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Prove y'self.

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TW: vision

Newt had gotten me up just before wake up again — much to my frustration — to tell me what to expect from the day. I argued that I didn't need to be woken up that early, he argued that some of these Keepers would eat me alive... which I highly doubt. Newt tells me he's helping in the gardens today, as he usually does apparently. I asked him with an amused smirk whether he really liked spending that much time with me, he said he'd rather die — which is fair, I guess. I'm not exactly the most friendly person. It amused me more than offended me.

I did manage to get at least some sleep last night, albeit not much, however I'm still largely under rested. I spend hours tossing and turning until the cracks of dawn, perhaps getting one or two hours at a maximum. I'm hoping I can get more tonight, but I don't think that'll happen.

It's after lunch time, and I sat with Winston, Chuck and Jeff at lunch, listening to their god awful jokes and laughing at them all. I was finally starting to feel like I was fitting in, even when people like Gally were making such a task as difficult as he could. He doesn't trust me, which I don't blame him for, however I really don't see the need to be a slinthead towards me.

I'm currently back in the gardens, I'm with the Track-hoes today, and Zart is a really nice guy, and, contrary to Newt's anecdote about most of the Keepers, didn't eat me alive. He only really talks to someone if they're doing something wrong, and I'm pleased to say that he hasn't talked to me yet, which I'm thankful for, as I'm still trying to sort things through in my head. It's strange.

Newt and I have worked without a word — he understands once again that when I have a question to ask, I will, and if I'm not talking, I'm thinking. We've been quiet for the moment, just enjoying the silence while working next to the other.

"Hey, frog face?" I ask after a while, working up my confidence. I'm not sure how this conversation will go, either really well, or really poorly. I'm not exactly ecstatic about it being the latter. 

Newt looks up from the fruit he's planting and wipes his forehead with his arm. "Yeah, Greenbean?"

"What do the Runners do?"

He looks up at me and laughs, before drawing his attention back to the plants. "You have a habit of not listening to me or Minho."

I shrug my shoulders. "Neither of you are remotely interesting."

"Well, then," he says with a smug smile. "You won't wanna hear what I've got to say about bein' a Runner, then, will ya?"

I pause. Newt laughs at me and continues to plant, shaking his head slightly.

Well, this conversation is going great.

Although I've realised I don't want to be a Runner, his laughter insults me more than it should. Does he not think I can do it? That I'm not fast enough? Smart enough? I sit there, putting down my spade to show him that I'm not going to continue working until I have an answer. Newt smiles at me. "Ya already want a death wish, huh?"

"What do you mean?" I say, not breaking eye contact. I try to make it intimidating, but I'm not sure my tactic works on him.

"I meant what I said," Newt stops suddenly and looks at me, his head tilted, as though he's trying to figure out whether I'm seriously considering being a runner or not. One look at me confirms his suspicion, and his voice lowers. "It's dangerous, Greenbean."

"Everything is dangerous," I retort. "You call being stuck here safe? No. The Grievers could technically just waltz into the glade—"

He cuts me off promptly, "But they won't."

"But they could."

"But they won't."

"They could tango instead, whatever floats your boat." Newt just looks at me, eyebrow raised. "No? What about a rumba?"

"I'm not messing around."

"Neither am I," I say. Newt just stares at me, wide eyed, as though he's trying to fully process what I'm saying. A death wish? Sure, it's a risky job, but technically, they all are. Med-jacks could catch a disease quicker, a wall could fall on a Brick-nick, and a violent pig could attack a Slicer. I'll have to admit, the last one is a bit of a stretch, but I see no good reason why I shouldn't be one. "I'd bet you anything I'm faster than Minho."

Newt scoffs and continues working. "I wouldn't say that in front of him, if I were you."

"I just wanna know what they do," I say in a way that is not at all convincing. Seeing Newt's reaction to thinking I want to be a Runner was all too entertaining... and I've decided to milk it for as long as possible.

"And I don't want ya goin' into the Maze."

Alby mentioned that rule. No one goes into the Maze. Needless to say, it angered me. "And you expect me to just stay here and do nothing?"

"The thought had occurred."

"I'm serious!"

"You wouldn't be doing nothing. You'd be doing your job. That's final."

Thats final? This guy's a joke. Everything he says gets under my skin in a way no one else's words do. Without him knowing, he offends me, and that's why I have not a problem in being as difficult as I can be. "Unfortunately for you, you don't get the final say."

"Yes," he says, "but I get a bloody strong one in what happens."

I glare at him, throwing all of my malice into one look. I don't particularly care, but the thought of him being able to sway the decisions of whatever job I get makes me seethe. No doubt he'd give me the worst one just to spite me... yet I can't see that happening for some reason. "You wouldn't."

"I would," he says, scoffing.

"Why?"

Newt surveys the Maze, listening to it changing. He visibly shudders. He's scared of the Maze. Why? He must have been a Runner at some point. No one else is as afraid as that. Or maybe they are, and just don't show it. He looks back at me and says simply, "We have enough Runners already."

"Well, that's a lie," I almost laugh. "You have like, four."

"You're not being a Runner."

"I swear to god if it's because I'm a girl then I'll kick you in the—"

"It's not," he snaps. "I'm not puttin' a word in. But if someone else does, and ya prove y'self, then I won't stop them."

"I hate you," I mumble.

He almost laughs at my childishness and then frowns at me. "Slim it, Greenbean. Y'can give me an earful later, just get back to work n' stop slummin' it."

"If it didn't occur to you, Newt, you're talking back to me," I spit his name out like it's venom, anger and regret bubbling inside my throat, threatening to spill out of my mouth.

"Bloody stubborn, you are."

"Like you aren't?"

He just rolls his eyes. "What is this really about, huh? What's wrong with you?"

His words hurt more than they should, however this doesn't make me sad. It makes me furious. "Wrong with me?" I exclaim. "There's nothing wrong with me. Maybe you should be asking yourself the same question."

"Why'd you have to have the last word?" he retorts with a scowl. "S'far as you're concerned, this conversation is over."

A cynical laugh escapes me as I listen to him. Is he serious? Is he genuinely serious? "This conversation is far from over. What? Do you not think I can handle it or something?"

"Alethea," he warns.

"Because, I assure you that I can and—"

"Do you not know when to stop?" he shouts, throwing his hands in the air and letting them slump to his side. I stare at him, eyes wide. I've never seen him this angry before. Once he sees my reaction, however, the fire in his eyes floods out almost immediately, replaced with regret. "Come off it," he mutters.

We sit there, not glaring at each other any longer, just staring. Both regretting the argument we'd just had.

Hours pass without a word, and sometimes I see Newt's gaze flick to me momentarily, but he never says anything. When we catch each other's eye, it never lasts for long, but I can see the regret in them. I've got no doubt that my eyes share the same glimmer.

I don't think Newt and I will speak any more today. I don't really want to either. I continue with my work, planting all kinds of seeds and plants, which calms me. I never thought of myself as someone who'd find it calming, but nevertheless, I do. With each plant rooted into the ground, I become more at ease, my anger fading away. Maybe planting would be better for me than a runner, anyway.

That's when I see it. More blood. I gasp, watching the soil soak in blood, the watering can I'm holding pouring out thick, metallic liquid. I drop the can, watching as the blood waters the seeds, turning them a dark crimson. Another Griever flashes in my vision, bearing its jagged teeth, hissing at me.

Blood.

Grievers.

It's everywhere.

I look around at the towering walls encasing me, only to see blood dripping from the top, running down the walls. I want to scream. To cry. But I make no noise. I immediately take off, sprinting towards the forest area just to the left of the gardens, ignoring Zart's calls. I keep going — I need to escape. I'll drown in the blood. I keep going once I've entered the forest, disappearing in the foliage. I trip over a twig, sending me flying forwards. Whipping my head around, a tsunami wave of blood comes crashing through the doors to the Maze, drowning the Glade in red. My heart stops.

I'm going to die.

I back into a tree, covering my ears with my hands, trying desperately to block out the screams of the other Gladers. Was the last conversation I'd have with Newt be an argument? Muffled voices shout at me, but my hands stay firmly pressed to my ears. I won't listen to their screams — not when I can't do anything to save them.

"Greenie?"

I look up to see Jeff and Clint. I look behind them frantically. There's no blood. What's happening to me?

"Are you okay?" Jeff says, carefully placing a hand on my shoulder. The gestures meant to comfort me, but it only end up putting me more on edge. Jeff removes his hand almost immediately, giving me a small smile. "You took off."

"What happened?" Clint asks.

"Y'can tell us," adds Jeff with a warm smile. "It's sorta our job."

I eye them skeptically. I want them to go away. But I don't think telling them to piss off would help my case, right now. I think they think I'm a mad woman. Would telling them be so bad? I mean, surely, it's just lack of sleep doing this to me right? I ponder on this for a minute before raising my eyebrow at them. "And you won't tell Alby or Newt? Or anyone else?"

"Nope. Not unless whatever's happening gets worse."

I consider it for a second and formulate a plan. If it gets worse, I'll try to block it out. If it gets worse, I won't tell them. But if they can tell me that it's going to be okay, then it's worth it. I take a deep breath, making sure to say my words slowly. "I get these visions. Don't look at me like that. They started yesterday. That's normal, right?"

"It's happened once or twice," Clint says, although it's obvious he's lying.

"Can you tell us what the vision's 'bout?"

I shudder. "Yesterday I saw blood on my hands. And I tried to get it off. Just then, I saw the soil soak in it, too. A big wave of it came through the opening in the Maze."

"That explains the running."

"Am I going crazy?" I ask.

"No," Jeff says, his voice a monotone, almost bored. He's telling the truth. "How much sleep have you had?"

"Not much."

"That'll explain it," Clint says. "Y'know what? Go and have a lie down and we'll wake ya' up when it's time to eat."

"Promise?"

"Promise, Greenie," says Jeff. "Come on. Lets go."

Jeff and Clint chat happily between themselves as they walk me to the hammocks, and I join in bits and pieces of the conversation, trying to create the illusion that I'm okay. I don't think it works. Turns out, I'm good at detecting lies, but not very good at telling them myself.

Once Jeff and Clint are gone and I'm safely in my hammock, I gaze softly at the light sky, watching the clouds fade into different shapes and sizes, lulling me into a dreamless sleep, which surprises me, considering the fact that I was hellbent on the fact that I would have nightmares if I ever let myself fall asleep.

—
Thank you for reading! I think I'm going to stick to one a day or every two days, because I need to focus on my school work (it's getting a bit much lmao). But THANK YOU for reading, commenting and voting. It. Means. Everything.

There are a few of you who are particularly interactive... you know who you are ;) I want to say a massive thank you to you guys — your comments make my day.

~ sophie xx