Dear nobody,

There's never a good time to restart the diary-writing ceremony considering how drastically my life changed over the last month. From having one member less than our three–member family to moving to a new place would take months to explain. The agony is still fresh in my heart. Just like how it feels like yesterday that I sat near my Dad's bed, reading him a random chapter from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and how casually he'd say that he would not want a death like Cedric Diggory's and how I had nonchalantly shrugged that off.

Little did I know that he'd be gone from my life like he was a spare. He meant more. Much more than a guy who died at the hands of Voldemort. 

And that brings me back to how much of a shitty son I was to him. Shitty enough not to explain to him how much he meant to me. I couldn't tell him how much he meant to me, how I miss his lopsided grin and his wavy blond hair, which grew paler and paler with time, and how-

Elliot's fingers traced over the crumpled paper of his diary, and he knew the impact behind each crinkle. Those were the marks of dried-up tears.

Evander's tears.

His steady handprint suddenly became an unpleasant scrap on the rest of the page. His eyes scanned through any sign of hope or any glimpse of happiness beneath the gloomy sheets of paper in the diary, but the diary in his hands and the absence of Winters was the cruel answer to all of his worries.

–much of what his words mean to me. I was too caught up in my issues.

The shrink tells me that I should get closure. That I should let my dad go. But how can this absolute nutcracker ask me to leave my goddamn father when he told me that he'd always hold my hand as I'd walk when I started walking. How can I let my father out of my fingers when he promised me his company forever?

Ours forever wasn't meant to be just sixteen years, one month, and four days. Ours forever was short. Too short for anyone's liking.

My mum is good, but no bond can ever be forged that could overshadow what I had with my dad. He was my stepping stone to my dreams and aspirations, each achievement of mine being done to make him smile even after his tough chemo sessions.

Funny how life turns out to be. All he made me think was of rainbows and sunshine after it'd all be over but here I sit, at an unfamiliar room, with all my belongings still packed. I feel a part of me died with him and within that, I just feel blank.

Will I ever be able to forget my dad? Certainly not. Will I ever be able to overcome his death? I hope not.

I miss you.

It was evident. The random blobs of ink around the last sentence were proof that this was the point where the blond must have broken down. The idea of him crying while clinging to this diary and sitting in a dark nook of his window made his heart sting in all the worst ways possible.

Elliot could feel the tears that were accumulated in his eyes. Not entirely because of what Evander had written in his diary but because he could see the ink of his pen get smudged at parts, especially towards the end of the page. He knew no words by him could ever comfort the blond for no matter what, he would never be able to imagine a day without his father. His heart was beating wildly within him, with his erratic breathing making him

P. S.- Shrink says that I should write more about topics that impact me in my daily life.

P. P. S- Right.

It took him a few seconds to feel the unfamiliar wetness which trickled down his brown eyes. It had nothing to do with the diary but everything to do with the fact that how bittersweet the start of their friendship was. Reminiscing about those days, it was both nostalgic and funny how the situation had unfolded from one misunderstanding to another.

No way in hell would he have thought to befriend the sullen-looking, pessimistic Winters when he first entered the school premises.

There would have been a lot of instances that Elliot would prefer to change, as he sat solemnly in the almost abandoned corridors of his high school on his day of graduation.

From a risky chemistry experiment to random nightly walks, there have been a lot of things he had never discussed with the blond and a lot more topics on which he needs his opinions.

He misses his sarcasm and his passive-aggressive temperament to keep himself grounded. He needed his Winters back at any cost.

But no amount of such considerations could make him leave from his stead. He was determined to read every aspect of this diary despite the numerous attempts he had made to not trespass his blond's privacy. But it was about him.

It was about his Evander Winters.

And Elliot wanted to know every little thing about him now.

Hola peeps,

I don't know how I did it either, but here's a random update. The update isn't random, but the timing can be.

But oh well, I think I want to travel this emotional roller coaster to get it out of my system. There will be many tweaks in the plot, here and there.

But mind you, with each change, it'll be of better quality and better taste to soothe everyone's minds. One might get confused with the pov (cuz there'll be a lot going on), so I'll try to set a pitch in the upcoming chapters.

Next update, you ask?
Be aware cuz it can be any time!!!

Ciao,
Sasha