"Only know you love her when you let her go."

The strings of the guitar echoed from my earpods as they stopped. The song was almost over.

Instinctively, my hands covered my face as I groaned into them, my head continuously pounding, adrenaline coursing through my veins continuously, but that was next to nothing compared to the amount of feelings I had encompassed for Lydia Coleman.

Her brunette hair, long and smooth, just like silk threads while her smile was enough to make my heart and brain go haywire. How her lips would turn up when her warm hazel eyes would pierce into my green ones. How she would step towards me, her eyes subtly seducing me in a way like no one ever did, as she'd cock her head to a side just to make me want to crave her. Need her.

Hiding my feelings for Lydia was one of the hardest things I had ever done. With her careless yet deliberate moves towards me, of how she'd carelessly play with my messy blonde hair, or how she'd deliberately walk right next to me, our arms rubbing against each other, sexual frustration radiating through them vividly. She played her cards well, making me want her, making me jump into the sea of feelings I never knew I possessed and was still afraid to admit.

Afraid to admit my own feelings.

Afraid of how others would react.

Afraid of how my parents, sitting downstairs, watching "normal" movies would react when I'd tell them I'm not as "normal" as they had earlier presumed. I'm the opposite of what they had perceived. I'm just another queer in the Benedict's name, who was lying carelessly on the dark green carpet of her room's floor. In a game called life, I gave my heart to Lydia Coleman, and there's nothing I could do about it.

Either I stay at home, listen to songs which would make me feel like I've broken up with her when we haven't started dating or I drag myself to the pride parade and come out of the closet.

"You know I want you, it's not a secret I try to hide."

I winced as the song started playing and even before the second line could even start. I took out my earpods and stopped the songs being played inside my ears, my head throbbing with anxiety as I aggressively threw them away, towards the pale green walls which were adorned with all my artwork.

It had been two days since Lydia had placed her last card. "The card of coming out", that's what Andrea called it when I told her about the dilemma I had.

Hearing her confess her true feelings about me was a bittersweet experience, though it complicated matters rather than to simplify it.
Lydia wanted me to answer her one question, on the day of the Annual Pride Parade, which would take place on every 30th June. Even though that'd mean that I'd get to confess to her, the whole prospect was daunting for an introvert like me, who was agoraphobic. The phobia of crowded spaces, the baseless reason of why I had started to feel way too comfortable hiding in the closet.

"You know you are seriously fucked up when you are stopping the songs from being played." A voice started, catching me off guard, as I jumped from my position, now perking up from being sprawled on the ground.

Andrea McCarthy stood right in front of me, shaking her head in dejection as her short black hair hit her pale face. Her faded blue shirt, over which she wore a sleeveless black sweater, now looked very dirty and worn. Black ripped pants showed patches of dirt, and I was completely sure of how she came here right after her garden club duties.

I sighed, standing up, which she just gave me a pointed look. "Liam told me everything, grumpy ass." Liam Coleman, Lydia's twin brother, was in the same club as Andy, an uncanny relation between them.

"I-"

"Are you going or not? It's already 5:45 pm and the parade starts sharp at 6pm. Lydia's waiting, Cassie." She softly remarked, walking cLoser to me carefully, as if I was a ticking bomb about to explode.

"But-"

"No buts allowed. Now, drag your butt there and admit your feelings for Lydia rather than moping around." Andrea eyed me weirdly, noticing how I was sprawled onto the ground moments ago.

"But that'd be me coming out in front of everyone which means that my parents would come to know about it and they'd kick me out. I can't risk everything-"

Andrea loudly snorted, as she stood in front of me and then bent down to my level. I shaked my head at her determination when she held my shoulders tightly, her 6 foot tall size intimidating my 5'4" short and petite self as her blue eyes penetrated into my green ones. "You like her?"

I struggled to get words out but it was tough when Andrea McCarthy would be all about business. "I don't-"

"Cassidy Benedict." She sternly started, and I knew I couldn't lie to her anymore. "Answer me. Honestly." Her eyes narrowed with seriousness radiating from them.

I sighed, for there was apparently no reason to hide it from her at all.

"I like her, Andy. I do." I answered, so slowly that even I couldn't hear myself but I knew that she couldn't miss the words which I just uttered. She let go of my shoulder, smiling victoriously as she stood straight right in front of me.

"Then what's stopping you?" She raised an eyebrow as she folded her hands in front of me. I sighed, thinking of my parents who sat down in our living room, waiting for me to join them, when all I'm doing is contemplating a life changing decision.

My hands started trembling with the growing anxiety about the whole situation. Hugging myself to calm down, I closed my time, wistfully hoping that the time somehow rushes and by the time I open my eyes, it'd be midnight with the parade over for the year.

"You know it, Andy. Years ago, an uncle of mine was kicked out of the house for coming out as gay. I don't want the same to happen to me. At any cost." I explained briefly, as she knew the whole story beforehand. The incident of how my Dad's younger brother, Noah Benedict was kicked out of the house when he came out as gay. The last time we heard of him, he married his boyfriend of that time and even adopted a young girl. Last time we heard of him, he was content in his own colourful world. Meanwhile, I'm stuck in my own bland and dull life.

"Even if it's at the cost of your own feelings? That sounds anything but fair." She retaliated strongly. "Fine, let this moment go just because your family is full of homophobes, then don't join the parade. But-" she said, raising a finger in front of me, drawing my attention from my trembling hands to her face.

"But if you let this moment go, Cassidy Benedict, let me tell you that you'd never be truly happy the rest of your life with the regret of how you'd this opportunity to grab, all you had to do was to be more brave and confess it all to Lydia, but you choose otherwise. This is the moment not everyone gets."

I blinked fast to stop the tears from falling, not looking back at Andrea, because I knew what she said was correct, but I was a coward. A coward to admit how I feel just because I didn't want to go against family's expectations.

"Life is not about the grades you get." She started after a minute, lifting my chin to make me look at her, which I was avoiding deliberately the whole time. "It's about the moments you live by. Now's your moment to live by." Andrea slowly concluded as she stood up, looking slightly dejected, because she knew that I was holding myself back and understood completely well the complication of my situation.

She walked towards the door, her slender fingers in the doorknob, pulling it open, ready yet reluctant to leave.

"Andy, I-" words struggled to get out my tongue as I stood up . She turned back, her blue eyes looking back at me, confused but still hopeful. I took a deep breath because I had made up my mind and there was no going back from there. "I've made my mind and-"

"And?" She cut me off from completing what I was supposed to say, her eyes widened with excitement brimming from them as she trudged towards me.

"And." I started, stretching the word as I wiped the tears which had unknowingly slipped from my eyes.

" I've got some feelings to confess." I smiled weakly, for it felt too real to be true.

I'm coming for you, Lydia. I'm coming for the idea of us.

"Oh and if your parents kicked you out, my parents would take you in, so don't worry about that prospect." Andrea winked slyly, her demeanour taking a total 360 degree turn. Engulfing me into one of her bear hugs, she rubbed my back lightly. "Thanks a lot, Andy." I muttered, as we continued hugging each other.

"You owe me a treat, Benedict." She replied back. Winking at me, she pulled me out of my room, directly walking towards the stairs.

The wooden texture of the floor and the walls made it look like a tree house. The amount of foliage around the whole house was astounding but not shocking. Having a father who is a passionate writer while a mother, who was a biologist, it was only admitable that they would design their dream house, giving it a foliage touch.

The plancks creaked meekly below us as we hurried downstairs to get out of the house. Andrea held my wrist tightly the whole time we moved down the stairs, not letting go. Even without admitting it out loud, she was afraid that I might run back upstairs and lock myself up there like Rapunzel. And she definitely wasn't wrong as with each step downstairs made me wish to run back to the comfort of my room and mop for the rest of my life.

But it was too late to turn back.

I sighed, as we reached downstairs to see how Dad was putting on his dark brown overcoat. His chocolate brown tuft of hair stood disheveled as his green eyes warmed up as I appeared in front him, with Andrea on my side. His expression warmed up as his gaze met mine, affection pouring out through them.

"Take good care of my princess, Andy." Dad started, as he pocketed his hands while I stared at him in confusion.

"Aye aye, Captain Benedict." Andy fake saluted him in return, grinning wildly as she started pulling me towards the door.

"Enjoy your girl's night out, Cassie." Dad stated, a small smile lingering on his face. "Although it would have been better if told us about it before so that we could have-"

Girl's night out?

"I'm so sorry Mr. Benedict, but it happened so quickly that we didn't have much time to process it fully." Andy curtly replied. "Huh?" I dumbly, as she pulled my hand towards the exit. Andrea looked back at me and winked as she pushed the door open.

"It will be a girls night out. Just you, Lydia and lots of rainbows and all that sappy shitty stuff which you two love." Her face scrunched up towards the end, as I still tried to process it entirely.

"So you made an excuse of a girl's night out ,of all the fucking excuses existing in the world-"

"Correct." She winked back at me even before I could complete what I was about to say as she let go of my wrist and walked towards her jeep.

Holy Shit.