:: 12/20/24 2am ::

hi it's me again 👋🏻

long time no talk

so a few things have happened since i last updated this book...

i've been in so much emotional pain in the past 7-8 months that i'm surprised i haven't done anything drastic yet tbh.

lost my beautiful cat; Tigger in mid May. lost (she's still alive) my bsf / ex-gf a week after my cat died.

said some stupid stuff on twitter last june ('23) & i regret everything but ppl can't seem to understand that i'm trying to get better & shit. (that's enough of that on here...)

my ex-bsf knew everything about that ^ & yet still supported me through it & still left me /:

i'm really just a freaking train wreck at the moment. i have been going to therapy so that's good. therapy is great and is needed.

i feel so worthless sometimes. i don't feel like i could be someone. (like i don't wanna be here but i don't wanna like unalive myself, yk?) so dw!!!

UGHHHH i've had so many breakdowns bc i miss her so much/badly and there's nothing i can do to reach her so i can talk to her and sort things out.

she's so damn special and every time her name came up on my phone screen, i'd smile and giggle. i love(d) talking to her, everyday. i loved how many similar things we had in common. we just clicked and now i just feel so unworthy of anyones love but hers. i need her back. i so desperately want to talk to her. i wish we didn't live so fucking far away from each other or. FUCK.

I MISS HER SO FUCKING BADLY 😭

UGHHHH FUCKKKK 😭😭😭😭

i wish there was something i could do or something i could say somehow and have her talk to me.

OMFG that reminds me; i've had like 2-4 dreams lately that she's talked to me in my fucking dreams and then i wake up and i don't see anything on my phone screen and i'm back to being in pain. It seemed so real too, all of them!! so hopefully dreams do come true cause !!!!!!! I THINK I'D SCREAM IF I EVER SAW A NOTIFICATION FROM HER.

🕯manifesting she talks to me🕯
🕯manifesting she talks to me🕯
🕯manifesting she talks to me🕯
🕯manifesting she talks to me🕯
🕯manifesting she talks to me🕯
🕯manifesting she talks to me🕯
🕯manifesting she talks to me🕯
🕯manifesting she talks to me🕯
🕯manifesting she talks to me🕯
🕯manifesting she talks to me🕯

with love,
your nickie (/ ainsley)

AUTHORS NOTE |
*sigh* i fucking miss her, don't you know? haven't i told you?
i wish i could write a song or a poem to convey that but i suck so :( ugh 😣

also things with my parents have gotten a bit better ?? i suppose 🤷🏻‍♀️

written: 12/20/2024 1am
completed: 12/20/2024 2am
edited: 12/20/2024 10am
published: 12/20/2024 8pm
total words: 466
© lqvespiralz