar, the way Adhara liked it - when he noticed a figure at the dining table.

"Ginny? What are you doing here?"

The girl was hunched over what looked like a book. She was writing in it, though, so a diary perhaps? The sight was odd to say the least. All the kids were outside, what was she doing here?

She stilled when Sirius called her. The redhead looked up. Her hair was tied in a tight ponytail, allowing her eye to pierce right through Sirius. But she seemed to have relaxed when she noticed it was Sirius and not some stranger.

"Is that a diary? Sorry," because as strange as he might find it, he wasn't about to judge. "I'll just be out of your hair-"

"It isn't a diary," clarified Ginny. And then more quietly, "I don't like diaries."

Suddenly, Sirius remembered what happened during Harry's second year - the terrifying events with the Chamber of Secrets that made Sirius want to strangle Dumbledore - and realised his faux pas.

Fuck. Obviously the kid doesn't like diaries. What the fuck, Sirius!

"It's an exercise booklet."

Sirius blinked, tuning back to the conversion. "Hmm?"

"My mind healer gave it to me. It has questions to help me de-stress or whatever." She quietly eyed the door leading to the garden, indirectly answering Sirius' questions.

"You see a mind healer?"

The girl shrugged, gaze glued on her booklet. "Tom still fucks with my head sometimes."

Sirius thought his heart stopped beating for a second. "You don't have to-"

"We're going to fight him eventually, anyways. Any information might help."

"Do you think he's still..."

Ginny shook her head. "And it's different from what Harry's going through, too. But he's the one who...well, Luna helped, too but. I've started seeing the healer after Yule. You know, after Dad got attacked."

"Right," said Sirius, because he didn't know what else to say. Until now, he could only imagine what Ginny had gone through. But perhaps, he was seeing the full extent of it now.

"And is it helping?"

Ginny shrugged. "My healer says it takes a while for some people. But I'm tired of it all, and Luna says it helps her, and that it helped her dad."

"She sees one, too?"

"She watched her mum die. And her dad didn't take it well, at first. She says they're fine now, though. I want to be fine, too."

━━━━

A bit later, Ginny finished up her page in the booklet, and returned outside. Sirius had taken a seat at the table, lost in thought and unable to move. Ginny's words were swirling in his head.

"Pads? Have the lemonade? The kids are parched."

'Her dad didn't take it well, at first. She says they're fine now, though. I want to be fine, too.'

"Sirius?"

He heard Remus walk in, he just hadn't reacted.

'I want to be fine, too.'

He still has nightmares about James, sometimes. All the time. About Lily, about Regulus. About Remus, and Harry, and Adhara. Sirius reckoned he spent more nights lying awake than he did asleep. It was practically routine at this point.

Remus was crouching on the floor in front of him, hands on Sirius' knees. "Sirius?"

'I want to be fine, too.'

"If I see a mind healer," he started and he heard Remus breath hitch. "Will you see one, too?"

"Siri-"

"Don't pretend as though you're any less fucked up than I am. We both know what the wolf does to you. What the world does to you. Your dad, James and Lily. Everything."

Remus watched him with his mouth pursed. "You're not fucked up." He didn't seem to like what Sirius was saying, but he couldn't deny the rest of his words.

'I want to be fine, too.'

Don't we all?

Sirius smirked, feeling challenged. "I'll see one if you do."

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