No one knew Leah Rilke better than she did, and while the others could guess what the nervous —almost psychotic — thought was running through her head, only Leah herself knew exactly what it was. And this time it wasn't just one, but several at the same time: first there was Jeff, then there was the accident, also the fact that the plane had flown over the island exactly six days ago and they were still there; and last but not least, the fact that Lydia had attended the same event that she had met Jeff at.

Leah was fully aware that this thought was unhealthy, but still she hadn't been able to avoid having it burned into her head. She was going crazy night after night, trying to reel off this funny coincidence, trying to find out if all this had a connection. Because from the day she found Jeanette's cell phone in her body when she knew perfectly well that the Asian had lost it in the sea when she fell from the plane, everything had gone dark in her mind, as if it were capable of telling her that there was something there to decipher.

Maybe it was the fact that she hadn't eaten for two days, or that despair was taking over all her feelings, but she couldn't help but think that there was someone there who knew more than the others, and all the signs pointed to Lydia. However, she turned to look at her and saw her as lost as she was, struggling to create a sad smile that would encourage the others, ducking her head between her knees to hide the uncertainty that was killing her, and Leah understood that what was going through her head was just another psychotic thought that would eventually create conflict in the future, so she had to avoid it at all costs.

On the other hand, Lydia wasn't totally oblivious to Leah's attitude, but for very different reasons than Leah could imagine. Lydia knew that talking about Jeff was never good news for Leah, so Lydia thought the girl was upset, either because she had brought it up again or because at no other time did she mention that she had been in the same place as her. But what destroyed Leah on the inside, for Lydia it was only a coincidence.

Of course, if Lydia Winston was overthinking, it wasn't precisely because of what Leah seemed to think of her, but because madness seemed to be unleashing at last in her mind. She had believed so deeply that she would go home that now reality was pouring down on her like a jug of cold water. She had believed that she could run away from the past that haunted her, but the nightmares increased every night and she wasn't sure how much longer she could hold out with the act that everything was going well.

"Are you okay?" Nora's voice startled her, but she smiled nervously and nodded. Nora frowned. "I think it's not fair you have to fall. But I guess it's what this situation does to all of us," Nora continued. She then handed her a small notebook and a pen. "When Leah leaves, I make her take this notebook and write whatever she sees. It's a small way of letting yourself forget a bit about reality. Here, take it."

Lydia took it curiously in her hands and gave a small smile to Nora, who returned it after giving her a light pat on the shoulder. She traced with her fingertips the lines of the notebook, the words that were already written, even the pieces of the page that were missing because someone had visibly ripped them off, presumably to keep the fire going. She turned to Nora to thank her, but the girl had already returned to her sister's side and was not looking at her.

I don't even know what this is, should I call it a journal? A diary? I don't know, but I also don't care. Nora says I should write whatever I want, and I should probably follow Nora's advice because she seems like a very wise person. She's always calm, she's smart and she seems like a very good person. I liked her since the beginning, I think, because she always tries to protect her sister and I, being an only child, don't know that feeling very well, but I admire it.

Her sister Rachel is a bit moody, but I believe she has every reason to. After all, we're stuck here and we all have a life waiting for us. She's a really good swimmer —I've seen her, diary— and I know she has the best intentions, though sometimes we fail to understand that. In that way she reminds me a bit of Toni, who is also very angry at everything always, or that's what she lets on, but don't tell her that. From what I've seen, she's also very protective of Martha, and I can understand that: Martha is pure and genuine, and seems to be the only thing that can calm Toni down, so I think they're really good friends and I I'm happy for them.

Then there is Dot and Fatin, who complement each other really well. Dot is resourceful and witty, and although Fatin sometimes can be lazy and uncooperative, Dot is patient with her because she knows everyone could be stressed under these circumstances. But don't think Fatin is just sluggish and mean, because she has one of the best hearts and minds I've ever met, she's not just what you can see, she's passionate about what she likes, she's a great friend, she always makes me laugh even though her humour sometimes can be inopportune. I've only known her for a few weeks, but what I've seen of her is so wonderful it makes me wish I could've met her in another life.

There's also Leah, who apparently I had already met before but neither of us really remembers. I like her because she reminds me a bit of myself: her thoughts are messy, sometimes she can't think straight and she goes out of her way, but I do not think it's because she wants to hurt us, it's because she can't help it. I'd like to tell her everything is going to be alright, because that's what I wish someone told me when I was as lost as her.

I think I've said I like everyone here, haven't I? It's not because they'll probably read this somehow, sometime, but because I really believe these are good people. I'm not in my best state right now but I like to remind people they're worthy, they're loved, and that I'm glad that they exist. I don't know if Shelby will ever read this, but that's exactly what I'd like to tell her. I couldn't stop liking her even when it was the easiest thing, so I don't think my heart jumping of joy anytime she's near me will stop anytime soon. She's been hiding who she is for the last years, but I really believe the true Shelby Goodkind can be someone pretty amazi

"Hey, what are you doing?" Lydia heard Shelby's voice next to her, so she closed the notebook as fast as she could. She wanted to hit herself for the lack of dissimulation, for Shelby's frown implied that she knew she was hiding something from her.

"Nothing. Nora gave me this notebook in case I wanted to distract myself, but turns out I can't write, I can't draw...," Lydia smiled sheepishly. "How are you holding up?"

Shelby smiled a little. "Just enjoying the weather, enjoying the company. Keeping myself busy trying to get the weight off everyone's shoulders," then she shrugged, and although she knew why, Lydia found it very sad that Shelby would rather stay there than go home. "I'm going to clean these. Be right back."

Lydia thought she would be rude to watch Shelby clean her dentures, so she looked away, only to return to Leah. She ripped the page out of the notebook, folded it as covertly as she could and put it in her backpack.

"Maybe he's in on it," Leah whispered when she felt the presence of someone next to her. Lydia raised her eyebrows, waiting for Leah to say something else, but those words never came. In response, Leah stared at her in such a way that Lydia felt somewhat intimidated, those piercing blue eyes staring into hers.

She's a good person, Leah. Stop it. You're scaring her. She's helped you many times, she likes you, you like her. It's a coincidence she knows Jeff, that she was at the same place and time as you. She said her grandma knew the principal and you believe her because why would she lie? What would she gain from this? She's just as scared as you, she wanted to go home, she's devastated, too. So stop being paranoid or she'll be the one who thinks you're up to something.

"Who?"

"That fucking pilot," Leah's voice almost broke at this. "What kind of person sees an island full of lost girls and doesn't send help?"

"Leah, what would he be in on?"

Lydia's thoughts became as cluttered as Leah's as she understood what the girl meant. Strange things happened on that island, from Jeanette's phone, to the disappearance of her body, the fact that none except the Asian woman were seriously injured, that things that really needed appeared out of nowhere... Yes, Lydia had thought about this sometime, not spending as much time as Leah but just as aware that there were events too strange to think that it was all due to chance.

However, what to Lydia were strange coincidences, to Leah was a world full of discoveries that made no sense and that wouldn't stop until she was driven crazy.

"I don't know."

"Stay with me, yeah, Leah? Everything will be okay."

"One time, when I was eight, I was having lunch at school but I was feeling so sick that I had broccoli and I puked so hard I think I could've passed out," Toni commented as she pushed the branches aside so that the four could go. "I'm so hungry I think I could eat that."

"The puke?" Lydia wrinkled her nose.

"No, you dumbass. The broccoli," Toni snapped. "That's disgusting."

Lydia hummed out loud, thinking that was the only correct answer. She'd agreed to look for food with Toni, Shelby, and Martha for only two reasons: first, because she was starving, and if they really found something edible out there she wanted to be the first to eat it. Second, because she thought she would go crazy if she stayed around Leah for another minute.

The girl had completely lost her mind in the last few hours. Apparently her mind was working much better than Lydia had predicted, perhaps not articulating the thoughts correctly but intertwining them with inhuman speed, leading her to conclusions that, most of the time, were meaningless. However, she had preferred to leave Leah in the hands of Fatin and Dot, who, although they could not make the girl reconsider, at least outnumbered her.

"Hey, y'all," Shelby drew attention as she ducked down. She picked something up from the floor and showed it to the others, and both Toni and Lydia wrinkled their noses. "This is a find."

"The hell is that?"

"Oh, don't eat them. It's scat," the three girls looked at each other without understanding Shelby. "You know manure? Scat is what we call them in the hunting community."

"What hunting community?" Martha inquired, her tone of voice revealing doubt.

"Just, like, the general one."

"And you're a part of that community?"

"Hey, can we talk about what this means?" Toni interfered, beginning to feel the tension building up in the situation. She knew that Martha was a vegetarian and that Shelby had habits that her best friend would never like, but they were in special circumstances and the only thing that was clear to her was that she wanted to eat something. "Are we going to get mauled?"

"Yeah, I'm not doing this," Lydia scoffed. "I didn't come here to get fucking attacked by something whose name I don't even know. Not today."

Under the watchful eyes of the others, Lydia turned around and started to leave. Martha and Shelby were especially surprised because Lydia was always cooperative and willing to help, but Toni liked that she finally showed what was underneath that layer of positivity and motivation. However, the basketball player didn't add more fuel to the fire, but instead let the girl return to the beach, knowing what it was like to hit rock bottom.

"Just keep going, I'll catch up with you later," Shelby told the two friends, who nodded, unsure of what to say. The Texan walked faster to catch up with Lydia, who stomped on fallen leaves and kicked rocks angrily. "Hey, hey, what's wrong? There's nothing to be afraid of, the scat was too round and dry, the animal will be probably a small four legged friend."

"This is not about the animal anymore, Shelby," Lydia sighed tiredly. "I'm done. I'm tired of this crap, I'm tired of fighting to have something to eat, somewhere to sleep. I'm tired of keeping my cool because that's not how I feel anymore. I'm tired and I think I have the right to be. So I'm sorry if this isn't what you were expecting of me, because this is the reality. Not always there's rainbows in paradise," Lydia added sarcastically.

She turned quickly, not waiting for the Texan to respond to her sudden outburst, though Shelby didn't really know what to say to her either. She had seen herself at her lowest days ago and knew there was nothing she could tell Lydia that would fix her problems. So she let her go, something she would later regret.

"Leah! NO, LEAH!" Lydia heard voices calling out the girl's name and felt the blood run cold in her veins.

She ran as fast as she could, tripping a couple of times over a fallen branch and colliding with the highest branches, which opened wounds on her cheeks, but she cared little. The voices of Fatin and Dot were getting closer and closer, so she emerged from the grove that covered the island almost completely only to see how the figures of the two girls tried to prevent Leah from reaching the water and being carried away by the tide.

Lydia felt her lungs physically ache as she ran across the sand, but she didn't stop until she reached the shore and saw Leah walk away from them. She tried to chase her again, but Dot's and Fatin's arms held her in place as Lydia resisted and tried to go after the blue-eyed girl, whom they had almost lost sight of in the wild waters that day.

"Let me go!" Lydia grunted angrily, trying to break out of the two girls' firm hold, and wasted all her energy trying. She soon realized that it would be useless, that it was two against one and that Dot and Fatin were taller than her, and probably stronger than she alone. So she stopped trying to break free and dropped into the sand, defeated. "Leah! Leah!"

The three teenagers watched in anguish as Leah reached into the water to try to be seen, but it was too late: none of the three would reach her that far. However, the three pairs of eyes watched intently as another body approached for Leah, and to their surprise they discovered how Rachel was swimming towards her, fighting against the waves.

"Rachel went for her," Nora said beside them, breathing as if she'd run there. "It will be okay."

And just as Nora had predicted, Rachel was back with Leah in her arms in a matter of minutes. Fatin and Lydia ran to their aid, each grabbing Leah by the arm, while Dot and Nora helped Rachel catch her breath. "We're gonna die here," was the first thing Leah sobbed as she flopped onto the wet sand and dragged the other two girls with her. "I'm going back out there. Don't stop me!"

"Like hell you are!" Lydia held her by the shoulders as she breathed hard. This was not the stroke of reality she needed, but it was enough. "Give her that shit to calm her down," this time Lydia addressed Fatin.

"Are we sure this is necessary?"

"We have no other option," Lydia urged. "Vote?"

"Just do it!" Nora screamed from her position.

"I can't do it," Fatin lamented, handing the pills to Lydia.

"Let me go back!" Leah complained meanwhile, but Lydia shook her roughly.

"Leah. No," Lydia sighed and looked at her. She was in worse state than she had remembered, her complexion pale, completely out of breath, and staring off somewhere on the horizon. Lydia understood that this was not the time to be hard on her, but to be peaceful and understanding. So she brushed her wet hair from her face and stroked her cheek for a few seconds. "No."

It seemed that Leah did not have the strength or desire to argue, because she relaxed at the contact of the British and dropped into the sand, only to be picked up again by Lydia, who supported her on her lap while she said sweet nothings. The blonde held her close to her for what seemed like an eternity, but at least it seemed to heal a good part of both girls, who found refuge in the other at that very moment.

"Lydia...," Leah sobbed against her, and the Brit felt her crying had the same effect on her. She felt her eyes fill with tears so she hugged her even more. A deep sadness seized her heart, not only because of Leah's despair, but also because of her own. "I want my mom."

Lydia's heart shattered at Leah's confession, and she wasn't strong enough to withstand the pressure on her chest. So she cried with her, remembering the last time she had seen her mother, more than a year ago. She felt far, far away, and not only because of the physical distance, but because they had never quite connected. Her mother worked hard, was completely dedicated to it and had her daughter in the background. However, Lydia remembered every afternoon in the park, every time her mother came to school to pick her up by car, the smiles of pride every time Lydia returned home with an A.

"I know, me too."

Lydia wiped her tears with the back of her hand and placed one of the pills in Leah's palm, nodding when Leah looked at her for explanations.

Hours later, the pill had had the desired effect: Leah had fallen asleep on the sand, curled up in herself and apparently in a deep sleep. Lydia took advantage of those moments to lie on the shore of the beach, away from everything and everyone, who had already returned back to camp. She was terribly tired, and not just physically. This situation was exhausting, and while some were affected from the beginning, Lydia was not used to suffering from such emotional wear and tear and seemed to break down at times.

"Not you," Fatin murmured softly beside her, but Lydia hadn't even noticed her presence. She looked at her a few moments later. "You're going dark on me."

"I haven't been adressing the elephant in the room since the beginning, now it feels like it's suffocating me. I'm so exhausted I can't even sleep. I want to get out of here, dude," her voice was soft, monotonous. She was aware that she was probably scaring Fatin with her hopelessness, so she looked at her. "How bad is it?"

"Real bad," Fatin muttered back. "I didn't know she was this gone."

"Whatever happens on this island," Lydia started. "She doesn't need to know."

Fatin left after kissing her on the forehead, thinking that she wanted to be alone with her thoughts, but shortly after the cellist was replaced by Shelby, who said nothing when she arrived, just lay down next to Lydia, just as she had a week ago when it was the Texan who experienced her weakest point on the island.

"Any luck with the food?"

Shelby shook her head. "No berries, no four legged animal."

"Fantastic."

"I didn't know Leah had it this bad. Dottie told me what happened, how she swam into the sea."

Lydia sighed. "She thought the ocean was what could set her free, as if she wouldn't drown the second she let herself be carried away by the tide. Bad thoughts and the darkness in our minds can make us do really, really stupid things. And the worst thing is that we don't realize it until it's too late. Leah's already gone and I'm feeling I'll be the next."

Shelby clung tightly to Lydia's hand, which lay on the sand. "I'm not letting you leave, you hear me? You helped me, I'll help you. And by the way, I know there's not always rainbows in paradise," Shelby touched her own head. "But that's okay, too. There's moments we can't be a hundred percent on it, and that's okay, I promise. I'll put the eighty percent when you can't give more than your twenty, you've already done that for me. We're together in this, I won't let you lose yourself."

Lydia looked at Shelby deeply but carefully at the same time, almost as if she was afraid she was going to disappear at any moment. "I'm sorry I snapped at you. You didn't deserve that. I haven't been resting well and I know that's not an excuse, but everything's just piling up and I can't seem to shake it off."

"It's okay, Lyd, really. I understand. I'm not mad at you," Shelby chuckled softly and murmured: "If anything, I'm dying to kiss you again."

Without waiting for any kind of comment from Lydia, Shelby leaned over the Brit and kissed her for just a few seconds. She smiled softly at her, as if trying to tell her that for now she could only give her that, but her smile grew bigger when Lydia's eyes glowed in the dark as much as the incipient smile that threatened to cross her lips.

"Lay and watch the midnight sky with me?"