//TW//
some deep shit ahead that may trigger or mess with your head + anxiety

18.

| 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 & 𝐦𝐮𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬. |

The next two days went by rather uneventfully, with Taehyung obediently listening to Yuri's advice, and actually resting.

He hadn't had a rest like that in a long time, so he was thoroughly refreshed and energetic after sleeping for more than twelve hours a day.

Yuri mostly kept to her room, which was bigger than the previous one, and so hadn't had a proper chance to explore the house.

What with Hoseok and Yoongi around, always prowling near the doors, she didn't feel comfortable leaving the house, or her own room for that matter.

However, the following day, an opportunity presented itself to Yuri; Hoseok and Yoongi had to go somewhere, and Mina claimed to be going to her parents' place again, and so the entire house was empty for Yuri to endlessly explore.

Taehyung had been sleeping in a lot, so she didn't have to worry about bumping into him.

Yuri kept a good distance from the rooms she knew to be occupied by the others, because she didn't wanna pry without their knowledge.

It wasn't a difficult task, since the rest of the house was huge, and had many other rooms to explore, each uniquely made and kept.

She could identify Taehyung's vibe and aesthetic, which shone in every corner of the house, owing to the various abstract paintings that hung on the walls, and vintage furniture and showpieces.

Taehyung really had put in a lot of money and effort into making this place, or, well, renovating it.

By lunchtime, Yuri had seen almost the entire house.

There was just one room left. Yuri had taken one glance at the size of the library and had immediately pushed it to the end of her house tour.

She knew that it was a large space, and that she couldn't miss the chance to delve into all the secrets and knowledge it held.

She couldn't rush it either, and so decided to quickly fill her stomach with food before she got lost in the depths of the many bookshelves.

This turned out to be a very good decision, as the library room stretched as far as Yuri's eyes could see, and maybe even more further. This sight excited Yuri.

She loved finding out new things, and what better place to do that than a library of this size?

Yuri jumped right into it, pulling the very first book she could get her hands on, and immersed herself into the words inked on the pages, automatically being sent into a whole new world.

On the other side of the house, Taehyung was yawning and stretching, still twisted in between his blanket.

"That was a great nap," he muttered, getting out of his bed, not without tripping on his blankets.

He washed his face in the bathroom, pleased to see that the eye-bags, caused by him staying up till past three in the morning, had reduced.

Upon hearing his empty stomach give a loud growl, Taehyung realised that he hadn't had food, and suddenly felt hungry.

Still sleepy, Taehyung walked into the kitchen, stumbling on his feet.

He found a plate of food, which was now cold, set aside for him, by Yuri, he assumed. Silently thanking her, he reheated the plate, and sat down to devour the contents of the plate.

Once Taehyung had eaten the food, he didn't move, instead, just sat in his seat, contemplating. According to the calendar on his phone, it was the fourth of April.

How ill-fated it was that Taehyung was back here, exactly fifteen years after that day.

Fifteen years since he had lost everything dear to him, including faith and trust in humanity.

Fifteen years since he had become a murderer.

Taehyung usually avoided revisiting that part of his memory, which is a difficult task, seeing as the happenings of that day are the reason he is the way he is.

But he doesn't ponder over it more than necessary, and has found that it's best for him that he continues to do so.

Suddenly becoming aware of the lack of human presence, he looked around and realised that he is indeed alone. He came to the conclusion that everyone went out for some work, and hadn't felt the need to inform him about it beforehand.

Taehyung could vividly imagine Yuri's response to his accusation, 'You were sleeping like the dead, not our problem.'

He smiled at the thought, but it soon faded away when unwanted memories began knocking furiously on the door of his mind, wanting to enter, invade and take away his sanity.

However, instead of pushing them away like he always did, he paused for a moment, considering the alternative; what would happen if he let the thoughts in, and consume him?

What would happen if he revisits the day that changed everything for him?

Taehyung had fought the memory, and kept it buried for long enough. Perhaps this was what he needed to fully move on; a reflection on his pitiful life, untampered, unbiased and raw. 

He recalled reading a quote in a song, 'gotta go insane to stay sane'.

Maybe he had to let it in, maybe he had to go insane to fully come in terms with his life, with his past, to stay sane.

And what better place to start with, than the very place everything went downhill for Taehyung, the library?

Perhaps it was his muscle memory of spending the former half of his childhood in this very same house, but whatever the case, his feet seemed to have a mind of their own, carrying him to exactly where he needed to go.

Taehyung tentatively pushed the beautifully engraved mahogany door of the library.

He looked around in wonder. He hadn't been here for an extremely long time. It seemed as if nothing had changed.

Not true, of course. Ironic, since literally everything had changed.

Foreign emotions entered his head, messing with him. Flashes of his past began haunting him. Every time he turned away from something, trying to get rid of the image in his mind, something else took its place.

He couldn't escape his past; it would follow him everywhere he went.

Taehyung doesn't recognise himself.

He felt like an eleven-year-old again, confused and scared, unsure of what was happening around him; how a simple act was unravelling his whole world.

He was watching his innocent life crumble like a house made of cards, and he could do nothing about it.

Twenty-six year old Taehyung was snapped back to reality as he walked deeper into the library to find Yuri staring at the only remaining proof of his untainted, harmless, but fake, past;

a family photo.

Yuri jumped at the sudden appearance of Taehyung, who momentarily forgot about her existence, preoccupied with staring at the huge photo hanging on the wall.

Yuri cleared her throat, feeling awkward all of a sudden, as if she was somewhere she wasn't supposed to be.

"Your mom was pretty," she said, to break the suffocating silence.

Taehyung recollected himself, forcing out a choked hum.

"Your dad too," she added hurriedly, not wanting to offend Taehyung.

Taehyung stiffly nodded, barely controlling himself and his emotions. "What are you doing here?" He asked, his voice sounding choked.

"Oh, I wanted to explore the house. This library was my last stop," Yuri said, suddenly noticing a change in Taehyung, and his stance, "what about you? How do you feel now? Better, after resting?"

Yuri laughed a bit, momentarily causing Taehyung to smile too.

"Yeah. . ." he trailed.

"Sleeping always makes me feel better, you know? It's like I'm transported to a whole new world, where nothing matters anymore," Yuri said.

"Sleeping is peaceful, yeah," Taehyung spoke, slowly regaining himself, feeling less detached from reality. Yuri's voice was anchoring him back to reality, away from the bad things. 

Yuri was saving Taehyung once again, but this time, unknowingly.

They continued talking about the most useless things, but neither of them minded it. When something caught Yuri's eye, she moved closer to examine it, still maintaining the conversation, which was now discussing how people who sleepwalk are possessed by their sleep-demons.

Upon further inspection, Yuri realised that she found an intricately designed gun on the mantelpiece.

She picks it up, half-expecting it to weigh a lot. She was not mistaken, since her hand was straining to hold the beautiful gun upright.

Taehyung faltered at the sight of the extremely familiar weapon.

Abruptly stopping their growingly absurd discussion, he says, "That must be heavy."

Yuri looked at the gun, and flips it around, catching it perfectly. "I've carried heavier things."

"Such as?"

"Your life."

"I beg your pardon?"

Taehyung was thrown off by Yuri's eccentric answer.

"The weight and responsibility of saving your life."

Yuri grinned cheekily at her witty response. Taehyung smiled too, but it faded away as quickly as it had appeared.

"This is so pretty, though. I wonder why anyone would design such a dangerous and lethal weapon like this." Yuri continued examining the gun.

Taehyung looked everywhere but at Yuri. "Let's go back out, hm? Keep it back, come on."

"Why? I love this place so much. It has literally everything I need!"

"Yuri, please," Taehyung pleads, "leave that gun."

"I won't shoot you with it," Yuri jokes, but it turned out to be a wrong decision, since Taehyung almost began crying.

"Please," Taehyung was begging now, "leave that gun."

Yuri frowned, wondering what had happened to him. "What happened to you?"

Taehyung recollected himself. "Let's get out of here."

"Why are you so desperate to make me leave the gun, and leave?"

Taehyung locked his eyes with Yuri's, and she could discern resignation, surrender and pain in his eyes. He took a deep breath before saying something he knew he would regret.

"Because I murdered my mother with that gun."

x x x

A / N

okay I love this chapter

Taehyung's past is rocky, wbk, but you'll now know just how rocky it is ahahah I feel no remorse doing this.
One thing y'all should know, I have an obsession with torturing my characters as development, so there's almost no character of mine that has a normal past

I will try not to make the story boring anymore, it is a slowburn, but I'll work on making it more interesting, so I hope y'all stay with me </3

why do y'all think Taehyung had to kill his mother, and why does his past affect him so much?

He didn't feel like himself during a portion of this chapter, and y'all must've felt confused reading it,, it is intentional. It just shows how much it affects him, he literally turns into a different person

Vote, comment and spam to make covid get the hell out

Ciao~

-xo-
:]