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★₊⊹.. SUMMARY ━━ KANATA and CHANHA have a late night conversation on the dorms balcony

★₊⊹.. CONTENT WARNING ━━ None, expect for smoking if that is triggering to you

★₊⊹.. WORD COUNT ━━ 3041 words

★₊⊹.. NOTES ━━ I love these two sm. They might be my favorite dynamic besides JINYOUNG and KAJIME ❪ i am bad at ship names, don't judge me ❫. BUT ANYWAYS. I just really wanted to write something about these two because they're basically best friends and I also wanted to give a few hints on how i am going to develop their story lines.

I finally fixed how rushed it seemed and fixed some grammar mistakes. However, I am seriously stupid so there could still be some mistakes that I missed, so please be so kind to point them out to me if you see any. Enjoy!

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⊹ 🕷️ . CHAPTERS   .    ★    .   balcony talks ..

KANATA couldn't sleep. His legs wouldn't keep still. He kept turning around in his bed. Throwing off his blanket because he felt too warm. Pulling it over himself again because suddenly, he felt cold again. Closing his eyes for a few minutes, then having to open them again because he wasn't feeling right.

All in all, it had been an awfully restless night until now. Maybe because it was full moon currently, but he never really had a problem with that before.

Maybe he was experiencing withdrawal. It would definitely be the more plausible answer to his current restlessness. After all, he hasn't touched a cigarette in about four days. But then again, he has been chewing nicotine gum instead, though he isn't sure he chewed one today.

KANATA sighed, pushing himself up to sit straight in his bed. Careful to not wake up NICO, who was still sound asleep across the room. He looked like a burrito, the older noted. Blanket wrapped all the way around his body and head, only nose and eyes visible.

KANATA chuckled. The way the younger sleeps has always been quite endearing, partly because he always sleeps wrapped up fully in his blanket. KANATA is pretty sure that almost half of the pictures in YOUNGHYUN'S camera roll are pictures of their youngest sleeping, because it's " so cute, he sleeps like a bear cup ". More like a drooling cat on a heater in KANATA'S opinion, but whatever.

He stood up, stretching out his arms and his back. He yawned. He really needed a good night's sleep, he was tired. His back cracked loudly, which made him wince quietly to himself.

He went to his closet to get himself a pair of socks and sweatpants to wear over his sleeping shorts. The drawer squeaked as he dragged it open. He cussed, pulling out his desired pair of sweatpants and grabbing two of the socks in the basket on top of the drawer as he closed it again.

He heard NICO stir as he pulled the sweatpants up his legs. He sighed, he really didn't want to wake him up.

NICO turned to him and rubbed his eyes. A soft hum escaped his throat as he did. " Hyung? What are you doing? " He asked, the second part in japanese, sleepiness bleeding heavily through his tone.

KANATA brought one of his feet up to pull on his socks. " Nothing you need to worry about, NICHU-chan. Go back to sleep. "

The younger blinked at him, eyes almost falling closed again, " Are you going out? " NICO speaking sleepy Japanese was quite cute, he had to admit.

" Going onto the balcony. I need to clear my head a little " He answered, smiling softly to reassure NICO that he was fine, though he wasn't sure if he was actually able to see his expression, " Really NICO, you don't need to worry about it. Just you back to sleep. "

" You should go to sleep too, hyung. " NICO half yawned as he turned around in his bed, now facing the wall, " We have schedule tomorrow after all. "

KANATA smiled. He could tell the younger was already starting to dose off again, " I'll try NICO. I'll try. " He's pretty sure NICO wasn't able to catch that anymore, having already fallen back into a soundless slumber.

Oh, how much KANATA wished he could fall asleep so easily right now. He sighed again. Stupid nicotine addiction, stupid cravings and stupidly easing feeling of smoke in his lungs. He hated this so much.

He decided not to dwell too much on this specific failing of his, since he felt like it wouldn't be good for him and he wouldn't be able to sleep at all that night if he did.

He opened their room's door, stepping into the apartment's dark hallway before closing the door behind him again. The only light that was currently illuminating the hall was the city lights shining through the not fully closed curtains in their living room.

He basically creeped along the hallway, keeping one hand on the wall to keep himself steady and know where he was. He tried walking slowly and on tippy toes not to wake up the others. Especially not JUNMYEON, who has always been very keen about his sleep before days that have a fully packed schedule. It's not like the older actually had a good sleep schedule on off-days.

The living room was, contrary to the hallway, very lit up. The lights around the Han River were shining a mix of cold and warm light into the room. It felt kind of cozy, if KANATA was being honest.

But, he couldn't stay on that for too long. His hands were slowly but surely starting to tremble. He made his way to where he knew YOUNGHYUN had " hid " the younger's cigarettes. He always put them there when KANATA had been trying to quit, or was told by the company to quit. Always in one of the boxes under their entranceway table. Which wasn't very smart or secretive, but to be fair, there isn't that much space to hide things in their cramped dorm.

He kneeled down on the floor and pulled the box out from under the table, opening it soundlessly. It was the box they put everything into that they don't know where to put. For example, the dozen spare and empty lighters or random hair clips and all of that stuff.

He dug inside the box for a bit, eventually pulling out his desired pack of cigarettes. He shook it, checking if he had left his lighter inside of it. Which he did.

He put the lid back onto the box and slide it back into it's original place. Taking a long breath, he looked down at his hands while he turned the cigarette box in his right hand. He thought it over again. Should he really? But the craving was stronger than the rational voice inside his head.

" Sorry, mom. " He murmured as he stood up. He can't even recall how many times his mother had tried to get him away from smoking. And she was so happy when he told her he has been trying to get away from it too. That's another thing he hates now that he isn't a teenager anymore. Disappointing his mom.

LUA looked up at him from where she was lying on her dog bed as he made his way towards the balcony door. Clearly having been woken up by KANATA shuffling around in the living room.

He went up to her, crouching down to pet her head, " I'm sorry, LULU. Did I wake you up? " The golden retriever didn't answer, of course. Only closing her eyes and wagging her tail as KANATA scratched the sides of her head with both hands. Cigarette box put carefully beside him on the floor.

While he loved petting their dog, his mind was growing impatient. Waiting for him to light up his cigarette already. He gave her one last head pat, before picking up the cigarettes again, " Don't bother me. You can go back to sleep, yeah? "

LUA tilted her head at him as he stood up again. Now opening the glass doors to the balcony. She stayed put, laying her head on top of her paws.

The cold air felt good on his skin as he stepped outside. It wasn't really cold cold, but it wasn't warm either. The usual temperatures during April in Seoul. He soft breeze blew through KANATA's hair. It was quite calming, he had to admit.

He sat down, not like any other human being on the perfectly fine chair they had on their balcony. No, he sat down on the bare floor. JUNMYEON would probably freak out if he saw him sitting on the cold floor. " You'll get a bladder infection if you sit on the ground like that! ". KANATA could already hear the scolding in his head. God, JUNMYEON could really be like a mom sometimes.

He pulled out a cigarette and the lighter from the box and laid it down next to him, before bringing the cigarette to his mouth. He shielded the end of the cigarette with his left hand, managing the lighter with the other. It took him a few tries until a flame emerged from the lighter and he was able to finally light the cigarette.

It felt nice. The smoke burned down his throat and filled his lungs as he took a drag. He lifted the cigarette from his mouth, holding it with his middle and pointer finger. He blew the smoke out into the cold air, watching as the thin, grey cloud faded in the wind.

He felt a weird mixture of guilt and satisfaction. He sighed and dreaded a hand through his hair. It seemed like that, no matter how hard he tried, he would never be able to quit this habit. It made him feel sad, no, actually frustrated that he got addicted in the first place. He wished younger him had made better decisions.

KANATA just sat there for a while, leaning back against the wall. He took a drag from the cigarette occasionally and dragged his eyes over his surroundings. He looked up, disappointed that he couldn't see stars, but you never could. They lived in a metropole after all.

The cigarette was almost burnt down to half its original size when the lights in the kitchen turned on. He let his head fall back against the wall, repressing the urge to swear. He just closed his eyes instead, shaking his head slightly. Of course this would have happened. Oh, how much he loved his luck.

It did not take long for a head to poke through the gap in the balcony door. KANATA didn't bother looking at who it was, as it would surely be answered soon.

" Shouldn't you be sleeping? " CHANHA said, informally, KANATA would like to point out. He crooked his head a little. At least it wasn't JUNMYEON. He would have never heard the end of that one.

He took another drag from the cigarette, blowing the smoke into the night, " I could ask you the same question, HA-CHAN. " He grinned up at the other.

CHANHA frowned, " I can't sleep. "

KANATA chuckled in response, " That makes two of us then. "

The other eyed him. KANATA was sure he would question him about the cigarette between his fingers. He wasn't looking forward to that.

" Why are you sitting outside without a jacket? You're going to catch a cold, hyung. " Oh. KANATA wasn't expecting that if he was being completely honest. It was nice that the Korean cared, though.

" Thanks for caring, CHANIE, but I'm- " The younger had already disappeared before KANATA could have finished his sentence. He paused, " fine. "

It didn't take long for CHANHA to come back, a blanket in hand. It's one of those big, fussy ones NICO convinced them to get when they went out to buy stuff for their dorm. He sat down next to him, throwing the blanket over his own shoulders first, offering the other end to KANATA, " You can't tell me you aren't cold. It's like 13°C. "

Okay, maybe KANATA had ignored the goosebumps forming on his skin and his slight shivering. But he was more focused on his cigarette, really. Which sounds kinda sad if he thinks about it.

CHANHA raised an eyebrow at him, " Hyung, you are literally shivering. Take the blanket. "

The older rolled his eyes, taking the end of the blanket and pulling it over his shoulders, muttering a quiet thanks under his breath. He took another drag from the cigarette, blowing the smoke out to his left side, not to blow it directly onto CHANHA.

The other looked at him, " You don't need to turn away. My father and my uncle are both smokers. I'm gonna be fine. "

Right, he remembered CHANHA telling him about that once, " If you say so. "

CHANHA stayed silent for a bit, " Quitting didn't work again, huh? " He asked eventually, wrapping his arms around his knees and pulling them to his chest.

He sighed, " I'll never be able to, I fear. " He looked down at the cigarette in his hand.

" No. You will one day. " He said, turning his head forward to look at the sky, " It's hard but you shouldn't give up on it. You can do it, I know you can. "

KANATA smiled, " Thanks for saying that, CHANIE. I appreciate it. "

" No need, hyung. " The Korean reassured, " You have always been more determined than I was. " He rested his chin on his arms.

KANATA turned to him, " That's not true, CHANHA. "

CHANHA'S responded with a shrug, " Maybe, but i just feel like it is. "

KANATA extinguished his cigarette by pressing it onto the floor, deciding to clean it up later. He turned to the other, " CHANHA, don't tell me it's about that guy again. "

" It's not his fault, you know. " The younger tried, " My brain just works in stupid ways. "

KANATA would have almost said something bad, no elaboration on what he would have said, but decided against it, " Sure, whatever you say. "

CHANHA glares at him, " You can't blame everything on other people. "

" If they're making my friends feel bad, I sure as hell can. " He said, almost spat as he stretched out his legs. No, he didn't like talking about him, as he liked to call him. Or the one who shall not be named when they talked about him amongst the members.

KANATA didn't like him, and that for various reasons. No, he will not elaborate on all of those reason but for the most part, he hated his guts. Not that KANATA actually knows who it is that CHANHA is always overthinking about. He didn't really know much about him actually, not even his name, but KANATA judges him still.

" Listen, WONCHAN. " He said, not trying to sound harsh, " I said this before, if they make you feel bad, they're not worth your time. And he obviously makes you feel bad. I can see it . "

" And I said this to you before, he doesn't make me feel bad directly. " The younger almost sounded hurt. " I mean, it's not his fault that he doesn't like me that way. "

" Okay, okay. I understand. Sorry. " He said, knowing he had to tone down his honesty a little bit. Maybe stopping always saying what he thinks is a good thing to do, considering the amount of times his honesty had left someone offended.

The younger frowned, resting his head on KANATA'S shoulder, " You don't mean that. "

" Yeah, I don't. " He said, laying his head on top of the others, " If you are happy, I am happy too. I just don't want you to get hurt because of some jerk who is too incompetent to realize he is being a jerk. "

" He isn't a jerk. " The Korean grumbled and pouted, pressing his cheek to KANATA'S shoulder harder.

KANATA looked down at the other, raising an eyebrow, " But incompetent? "

CHANHA raised a fist to hit the olders chest, half-heartedly, but it still kinda hurt. " He's not- Okay, maybe he is incompetent. Just a little. "

KANATA laughed, " What did you hit me for then? "

The younger shrugged, grinning from one ear to the other, " No reason. You kinda deserve it, hyung. Not gonna to lie to ya. You really can be an ass sometimes. "

He gasped dramatically, " How do I deserve that? I am the most well-behaved individual in this dorm! "

" Nope, that's LUA. " CHANHA states simply, pointing at said dog with his thumb, who the older didn't even notice was sitting next to CHANHA the whole time.

" True, " he said simply, " Right LULU? " She barked once in response, wagging her tail like she always did.

The Korean turned his head to their dog, starting to pat her with one hand, " That's right. You're the best girl, aren't you? " She closed her eyes and panted in typical dog-fashion, seemingly enjoying the affection.

As soon as CHANHA stopped patting her, LUA went back inside and laid down onto her bed.

They stayed silent for a while, watching the sky and the Han River, listening to city noises emerging from all sides. It was kinda nice, KANATA had to admit. Due to having packed schedules most of the time, they didn't get to spend time together this often.

Eventually, the older of the two decided to break the silence, " You know, I am not the best person to ask about love question. "

CHANHA eyed him, cheek pressed to the others shoulder again, " None of us are, if we are being completely honest. "

KANATA snorted, " Yeah, pretty much. But I feel like YOUNGHYUN-hyung would be the best person to talk about this to. "

The younger paused, he pulled the blanket tighter around himself. " YOUNG-hyung? Please. He can't even get his own feelings in order. " He said after a few seconds.

KANATA blinked " Eh, you're right. " He admitted, crossing his arms over his chest.

They stayed quiet for a while again. Another gust of wind blew through his hair. He yawned, wider and louder than before. He felt like he was about to sleep any second, CHANHA too, judging from the slow, steady breathing against his skin.

" CHANIE? " KANATA asked after a while, chuckling when he saw the younger was fast asleep against his shoulder. He didn't snore, unlike YOUNGHYUN would. He didn't know how JUNMYEON was able to sleep in one room with him. He always sounded like a construction side, in KANATA'S opinion.

He felt a wave of tiredness take over his body. Not sleeping properly for three nights in a row really takes a toll on you, doesn't it?

He yawned once more, laying his head onto CHANHA'S again. He closed his eyes, listening closely to the noises around him. A police siren went off in the distance. It was kinda soothing in a way.

It didn't take long for him to dose off, the light in the kitchen remaining on. JUNMYEON will absolutely flip when he saw them sitting on the cold floor like that and sleeping outside. But, eh, he will take that fire when it comes to him.

And just like that, he fell into soundless sleep.

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© yuuvoiidz

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