hi babes! 👋🏻  ily all ! 🫶🏻

hru all doing?! i honestly could
be doing better but it's
whatever tbh🤧🤧

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so here's my situation ↴

so honestly i don't exactly remember when or why it started but my dad has me handing in my phone at night when he goes to bed and he goes to bed quite early bc idk & he's used to it, he's newly retired so i hate it even more now since like why go to bed early if you don't need to get up early, ya know?! ugh 😩

i know one reason why but i literally don't know why he's
still doing it tbh !!

the one reason is bc i stay up late & i'd be on it with wifi/data when i had school in the morning but i'm done with school so like i don't understand anymore now for that reason but i'm to scared to ask 😅😩☹️🤧

maybe you guys can help me ask, like i'm wanting the words i should say bc i often word things bad & it makes it worse, ya know?

so like today, the 25th of Nov, i turned it in at well before 9pm... (like at 8:45-ish, i believe) it's so stupid ! i'm still gunna be up for another 3-4 hours more likely but it's whatever !! — i usually get tired around 12:30-1am but it differs each night, like i used to get real tired at like 2:30-3:30am, which was worse but it's literally my only introvert time i get in the day, so i need the wifi !!

(i know being on the phone doesn't help you get tired but it does me idk why or how but it does & my parents don't believe me but i'm over it)

i'm getting heated already,
again, bc of it 😠😩☹️

honestly it makes me feel like a preteen or 13teen or something & it's driving me nuts/crazy bc i'm not a teen !! I'M ALMOST FUCKING 30 😭🤧
(which is scary to think
about tbh lmao)

[ which i also believe if i had a job and worked most of the week, maybe would help me getting my phone more but we'll see and i need to apply & call places so i can start working !!! which i've applied to a few places already, dw !! ]

i often defend myself but it's
no use bc i give in to fucking
easily & i hate it !!

i just give in way to easily & lately i've been actually saying no & stuff more & i'm so proud of myself!! <3
( & you should be too bc it
takes so much strength for
me to say it )

i wish i had started saying, no, way sooner, defending myself, but hey i'm doing it now so, i should be proud i'm doing it now than later, ya know?! the sooner the better trope !!

ugh so i often want to yell at my dad bc it/he gets on my nerves often & like ugh!!

OH & when i was dating my latest ex, he was so sweet, well still is but ya know lol, I told him what's been going on with this and on how I didn't have a phone for an entire fucking year, he got me my current one on Amazon for $200.

so on how i was talking to him was, at night my mom chargers her phone in the kitchen and not in their room so i'd quietly walk over & grab it and get on snapchat 🤭 & be on it for about 2ish hours then once i felt tired enough i'd go take it back & go to bed. & while all this was happening i was sleeping in our basement bc my bed upstairs sucks so i was sleeping in our basement in the rollout couch that we have, it's pretty comfortable.

[ but i'm now sleeping in
my bed upstairs bc we had
to put our dog down, august
of 2021, and i couldn't sleep downstairs without him being there, i cried so much so yeah,
to much pain still 💔😭 ]

So he's like now "your dad can't take it cause he didn't pay for it" & whatnot but when my dad found out about me having it, he still took it bc i didn't defend myself & told him about that he didn't pay for it & etc.

which it took a good 3-4 months for him to notice 🤭 i did pretty good at hiding it ! proud !
haha but my mom somehow found out about it quick but didn't tell my dad about it which i was grateful for !

OH & he took it the morning of my best friend's FUCKING WEDDING DAY so I couldn't take pictures & stuff with her & of her wedding !! i was pissed & i cried all morning till it was time to go to her wedding. so i had red & puffy eyes all afternoon. it sucked fr 😭😩 i was so angry with him. & my mom didn't even help me, she really didn't say much which is worse somehow i think. she like comforted me but it didn't make me feel any fucking better so like i wanted her to stfu!!

i'm apparently still
bitter about it, oop.

OKAY SO I THINK I'M
DONE WITH THIS TOPIC
BUT WE'LL SEE LMAO 😂 
(sorry that's all in caps)

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written: 11/25/2022 9pm
completed: 11/25/2022 9:40pm
edited: 11/25/2022 9:55pm
published: 11/26/2022 7pm
total words: 836-900
© gilmcregirl