Her breath had been caught in her chest and Lydia's response seemed shaky when Dot suggested they should go back to the lychee tree. The British had almost forgotten that this was the only source of food they had, and that it wasn't just the place where she had experienced so many things in a matter of minutes —none of the girls found Lydia's reaction strange, either because they weren't paying attention or because the British hadn't looked like herself for a few days.

Because to be honest, Lydia was not okay. They had been on that island for about a month, with nothing to tie them to the real world, with no more food than what little they found infrequently, with no other clothes than Fatin's and which they had to wash day after day. She had several fits of rage internally, wishing that this had truly been a retreat, blaming the pilot for his limited ability to guide them —even though they had found his belongings, which almost certainly meant that he had died in the crash. Lydia felt an inexplicable rage against the workers.

Shelby could quench her doubts and calm her worst moods like no other person, but Lydia knew that it was all temporary, that the moment they returned to camp and pretended nothing was happening again, the darkness in her head would return, just as Leah had predicted in their first encounters. Still, Lydia couldn't help but feel her heart race every time she saw the Texan, as much as their meetings were destined to happen away from the other girls.

So when Shelby offered to stay with Dot to boil the water for Rachel and Nora to collect, Lydia gave her an incredulous look that Shelby just ignored. Once again, no one noticed Lydia's bewilderment.

"I can come with, if you want," Leah volunteered beside her, and although this surprised everyone —Fatin even put a hand to her chest— Lydia didn't object.

Leah didn't speak the entire walk, and Lydia was almost grateful. She thought it was because she was still tense from their last words, but the truth was that Leah just didn't have anything to talk about with any of the girls. She felt that she was very far from them mentally, always conspiring in her head, feeling that her thoughts went much further than those of others, and that made her feel displaced, but not that Leah cared too much: she wanted to discover the truth and get out of there as soon as possible.

Lydia picked up lychees as if Leah weren't there, like she was repeating mentally the first time she'd come and her cheeks had a reddish tint and her heart was lighter. She couldn't get that image out of her head, couldn't help but remember Shelby as the only thing keeping her from completely losing her mind.

"Okay there?" Leah shot a glance at Lydia, who instantly nodded. It seemed as if Leah wanted to see how calm things were between them, because she immediately gave a sarcastic laugh. "This is fucking funny."

"What is?" Lydia wanted to know as she chewed on one of the lychees she had put into her mouth.

"Finding food exactly when we need it, once again," Leah chuckled. "We were starving, almost to the point we couldn't even stay awake, but suddenly a magic tree full of lychees appears and solves our main problem. How funny is that?"

"Leah, stop," Lydia said seriously, knowing where the things were going. She just picked up more fruit, putting them in her backpack and trying to ignore Leah, who was still staring at her.

"Hear me out, okay? I know you can also feel this, you know things feel off here."

"Don't."

"Lydia, I know you do. You were the only one to not treat me like I'm crazy even though you probably thought about it. That means you also think this is fucking weird. What about Jeanette, her two phones, how we fucking dug up her grave and there was nothing? And you want me to believe the tide has taken her out? Every day I feel like I'm being observed, like there's something out there that knows exactly what we need and provides it to us as if we won't suspect anything," Leah laughed out loud. "But we do! We do! And I won't fucking stop until I find the truth."

Lydia found herself in a dilemma at the time. She had the possibility of telling Leah what she knew, what she had seen, the possibility of sharing with her all those doubts that also assailed her at any time of the day; but that would also mean the fact that if it was all her imagination they would end up going crazy. Or she also had a chance to shut up and dissuade the girl in front of her, eager for an answer to match her thoughts.

"Leah, this is not okay. This island brings out the worst in us, I know that and I don't blame you. But pointing fingers at anyone is not going to be the solution to all of our problems. You have to stop overthinking because this is already taking a toll on you. So grab the fucking lychees and please, don't mention this again."

"You're a fucking coward!" Leah shouted and Lydia glared at her. "Why can't you admit this is eating you alive, too? Why are you so obssessed with keeping this image of you, like you can't do anything wrong, like you don't let yourself be anything other than perfect? You're a fucking coward for not admitting things."

Lydia tried not to keep the rage inside her from taking over her body, but Leah's challenging gaze made things difficult for her. She took a deep breath to keep out of her game, as she had so many times before with Toni or Rachel, but when Leah lost her temper and pushed her hard, knocking her to the ground, Lydia was enraged.

"What the fuck are you doing? Are you mad?" Lydia scrambled to her feet, but winced as she leaned against her wrist and groaned in pain.

"I'm going to tell everyone," Julia said with tears rolling down her face. "This image of you as a saint, an angel, will forever vanish. You're such a hypocrite," Julia spat and pushed Lydia, who almost fell to the floor but she was stronger than Julia.

The first thing that crossed her mind was sadness and disappointment with herself. How could she have caused her best friend such pain? How could she have been such a shitty person? But then a light flashed in her head and reminded her that if Julia told what had happened —and what else she could say about Lydia— it would all be over: Oxford, her parents, football, everything to hell.

And that could not be allowed.

So, on impulse, she pushed her, too, losing her temper.

"Don't fucking push me," growled Lydia. Leah had to admit that this image of Lydia was beginning to scare her, because although she had been the one who had started it all, she did not expect that the British girl's gaze could turn so violent and that her words send chills to her body.

Lydia had her personal revenge and shoved her roughly, causing Leah to stagger but not fall to the ground, for she hadn't been caught off guard and Leah was at least a few inches taller than her. She walked over to her and locked eyes with her, and Leah fought not to be intimidated. "You're as gone as I am."

"I'm not fucking crazy!" Lydia yelled, pushing Leah back again without knocking her down. "This is what you came for? To tell me I'm losing my goddamn mind? There is nothing happening here! You don't know anything, Leah, just because you've lost it doesn't mean I'm mental too!"

"What the fuck is going on here?" A voice behind them said, and Lydia felt arms grab her and separate her from Leah, who was still looking at her with interest. "You were taking so long we thought something had happened," Dot said. The two girls were breathing heavily and did not speak. "No one's gonna say anything? Guys, this is not it. Grab your things and come back, we'll talk about this later."

Leah silently listened, this time not looking at Lydia so as not to provoke her, but Lydia quickly dislodged Shelby's hold on her and gave her a threatening look. "Don't touch me," then leaving for the interior of the forest.

Shelby was torn between staying and ignoring what was happening to Lydia, which would be a bad gesture on her part because of all that they meant to each other, but let no one suspect anything; or for Dot to give her a questioning look and let her draw her own conclusions. She finally opted for the second option, winning her heart for the first time in the battle against her head.

"Lydia, wait!"

"What do you want?" Lydia snapped, her ponytail bumping into her own face as she turned abruptly.

Shelby recoiled automatically when she saw Lydia's enraged eyes, who was breathing in ragged breaths and grimacing at her wrist. "I want to make sure you're okay. What happened to your wrist?"

"Now you wanna know? You've been ignoring me since we— since that happened. I'm tired of you shutting me out everytime you feel like it. I— I can understand you don't want it to be known, and I respect that because I get it's hard for you, but you could still be there, I don't know, maybe as a friend."

Shelby took a step toward her again. "I don't want to be your friend. Believe me, I don't," Shelby smiled sheepishly, but it quickly vanished into a slight frown. "I think Fatin knows."

"What?" Lydia's hard expression turned to one of disbelief. "I didn't tell her anything."

"I know you didn't. It's just she's been giving me these weird looks anytime we appear together, as if she knew there is something between us."

Lydia walked over to Shelby and looked at her worriedly. "She's not going to snitch on us, Shelby. You don't have to worry about that, we'll tell when you're ready."

"I'm afraid of what they'll think of me. I'm so ashamed, I've said pretty ugly and hurtful things about... this. They'll just think I'm messing with you."

"You and I know that's not true. I trust you, Shelby. And they will, too, when you say it out loud, because they will understand why you said those things," Lydia hugged her tightly, feeling her rage meter drop considerably. She inhaled and the smell of Martha's pear shampoo filled her nostrils, making her giggle a little. "Talk to me, yeah? If you ever doubt or are worried or you just need someone. I'm here, no matter what they think."

As an answer, Shelby kissed her. She took her by the cheeks and pulled her close to her to the surprise of Lydia, who was still thinking that Dot and Leah could still be around. However, she didn't say anything, just kissed Shelby back, who bit her lip in an attempt to mimic her gesture. "By the way, that was hot. You know, seeing you so angry," Lydia leaned closer to kiss her again, but Shelby laughed. "You should get your wrist checked. Dot will know what to do."

When they got back to the beach, Lydia made sure that Fatin didn't look at them again. Yet all Fatin did was get up and go to her, as if she had already been told what had happened —which she assumed had happened because of Dot and Leah's lowered heads. "You okay?"

"Everything okay. It's just my wrist."

"I didn't mean that part. I was talking about you and Leah's fight. What happened?"

"She doesn't know when to stop," she whispered, looking at Leah. "She pushes too far and it gets on my nerves. But it won't happen again."

Fatin patted her on the back, and Lydia wasn't sure if she was trying to reproach her or if it was a gesture of support, but she didn't say anything else either. She dropped down next to Dot, and when she saw her look at her like when her mother was mad at her, her gaze softened.

"I'm sorry. I did lose my goddamn mind," Lydia rubbed her face and blinked several times. "No more fighting, I promise."

"I can't be mad at you," Dot sighed. "I understand sometimes everything's too much, and you're usually very composed. Give me your hand," Lydia obeyed, feeling somewhat better, but a sudden pain in her wrist made her wince. "You'll probably have a slight wrist sprain. I'll put a bandage in your hand and use this as a sling," Dot showed her a strip of fabric that Fatin had previously ripped off, and Lydia smiled a little when she saw that it was proving to be really useful. "You can take it off while you sleep, it'll be uncomfortable for you otherwise."

"How do you know so much about this? You're a pro."

Dot shrugged. "I've had to take care of my ill father since I was younger, so I have experience in these things. Yeah."

Lydia remembered that Shelby had once mentioned Dot's father as the best coach she had ever had and that he had recently passed away, so Lydia rested her hand on the Texan's shoulder and gave her a brief, supportive look.

"Was it you who gave her that scar?" Dr. Faber asked Leah, who quickly raised her head, feeling attacked. "I promise I won't judge. I just wanna know if it was caused by your quarrel."

"I would never hurt Lydia. Yeah, we did fight, but it never got that out of hand."

"Did you see who did it, then?"

Leah was silent for a moment. She did not trust this man, nor did she trust the other, although he was less aggressive than Faber. She looked around surreptitiously, trying to find the fault, the detail that told her that this was all a sham, a scam. Any sign that told her not to say anything.

"No, I didn't see anything." But I know who did it.

During dinner only eight girls sat around the fire, eating lychees and silently accepting that things were getting more and more difficult. Neither dared to ask why it was Lydia who had to stay away from the others, standing in front of the shore, throwing rocks to the beach that the others heard splashing, and it was Leah who dined silently next to them.

Soon each of them finished their own portion of lychees, having previously separated those that corresponded to Lydia in case she felt like getting closer when the group was reduced. However, Toni couldn't stop observing her throughout dinner, barely listening to the short conversation that Martha gave her, worried about the British girl, partly because she felt guilty for having told her that she expected to see her explode, partly because she felt there was a bond that united them.

So she approached her when they were slightly separated, all under the watchful eye of the others, who did not understand what kind of relationship there was between the two girls, but especially Shelby, who hated herself for not being able to do the same as Toni. Her gaze stayed on Toni and Lydia for a while longer, and she turned away, feeling guilty for spying on them.

"So it turns out things get pretty ugly when you're mad," Toni started. "My fault for provoking you."

"This has nothing to do with you, Toni," Lydia muttered gently. "I wish I could really blame anyone other than me."

"I don't blame you, if that comforts you. Bitch gets on my nerves sometimes, too."

Lydia laughed a bit. "You do a better job than me hiding it, then."

Toni smirked. "Remember when we were building the fucking shelter? I flew off the handle and probably scared the fuck out of all of you. So no, I do no better job than you. It's just that you're not used to blow up like this. As you saw, Marty was used to me doing that."

Lydia nodded once more. She twisted her right wrist, the one free, and threw the rock so that it bounced off the water several times and eventually sank. "Can I ask where do you get those anger issues from? You don't have to answer that."

Toni cleared her throat a little and picked up one of the rocks that Lydia had stacked beside her. She tried to do the same as Lydia, but failed the first time. "I guess being left alone. It's the only way I know to express my pain and frustration. It infuriates me when people leave without an explanation, leaving me to think I could've done something to prevent that."

"I think I get mine from not doing enough. I guess I could've done so much more in some situations and now I feel so powerless."

"You tell me," Toni laughed bitterly. "I broke my ex girlfriend's car window when she dumped me. I was so mad I couldn't control myself I lost it again," Lydia shook her head as did Toni. "You should come and have something to eat. You were the one that made me realize back then enough was enough. Everything will be okay."

Lydia nodded gratefully and Toni pursed her lips, not knowing what else to say. "You and I might not be so different, Toni," Lydia called out to her as the basketball player was leaving.

"You wish," Toni sneered. She then pointed to the body and winked at Lydia, who rolled her eyes.

Lydia waited another half hour on the shore, plucking up the courage to go back and face it all. She wasn't normally a person to run from her problems, but this time it was different. She knew Leah had brought out the worst in her, that if Dot and Shelby hadn't arrived, very different things could have happened. She hadn't wanted to hurt Leah, or treat her like she was crazy, but that push had stirred things deep inside her that were buried.

She was not hungry, and when she returned there was no one awake either, so she decided to go to sleep herself, thinking that tomorrow would be a new day. She looked at Leah, who slept curled up in herself, her head resting on Dot's legs in a somewhat uncomfortable way, and found herself thinking that she didn't hate her, nor did she consider her to be crazy, so she made up her mind to apologize tomorrow with her, and hopefully things would go back to normal.

She crouched down next to Shelby, knowing she wouldn't be staying there all night. She brushed a lock of hair from her face and pulled her jacket over her shoulders, causing the Texan to squirm in her sleep. "I like you, so I will wait for you. Whenever you're ready," she whispered close to her ear, giving her a short kiss on the cheek and walking away from her.

Knowing that it would still be a long time before she could sleep with Shelby, she lay down next to Fatin, who instantly detected her presence and crawled over to her, and that was enough to make Lydia smile.

Her sleep didn't take long, however, because she awoke shortly after thanks to her rumbling stomach. She separated herself from Fatin carefully so as not to wake her, because she knew that stirring Fatin while she slept was synonymous with a murderous look. She silently ate the lychees the girls had set aside for her, and as she watched them rest, she frowned as she realized one of them was missing: Nora. Far from thinking about things Leah had caused her to think, she was worried about the girl; after all, it was at night, they were alone there and she could have gotten lost going peeing, for all she knew.

She knew she didn't have all the odds to find Nora, but at least she had to try. She could be lost, or worse, hurt, so she had to do something. She wasn't wearing her glasses or anything to light the way, so she knew she shouldn't go into the woods, but she still did it because something inside her told her what to do.

"Leah... She put herself at risk, my sister. She's dangerous. She's unstable, and I'm afraid she might do something to hurt us. And Lydia... At first she was so serene, but she's dangerous, too, now. She's starting to suspect. They can't be here."

"You," Lydia whispered, incredulous. Nora turned around, scared to have been discovered, and gulped when she saw the British come out of her hiding. Lydia rubbed her eyes, unable to believe what she had just seen and heard. "It was you. You have something to do with this."

"Shhh," Nora hushed her, aware that she was still sleepy. "This is just a dream. You're dreaming, Lydia."

"No," Lydia muttered something louder, pulling out of her grip. "Leah... Leah was right," Lydia's eyes filled with tears. "There was really someone who knew. It was you who wrote both our names, right? In the notebook. Were you trying to communicate something to those... people you're working with? You knew we were suspecting and you decided to snitch on us," Lydia continued, incredulous. "It was also you who put all these bags for us to see. You knew all along, and you let Leah pin it on Shelby."

Nora gently shook her head and offered her hand. "Come with me. You're dreaming. This is just a dream," she repeated, and Lydia was really starting to doubt. This couldn't be possible. It was impossible Leah's gut was right, and moreover it was everything Nora's fault. It wasn't possible.

"No," the Brit repeated, blinking several times in a row. "Let me get back..."

"Lydia," Nora's voice was shaky. "I'm sorry."

The girl turned and Nora hit her head with one of the fallen branches. Lydia collapsed on the ground, losing consciousness at that moment, and Nora gravely dropped the branch, stunned by what she had just done. She looked down at her hands, trying to control her trembling, but even her lips trembled with concern. She felt the tears roll down her cheeks. She couldn't have done that.

Nora ran, leaving Lydia to her fate.