dakariimoon_ You are the first published review on here. I hope I am able to help you improve your writing.

Cover:
I really like your cover. It's simple, but looks pretty and grabs your attention. It looks hand drawn too, which is creative. Not much to critique about your cover, I really love it. Good job to the user who made it.

Blurb:
The blurb doesn't really define a plot. I'm not usually a fan of these types of blurbs, as they serve no purpose and are very vague. It's your choice if you want it this way, but I'd at least try to describe what the book is about or at least mention the main characters. I also want to correct some mistakes:

-I would rewrite the first sentence so it makes more sense and is grammatically correct, like this:
→ "As I climbed the snowy mountain, I began searching for the reason I had climbed this mountain in the first place: a prosperity peony."

-The third sentence should not be "them", it should be "it", as there was no plural. There was only one man.

-The first sentence in the dialogue should end with a question mark, not an exclamation mark. There is also no need for the "he called out", as you already put a dialogue tag before.

Prologue:
Just seeing that the start of the prologue is the blurb. Same corrections apply.

I've said this in some previous reviews, but this prologue is very fast paced. I like the suspense and mystery it brings, but there's little to no imagery or descriptions.

Here are the grammatical errors I noticed:

-The first paragraph needs to be fixed. The second sentence should be conjoined with the other with a comma.
→ "I had learned to make medicine before, so why was it that when I happened to find someone on the brink of death, I can't remember?"

-Separate your dialogue. It gets confusing when you put multiple people speaking in one paragraph. A dialogue should be its own sentence.

-For the sentence "She slips. And falls.", delete the period. That should be one sentence.

-The word "said" or "says" is used 12 times. Try to find other words to replace this word, same with "thought to myself". It sounds repetitive.

Chapter One:
No need for the first part, you generally don't need a "recap" of the previous chapter.

-The first paragraph repeats the line "laying on a soft bed" twice, not sure if that's intentional but it sounds confusing.

-The line before Gengi's POV should be "rights", not "right".

-The first line after Gengi's POV should say "tied with rope".

The dialogue in this chapter is very confusing. I cannot tell what is happening or who is saying what. This is why it is especially important to separate your dialogue, and clarify who is speaking when needed. As I said, this is extremely fast paced and lacks in many elements.

Chapter Two
Once again, no need for the recap.

-After Nuans POV in the first paragraph, "reject" should be "rejected", and in the second paragraph, add an 'a' after "problem".

-In the sentence "She was kind. Beautiful. Wise. Caring.", replace the periods with commas.

-In the sentence after that one, the 'I' needs to be capitalized.

-The phrase "Thought to myself" is being used repeatedly, and too often.

-"...covering a window with an white frame." The "an" should be an 'a'.

-As I've been saying, it's hard to tell who is speaking. Separate your dialogue lines, and do NOT put thoughts right next to a speaking line. It's confusing.

Chapter Three

-The eight paragraph sounds odd. I would combine the first two sentences with a comma.

-Add a period after "He stood up next to me".

-There are several sentences that aren't run ons, but lack commas. Make sure you reread all of your sentences and make sure they flow properly.

-Several words and phrases are repeated many times throughout chapters, some I've already mentioned. Double check this.

-Same tips I've given in previous chapters apply to this one.

Chapter Four:

-The second line needs to be all one sentence, so combine it with a comma. It also is a bit confusing.

-"I was going to talk to Gengi, until someone stopped me." Delete the comma, it doesn't need to be there.

-The sentence "One of fathers advisors." sounds out of place, I think you should combine it with the next sentence, but I'm not sure.

-Delete the semicolon in "He said to me;", it is not used properly and doesn't serve a purpose.

This chapter is jam packed and overloaded with information, some I feel is a bit unnecessary. The long paragraphs could be separated or shortened, and much of this info could have been revealed THROUGHOUT the story, versus in one chapter.

Wrap Up

This story is extremely fast paced. It's only about four chapters in, and still so much has happened already. Slow it down, and extend the chapters. This brings me to my next point: there is little to no imagery or descriptions. It is mainly dialogue. I can't envision the setting or any of the characters, which makes it boring to read. There seems to be no direction this story is going in, and the plot seems very underdeveloped.

There are also certain sentences that could be dragged out to sound more professional and fun to read.

Ex:
(not in the story)

Bob walked to the store. He waved to every stranger he passed by. Bob was a cheerful guy.

Versus

As Bob trotted down the street, making his way to the store, he cheerfully waved to every stranger passing by with a giant grin; he was always a very eccentric person who was constantly smiling.

See the difference? Notice how I just turned a boring sentence into something much more. Try incorporating that into your lines. This would also help to extend your chapters, slowing down the pace if you do it often. There is also a lack of character development. I can't feel or relate to any of the characters, there is hardly any emphasis or distinction between their personalities. I recommend focusing on this, and adding more to your characters.

Now, the elephant in the room: structure. The dialogue between characters should NEVER be in one paragraph. Separate the dialogue, please. Here's an example:

Bob walked to the cashier. "Hi, Bob! Will that be all for you, today? She asked. "Yes, how is your day?" "Good so far, how about yours?" "It's great as always!" More stuff happened and this did that and that did this. Oh look, that happened, and then they all lived happily ever after.

Versus

Bob walked to the cashier. The lady looked up at him with a grin. "Hi Bob! Will that be all for you today?"

"Yes, how is your day?" He asked.

"Good so far, how about yours?"

"It's great as always!" More stuff happened and this did that and that did this.

More stuff happened and this did that and that did this.More stuff happened and this did that and that did this.More stuff happened and this did that and that did this. Oh look, that happened, and then they all lived happily ever after.

There's a huge difference between the two. The same applies for thoughts as well, they work in the same way as dialogue. Another thing I want to point out is commas and sentence structure. I can't quite put it into words, so let me just lay it out:

If you have a FANBOY (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so), put a comma before it. Ex: Sarah didn't want to get wet in the rain, so she brought an umbrella.

WRONG example: Sarah didn't want to get wet in the rain. So, she brought an umbrella.

Now, you could do the "wrong" way, but not every single time. You do the wrong example frequently, so make sure you are using commas properly and all of your sentences flow nicely.

Lastly, please read over your work and make sure to replace words that are repetitive. Some examples I found would be said, abrupt/abruptly, thought to themselves, smiled, etc. Look up synonyms, or better and stronger words to revise this.

I do not intend to sound harsh, but your story does need a lot of improvement. If you haven't done them already, here are some suggestions/things I recommend doing:

-Download Grammarly or other proofreading software.
-Do a plot outline.
-Develop on your characters, going into depth about every trait they have and incorporate it gradually into your story.
-Re-read over your work and check for any repeating words. Find synonyms.

I would love to see where your story goes when you make these corrections. Don't be discouraged, we all start somewhere. The only way to grow as a writer is to get criticism, and most importantly, keep writing!

Thank you for allowing me to thoroughly review your story and keep writing!

5/10