𝑌𝑂𝑈𝑅 𝑇𝐸𝐴𝑅𝑆 𝐴 𝑆𝐸𝐴 𝐹𝑂𝑅 𝑀𝐸 𝑇𝑂 𝑆𝑊𝐼𝑀

𝐴𝑁𝐷 𝐼 𝐻𝐸𝐴𝑅 𝐴 𝑆𝑇𝑂𝑅𝑀 𝐼𝑆 𝐶𝑂𝑀𝐼𝑁' 𝐼𝑁

𝑀𝑌 𝐷𝐸𝐴𝑅, 𝐼𝑆 𝐼𝑇 𝐴𝐿𝐿 𝑊𝐸'𝑉𝐸 𝐸𝑉𝐸𝑅 𝐵𝐸𝐸𝑁?

- 𝑛𝑜𝑣𝑜 𝑎𝑚𝑜𝑟, 𝑎𝑛𝑐ℎ𝑜𝑟

*＊✿❀　❀✿＊*

WHILE the two soft souls were walking parallel to each other, thinking about what they had experienced together, a few crucial sentences flashed through Melanie's head.

He had seen it.

Newt had seen it.

And I feel like he hates me because of it. What denial naivety was I in to believe that James would not repeat his actions?

Newt secretly blamed himself for everything and reached for her hand, grateful that those soft hands were still intact. He could have prevented it, he kept saying that to himself. Not this time, but the emergence of every little thing that had led to everything. He should never have listened to her when she refused to banish him.

Instead, she had been going through a cycle of dark cruelty for four full moons. She felt a slight sense of relief because at least she had completed her task and no one else was hurt. Nobody was injured. Just herself and a part of her soul so fragile that she would always have to carry this hole around with an emptiness.

James was initially locked in the den without food and a cloth was hung over the door so that no one could exchange glances with him even as he walked past. Just as what he had committed was revealed at a meeting that she did not have to attend. Since then, wherever she went, she believed she would meet friendly faces. Faces that wore an impressed glow and there were many moments during the day recently that included her.

Where she was approached and asked whether she wanted to sit at the table at lunch or go for a walk before going to bed. That someone had actually been Gally. Someone who everyone always dares to deceive.

God, how she loved going for walks!

“Does it hurt a lot?,” Newt asked, breaking her train of thought. Without a word she sat down on the bed next to the paramedics. "No," she said, then pressed her lips together because she had vowed to admit the truth to herself from now on.

Suffering alone didn't make you strong because you could cope with it. It was empowering to share and see them with others. “Yes, a little,” she said, but she didn’t actually know exactly.

Her back had stopped hurting a while ago, the pain had seeped into her.

Her soul had absorbed it like a sponge absorbs water and she didn't know how to wring it out. How long is this supposed to last?

I can't eat normally, or even talk normally, no matter what I try. This is no more normal about me than James is.

“Is there something I can do for you, love?,” Newt sat down next to her, placed his warm hand on hers, and looked into her dull eyes. "Just stay a while," she admitted and sighed slightly, waiting until Jeff was finished patching up her back. Her embarrassment had subsided because everyone around her had reacted so differently than she had always imagined. So she didn't mind Jeff seeing it.

"Of course." With a warm smile and open hope in it, the blonde boy stayed seated with her. “Please don’t hide anything from me anymore, okay, Mel?” he demanded lovingly.

“I'm trying, Newt. Really, I'll try," she answered him seriously, because change was a process that wasn't always linear. Who could go backwards, but then move forward again.

"Sometimes I just can't believe that you help me. That you mean well and so do many others. That you like me when I don't even like myself." Her expression sank a little, averting her gaze because Jeff had finished and she quickly banished a few warm tears from her cheeks.

“Don’t say that,” Newt scooted closer, “You’re so beautiful. And many people here like you very much. You do your part without resistance, you work hard and a lot. Thanks to you, the garden is finished!” At the latter, he immediately began to beam, wanting to show her what an important part she was in the Glade. Did she not see how important she was? Not even a little?

That everyone here actually liked her, but just assumed she preferred to be alone.

Melanie looked back into his eyes and heard Jeff close the door, leaving the two of them alone without a word but in a friendly manner. This time she saw it. Just saw everything.

She could read how he felt, what he was thinking and that he was fucking serious. "Your smile is so much more important than mine ...," Newt murmured suddenly, tucking a long strand of hair behind her ear so that she wouldn't hide.

There wasn't a single side of her that needed to remain hidden. In front of no one.

Melanie looked into his loving eyes for a while before the blonde rose slightly from his seat and gently wrapped his arms around her. He knew she needed it. Just like he did.

Careful not to hurt her, he enjoyed the closeness. With slight surprise she returned it, a noticeable smile on her soft lips. "I wish I could tell you everything," she sobbed slightly, finally trusting him enough to let herself go for a moment.

There was hardly any strength left to hide everything and act as if there was nothing there. Newt held on to her like iron, strong enough in every possible way to hold her. “Everything will be okay,” he said encouragingly.

It might not feel like it at first, but the more days would pass, the further away things would become, the less present they would become.

Melanie continued to sob incessantly, finally emptying those black ripples in her soul that she had absorbed as ever. She was finally able to separate. Was able to let it out and replace it with new feelings. A warmth that emanated so unmistakably from the blonde. It broke his heart to see her like that.

Seeing the extent of her pain that finally seemed to creep to the surface. After a few minutes she pulled away, had stopped crying, and wiped the remaining moisture from her cheeks. The reddened eyes focused on the floor of the medical hut to make room for the new beginning within himself. The cleansing that had just taken place.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled for a moment, pressing her lips together. The apology was for crying like that in front of him. He shook dismissively.

"Who says it's not okay to cry?"

"I just always think it's a sign of weakness." Melanie looked back at his face, only to see him once again wearing a contradictory expression. “That's not true, Mel. Just a process. Crying is part of sadness and parting, of letting go and being happy." He gently stroked her head, showing that it was a completely normal emotion. “As humans, we hate it when others see that we cry, but at the same time we hate that no one seems to notice how broken we actually are.”

Melanie nodded and could identify with what he was saying. Because of the profound topic that lingered between the two of them, like an open book being read from, she felt encouraged to speak her thoughts out loud and to give them space. "I just don't like talking. I like to withdraw until I feel better and think that I have accomplished on my own what others need someone to do. Simply because I don't like bothering others with my problems when they have their own."

She let out a loud breath of air and continued to think and listen to herself. "Explaining why you smile has always been easier than explaining the reasons for your sadness."

Newt withdrew his hands, giving her his complete attention, and in return she felt understood. "If we always devote ourselves to the easy things, improvement will never happen, love," he gave her some advice that couldn't have been wiser or more poetic.

What beautiful words people with scarred souls have always been able to create. There are such deep feelings hidden in it that you can feel them on your skin when you read it.

But Newt could only feel how content his heart beat in her presence and that what he had been working towards for ages had finally arrived.

She had opened herself to him
so nakedly
that he could
exchange her darkness for light,
as corrosive suffering passed
and unconditional love appeared.