-Six months later-

|Nurgül's POV|

I was sitting in my desk in my new room, the valide sultan's room which is me... checking some papers as usual early in the morning, only recently did I realize how much work Mehmet was doing, Selim is young so I try hard to take care of everything and I really don't complain because these chores keep me away from thinking about my sorrows.

I heard the sound of the door so I raised my head and said "Come in"

The door opened and my daughter Aysun entered, what made her wake up this early in the morning?.. She was approaching with hesitant steps which made me sit up straight waiting for her to sit.

"Valide, you seem busy" she whispered while keeping her head down and here I was sure that something was wrong.

"Aysun, my beautiful daughter..I am always free for you and your siblings" I stood up and pulled her by the hand so that we could sit on the couch "Is there something wrong?"

"No... nothing specific" she added in a broken tone as if she was exhausted "I... it's just... I can't sleep at all" Tears filled her eyes "Since my father passed away, the atmosphere has become gloomy... You've been wearing black since then, even though months have passed and Selim doesn't seem happy"

"My dear" I held her hands in mine and looked into her eyes tenderly "If you can't sleep at night, you can come and sleep next to me" I lowered my eyes and looked at my black dress for a while, then I added "The color of my dresses doesn't mean that I'm trying to spread negative energy... It's just that I don't want to wear any other colors"

I smiled a little, hoping she would understand me "I loved your father so much that nothing would please me after him.. and I'm here now as a mother trying to hold out for the sake of her children"

She nodded "I know, mother, but I'm afraid that our family will drown in sorrow" I could see the worry in her voice as she said this.

"I understand and I promise that you and your siblings will be happy in the end" I ran my hand over her cheek then she put her head on my chest and I started running my hand through her hair... She's right the palace isn't as lively as it used to be.

I went with her to her room and after I made sure she was asleep I went back to my room, sat on the sofa and told Elif to bring me my little Murad, he's only two and a half years old but he already lost his father and has lost half of his mother's time.

I ran my hand over his cheek and placed a kiss on his head and at that moment Alice entered.

"Sultana" she came closer to me "It's done, we sent half of the girls of the harem to the old palace and we freed the rest according to their wishes"

This is something we've wanted to do for a long time because Mehmet had no relationship with anyone other than me and now there's no reason for them to stay here in the first place because Selim is young and when he's ready he'll have a harem full of girls of the right age for him.

"That's good, they've already wasted so many years here, there's no need to waste more" I looked back at Murad and played with his hands "How are things in the harem?"

"Everything is fine, Sultana" I looked at her and she smiled "How wonderful you are, Nurgül, you are a mother and you manage the harem and the state, this really requires a lot of effort"

"Well, I'm just trying to carry out Mehmet's will" I sighed a little "The children are not feeling well, so I want you to prepare a good dinner in Selim's room... I want them to feel the warmth of the family"

Selim and I have become very busy, which has made the rest feel lonely, and I will try to change this, really, all my time is spent learning new things, if it weren't for Aymen Pasha's help, I wouldn't have taken a single correct step.

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In the evening everything was ready, I told all my children to get ready and come while I put on a black dress and some jewelry that Mehmet had given me.

I opened one of the drawers and my eyes fell on that black ring, Mehmet had given it to me before he died but I never dared to wear it, every time I put it on I would collapse remembering my husband.

I extended my hand and took it, I kept looking at it for a few seconds then closed my eyes and placed a kiss on it, today I will have a family dinner with my children and taking this ring will make me feel as if Mehmet is with us.

I controlled my tears and put the ring in my hand, I took Murad then headed to Selim's room, as soon as the door opened I saw them all sitting around the table, when they saw me they stood up quickly but I raised my hand indicating for them to sit.

"It's good to see you all here" I sat down and put Murad next to me "I hope I wasn't too late"

"You came at the right time Valide" Selim raised my hand and kissed it "Tonight's dinner is a good idea"

"I wanted to have some family time" I tried to smile as I looked at their beautiful faces, each one of them had something of Mehmet whether it was their eyes, lips, hair, smile or even their character.

"Yes mom we really needed some private family time" Bayezid smiled and then waved his hand "You have to promise me tomorrow that you will be present during my training"

"I will try" I raised my eyebrows "Are your training going well?"

Before he could answer me Selim spoke "Yes mother he is very good I always keep an eye on him"

I smiled at what he said, you can never say that Selim is their brother from another mother...I was afraid despite my great love for him, he would feel upset or distance himself from me one day, but he never did that.

We all started eating dinner and I could see that the children were trying to create a positive and funny atmosphere while I was just watching them and sometimes participating in the conversation.

"Bayezid, give me some of your dessert" Orhan asked calmly after finishing his entire dessert plate.

"You can have it all, I don't want it" Beyezid handed it to him and then went back to talking to his sister Aysun while I was talking to Selim and Ibrahim was talking to Aydan and it seemed that he was trying to convince her to drink her juice.

Not long after, Orhan started coughing and looked like he was about to throw up, everyone stood up worriedly while I rushed towards him.

"What happened!!" I started to pass my hand behind his back "Orhan, dear, you have to throw up"

I heard Selim shouting behind me "Aghas! Call the doctors immediately!"

"Oh... no... no no" I started to panic when it seemed like Orhan was about to lose consciousness, I took him in my arms and turned around when the door opened and the doctors entered "Do something immediately!!! If anything happens to him I swear..."

I didn't finish my sentence as I felt Selim pulling me and repeating phrases trying to calm me down "Valide calm down everything will be fine" He turned to the other side "Bayezid, Ibrahim take everyone to their rooms"

I kept holding Selim's hand and watching the doctors anxiously until Orhan started vomiting "Thank God" I rushed to him and put my hand behind his back "Come on my hero son you will be fine"

"Sultana" One of the doctors stood next to me with Selim "Şehzade Orhan was poisoned"

"What" I looked at him in surprise "How" My eyes widened as I hadn't yet understood what he said "We were just having dinner and he was fine.." At this sentence I stopped for a while then looked at the table.

"Dinner" Selim said exactly what I was thinking "Damn who did this"

After I made sure that Orhan's condition was stable and he was sleeping peacefully, Selim and I went to the door of the room and stood with Aymen Pasha.

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty, that I wasn't here during the incident" He looked at Selim "I was out doing some night duties"

"It doesn't matter now" I added angrily "Someone tried to poison my son... We don't even know who was targeted... I want you to find this traitor quickly"

"Don't worry, Sultana" He lowered his head "I'll start the investigations right away"

I nodded and when he left, I turned to Selim "Come on, my dear... You should sleep so you can rest"

"Okay, Mother" He kissed both of my hands "You can rest too... Whoever dared to put poison in our food will be punished very badly"

I sighed a little and when he left, I made sure that Orhan was still sleeping soundly then I passed by all my sons and daughters' rooms... Fortunately, I found that they were all asleep.

I went into my room and told Elif to call Fahriye Kalfa, which she did in the blink of an eye.

"Sultana" she stood in front of me "I hope you are fine especially after everything that happened tonight"

"How will I be fine?" I took a long cape and started to wear it "I don't know what to do" I turned to her and felt like saying more because Fahriye Kalfa, Alice and Ayse are the closest people to me here in the palace and they have always shown their loyalty and friendship to me throughout these years.

"I can't tell you that everything will pass because this palace is often full of problems but.." She came closer and passed her hand over my arm "All we pray for is your safety and the children's"

"InshAllah" I replied in a low and tired voice then I went back to adjust the cap I was wearing.

"Sultana? Where are you going at this late hour?" She asked me with question marks covering her face and looks.

"That's why I called you here" I looked at the ground, gathered my words, then added "Come on, I want to visit Mehmet's grave"

"At this late hour and while it's raining?" Her eyes widened, and it seemed that she wasn't used to this yet, even though I had done it for the past months.

"I don't care if it's night or day, in the rain or snow, I will always visit him at different times" I approached her and put my hands on my chest "I always feel the need to talk to him"

She nodded in understanding, then we quickly left, accompanied by some guards and maids.

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I was now standing in front of his grave alone after everyone else had stayed outside... No one in this world would wish to see the person they love like this... I expected that Mehmet and I would grow old together, see our grandchildren, give them gifts, and sit in the garden and exchange conversations while gray hair covered our heads.... But that didn't happen.

"Mehmet... things are so complicated here and I wish every minute that you were with us... I am trying so hard but it seems that the problems will never end"

A tear fell from my eye "Murad always says the word Baba and every time he says it my heart breaks and I try so hard not to break down... Aydan also keeps asking about your return date thinking that you are just busy and she even gets upset and sad saying that you don't care about her anymore... Selim, Ibrahim, Bayezid and Aysun are so good they really act like wise people and they have given me great support"

I lowered my head as my throat felt like it was choking "Orhan was poisoned today and it seems that we will face a lot of difficulties... Do you know that the scary part is that I don't know when I will join you and I am afraid that our meeting day is still very far away"

I was silent for a long time while slowly passing my hand "I know that I have been complaining and crying here a lot for the past months but you know that you were my friend, my lover and my husband and now I am lost without you"