𝐼 𝑊𝐴𝑁𝑁𝐴 𝐺𝑂 𝑃𝐴𝑅𝑇𝑌,

𝐼 𝑊𝐴𝑁𝑁𝐴 𝐻𝐴𝑉𝐸 𝐹𝑈𝑁,

𝐼 𝑊𝐴𝑁𝑁𝐴 𝐵𝐸 𝐻𝐴𝑃𝑃𝑌,

𝐶𝑂𝑈𝐿𝐷 𝑌𝑂𝑈 𝑆𝐻𝑂𝑊 𝑀𝐸,

𝐻𝑂𝑊 𝐼𝑇'𝑆 𝐷𝑂𝑁𝐸?

- 𝑡𝑜𝑚 𝑜𝑑𝑒𝑙𝑙, 𝑏𝑙𝑎𝑐𝑘 𝑓𝑟𝑖𝑑𝑎𝑦

◦•●◉✿✿◉●•◦

MELANIE layed down and her thoughts were circling about her nightmare and so many things at once. It was the middle of the day, but she was still lying quietly and peacefully in her hammock, which was at the very beginning of the many others.

Warm rays of sunlight falling on her face left a pleasant tingling sensation, causing her to squeeze her eyes slightly shut. For a second everything went dark behind her eyelids again. Probably a cloud, she assumed.

“The newbie is waiting, dear.” But no cloud, just his shadow. Of all the voices that she heard every day and almost had to endure, she preferred that of the blonde boy. She was always very loving, never a masculine low that seemed downright frightening.

Slowly, not wanting to realize what her task was, she opened her eyes and reluctantly sat up. How long before they attack me and don't just ask nicely?

"Okay," she said afterward, looking at Newt briefly, just a slight flicker across his face. Every day was so devastatingly the same and now she, of all people, had to show someone the glade that she actually loathed with everything she had inside her.

Her eyes were looking for someone new and when she noticed a person wearing a blue top and having dark hair, which she would otherwise have missed, which would not have been possible, she walked excitedly in his direction.

Everything in her resisted feeling terribly sick.

He sat all alone next to the box that came up once a month. Always with a new fledgling and boxes full of food, as well as other useful resources. Melanie didn't know what she could even begin to say. Instead, she simply sat down next to him without saying a word, stroking the grass with her left hand.

Newt was close by, watching the two of them. He would help if something were about to happen. Just like he was. Or completely like he would do for her.

The new guy had already noticed the girl before she even sat down. Curious, he eyed her carefully. "Who are you?," he wanted to know.

She turned her gaze to him and looked at him briefly before she looked forward again to speak. “Melanie,” her heart beat so wildly in her chest, like an untamed horse demanding freedom, “I should show you everything. Do you know what your name is?”

She had definitely reached her language limit, but the longer she endured the situation and ignored her sweaty palms and the warm expression all over her face, the easier it became. There was no longer a completely dying feeling in her. Finally, she knew she had to talk here. And covering up a fear usually makes it easier than giving in to it unprepared.

"Thomas. I'm Thomas.”

Melanie gently forced a smile and stood up again, but held out her hand to him in a friendly manner. He surprisingly grabbed her and stood up, making her realize that he wasn't much taller than her.

His gaze wandered slightly away from her and over the rest of the vast glade.

He is curious.

Melanie looked at him cautiously and then walked ahead. As interested as the boy was in everything, he rushed after her without batting an eyelid. Waiting for him to start asking questions, she sighed silently. She calmly showed him the glade, taking her time as she said a few sentences and kindly introduced the other gladers.

“There is a bonfire tonight because of your arrival. Everyone celebrates together." Even if it was like that for everyone, the girl wanted to add, but thank God she didn't because she wouldn't have brought herself to say anything more anyway.

After all, her words definitely made him feel very good. And she liked to make others happy even if she wasn't happy at the time. She didn't even know if she had ever been happy.

“Are you there too?,” he asked and Melanie stopped abruptly and turned to him. "I think so."

Is he asking because he wants me to be there or because he's hoping not to see me?

The boy remained expressionless, no way for her to figure out which question in her mind would apply. She distractedly reached the sleeping places and quickly showed him his own.

“Here’s yours,” she muttered taciturnly and pointed to a mat that was also to the right of her own. Her's was the first, which she visibly loathed. Because everyone could see her when she was sleeping or just there.

She constantly felt so disgustingly watched.

Melanie brought him a blanket and a pillow before giving him time for himself. Maybe also to escape his questioning.

-'๑'-

“What the hell is that?” Thomas asked with suspicion in his voice, referring to the half-filled glass he was holding in his hand. Melanie and the blonde sat close to him.

“This is from Gally. Just drink,” Newt ordered, sipping his own. The dark-haired man obeyed and simply tried it, but immediately spat it out again in protest.

Melanie's attention had shifted to the other gladers who were standing on the other side of the campfire, wrestling wildly with each other.

"I think I'll go to sleep. See you tomorrow,” she announced out of the blue and sat up.

How do I get past there now?

Gritting her teeth and biting the inside of her cheek, her organs went into overdrive with this overwhelming fear and guarantee that something would happen to her. She hastily quickened her pace hopefully. Then someone bumped into her and an amused “sorry” was heard.

She preferred not to turn around; she had to pull herself together enough as it was. But the person still seemed interested in talking to her.

"You're the girl here, huh?"

Melanie stubbornly walked on, too smart to get involved. Only she suddenly grabbed the person, causing them to spin around. She looked at him questioningly, with slight annoyance.

What's on his mind, touching me?

“Please let me go,” she asked politely. Her voice, however, sounded far too breaking, weak. His grip didn't loosen, feeling clearly superior to her. The girl could have sworn she heard something crack, but she still didn't move. Was it even possible for her to do that when everything seemed to be happening like in her nightmares?

“Come on, just one round. I want to see you fight,” said her counterpart challengingly. If she weren't so tired and finding this all terribly uncomfortable, she might think that he assumed that she seemed to have quite a bit of strength. Because there was more than just provocation and mockery visible in his facial expressions - she was just unable to see it.

Melanie shook her head and yanked on her wrist to free herself. “No, thank you!” she made it clear.

“One round, girl. Or are you afraid?”

Fear.

All that was inside Melanie was fear. It was as if it consisted of this bitter feeling. As if she was created out of this and it lies around her aura like a blanket. So enveloping, but so cold. So frighteningly cold, even though cold doesn't even exist. Just the permanent absence of heat. Possibly also an absence of love.

"I said no!" The girl didn't even know the name of the boy who indulged in such ignoble acts and completely transcended her boundaries. Instead, the amused expression on an impudent face, not taking her seriously and ignoring her, dragged her into the middle of the crowded fighting area.

The girl fought back, both physically and mentally, and ultimately tried to just stay standing. All without success. So she was at the mercy of what was about to happen.

"Look who wants to fight." There were cries of amusement, no doubt the whole clan was full of Gally's brew. But Melanie couldn't find any faces. Except that she tried everything to avoid this. Not a cell in her cries out to even want it. All she wanted to do was go her own way and hope that she wouldn't have to cross paths with anyone. Such a lonely path that went more and more in directions she couldn't control. Like things getting out of control and something falling out of your hand.

But Melanie was so convincingly sure that she could have sworn that the others gritted their teeth at the sight of her and stood to their full height to finish her off. In the middle, surrounded by all the burning, hungry eyes, he stopped and feverishly released her.

There is nowhere where I can escape!

Her breath came in such terrible gasps and her heart ached so painfully from sheer excitement that she thought she was going to die. And the thought stayed in her head for far too long. Just without negative counter-thoughts.

She shook her head sadly.
I'll get over this over and then I'll go.

Her thoughts didn't go any further because someone pushed her to the ground so unprepared that she wanted to cry in anger. She found herself panting on the floor and if she could, she would have held her heart to see if it was still whole.

Was it still whole?

Suddenly she recognized Newt, leaning over her with an arm wrapped around her waist, anxiously pulling her back to her feet. Meanwhile, Thomas seemed to be having a heated discussion with the glader, who had decided over her own head.

The blood was pounding in her ears and she couldn't understand what he was saying, only that he was reprimanding him.

How embarrassing is that! Two people have to help you because you can't do anything on your own, Mel.

As soon as she stood, she avoided the blonde's pitying gaze, inhaled some air for her lungs and wiped her dark trousers. “Is everything okay?” he asked, but she snatched away all the parts of her body that he had touched and turned away from him. His presence felt behind her for a while until she clearly turned around.

"Just leave me alone, Newt, okay?" Her words so much more hurtful, louder and a noticeable absence of who she wants to be.

Then she just noticed how frozen he seemed and fell into a silence that she had caused. She then continued to run with great effort, angrily pushing herself through the still closed circle and disappearing into the darkness, far away from the still burning campfire.

Suddenly there was so much destructive hate in her that all beauty seemed to dissolve. Hatred for herself because she had found herself in such a situation on her first day as a greenie, which had ruined her entire impression.

Because she was overshadowed by such immense embarrassment that she wanted to bury herself forever.

And she didn't hate Newt for helping her, but for how it looked in her eyes.

Melanie thought she was being labeled as a weak person, when in reality she had the strength to even say no. But there was so much that she didn't see that could be thrown at her. Moments where you want to scream at her to stop acting like that. But is that what she is when thoughts go through her mind that tell her things and she accepts them so without resistance because there is no one there to tell her otherwise?

Still standing by the campfire, the dark-haired boy trotted back to the second-in-command. “Is she always like this?” he asked, waiting patiently for an answer as he stared intently. He really cared.

"No," it came out heavily from his lips, as if what he was saying was foreign to him, "to be honest, Melanie is never like that."

"What's wrong with her?" was Thomas' next question. Newt looked slightly amused at this, as he would probably never stop asking questions, and on the other hand, there were always some that the blonde had to figure out for himself.

"I think something I once had too." And it seemed as if his past wounds had reopened, only not in him, but in the girl he had always tried to protect from them.

People with soft souls will probably always recognize other people with the same soul within the blink of an eye.

So it is always those who have to survive other people's falls because they are unable to keep it inside themselves.

So they hand over their burdens to soft people who keep their arms open to everyone and trust, like mother nature, in its inhabitants until they meet destroyers.

A destroyer who destroys.

Because injured people hurt other people and it inevitably always affects those who lose their radiance and a part of themselves that seems lost for all eternity.