AbeerMohamed716821

I want to start off by saying that your book is very unique and interesting for a Wattpad story. It's clearly well thought out and it's honestly hard to find anything to criticize. I'll do my best with some things I found, but overall, nothing crazy.

I'll mix plot with writing style since they kind of go hand in hand. One major thing I want to point out is the length of your chapters. I love a good Wattpad novel that's actually a decent length, but I think it might help to split up your chapters. Now, in an actual manuscript (on Google docs or something similar), this wouldn't apply. But, just on Wattpad specifically, some readers might look at how long each chapter is and go "I'm not reading all that". Unfortunately, even if the story is great, that could be a turn off to certain readers. So, possibly split up your chapters so they're not quit as long in each one. Not only will it prevent possible readers from being steered away, it's also just easier to read. That's personal preference, as I just prefer to have my chapters split into medium sized lengths, but just a suggestion.

Another thing I want to point out about your writing in particular is dialogue tags. You don't necessarily need to specify "he said" "she responded" "he asked" "she spoke" every time there is dialogue. It's kind of hard to put into words, so I'll leave an example:

Bob waved to Sam. He said, "Hey, Sam!"

Same waved back, and responded saying "Hey there, Bob!"

Bob questioned, "How's your day going?"

Versus

Bob waved to Sam. "Hey Sam!" He said.

Sam waved and smiled back. "Hey Bob! How are you?"

"I'm good. How's your day going?"

Sam rolls his eyes. "Terrible".

The first one isn't bad, but it sounds a bit repetitive. This is seen throughout the story quite often, so just make sure to check for that. Speaking of repetition, that brings me to another minor critique-
There are a few words that are repeated frequently or seem out of place. Inquired/Inquiry/inquiries is an example of a word that's used pretty often, so things like that to look out for. Make sure nothing is being used too much and, if needed, find synonyms for certain words to replace it with. As I said, some words also feel a bit out of place; a bit too formal. Furthermore, moreover, etc are kind of what I'm referring to. They're great, but they almost feel more like words you'd find in an essay- not a story. No one honestly says or thinks that, unless they're just extremely formal. I'm not saying you necessarily have to remove these words, but they tend to sound a bit out of place and "essay-like" when used too much. That's also just a matter of opinion haha

One last thing about your writing/writing style in general is grammar. I won't focus too much on it or pick out every error, but there are some frequent mistakes. Nothing so bad to where I can't read it, but just simple things like a lack of commas that are noticeable. I'd just recommend getting a proof reader for this one.

As far as plot goes, I don't really have much to critique. At the moment, I've only read the first beginning chapters, so I can't speak too much about the plot anyways. But, I do plan to read further, as your story is genuinely fascinating. It feels a bit slow paced at times, but with a type of story like this, it's better than being too fast paced. Things need to be explained in detail and the story has to gradually unfold, so I understand. Your characters are good so far and seem very developed and thought through. I like how you convey their emotions throughout this mystery and investigation. You write very well and clear, which is what stands out the most.

As I continue to read through your book, I may add on to some of this review. If I do, I'll let you know.

And as I've said with previous reviews, I apologize for the wait and I appreciate your patience. Thank you for allowing me to review your work, and I hope to finish the rest soon!