Waking up to dark, secluded walls was the first thing Colby registered when he opened his eyes, the familiar feeling of guilt resting right on top of him, like a weight on his shoulders. Everything hurt, physically and mentally as his arms stung with a good amount of pain, not fully open but not fully healed either, just existing. Mentally, he was lost--gone. There were no such words that could describe this feeling, there never was, and Colby struggled to accept it; For Sam, right? He'd accept it for Sam.

Colby had to put in effort to even open his eyes before, how was he going to get out of bed? He just felt so drained. The life he once knew as colorful and happy was now dull and numb, nothing being able to switch it around except for Sam. 

Where was Sam?

He was completely unaware. Was he even home? There's a possibility he went out with friends, then again, he could just be sleeping. 

With a groan, Colby managed to slowly rise from his back, sitting up, slouched over, tired eyes prominent as he couldn't find any motivation. Sighing, Colby slowly turned his body toward the side of the bed where he let his foot touch the ground, standing up carefully. His solemn expression didn't change as he walked toward his closet, throwing on a black hoodie and calling it a day. He didn't care to change into jeans or anything, shorts would work. He didn't feel like changing.

The brunette made his way downstairs, the quiet walls of the house creeping up on him, giving him a sense of dread even though he knew he was safe and that nobody was around, he still couldn't help but feel unease slowly rising in his veins. His throat felt dry and he just needed water, not food; Even though his stomach felt like it was being ripped apart piece by piece, he wouldn't allow himself to eat anything. 

For Sam, right?

Colby reached up and opened the cupboard that held the glass cups, grabbing one of them carefully with shaky hands as exhaustion made itself known in his body--but Colby was too stubborn to acknowledge it. Pushing the cup into the little opening of the fridge, Colby retrieved water from it and filled up his cup before removing it and taking a sip, the water refreshing his throat but not his mind.

His thoughts never kept quiet.

Sure, his thoughts would fade from time to time, but they'd never stay completely silent, always having something to say, something that could either destroy him or hurt him, at least a little bit. 

"Colby?" The brunette's body jolted at the sound, not expecting anyone to be awake or reach out to him as it was only nine in the morning. Blue eyes drifting toward the figure, Colby plastered a smile onto his face at the sight of the blonde.

"Morning, Sam," Colby greeted, trying to put up his best act forward rather than open up and scare Sam. "Did you sleep well?"

Colby noticed the concerned look.

"Yeah... I slept fine..." He dazed out for a second, seeming to comprehend further words, not sure if he should speak them. "What about you?" Sam seemed to go with the safest option, asking how he slept instead of how he was; The blonde knew something was wrong, didn't he?

Flashes of last night pierced Colby's mind, remembering the cold slice of the blade on his wrist before warm blood toned it out, burning. The younger male gulped, and responded a tiny bit quieter than before, "Good..." 

Tension was rising, and Colby didn't know how long it was going to take before it snapped, before Sam snapped.

Suddenly, Sam asked, "Is there... anything you wanna, like, talk about?" He asked with empathy lurking inside of him, his instincts telling him something was wrong, something was happening to Colby, something was hurting him and he didn't like it. Sam didn't like that Colby was hurting. He hated it.

Panic rose in Colby's chest as he felt himself on the verge of tears, feeling as if something that had been building up for years was finally crashing down, releasing out of his mind. 

"S-Sam, I-"

"There's something wrong, Colby... I know there is." Sam said softly, trying to keep his tone as gentle and comforting as possible as he didn't want to scare the brunette, didn't want to make him uncomfortable. Trying to come up with a response, Colby choked on his words, struggled to tell him everything because it was all too much.

How was he supposed to tell him this?

"I... I'm sorry..." The brunette whispered, tears pricking at his delicate blue eyes. Shock crossed over Sam's face as he instantly lurched forward, wrapping his arms around Colby as soon as possible. "I-I'm so... I'm so sorry!" Cried Colby, tightly wrapping his arms around the blonde's neck as he sobbed, tears falling down his face as his sleeves lifted up.

"What are you sorry for, Colby-"

"I'm sorry for being s-such a fuck up, I... I'm sorry for being such an a-asshole, I'm sorry for being such a f-fucking horrible best friend," He sobbed, those words that crushed Sam's heart rolling rapidly off of Colby's tongue as he only spoke the truth of what his mind believed. "I'm... s-sorry for being so annoying, I'm sorry for r-ruining your days, I'm sorry for h-hurting you-"

"Colby... no, dude, stop," Sam said sternly, his voice laced with concern but also sadness, overall sadness. 

Colby was the closest thing you could get to perfect, how could he ever say that about himself?

How could he think that?

"You aren't a fuck up, you aren't an asshole, you aren't a horrible friend, you aren't annoying, you don't ruin my days, you don't hurt me," Sam argued, nothing but love behind his words even though they seemed so strict. "You make everything brighter, you're so generous, you're the most important, lovable, best friend I could ever ask for. You keep life worth living, you keep my days colorful, and don't forget about all the times you've healed me." Sam told him softly, ranting about his true feelings, of how he felt. 

Colby was all he could ever ask for.

"Please, don't ever think of yourself that way. I want you to know I'd never and never have looked or thought about you that way..." Sam whispered, holding the brunette boy closer.

"N-Never?..."

Sam sighed, kissing the boy's forehead gently with a sad smile.

"Never."