"James Simmons...." The old woman's voice was almost annoying, the way she said his name with a tone of annoyance as he sat inside the waiting room. He remembered the odd looks he got the second he walked into the hospital asking to see Maeve. Of course the girl had just gone back to see her mother's body with her older brother, and James had to sit here like a helpless child and wait.

It had been exactly twenty minutes and the woman behind the reception desk called his name. He didn't need to even get up before Maeve walked into the area. He stood up almost out of instinct "Maeve" he kept his tone low in case she didn't wanna speak.

He saw the way she looked slightly out of it as she looked up at him, he saw that same look almost all the time. Those gloomy eyes that were full of sadness and grief, death was a constant feeling in his life. He had gone to so many hospitals, so many funerals. She looked almost small compared to him as he hugged her, he pictured the little girl who would run around with him at the trailer park.

The same one who was trying to escape their shitty parents, no amount of bruises or tears would make the other ask about what happened. They kept silent most of the time, walked around in bliss before they were called off back home. The endless cycle repeated and then James just watched the world around him shift into uncertainty. She sat down, the hospital chairs were uncomfortable but she didn't seem to mind.

James would've sat down beside her but she seemed hellbent on being alone, especially when she looked down at her crossword desperately. He would've made a snarky joke to lighten the mood but he didn't. He felt like he was suffocating as he picked at his fingernails, a habit he developed in the last few months. He would've grabbed a cigarette, but they were inside a hospital and it felt wrong.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sudden sight of Sean, the boy holding onto his bag as he walked towards Maeve "alright well I'm going". James didn't even know the boy was back in town, given his sudden disappearance months ago. Sean was always the type who ran off without any sort of explanation.

James remembered the boy always being around and he remembered the nights they'd sit behind a random ass building and get high. Sean definitely wasn't a good influence but deep down he cared, even if his way of showing it was bad and confusing.

James didn't miss the bloodshot eyes and the twitchy hands, Sean was clearly out of it. The boy looked like a wreak as he weakly waved at Maeve before he made his way outside. James let out a heavy breath as he ran off after the boy, he felt lightheaded just thinking about everything. It hadn't even been a full day of him being sober for a year and James was tempted to get into old habits.

He always knew for a fact Sean was always prepared, his bag reeked of weed half the time. Not to mention his baggy sweater that for some reason always had random shit inside the pockets. James didn't mind the rain, in fact it brought him comfort as he let his hood weakly sit atop his head. "Hey Sean!" he would've smacked himself for being such an idiot but part of him at this point didn't even care anymore.

He smiled weakly as Sean approached him, the boy holding his hood downwards, he hated the rain. "James, I heard about your whole overdose. Appears my mother did the same shit, doesn't surprise me, I mean you survived man, you're a lot smarter that's for sure. Nothing can take you down James".

Sean chuckled slightly as he patted James shoulder "Maeve ain't like me, I see the truth. My mother was always bound to end up like this, I mean shit man, once you experience that first high, you never go back. Life's a big waste of space anyways".

James would have grabbed the bag himself, took whatever was inside but he didn't. "You should take this seriously, you know, Maeve doesn't deserve you acting this way. You'll just end up like your mother if you keep going down this pathway Sean".

Sean scoffed "says you, let's face it... at the end of the day you're a junkie. No amount of sober days or badges and claps will tell you otherwise. You can stare at yourself in the mirror all you want, but the reflection looking back will always be the same. Old habits never die, and hey.. maybe the next time I come back to this shitty hospital, you'll be the one in the body bag, because we all end up in one place. Dead, you light it or smoke it, you die with it".

James looked at Sean sadly "I'm not gonna end up like that, I just can't Sean. I don't want to be like you, where I run around all the damn time trying to find my next hit. Crashing on random peoples couches and not even showing up for your sister when your mother literally just died. She's inside there alone, and you're out here likely gonna run off to her high with your lame ass junkie friends".

James didn't react when Sean punched him, it was expected given how the boy had the habit of lashing out when being told the truth. "Screw you James, you're the same as me, only difference is you chose to surround yourself with people, more people to hurt in the end right? You might be sober now, but give it a few more days, and you'll be the same James I knew. It never works in the end for people like us. Have fun in your make believe world!".

Sean walked off and James huffed in annoyance as he pushed his hands into his pockets. The rain was getting more intense but he didn't make any move towards his car. He stayed standing inside the parking lot, looking like a lost puppy as blood ran down his lip. Sean was right, and James was scared to even think about it as he watched the boy walk off.

After a long awkward minute he finally made his way towards his car and got inside. He knew Maeve would likely be inside for another few hours so he laid back in his seat and closed his eyes as he dozed off.

—

"James?" he blinked rapidly as he sat up quickly, he turned at the sight of Maeve as the girl climbed into the passenger seat of the car. "Maeve? Sorry I must've fallen asleep waiting for you" he rubbed his eyes as he started the car. "Sorry I took so long, but I finished the crossword" she put her seatbelt on as he nodded.

"It's fine, I didn't mind waiting. Ruby's helping Otis with his campaign thing anyways so I had the spare time to wait. I can take you somewhere to get food if you want, you're probably starving". He saw the tiredness on Maeve's face as he drove down the road. He didn't turn the radio on but he wished he did because things were awkward with silence.

"I'm not hungry" he tapped his fingers on the steering wheel as he looked at Maeve "I'm gonna pretend you said yes, and we can just stop at a diner somewhere". Maeve sighed "more like a pub, I can't believe my mother is dead. She was doing good".

"Well, sometimes that can happen. When everything is finally settled and perfect, things just take a turn for the worse and half the time they survive but the other half they die due to being alone. She probably just took way too much trying to get high faster, or it was laced with something that fucked with her system. No offense but half the dealers around this area aren't exactly good at handling their own product".

He pushed a cigarette into his mouth, lighting it as he rolled the window down. Maeve rolled hers down half way before she picked at her fingernails nervously "you can just drop me off. Aimmie and Otis are over so they'll likely attempt to make dinner".

"Wouldn't you prefer chips? Proper ones that aren't burnt or soggy. Unless you think my cooking skills aren't up to your standards these days". Maeve huffed "like throwing frozen chips into an oven is considered cooking, anyone can do that".

"Well I do it better than anyone, if you put salt on top afterward then they're perfect, but if you want to be dropped off then I can do that". She nodded and he turned down the road, it was getting darker out by the second and he felt the exhaustion hit him. "Why do you do it?" he looked at Maeve briefly before he turned towards the window to look at the sky.

"Didn't really want to at first, but once you get that first hit in your system it's all you ever want and more. No amount is good enough and the more you take, the less shit you gotta deal with. At first it was for fun, everyone was cool doing it and it helped me not be so damn stressed all the time with my parents. Then the addiction hit and I couldn't go a day without it, driving you insane just trying to get it, didn't help that everyone was alway willing to give me more every time I showed up. Then your brother was very easy to convince to get anything I wanted for free, I swear he was always carrying things".

"You're not gonna go back right" he couldn't imagine himself using again but then another part of him did. Deep inside the back of his mind he could picture it so clearly it made him tense. "I can't, if I want to get Andrew back then I gotta stay clean and get my life together. Ruby's helping the best she can, and I mean I've been doing good, no relapse so far. Once I get a job then I'm sure they'll say I'm fit to get Andrew back, just gotta keep everything together".

He turned down Maeve's road "you'll do good, I know you will James" when he parked his car he sighed "have no other choice". Maeve climbed out of the car and he watched as she walked towards her door, he would've said something but he knew she likely wanted to stop being pitied.

No amount of I'm sorry for your loss would truly be enough for the girl, not to mention after the second time it just drags on forever. The world is shit, and not everyone is actually sorry when someone dies, when Maeve's door shut James drove off quickly.

At the end of the day James knew his life was forever gonna be an endless pile of sorry and pity. With the right amount of time and hopefully patience maybe his life would finally be back to normal. Then again somehow life always had a way of kicking him.

authors notes:
after a few weeks finally decided to get this story completed, with three chapters left I'm gonna feel so accomplished when I finish! I haven't properly completed a book on here in ages, of course once this one is done I plan on publishing another story for this show, love interest is Maeve and for the most part it's already planned and ready to go once this is done. This chapter literally has been sitting in my drafts for ages half written but inspiration finally hit so yay!