PROLOGUE: watching her fade away

It hurt, watching her sit there everyday in class. Her lips chapped and dried from the amount of times she would bite them to ease the pain she felt, that dullness inside the back of her skull that never seized. The constant thump of the world spinning around into utter despair. Her eyes would sag into desperate slumber almost every class, the darkness beneath them visible. It hurt seeing her fade away into this stranger that was unrecognizable.

Robin had the lucky chance of being seated behind the girl, everyday almost as if on cue she'd watch her stumble into class and sit down. Her bag was left unbothered by her feet and her eyes red and dazed as she leaned back in bliss, a habit she deemed impossible to break. No amount of worrying or awkward conversations made the girl care.

Robin was left on the back burner, her words left hanging on the air like fireflies. "Sam" the girl didn't even turn, but she heard her let out a breath of annoyance. Her hair flowed almost perfectly along her shoulders as she let out a weak sound of confusion.

"What?" Her tone was harsh and for once she actually spoke back to Robin, her perfect lips moving in awe. Robin felt like she was a fish out of water as she pushed her fingers into her desk, the slight sting of her friend's harsh tone making her heart race.

Three endless weeks of watching this so-called habit corrupt her friend. The once bright eyes, the perfect smile and the damn soft skin, faded into this. A mess of emptiness and confusion. "You.. are you alright?" Robin's words stumbled and she wanted to smack herself for letting herself get overwhelmed.

The class was suffocating, almost like her life as she looked at the side of Sam's face. The girl smirked slightly, her eyes meeting with Robins "totally". She chuckled to no one in particular as she turned back to face the class that literally no one cared about.

The loudness of Steve Harrington bursting into the room made Sam scoff as she pushed her fingernails into her lips. She chipped away any self hatred she felt with her teeth as Steve sat down in front of her. "Already getting a head start on being a jackass?" her brother scoffed as he rolled his eyes.

His rude like manner not visible as he looked at her with almost a concerned expression, it lasted a second before it faded into nothing. She knew that look so well, the one of disbelief and fear, the same one he held every morning before she left the bathroom.

No amount of that look would make her stop, the end of the needle was her best friend. The pills were her friends that kept her sane, they kept her functioning like a normal human being. Except she didn't feel normal, she felt the opposite and it made her wanna rip her hair out until she bled.

Utter bliss, a promise never to land and not to mention Steve's annoying hair routine that took three hours every morning. She saw that look, the way he looked away from her like he couldn't even acknowledge her. Watching her fade away was painful, his little sister wasn't herself anymore and it was totally his fault.

He heard her scoff and then silence, she was so sad with the world it was almost sickening to watch her. Robin wasn't ashamed to watch her friend, in fact she savored the rare moments she'd hear her name on her lips. "Rob, still down for that sleepover?" for once part of Robin felt like things were normal.

That her friend wasn't spiraling into a mess of a human being, sleep over. Endless flirting that for some reason only happened behind closed doors, Robin envied the lucky bastards who could speak with Sam and not get weird glances. "Uh yeah, I just gotta ask my mom to make sure she's okay with it" Sam's smile made Robin let out a breath of relief.

Perhaps deep beneath this mask of uncertainty and insecurity lay the girl she once knew. The one who would always cut the crust off Robin's sandwiches even if the girl claimed she liked the crust. The same person who'd hold Robin in the night and by morning she would apologize and say it was a habit.

That word made Robin wanna rip her skull out of her head; habit. Robin felt sick just thinking about it, but part of her knew these habits wouldn't fade away so easily like she thought. She tried the whole detox route, personally held Sam's hand the entire time. Yet in the end all she got was three days of the good ole days and then it was nothing.

Sam was someone who was easy to read, to piece apart into these different categories. In the end they all became scrambled, and yet the girl from before was just hidden behind the pieces like a ghost. A beautiful ghost, but Robin couldn't say that out loud

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authors notes:
happy pride month! I couldn't sleep, this idea came into my head after listening to Mitski. So figured I'd just put it together real quick and then sleep. Anyways I might overall have this kinda follow stranger things but its main focus is on Robin and Sam at least in the beginning. Overall timeline wise it's season 3/4 of stranger things but maybe just season 3, not sure yet. Anyways this is turning into a long note, and it's 6am, I should sleep and not waste another day by doing absolutely nothing, so bye.