⟡ ݁₊ . 💒. 𝓛ET 𝓣HE 𝓛IGHT 𝓘N. . . ୨ৎ .ᐟ
( 017. ) ━━ ❛ i meant it. ❜

didn't know love could be quite like this
i saw you, and i was saying you and i
would end up like this
💌
365, talia mar.

𝓘T'S 𝓠UIET at the lake again. it's not the kind of quiet that settles, but rather one that stretches, tense and waiting. viola sits on the edge of the dock in her white gown, her bare feet hanging just above the dark surface of the water. the hem of her dress is already damp from being dragged through the grass and puddles on her way out here. not that she cares.

even from out here, she can still hear the soft hum of the band playing inside, muffled by distance and thick walls. laughter drifts now and then, sounding very much like another world — one that she doesn't belong in.

she had fun tonight, honestly. kirby had been warm, funny, and surprisingly good at pretending neither of them were currently heartbroken. viola even laughed at one point, real laughter, sharp and sudden in a way that caught her entirely off guard. it was when kirby pointed out that julian's tie was tied way too short, and the ridicule of the man they both hate admittedly did help.

but the moment eventually passed, and now she's here, with makeup smudged under her eyes and her throat sore from all the words she wishes she'd said.

she came out here because she needed air. she needed to stop feigning happiness for five minutes, because even though she had fun, the night wasn't like how she'd dreamt it up in her mind. even though it was a good night, there's still one person she can't stop wishing had seen it.

the person she'd wanted to walk in with.

viola hugs her knees to her chest, pressing her cheek against the soft fabric of her gown, staring blankly at the lake.

"you're really out here in that dress, huh."

viola's startled, and whips her head around so far that her hair nearly whips her in the face.

matt is standing at the edge of the clearing, breathing hard like he's just sprinted here. which he probably did. his dark hair is a total mess, like he's been tugging at it, and his shirt is slightly wrinkled — but he's in a suit. an actual suit. jacket, tie, the whole thing.

viola's mouth goes dry. she blinks, unsure if she's hallucinating him into existence.

"you missed it," she says after a beat. her voice comes out flat. "the ball. it's over."

matt winces like she's just slapped him.

"shit," he breathes, stumbling forward a step. his voice cracks. "no. fuck. i— i was supposed to be there. i wanted to be there."

she blinks at him.

"i got stuck," he starts, voice trailing off into a ramble. "my car broke down on the way here, and my phone died, and then i had to run here... and by the time i got to the country club, i— i couldn't find you. and i thought—"

he stops, chest rising and falling like he's been holding his breath all this time. his eyes scan her face, her dress, the way she's curled in on herself like she's afraid to even hear his words.

"i missed it," he says again, much softer this time. it's like the fact hits him all over again.

he runs his hand through his hair, fingers visibly shaking. "i've never hated myself more than i do right now."

viola just stares at him. she has no fucking idea what to say.

matt takes another step towards her. "i just wanted to see you walk in. that's all i wanted, to be there. to stand next to you like i was supposed to, and i wanted to be the one everyone said was so lucky when they saw us together," he says rapidly, not even allowing himself to catch his breath. "i wanted to show up for you, and i fucked it up."

he laughs bitterly, and viola can see there's not an ounce of humor in his eyes. "i'm the one who told you i never pretended, and then i wasn't even there to prove it. what does that make me?"

viola's heart is like a clenched fist inside her chest. matt looks up at the sky, blinking like he's trying not to cry. his voice drops.

"when i saw the ballroom was empty, i thought— fuck, i thought maybe i lost you for good," he says, and the pain in his voice is honestly unbearable.

he looks at her, really looks, and there's devastation in every inch of him.

"someone told me you'd gone outside, and i ran out. i didn't care if i looked like a fucking idiot— i just had to find you."

viola's throat tightens. her entire body is trembling now, her hands curling into the fists in the folds of her dress.

matt sighs loudly. "but i didn't come for the ball," he says. "i came for you."

something inside her twists.

matt exhales and runs a hand over his face. for a brief second, she sees the same boy who walked away from her in this exact spot. the same ocean eyes, tired and blue and full of things unsaid.

"can i sit?" he finally asks. she nods, and he sits beside her. they're closer than when she sat by him the last time they were her, but viola doesn't pull away.

matt sits beside her, the heat from his body brushing against her skin. he says nothing now, so viola stares down at the water, willing herself not to cry again and silently screaming at herself not to say anything she'll regret.

but her heart is thudding so loud it's all she can hear.

"i meant it," she blurts out, her voice so soft it's practically a whisper. "when i said i loved you."

matt doesn't move. instead, his gaze stays focused on the lake, completely and utterly unreadable.

"i love you so much that i can't think straight," she continues. "i love you so fucking much that when you look at me, honestly, nothing else matters."

the words tumble out of her like some sort of confession, like she's handing over something sacred. which technically, she is... her heart.

she's not sure what she expects, but it's something — anything. but matt remains silent. after a beat, his eyes flick towards her, and she sees it: the tiniest spark of something.

still though, he doesn't speak.

"i'm sorry for what i did," she says, her voice now beginning to break around the edges. "i'm sorry for how badly i hurt you and that i was too fucking stupid to see what we were, which i know wasn't fake." her bottom lip trembles. "but i'm not sorry for loving you, not when it's the only thing in my life that's ever felt right to me."

still nothing.

matt's silence becomes unbearable. the kind that rings in your ears, and wraps around your ribs and squeezes you to death. viola blinks hard and starts to stand, knees unsteady as she rises.

"okay," she says, her voice flat and hollow. "i get it. i fucked up. it's fine, i'll go—"

she takes a step back, and matt's head lifts sharply.

"wait."

her hand stills at her side, her breath catching mid-step. she turns.

matt is on his feet now. the light from the moon cuts across his face, casting half of it soft silver and the other in shadow. his breathing is ragged once again, his tie is crooked, and his hands twitch slightly at his sides, like he doesn't know what to do with them.

and then his eyes drop to her mouth. the look is only fleeting, but it's there.

viola's heart nearly splits in two.

and then, with zero warning, he's closing the space between them in three steps and pressing his mouth to hers.

the kiss is soft and slow. painfully, achingly slow — like he's terrified she'll pull away. it's like he's trying to memorize the exact pattern of her lips as he kisses her. his own lips are so soft, though they tremble just slightly. one of his hands finds the curve of her cheek, while the other hovers at her hip, barely touching.

it's gentle, reverent. like she's breakable.

viola doesn't realize she's let a few tears slip until he pulls back just enough to look at her, and his thumb brushes the wetness from under her eyes.

matt's breathing hard as he speaks, "i didn't know what to say. i couldn't believe you were saying it. i still can't."

her chest tightens, and she searches his face. "matt—"

"i thought it was over," he says, voice breaking. "and that fucking destroyed me, viola."

she starts to respond, but he cuts her off — softly, by kissing her again. this one is much firmer, and deeper. his hand slides to the back of her neck, fingers threading through her hair. a low, guttural sound escapes him when her tongue slides across his bottom lip, and he responds by kissing her even harder.

but then he pulls away again, his blue eyes desperate as they search hers.

"i love you," he says. the word sounds hoarse. wrecked. "i love you so much, it's fucked me up. i can't think when i'm around you, fuck— i don't know how to breathe half the time."

viola's lips part, but she's completely frozen. matt just keeps going, his voice raw and fast. it's like the dam has finally cracked, and he can't stop the water from rushing in now.

"i've loved you before i even knew what it meant. since you moved in next door, since you started to dislike me for being annoying, since you started dating julian."

he starts to smile, ever so slightly.

"i've loved you through every fake smile we gave to the town, through every stupid staged moment. because none of it was staged for me. none of it," he tells her sincerely. "i was yours the second you asked me to pretend."

viola's hands are trembling as they curl into the front of his suit jacket. "i didn't know," she says, her voice so soft it's nearly a breath. matt's eyes burn as they stare into her.

"every time you touched me, no, every time you fucking looked at me— i wanted to say it. but you'd just broken up with ju— him, and i didn't wanna scare you," he says, an expression of sadness now taking over his face. "and when you said it the other night, i thought— finally. and i still left."

he shakes his head. "i will never forgive myself for that."

viola wraps her arms around his neck suddenly, pressing her face into his shoulder. for a minute, they just stay like that, until he whispers, "tell me again."

she steps back, just enough to meet his eyes.

"i love you," she says. "i love you."

he closes his eyes like it physically hurts to hear.

"i love you so much that i think i would've shattered if you didn't show up tonight," she adds. "so please, don't ever leave like that again."

"i won't," he replies, and then he grins, a real one. "can't believe you're wearing this goddamn dress," he muses.

she blinks. "seriously?"

out of nowhere, he scoops her up — bridal style — and she shrieks.

"matt, no! don't you dare!" she yells, but it's no use. he's already sprinting toward the end of the dock, and viola doesn't even finish screaming before they're in the air.

before she knows it, the water swallows them whole.

viola surfaces with a mix of a choke and a gasp, spluttering. her hair is plastered to her face, mascara no doubt now smudged all the way down to her chin. when matt pops up next to her, wiping water from his eyes, he looks perfect. of course.

"you're such an asshole!" she yells, and he just laughs.

"sorry," he shrugs with the most unapologetic tone she thinks she's ever heard. "you looked too pretty, so i had to do something about it."

she splashes water at him, grinning through the disbelief.

"my dress weighs like a hundred pounds when it's wet!" she exclaims. "i'm gonna drown."

"you won't drown," matt rolls his eyes. viola gives him a suspicious look.

"and how do you know?" she asks. "you're not a lifeguard."

"because i'm not letting go, you idiot," he says, swimming closer. the seriousness in his voice makes her pause. he's there — close again, steady as his arm wraps around her torso and he uses his strength to hold her up.

"i had to watch you date that prick for two fucking years, nebraska," matt reminds her then, and viola cringes. "i'm not gonna let you drown when i just got you. even if it kills me."

she stares at him, and he rolls his eyes at her again.

"you seriously don't believe me?" he asks with a raise of his eyebrow. "after that whole fucking confession and everything? after i told you i loved you?"

"love me," she corrects. "you love me. present tense."

matt sighs, but he's smiling nevertheless.

"yeah, nebraska, i love you."

💌 ⋆✴︎˚。⋆ ━━ ava speaks !

UUUUUUUGH I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

i genuinely can't deal

epilogue up next angels!!!!!!