𝗌𝗁𝖾 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝗍𝗂𝗋𝖾𝖽 '𝖼𝖺𝗎𝗌𝖾 𝗌𝗁𝖾 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝖻𝗋𝗈𝗎𝗀𝗁𝗍
𝗂𝗇𝗍𝗈 𝖺 𝗐𝗈𝗋𝗅𝖽 𝗐𝗁𝖾𝗋𝖾 𝖿𝖺𝗆𝗂𝗅𝗒 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝗆𝖾𝗋𝖾𝗅𝗒 𝖻𝗅𝗈𝗈𝖽

Odette Edevane often thought of death.
But not in a macabre or any other way.
She simply reflected on the possibility that after it there was something just as dark and terrifying as what was alive.

That evening in June Odette was sitting astride to nowhere, on the highest roof of the small city where she spent the summer, thinking about death.
Not about hers, it is important to specify it, but about that of those who do not deserve it.

She thought about why fate reserved such a disappointing ending for people who had had such an admirable life.
She thought about her sister.

She looked down from the roof, dangerously approaching the edge.
If she had fallen from that height there would not have been much chance of survival.

She wondered if who definitively made that decision and threw himself away felt a minimum of resentment between the seconds that separated the fall from the crash.

Whoever doesn't believe in life after death probably does.
Because he's running away from the pain to end up in nothingness, end of the story.

She thought about if was worth it, to continue to suffer in that loop.
She was only eighteen years old.
But she had already had many experiences, as far as she was concerned.

She had sex, had a job, had been fired and had a house just for her.
She didn't want any children, so she had covered all the important stages of life.

She took a drag from the marlboro in her hand and looked down again.
Love hadn't found her yet.

"Hey."

A male voice made her startle.

She turned around, and saw a boy who will have been about her age heading towards her.

Prettier than average but nothing worth looking at for more than two seconds.

"You scared me." she said without looking at him, but felt his close presence, a sign that he had sat down.

"It wasn't my intention."

"Listen, if you want to throw yourself or something like that find another roof, I can't make motivational speeches and I don't want someone on my conscience."

The boy laughed.

Not an exaggerated laugh or restrained to seem fake.

His smile seemed almost melancholic.

"I don't want to jump in, I come here every time I need to disconnect a little. What do you tell me instead?" he told her, lighting a joint that he had already ready in the pocket of the shirt he was wearing.

That shirt suited him great.
It gave him an intellectual air, denied by his ruffled hair and sneakers.

"I like to look at the stars, from here they are brighter."

She lied.
That evening she had climbed on that roof with the intention of jumping.
But then she raised her face and saw the stars, so she stayed there five seconds too long and thought she had made a decision too hasty.
And then he had arrived.

"Do you know which star shines the most? After the sun of course," he asked her taking a drag, and looking up at the sky.

She had never thought about it.

"Venus is a planet so I would discard it. I have no idea, I just know it's not the North Star."

"I thought you'd say North Star right away, I'm impressed. Anyway, it's Sirius, that means "glowing" in Greek. It belongs to the older dog, now you can't see it, but you would immediately realise how much it shines."

Odette take a look at the boy.
He looked so relaxed.

"You look very knowledgable."

"I spend a lot of time up here."

She smiled.
It was involuntary.
Somehow she felt understood.

"It's not true that I'm here for the stars, i really don't give a fuck about them." she revealed.

"I know it right."

"How did you understand it? I didn't say anything wrong."

"You're seven centimetres from death. If you wanted to look at the stars you would have put yourself there." he said pointing to a point near the entrance to the roof.

He spoke as if he knew everything she was going to say.
And he had the answers ready for a long time.
Above all, he didn't seem at all shaken by her intention to commit suicide.

"A point for you. But I could say the same thing, you're sitting at the same point as me."

He smiled.

"Who tells you I don't want to do it too?"

She gasped for a few seconds.
She wasn't used to all that sincerity.

"What led you up here?"

A rump went up to her throat.
In the last five days Odette had been looking for any way that would help her not to stop and think, and when she had let her head rest for a second that morning, she found herself lost in the tangle of thoughts that had twisted more and more over time.

And from which she had not found a way out.

"Can we not talk? I'm starting to like the stars," she told him, putting out his cigarette.

He respected her silence.

He offered her a drag from his joint, which she gladly accepted.

As he passed her, their fingers touched.

They turned around at the same time and looked each other in the eyes.
Those of him were such a clear blue that it seemed like you could sink into it.

They both looked away, embarrassed by that fleeting and unexpected eye contact.

For the first time that evening he seemed to falter.

But he recomposed in a few seconds.

"I knew a boy who decided to end it this way."

Odette got irritated for a first moment, thinking about how he had not respected the silence she had imposed.
But curiosity took over.

"Did he jump off a roof?"

"Yes, a year ago. It wasn't a good thing for anyone, but I didn't know him enough to have the right to suffer. That's why it would bother me if you jump, I don't even know you and I should talk to the police about you without even knowing your name or what's going through your head."

She blushed.
She hated this part of herself.
She wanted to have more control over her emotions.

"My name is Odette. Now you know my name, what else do you want to know?"

He seemed disappointed.

"It's magnificent."

"Why don't you seem happy?"

"Mine is not as beautiful as yours."

"I always hated it, when I was little they called me ugly duckling because I wasn't as beautiful as the swan. What's wrong with yours?"

"Conrad. It's not interesting or particular, it's flat and reminds me of a black lake. Odette reminds me of a lily."

"I like lilies." she told him.

He didn't answer.

The girl regretted her answer and started biting her lips, thinking that he could have been hurt that she hadn't made positive comments about his name.

"I would like to make some comments as beautiful as yours but nothing comes to mind." she continued, trying not to break down so as not to show the embarrassment, considering him to be so quiet.

"I like your honesty."

She blushed again.

She was frightened, thinking that her light complexion gave a glimpse of the redness on her cheeks, despite that night was particularly dark.

"How can you be so quiet?"

"I told you, I'm used to staying here. Try it too. Close your eyes and try to feel unconscious or formless, as if you were floating in a body that has no control. And you're in prison in the dark. It's scary isn't it? Now reopen them, you can see where you are and understand who you have near, you have the power to decide how to manage what you say. It's like a simple walk." said Conrad looking straight in front of him.

Odette followed everything he suggested to do, and was enchanted by his thoughtful and accurate words.

She thought that probably the joint had begun to take effect, or maybe he was very introspective.
In any case, she appreciated the fact that he had opened up in this way.

"Sometimes I feel like I choke in my body, maybe it would be nice to be able to float in it." she revealed in one breath.

The ringing of a phone interrupted their conversation, so he took that out of his pocket and refused the call, three times in a row.

"I think he wants you to answer." she told him, watching a certain "Jer" appear on his screen repeatedly.

"I don't care - replied the boy suddenly cold - but I have to go to a place, do you want to go down and come? Forgive me but you haven't told me what's going through your head yet, I can't leave you here."

She smiled at him, infecting him.
He had a very sweet smile, which betrayed the hard fake expression that he evidently tried to keep.

"I think you saved my life tonight," she said lightly, getting up and taking the dust off the pants she was wearing.

She didn't know that sentence would remain in his head all his life.

𝖺𝗎𝗍𝗁𝗈𝗋'𝗌 𝗇𝗈𝗍𝖾 *ੈ✩‧₊˚

u better go follow lovefromsoph and read her fanfic about jeremiah cause it's amazing!!! and she helped me with the writing of this chapter
best girl go read u won't regret it