⟡ ݁₊ . 💒. 𝓛ET 𝓣HE 𝓛IGHT 𝓘N. . . ୨ৎ .ᐟ
( 015. ) ━━ ❛ completely fucking gone for you. ❜

you really know how to make me cry
when you give me those ocean eyes
💌
𝓞CEAN 𝓔YES, billie eilish.

𝓣HE 𝓑IKE ride to the lake is quiet. viola's bike wobbles a tad as she pushes the pedals harder than she really needs to. she could've taken her and been here in a third of the time, but she couldn't bear it. the thing has remained untouched since matt fixed it. her hair has escaped its braid, causing wet and wavy strands to stick to her face. her throat feels raw, like she hasn't drank water in days, and her stomach churns with doubt.

even though it's the height of summer, the wind is cold tonight. she didn't bother with a jacket or anything. she doesn't expect to be long. he probably won't even be here, and if he is, she'll just say what she has to say and then leave straight afterwards. he's had nothing to say to her for almost a week now, so why would that change now?

though in the back of her mind, viola thinks she may be here a while. she feels restless and slow at the same time, and it's weirding her out.

every push of the pedals feels like she's dragging herself through syrup. her legs ache profusely, but she refuses to slow down. she keeps going, because stopping would mean thinking, and if she starts thinking, she might break down before she even gets there.

she tries not to think about how empty the sight of matt's house has felt lately. or how quiet the front porch has been. no hoodie tossed over the railing. no music coming from his bedroom window. no matt.

she'd knocked yesterday. just once. but there was no answer.

her chest tightens at the mere thought.

she parks her bike under some random tree, watching as it wobbles and eventually falls into the grass. viola doesn't care. her sneakers crunch against the pebbled path as she walks, almost mechanically, toward the lake.

she spots him almost instantly.

he's here. of course he's here.

matt is sitting on the dock, legs hanging off the edge, wearing a baseball cap backwards. his shoulders are hunched, and he doesn't turn around when she approaches.

viola swallows, and her throat is somehow even drier than before. "hey."

silence.

she takes a couple of steps closer, and the wood creaks loudly under her feet.

"you've been ignoring me," she continues, but he still doesn't say anything. she notices that his fists are clenched, even though they're stuffed in the pockets of his jorts. his jaw is tight, and even from here, she can see the muscle ticking.

viola sits down, making sure she stays a few feet away from him. the wood is cool under her thighs as she curls her fingers around the edge of the planks, knuckles turning white.

"i know you saw it. what happened."

still nothing.

"i didn't kiss him," she says. "julian kissed me. i pushed him off. i— i yelled at him, matt, but he wouldn't listen to me."

matt exhales slowly through his nose. viola carefully watches him: the sharp line of his jaw, and the slight flinch in his cheek. his eyes, however, are locked on the lake. like he'd rather talk to the silent water than her.

"i didn't want you to find out like that," she goes on, voice quieter now. "i wanted to be able to tell you everything that happened on my own terms." she pauses, inhaling deeply as she gathers her thoughts. "he— he said he'd tell everyone about us. that this... thing is fake. he's going to expose us, unless i..."

she trails off. she can't say it out loud, it's too humiliating.

matt's voice is low, rough around the edges. "unless you what?" he questions.

"unless i get back together with him."

he laughs. it's short and bitter and doesn't sound anything like him. or, at least her version of him. it cuts through viola like a sharp knife.

"so, what?" he asks. "he threatens you, and your first instinct is to protect a lie?"

"no," she says quickly. "that's not— matt, i don't care about the lie. i care about—"

he finally turns to look at her.

it wrecks her, shatters her heart into a thousand pieces.

those fucking eyes.

ocean eyes. blue like a darkening bruise, heartbreak personified. she sees all of it in those eyes — anger, hurt, betrayal. but worse than anything, she sees disappointment.

"you're afraid because julian wants to expose that it's fake. you really think any of this has been fake?" he asks then, voice hard. "viola, i've been— fuck, i've been trying to fucking hold it together since the last time we were here." he gestures around them, at the lake. "and you— you're sitting here still pretending it's all some stupid act for the town? for my parents? for him?"

viola opens her mouth, but nothing comes out. her brain is screaming at her, telling her to just say something, but all she can do it sit there, hollowed out.

matt just shakes his head. his hands come out of his pockets to take off his cap and rake through his messy brown hair, agitated. "you know what? forget it. i don't know what i was fucking expecting."

he stands up, brushing off his jorts like she's some dirt he has to shake loose.

"wait," she says, scrambling to her feet. her voice cracks a second later. "matt, i'm sorry. i'm so sorry. i didn't want all of this— to hurt you. i just— i didn't think you actually—"

"didn't think i what?" he snaps. his tone isn't cruel necessarily, just sharp. frustrated. "didn't think i gave a shit? that i'd be totally fine hearing about, or better yet, watching you kiss your asshole ex on your porch like i don't even matter?"

"that's not what fucking happened!" she protests. "it wasn't like that. he just— he kissed me out of nowhere, and i was shocked, and—"

"you knew i was there," matt cuts in. "and you let me walk away."

"i didn't know what to do," she sighs, almost helplessly. "i was panicking. i didn't know if you were mad or disgusted or... i didn't even know if i had the right to be upset about you being upset." her voice is harder now, as she begins to grow agitated with his misunderstanding. "we agreed that this whole thing was fake, and how the fuck was i supposed to know that i wasn't the only one who stopped pretending?"

he stares at her for a long moment. his jaw ticks, and his eyes — those fucking blue eyes — search hers like they're trying to find something he can still believe in.

"jesus, nebraska. that's what you thought?"

she nods, hating the sting she feels behind her eyes as tears begin to well.

"i thought it was best not to say anything," she says, her voice now barely above a whisper. she doesn't think she could speak any louder if she tried. "because if i let myself think it was actually real, then i would've had to admit i'm completely fucking gone for you... and i didn't think that was what you wanted."

he exhales hard, turning away for a second, like her words have physically hit him. matt looks down at his feet, then back up.

"i've never pretended," he says after an excrutiating few beats of silence. "not once. not ever."

her chest caves in.

"i love you," she says.

"i'm sorry," he replies.

and with that, he turns and walks away. the crunch of the pebbles is the only sound to be heard, until it eventually fades away into nothingness.

viola stands there on the dock, simply standing at the water. it still smells like pine and wet earth out here, and the lake glimmers gold where the sun is setting. but none of it feels beautiful now.

none of it matters, because matt's gone. it's over, and there's absolutely nothing that can save it.

honey <3 🫧🧸 ; honey
dylan <3 💒🪽 ; viola

dylan <3 💒🪽
i told him

honey <3 🫧🧸
OMG
OMG!!!!
and?

dylan <3 💒🪽
it's over

honey <3 🫧🧸
WHAT
WHAT?
viola?
what happened???

dylan <3 💒🪽
i don't even know
it was horrible

honey <3 🫧🧸
dylan baby
i am so sorry

dylan <3 💒🪽
i that was probably the worst thing i've ever experienced in my entire life
like the breakup with julian was nothing compared to this
but it's all my fault so i can hardly complain

honey <3 🫧🧸
viola
it's not your fault
i swear
julian kissed YOU

dylan <3 💒🪽
that doesn't matter
i let julian's words get to me bc i still believed it was fake

honey <3 🫧🧸
yeah... cause it was?

dylan <3 💒🪽
he thought i knew how he felt
he thought it was obvious
oh my god and it WAS fucking obvious
i am so so so so dumb

honey <3 🫧🧸
viola
this isn't over
if he loves you he won't let you go over this

dylan <3 💒🪽
honey.
i literally said "i love you"
and you know what he said?
"i'm sorry"
and then he LEFT

honey <3 🫧🧸
jesus
i am so sorry dyl
i'm coming to get you

dylan <3 💒🪽
don't bother
i biked here so

honey <3 🫧🧸
then i'll walk and we can wheel it home together
i'm omw

dylan <3 💒🪽
i love you ☹️☹️☹️☹️

honey <3 🫧🧸
i love you too
and i'm not sorry 😊

dylan <3 💒🪽
FARRRR too early to be making jokes

honey <3 🫧🧸
my bad 🤕🤕
also..... if u don't mind me asking
what abt the deb ball?

dylan <3 💒🪽
fuck
yeah well
i'll be escorting myself ig 💖

honey <3 🫧🧸
i'll escort you queen

dylan <3 💒🪽
no way
i know how much you hate this shit

honey <3 🫧🧸
viola
do you really think i give a shit about my hatred for dumbass deb balls rn?
no

dylan <3 💒🪽
it's fine
i'll escort myself #independentqueen

honey <3 🫧🧸
we'll talk abt this another day
if you change your mind i'm always here

dylan <3 💒🪽
thank you lover

honey <3 🫧🧸
anytime angel
now stay there i'm coming!!!!!!!
loved by dylan <3 💒🪽

𝓣HE 𝓡OAD back home blurs.

matt drives faster than usual, like he's trying to outrun her voice. not just the sound of it he's grown to like so much — but the fucking weight behind her words.

i love you, she'd said.

too late.

he grips the steering wheel so hard that it creaks beneath his fingers, but it's not enough. his throat is tight, like something's lodged in there and won't move. he blinks hard at the windshield, even though there's nothing in his eyes.

her prick of an ex-boyfriend kissed her, and her first worry was people finding out their relationship was fake? fake?

her words had confirmed his absolute worst nightmare — that she still believed it was fake, deep down.

even after the lake, even after they'd kissed — really kissed — for the first time. without an audience, or pretending. just them and the water and the stars or whatever the fuck.

and maybe that's what guts him the most: that after everything, she still couldn't see it.

he didn't just go around kissing people for shits and giggles.

didn't she know that?

he sure as hell thought she did, but maybe she believed the opposite. maybe she thought this had all been easy for him, that it was casual and meaningless. like it hadn't wrecked him.

like she hadn't.

matt exhales hard, flicking on the turn signal far too early. he doesn't give a shit though, he just needs to get home — and her out of his fucking head.

he pulls into the driveway a moment later, the tires crunching loudly over the gravel. the sky is bleeding orange and purple, and to his surprise, the porch light is already on.

nick's sat on the steps, scrolling on his fine. behind him, chris is sifting through mail while sitting on the bench they have out there.

matt slams the car door harder than necessary, and it causes chris to glance up. he chuckles to himself as he takes in matt's appearance.

"you look like you got into a fight with a bear and lost," he says.

matt brushes past his brothers. "don't."

nick stands up, turning towards him. "what's up with you?"

"nothing," matt mutters. he's already at the door.

chris eyes him carefully. "matt, you've been a fucking ghost all week," he says, his voice laced slightly with sadness. "we know it has something to do with viola."

matt freezes to the spot.

"how?"

"um, because she fucking told us, moron," nick replies, like it's obvious. "she came by a couple days ago, and she's texted us both like a million times. keeps saying she has to talk to you."

"she looked like shit, dude," chris adds.

matt lets out a long breath. he doesn't turn around.

chris shifts in his seat. "so?" he pressed. "are you gonna tell us what happened, or just stand there looking like the cover of a sad country album?"

matt turns arond then, slowly. he leans against the doorframe, and he honestly thinks he needs it in order to stay upright. he rubs a hand down his face, before whispering, "it's all fake."

"what is?" chris replies, and blinks confusedly.

"me and viola," matt answers simply. "us dating. it's all fake. she asked me to pretend to be her boyfriend to get back at julian and so the whole town wouldn't pity her when she does that dumb fucking debutante ball. i said yes."

nick squints at him.

"you've been fake dating?" he asks. "this entire time?"

matt nods, jaw tight. "it stopped being fake after a while, though. at least for me," he admits.

a long silence follows. it's uncomfortable, knowing how talkative both of his brothers usually are.

"and for her?" chris asks, leaning forward. matt scoffs bitterly.

"apparently not."

with that, he pushes off of the doorframe and starts pacing up and down the porch. "julian kissed her," he says quietly.

"gross," nick instantly retorts, then pauses for a second. "how do you know?"

"i fucking saw it with my own two eyes," matt snaps, instantly regretting it. he's so frustrated and hurt that he can barely control his emotions. nick doesn't look hurt though, and it feels like a punch to gut. he's just looking at matt like he understands.

"did she kiss him back?" chris asks then, and matt has to resist the urge to scowl at his brother.

"i don't know, i got the fuck out of there before i could see anything else," he answers. "she said she pushed him off and yelled at him, and that he's threatening her to get back together with him. if she doesn't, he'll tell everyone her new relationship is fake. that was the only thing she cared about, people finding out."

nick frowns. "i doubt she didn't care that her ex kissed her," he says, and matt shrugs helplessly.

"i don't fucking know, man. i just— i stood there listening to her go on about the lie and the blackmail, and i realized she still believed it," he says with a sigh. "that the relationship was fake. like everything we did meant nothing."

he rakes a hand through his hair, restless. he can't seem to shut up all of a sudden. "she still thought i was pretending, like i was just some guy doing her a favor."

chris tilts his head curiously. "but weren't you—?"

"no," matt cuts him off. "never. i kissed her because i wanted to. i let her into my house, into my life, because she fucking matters to me. and she looked me in the face tonight like she had no clue any of it meant shit."

he stops pacing.

"i thought she knew me," he goes on. he can't stop.

nick's voice is quiet. "you love her."

matt doesn't even hesitate when he replies. "of course i fucking do," he answers with a roll of his eyes. "i never thought i'd have a chance when i was stuck watching her with that tool julian for two fucking years, and then i finally got one and it all went to shit anyway."

chris stands up, crossing his arms. "if you love her so much, then why the fuck are you here and not telling her that?"

matt looks down at the porch floor.

"i don't know if i can face her again after what she did," he says.

"what?" nick pushes.

"break my fucking heart."

he heads inside without another word, leaving the front door open behind him.

💌 ⋆✴︎˚。⋆ ━━ ava speaks !

i could already smell the criticsm as i was writing this well yk what IDGAF if you think matt's crash out isn't valid cause i think it is so 💖 that man's heart is literally shattered into pieces if you couldn't tell 💖 if you don't get it then i fear you don't get the miscommunication trope 💖 okay thanks bye 💖

i'm actually so freaking proud of this chap tho idk why i'm just kinda obsessed with it? likeeee i lowkkkk got kinda emotional while writing it cause vi & matt are literally my babies