𝗣𝗔𝗥𝗧 3

When his eyes peeled back he found himself in different yet same surroundings. There were machines and devices that were used in the hospital. But he still is in his apartment, in his room.

Hospital is a real nightmare for him.

He found no one around him, all did he saw for some minute was that his hands were properly wrapped with bandages and there's not a single drop of dry blood on his hand.

Everything is clean.

Not finding his Hobi anywere near him, he panicked and was about to thrash around until he saw his love entering the room while talking to the doctor about something.

'Hobi came?!' With heavy-lidded eyes, Yoongi took a deep breath in relief.

Hoseok was attentively listening to every word of the doctor. Though he can't hear or clearly saw anything because his body is still recovering, but he can see how much Hobi is spacing out like thinking too much in his mind.

Yoongi was well aware of the fact that this behavior of his is not normal. It is far from normal. But he also believes that his love for Hobi is also not normal.

Some fragments of his brain were warning him, simply telling him that he needs to stop these childish games. To stop meddling in someone's else business.

'But Hobi is not someone, right?' his brain was saying otherwise.

Yoongi is also worn out, tired because he hurt himself again and again just for having the single attention of the only hope of his life. He is exhausted, by seeing how many deep wounds he has on his body. His beautiful pale skin is now decorated with severe wounds.

All are of self-harm.

He self-harmed, wanted to tell himself that he is not enough. He is not enough for Hoseok.

But is it worth it? Hurting yourself to tell your soul that I'm not worth it for a person I love? It's totally rubbish. But Yoongi was nowhere thinking about him. He can't share his Hope with anybody, that's final.

But. . . what if. . what if Hobi doesn't want him?

What if this leads to nothing?

What if Hobi had enough?

Yoongi always has a fear which digs a very deep hole in his heart. The hole is continuously growing big and big, resulting in self-harm and poor self-esteem. The nervousness he has was accumulating in his mind.

He always tries not to deal with people around him, closing himself entirely, all he did is talk to his roommate. His fear comes to the way again when he even thinks about having any kind of relationship with others.

His fear of abandonment.

It was hard to maintain himself in front of Hoseok, clearly, he had many panic attacks whenever hobi tried to tell him that he is going on date. Always he locks him in the bathroom, trying to hide his weak self, his monsters from his pure precious Hobi.

But what if Hobi left him alone, thinking that it's difficult to deal with a person like him?

Or it's a nightmare to live with him?

To. . . love him?

And there goes his breathing rapidly shifting from slow to fast, he began to feel sudden tension in his muscles, the tremble in his fingers, and that exact fear of abandonment was trying to reach its peak.

No! He can't lose control over himself. He can't let anyone see his broken self.

So he tried hard to stop himself from shivering, but what happened was the opposite. His eyes flooded with tears and he lost control over his body.

The surrounding seems so unfamiliar and was trying to eat him whole, he closed his teary eyes to escape the reality when two hands took his right hand in them.

Everything stopped.

His loud audible high breathing, unforgettable sensations, and wild heartbeats. But dizziness was still there, from that he saw, hobi was screaming for the doctor.

Yoongi doesn't know what happened after that except screaming and then everything went black.

The next moment when he opened his eyes, it was late at night, the time was eleven, one hour before midnight. And before he drifts his mind more, Yoongi remembered, it's his birthday in one hour.

There was no doctor, nothing at all. There was just him and Hobi whose is sitting right next to his bed, eyes closed, sleeping with a red pout. Not forgetting how the apple of his cheeks was still puffy and wet.

Hobi cried?!

Why? Did something happen?

"Hoba~ah,"

Yoongi whispered, calling the only person who gives him the strength to wake up every day. His voice was hoarse and broken. His eyes started leaking when he saw there's no response he got from other.

"H-Hoba~ahhh. . ." he whined, his innocent red eyes stare at his hope but the dancer wasn't waking up. Yoongi can't help himself and started sobbing silently.

"W-Wakey wakey. . .?" He tried again, this time pouring all his emotions in the next word, ". . .babyy?" His eyes widen when the other opened his wide eyes like he was never sleeping in the first place.

"H-Hob-ah. . . you, you were n-not sleeping?"

He got no reaction, the other just stared at him like a statue. Yoongi wanted to question again, scold him again for not answering his Hyungie, but there's no way he can speak a word when Hobi was clearly reducing the distance between them.

There's no oxygen mask on his face, he just noticed. What's happening? Why. . why. . why he is coming close to him? Before he stopped himself, he let out, breathlessly,

"h-hobi wh-what are you d-doing? Hm?"

The younger one answered with taking a deep breath, now his eyes facing the red chapped lips of his Hyungie.

"Come on Hyungie, push me now! Push me before I do something I regret."

Yoongi's eyes widen at what the brat just said to him. But there's no strength left in his body. It wasn't a question that his eyes were only seeing the perfect lips of his hobi. Hoseok again mumbled, totally not breathing by the effect of other',

"Hyung, push me. Make me realize that what I heard was just my imagination! Because I'm going insane."

He exclaimed, speaking his mind out, making Yoongi stop thinking.

"What. . .?" The sound that left Yoongi's lips wasn't audible. It was just a mere low whisper.

Hoseok took a deep breath and turned his head to put it on his hyungie's chest softly, facing Yoongi. He tried to find and give comfort by this. Carefully caressing the right shoulder of Yoongi, he started,

"Hyungie. Are you okay?" Yoongi looked away from the beautiful sight, his breath hitched the same time Hoseok put his head on his warm chest,

"Yes. I'm fine. Told you, I'm c-clumsy." He tried to clear the misunderstandings. But loud heartbeats of Yoongi were saying otherwise.

Hoseok hummed in response, "Hmm, I don't know you're this good at lying." Blinking his eyes weakly he caressed the visible open skin of Yoongi's sensitive neck.

"Huh?" Without looking at the dancer, Yoongi swallowed the big lump, trying to make himself look perplexed and innocent.

Hoseok chuckle in dissatisfaction. But he knows, he never will get the answer easily from the other. So he again began, this time with a broken laugh,

"Am I hurting you. . .in any way? Am I the reason you're hurting yourself this badly?"

°•°