Everyone's been in a bad state before, a state of illness, the one that makes you turn on yourself, makes you destroy yourself mercilessly until you can't find anything positive below your skin. It tears you up inside, it really does, and there's no way to change it. You don't want to ask for help, do you? You're too scared they'll call you an attention seeker, you're too scared you'll drain them, and you keep doubting yourself; You doubt yourself, you think you aren't worth the help, the time, the energy.

You don't think you're worth anything, do you?

You feel betrayed by your own hands.

You feel like a nuisance.

You feel unwanted.

And you fucking hate yourself for it all.

You hate how you can't be perfect, can't be smart enough, can't be good enough. The only reason you're trying to put an effort into keeping yourself together is because everyone around you needs you, needs you to put smiles on their faces, needs you to take in all of their negative feelings and thoughts, needs you to make them happy--all while you're sinking further and further into the consuming thoughts that never leave, that are stuck, implanted in your mind.

What if I told you someone else reading this feels the same way?

What if I told you the brunette felt the same way?

What if I told you the blonde felt the same way?

.

.

.

"Sam- wait!" The younger tried stopping him, grabbing onto his wrist, and tugging on his long-sleeved black hoodie. Teary eyes looked up at him, his lip quivering as he spoke, "Please, don't go... d-don't leave me." Colby pleaded, sniffling as salty tears rolled down his cheeks slowly, bursting from his eyes in a gentle but hopeless way. He spoke up again with a shaky voice, "I-I can't... I can't lose you too..."

Sam's pain turned into anger, and the endless nights of crying ended up in these emotions which were used for rage, to hurt others--and not by choice. "You don't wanna lose me, huh? It took you weeks to say that... it took you fucking weeks to say you cared, to say you didn't want to lose me." The blonde growled, turning his head away from the brunette.

"L-Look, Sam, I didn't know, I swear, I didn't know-"

"Bullshit!" Sam yelled, ripping Colby's hand which laid on his sleeve off of him, pushing him backward with hands implanting onto his chest. "If you fucking cared, you would've shown it, Colby! If you didn't notice, you don't care!" Growled Sam, feeling his face heat rise in anger, in pent-up emotion; Now Sam seemed like the bad guy, didn't he? He didn't want to hurt Colby, he wanted to be heard.

All because he wasn't heard before.

Tears falling freely from his eyes, Colby's pain also turned into anger as his emotions were finally spilling. "I care about you, Sam! You don't know how many fucking hours I'm worried about you! You don't know how many endless amounts of tears I've fucking cried for you! I've done everything I could to keep you happy, and you just fucking pushed me away!" Colby cried, before looking down at his sleeves, noticing how Sam was now silent, just staring at him in shock, pain, anger, and guilt.

Suddenly, Colby lifted up his sleeves.

"And this? Yeah... this was for you... but you say I don't care for you, huh?" His voice become more quiet, the red, raging lines that are carved into his skin stung, reminding him of the constant pain that lived inside of his head, the constant guilt that lay in his veins, the constant illness, the constant sinking.

Pricking his eyes, Sam felt a tear roll down his cheek.

How could Colby do such a thing?

How could I hurt him that way?

Gulping, Sam slowly pulled up his sleeves, revealing similar lines that were carved into his skin. The blonde whispered, just barely audible for Colby to hear, "...I care about you too."

A sob burst from Colby's lungs as he crashed to his knees, crying. "I-I'm sorry, Sam, I-I'm so sorry!" He cried, continuing to ball as Sam stood in front of him. The blonde sighed, sniffling as well as he slowly walked toward Colby and sat down beside him.

Sam pulled Colby closer by the waist and hugged him tightly as the brunette cried into his shoulder.

"I'm sorry too, Colby. I-I should've... known."

This night showed them the reality. Even if you're suffering others can be too. Always, always, always check up on your friends, family, partners, and anyone really.

Because you have no idea what they're going through as they have no idea what you're going through either.

You both could be sinking together.