WARNING!: slight sexual content ahead

"Get up."

"I don't want to," Lydia replied with a grunt. She opened her eyes slowly and was grateful that the other girl's shadow covered the sun.

Dot pursed her lips. "We have to keep ourselves busy so we don't lose our minds. More than we already have," the last part whispered.

"Weren't you the one who said we shouldn't waste our energy if we don't put food in our bodies?" Lydia countered.

Fatin tried to suppress a laugh, but the sarcastic comment was so inappropriate for Lydia that she was amused to see the British girl out of her usual self. Besides, Fatin thought that if Lydia saw that she had made her laugh, her mood would improve at least a little.

However, Dot was not so entertained. She hadn't eaten for days, hadn't done anything other than spin around in the sand because she didn't know what else to do. She was physically tired, but also mentally, and the childish attitudes or the up and downs of some were beginning to crush her. Dot thought that she, too, deserved a break, she also deserved to let go of the wheel of that plan and begin to rest as she wanted.

But Dot Campbell just wasn't like that. Dot was a free and independent soul, but always called to the care and affection of others. After all, she had spent much of her teen years taking care of her father, the person who had given her everything, so now it was her turn. She had sacrificed the best years of her life to take care of him since he got sick, because that's how Dot was. She couldn't get angry with those girls because she knew what it was like to suffer from your own thoughts, she just thought about keeping them entertained to prevent them from sinking like she did in the past.

"I liked you better when you didn't speak back. Come on, we're playing Uno."

"Yes, Uno!" Martha exclaimed from behind them, getting up eagerly. On the other hand, Toni gave her a look full of false hatred: she hated playing Uno.

Lydia bit back from rolling her eyes because she knew she couldn't blow up Martha's positivity that way, so she just let Dot lift her up and the four of them sat in a circle. Fatin claimed that she preferred to just look, that she was not willing to have her nails filled with sand.

"End these losers, Lydia," Fatin encouraged from her towel. Lydia gave her a raised thumb as Fatin relaxed in the sun.

"I'm a beast at Uno," Lydia bragged.

"You can't be a beast in something that's solely based off luck," complained Dot.

Lydia pulled out a card for Dot to draw four more cards and smiled. "Oh, but I can."

"So that's how it's gonna be? Okay, okay," Dot picked up all the cards she needed to pick up, and then hid them against her chest so that no one could see them, which made everyone else laugh.

The game went just as Lydia had predicted: the others didn't know if it was because she was lucky or because she was really good at the game, but she had been the first to shout Uno and now she only had one card left. It was just a game, but the four girls were giving it much more importance than that.

Toni dropped her penultimate card, shouting Uno just a second later, and Lydia stretched her arm in the air as she realized it was a card that had Martha skipped, to whom Toni gave an apologetic look and shrugged. "Don't say I never give you anything," the basketball player commented sarcastically to the football player.

Lydia won the game in that instant, causing Dot to throw her remaining cards onto the sand, pretending to be angry at the result, but also laughing when the others did. Half laughing, Lydia realized that she had managed to forget all her troubles for at least a few moments, and she looked gratefully at Dot, who noticed and nodded. The other girls might think they might have gone crazy without Lydia, but she had a lot to thank them for too.

Toni walked over to her and patted her head. "Better?"

"Now that I'm not thinking about anything, yeah."

"You kind of went berserk on Shelby yesterday, so I thought I'd come to see how you're doing."

"It was just a matter of time, wasn't it? Everyone already had their moment, I was busy thinking I could be the one to fix you, to solve your problems. But I didn't realize I could fall, too, and now that it's happened I'm slowly losing my mind. There's just nothing to do here and it's hard for me not to think."

"Nobody blames you for what happened. Everyone's thinking here, Lydia."

"Yeah, and you're doing a pretty good job at hiding it. I'm afraid I'll lose myself in a way you won't even recognize me."

Even though a few days had passed, Lydia was still the target of the morbid looks, the pity whispers, the offensive comments. She had made up her mind to ignore them at Heather's request, which had worked for the first few days, but everyone's patience had its limits, even for someone as gentle as Lydia.

So in the cafeteria all hell broke loose. Heather tried to get her arm to keep her from losing her temper, but the whispers were ripping into Lydia's mind and there was no stopping her. There were cries of alarm from the cafeteria, triggered by the surprise they had been given that someone as docile and innocent as Lydia could have overturned one of the lunch tables. Trays fell to the floor, glass plates smashed, and only the girl's ragged breathing could be heard.

"I'm tired of your bullshit!"

"Lydia, please, don't."

"No, let me. I'm tired of your sad looks, I'm tired of you thinking I can't hear you whispering about me every damn time I go to a class, everytime I pass the lockers. Yes! You heard the news correctly! My friend Julia was hit by a car on Saturday night and she probably won't wake up anymore! So I'd appreciate you said to me whatever you wish to my face, stop talking about her like she's not one, like she deserves you murmuring about the details! Stop being so damn disrespectful, fuck!"

With tears in her eyes, Lydia kicked the table she had just knocked over. Silence reigned in the room, no one dared to say anything after seeing the palpable pain of the teenager. The only thing that could finally be heard was the headmistress's heels tapping on the floor, folding her arms in front of Lydia.

"Ms. Winston, please come with me."

"I'm not going anywhere with you."

Lydia came out of the cafeteria under the watchful eyes of all the other students and the headmistress, who didn't bother to run after her. She had already met with her parents days ago and had been told that Lydia had been out of her mind lately, so even though she had found it to be grossly disrespectful, she understood her pain and let her go.

The girl locked herself in one of the bathrooms and kicked the door, bumping her fists against the walls and hurting her knuckles but finding herself unable to stop. She sobbed loudly as her hands bled and she didn't stop crying even when she heard the door open and Heather's voice from the other side of the stall.

"Lydia, please, come out. It's me."

"Leave me alone," Lydia cried.

"I'm not gonna leave you here. Let me in at least."

The girl felt like she was going to explode with pain in a literal sense. Her heart ached, as if it were going to break any moment, and she couldn't help but feel guilty about what happened. The last thing she remembered of Julia was her angry eyes and how they had been provoked by her. She clung to the tie tied around her neck, feeling it choke her.

Heather pushed the door open hard, and was finally able to open it, breaking the latch that separated her from Lydia. Her gaze became deeply sad when she saw the state in which her friend was: her pale face, her large blue eyes suffering unimaginable pain, her chest rising and falling uncontrollably. She hugged her tenderly, trying to calm Lydia down, but all she did was cry and repeat: "She's going to die, she's going to die."

Lydia moved away from Toni, not wanting to sink into that deep spiral inflicted by her darkest thoughts. She was bored and hungry, two of the worst combinations ever, and if we add to that being on a desert island, Lydia was sure it was a matter of days before she would lose her mind. She tried to hold on to what was left there, the other girls, but she felt that they had no motivation either and that made her think even more.

The Brit held up the notebook that had been loaned to her and caught the attention of Nora, who nodded with a small smile, as if giving her permission to use it. Writing her feelings that afternoon had been better than she expected, focusing on the one thing that kept her alive: the other girls. Yes, she had come to appreciate them in an incredible way, probably more than normal under the circumstances, but even so she was clear that she would not trade them for anything in the world.

She turned the pages carefully, admiring Nora's drawings. They were incredibly realistic: she could make out a self-portrait of Nora herself falling into the water, or a drawing of Toni and Martha in the early days, when there were still genuine smiles. Then she saw a neat and clean handwriting, which was becoming hurried and difficult to read, so from the circumstances, Lydia guessed it was from Leah. She only described the things she saw, among which she mentioned a toenail. Her nose wrinkled a little, but her expression changed completely when she saw her name written on the next page.

She ran her fingers over her name, but since it was written in capital letters she couldn't quickly identify who had written it. Why would anyone want to write her name? There was nothing else written on the same page, so it was somewhat curious, and to a mind as dull and pensive as Lydia's, perhaps more than curious. However, on the next page it had been written 'LEAH' also in capital letters, so Lydia ruled out that Leah had written both names, although the handwriting of the L's and the A's were the same.

She looked around, suddenly feeling watched. Who would have written their two names and for what purpose? What could Leah and Lydia have in common? Her heart raced and her mind raced to her innermost thoughts, wondering what that would mean. She tried to calm down and think it would be silly: someone had written their names, so what?

But she couldn't stop. Why those two names, those of the girls who were beginning to lose their minds the most? Did anyone want to laugh at them? She looked at Leah, and considered telling her. But the image saddened her: she was trying to pluck the hair from her eyebrows and her eyes were bloodshot. So she decided not to tell her, because if it was all her imagination and she told Leah, it would push the girl into a spiral of darkness that would be difficult to get her out of. She had promised to help her stay sane, and these conspiracies would not help.

"Hey, Fatin," Lydia caught the attention of the cellist, who turned quickly at the sound of her friend's urgent voice. "You know who else has used this?"

"And you ask me because I'm always here," Fatin smiled a little but not reproachfully. She glanced at the pink notebook and shrugged. "The only ones I've seen it's you and Leah. And, of course, Nora. It's hers, after all."

Lydia felt her head spin. She had no good reason to be suspicious of Leah or Nora, and every time the thought occurred to her it seemed more stupid. Leah, the girl who was suffering mentally more than anyone, or Nora, the purest and most charitable soul on the island? It was stupid to think that either of them had anything to do with it. However, the fact that Leah also had her name on it meant that she had only left Nora in her head. What if it was all a sham? What if Nora really wasn't like that? What if she was hiding something, like Lydia?

"Lydia, your nose again," Fatin frowned. She forced her head back to stop the bleeding, and Lydia could see that she had stained the notebook with two drops of blood. She quickly closed it and tossed it to her side so Fatin couldn't see what was causing her paranoia. If Fatin found out that she began to think about things she shouldn't, it could be when she started to lose her. "What happened?"

"My head hurts, I haven't been sleeping well these last days. It's nothing, really," Fatin nodded as she handed her a piece of cloth to cover the blood. "I should probably get this cleaned."

"You can talk to me if you want, yeah? I'm here."

Lydia smiled appreciatively. "I know, thanks."

However, when she turned around the smile disappeared. She was very appreciative of Fatin or any of the other girls volunteering to be there, but she had seen what had happened when Leah had voiced her thoughts out loud, how they had branded her neurotic or saying she was reaching conclusions that didn't make sense. So she decided to shut up, once again in fear of being treated like crazy and as if she were imagining things.

She wondered if Leah had really instilled all this in her, if it hadn't been for the Lydia girl's doubts right now she would be thinking so much about it, about whether there really was someone on the island infiltrated. It was too surreal, too crazy, to imagine that someone had signed up for this, but there were too many coincidences for her mind to just let it go.

"Come with me, no questions," Lydia found herself being dragged by Shelby into the woods, and though she didn't understand what the urgency was, she followed her.

"What's the matter?" Lydia kept repeating over and over as she ran, only to find Shelby's answers scoffing. "What— Oh my God."

Lydia stopped speaking after being amazed at the sight. Perhaps in other circumstances, she wouldn't have cared to see a tree full of fruit, but now she could almost burst into tears of happiness. Shelby looked at her with an expectant smile to see what her reaction was. "God pushes us to keep forward, so I started looking for food again and just when I was about to give up, look what I found."

"Why didn't you tell any of them, too?" Lydia asked as she raised one of the fruits to her mouth. It had a rough texture at first, but the inside was sweet and juicy, and Lydia could almost hear Dot in her head say that her health bar was boosting to 100.

"I know you've been having some rough days, so I wanted to cheer you up first."

Lydia looked at her fondly and with an intensity that overwhelmed Shelby, who couldn't keep eye contact because she felt like she was going to melt. The British girl pulled her to herself in a deep kiss that confused Shelby for feeling the other girl so close, but that finally reciprocated in a somewhat awkward way. She didn't have much experience: she was only sixteen, she had only kissed one boy in her life and she hadn't even let him get to that point, so wanting to kiss Lydia like that only confirmed what she felt.

"Is that okay?" Lydia asked carefully, but Shelby just nodded fiercely, feeling a strange warmth invade her body. "Just tell me if something is not okay."

The Texan nodded again, and far from pulling away from Lydia, she mimicked her earlier action and pulled her closer if possible. She took the British girl's face between her hands and kissed her gently, tenderly, in a way that she would never have imagined because her father hadn't told her that hell tasted that way. Lydia let her hands rest on Shelby's hips, squeezing her skin in an attempt to express what she felt at the moment.

Shelby pulled away and looked at Lydia in puzzlement. "You bit me."

"I know I did. Too much?"

Lydia backed away, worried that she had passed the limits of the Texan, but Shelby approached with a fiery gaze and pressed her against the nearest tree, bringing her lips together again. This time, however, Shelby tried to experiment: her clumsy kisses became a little faster, her hands explored Lydia's body, who was surprised at the daring attitude of the Texan, and even her tongue sought hers with more strength.

Shelby flushed at the brave impulse she had but bit her lip at Lydia's stunned expression. Her eyes had darkened, her lips were swollen, and her heart was asking for more right now. Shelby could see it, because she approached her and with a shy look she tugged a bit of Lydia's shirt. She gulped and looked at her.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

Lydia wasted no time. She didn't know where that explosion of daring had come from or the desire in her body for the girl in front of her, but she got rid of her shirt and let Shelby do the same with hers, never breaking eye contact at any time. Lydia searched the girl's green eyes and saw the uncertainty and concern written in them.

And even if Shelby thought she didn't understand her, Lydia did. The British wasn't an expert on this subject, no matter how much Fatin had been in charge of spreading the rumor that she had slept with people. She had also been in conflict with her sexuality a few times, finally accepting that she could be attracted to anyone, but unlike Shelby, Lydia had had an environment full of support and acceptance.

So when the Texan looked back at her, Lydia made sure Shelby felt the understanding and support she gave her, that she felt that she wasn't alone and never would be. Lydia ran her fingers down Shelby's abdomen, and she shuddered at the light touch, following a path that ran up her cleavage and neck, as if asking Shelby if she felt comfortable like this.

She substituted her hand with her lips, tracing little kisses from her stomach, up to her chest and to her neck, which she bit down gently, eliciting an audible sigh from Shelby. Lydia cared to make everything delicate and gentle, only pushing it further if the sounds the Texan made were approving.

There came a time when Lydia knew she was more nervous than Shelby. The Brit had never done something like this before, and she knew that a flame was growing inside Shelby that she had to fan as the Texan approached her, her hips seeking contact with hers and creating friction.

"I've never—," Shelby began as Lydia's hand began to slip through her pants. "I don't—"

"I'm no expert either, you can be sure of that," Lydia chuckled a bit. "I won't hurt you, if that's what you're worried about. I can stop whenever you want me to," the British tempted Shelby a bit, sliding her fingers inside the girl's jeans. Shelby didn't stiffen at the contact, so Lydia took it to mean she was ready.

Lydia forgot what had happened moments ago, the thought of her name written on Nora's notebook, her head spinning so overwhelmingly she had bled again. She could only focus on Shelby, the soft moans she made every time Lydia moved closer to her and inserted a finger inside her. Their breaths quickened, they sought maximum contact despite where they were, and they shared countless kisses.

Shelby didn't know if it was because she had never done that before and didn't know her abilities, or because only Lydia had managed to turn that part of her on, but there was no trace of shyness and her cheeks flushed with shame when Shelby moved her body so that Lydia was even more inside her.

"This is good," Shelby whimpered, her eyes closed and her lips parted. "I'm gonna..."

Lydia busied herself with stimulating her nerves for a few more moments, eliciting groans from the Texan, who shifted in her arms as she tried to silence herself for fear that someone might find or hear them. Lydia kissed her one last time, a short kiss but enough for Shelby to drift into it and drown her moans on her lips.

"I should, um—," Lydia carefully removed her hand from Shelby's pants, who cleared her throat and this time she did blush deeply. "Wash my hands before touching those."