PART 4

"Am I hurting you. . .in any way? Am I the reason you're hurting yourself this badly?"

Yoongi's sanity shuts down the moment he caught what Hoseok asked him. This isn't supposed to happen. He never asked for Hobi from God, all he ever begged to God was that his love, his beautiful sunshine, never has to know about what he did to himself.

He made cuts.

Sharp cuts.

Deep cuts.

No!

Hoseok will never find him beautiful with those scars on his thighs. Never in Hoseok's life, he will accept the person who is damaged. Broken. Destroyed.

And shattered into million pieces.

The next moment Yoongi found himself thrashing around in heavy emotions, his heart was drumming out of his chest, and the dancer was trying to make him calm.

Every single body part hurts with every movement of his. The thick cuts were opening inside the bandage due to the pressure and motion.

And when his pale hand crashed with the wall near him, the blood started flowing because of the force. But no one saw that.

"Hyung, stop. There's nothing wrong with you and I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going to leave you alone. I'm here! Try to understand. Please stop! You'll hurt yourself." He tried to stop Yoongi.

"Hyung, please!!" He doesn't want to hurt Yoongi, so he tightly hugged the tiny baby in his arms, securing him like a Mumma.

And Yoongi just cried in his embrace, stopping after a minute or two,

"Hoba~ah no! You don't know anything! Just leave me alone. This is it. Everything's fucking gone. There's nothing left for me to live. . . and you are abhorring me."

He babbled out every single word in dizziness. Words we're blurting out his lips like crazy.

"Hyung no! I don't hate you. And I'm here, why. . .why are you saying there's nothing left?" He tightens his grip on the other, hugging him more close to feel the intense warmth of the body.

"Your hobi is still here. Tell me what happened? Hm? Try to let it out for me. For your hobi."

Hobi cooed, bringing both of his hands to others' cheeks, cupping them, now wiping all the left-out tears as the other sniffled, looking at him with innocent big eyes.

His lower lip jutted out adorably, and again tears prickle down, falling on his apple-red cheeks.

"Try to open up your heart to me, hyungie, and I assure you I'm not gonna judge you. You have your own problems, I've my own. Everyone is fighting with there problems. There's nothing wrong in having problems. Yeah?"

He again traced the light scar on Yoongi's cheeks by his heavy but warm fingers,

"I can understand. If not, I will try to understand. Make me understand." Hoseok delivered sentences, use wise words to make others believe that he is willing to hear what Yoongi has to say.

"Open this for me." After slowly detaching his body from the other properly, he softly put his own shivering hand on the other's chest.

"This. . . this isn't that hard, hyungie. Just let it go and I'm here. I'm here to open mine for you. Only. . . for you."

Yoongi began crying again, this time the reason was difficulty in letting out. For the first time when he wanted Hobi to listen, words were not coming out.

As the stubborn person he was, he attempted to tell again which was somehow good this time because communication for people like him is important, "Hoba-ah. . . " he murmured, trying to speak more.

Wanted to tell him everything from the beginning. How he first saw him, when he realizes that this feeling is not any 'likes' of his, it's far more than anything he has ever felt.

How his feelings started to become more strong whenever Hobi smiles at him like he is the reason for other's happiness. How these beautiful eyes were enough to spread sparks of joy in his heart and all he wanted Hobi to stay in them forever.

He tried to stop himself from feeling, from seeing the love of his life but what fate has decided for him will happen no matter what. When his love goes out for dates, planning and aiming for new relationships, here Yoongi sliced his body in jealousy.

He was envious of those people who have his hobi. The one person who is his home, his heart, his tears, his cuts, his love, his everything.

Even his life was breathing in this world because of Hobi.

Yoongi pathetically explained, "Can't hoba-ah." His eyes landed on the blood which seeps out and made a whole mess on his bed.

"You can hyungie, try again, and don't think no one will listen. I'm listening to whatever you have to say to me. We have all the time in this world."

Hobi was trying hard became it was enough for Yoongi. He had to stop Yoongi from hurting himself. If Hoseok's assumptions are right then every time he had gone for dates, Hyung hurt himself.

And if Hyung didn't let out his emotions, they are gonna poison his soul. They will make some new characters within his brain and then after making it, they will take advantage of Yoongi.

But Hobi never let them. He can never let his hyungie go into the immense darkness of sadness and loneliness.

"I don't like it."

A small voice came out of nowhere bringing the dancer's attention to it. When he detached himself from Yoongi he saw the bloody mess. Before he tried to do anything perhaps thinking that maybe it was hurting the other, Yoongi said,

"It doesn't hurt hoba~ah. . ."

With a heavy emotionless blank face, he confessed, after flattering his lashes slowly he buried his face into the Hobi's chest and take a low sad deep breath.

'Nothing hurts more than the look on your face.' He wanted to let every emotions in him out.

All he can think about is this feeling because Yoongi had enough. He had enough. And this is too much for him to enclose in himself. Feels like every nerve of his body was deliberately coming out of their caves and totally have a goal to destroy his sanity.

Whenever he looked at himself, he finds a lifeless body staring at the mirror. The same body that was making an effort to find a unique soul that really has a pure heart.

Question is, did he find any? No!

Because the one Yoongi is trying to find is already dead years ago.

Then why hide when every secret will be out one day?

Why hide with the only person you love the most?

Why hide when you know there's no way they will accept you?

Because he is not worth his love.

Till the time he has Hobi's hands wrapped around his little body, he will appreciate it. Enjoy it with the depth of his beating heart.

Because Yoongi was well aware of the fact that nobody held his hands till now. And if anybody did for a second or so, they left at a certain point.

He is all alone living with his monsters.

Then why not just appreciate the tenderness that hobi is giving him for the very last time.

The blood has already stopped since how much Hobi is giving it mild pressure. Hoseok hands were wrapped around the other's small petite waist, where Yoongi was just looking forward.

In those rheumy, shuttered eyes where Hoseok always sees shyness and grumpiness, this time there's nothing. No tears, no helpless wails, no heart-wrenching sobs.

Just numbness, which is what he hates the most in people.

"What is it that you don't like?" Hoseok questioned carefully, polishing the flaming hot rosy cheeks with his fingers again. Yoongi shut his eyes to feel the intense heat that was dissipating on his cheeks.

"When they have your attention."

The pale boy admitted. Right palm started clenching in panic, the uneven yet sharp nails of his began to tear the hard skin apart. To which, when the sunshine eyes landed on it, he smiled while shaking his head.

Hoseok was conscious of what the reason is, Yoongi himself confessed every word in his dreams.

If being honest, the younger never thought that Hyung has a habit of talking loud while dreaming.

Because of being constantly immersed in countless football practices, he always sleeps the minute his body touched the bed. He hardly wakes up in the middle of the night so there's no way he can hear Yoongi talking.

However, he gave attention to it today after Yoongi blacked out. He heard all the small and weak sniffles, cute pouty mumblings, and love talks between him and Yoongi that his Hyung saw in his dreams.

Ever so softly he reached to his Hyung right hand, unclenching the palm, caressing it with all love and tenderness in him, he then purred,

"Who do you mean "they", mmh?"

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