What at first had seemed like paradise had now turned into hell.

The laughter, the knowing glances charged with joy, the hopes that housed their young hearts, inexperienced but so capable of deeply loving, had now turned into narrowed eyes, almost palpable sadness, desolation, lost stares, words fleeting and insipid. The revelry that had characterized the girls in the camp had turned into deafening silence, and according to Lydia, there was nothing worse than nine quiet teenagers.

Days had passed since the discovery of the girls, but the plane hadn't appeared anywhere again. The most realistic ones, like Nora or Dot, had accepted internally that no one was going to come back for them, but they had taken care not to externalize it so that those more dreamy —or unstable— like Martha —or Leah— wouldn't lose hope, because seeing these two girls out of their usual mood could become chaotic. However, others like Rachel or Toni had yelled their rage from the rooftops, they had hit the sand, they had thrown rocks into the sea until they were left without strength, and they frequently disappeared, probably to vent without harming the others.

Lydia had just kept quiet and sat in the same posture, frequently staring at the sky and hoping for a miracle that would never happen. She kept telling herself that she wanted to go home, a place to feel safe, but she had discovered that the island was not so bad thanks to the last moments she had shared with Shelby. Many times she would turn to the Texan, who paced back and forth, considerably calmer than the last time all the girls had seen her, worrying about the state of the others, rubbing her hand against the girls' shoulders or giving them encouraging words.

Their gazes met, and as Shelby gave her little smiles, Lydia couldn't imagine anything other than what had happened a few days before. She couldn't get her green eyes out of her head, looking at her as if they penetrated her mind, as if she knew with just one glance what she was thinking, and Lydia thought about how vulnerable she had felt. Her heart had never leapt like this for a kiss before, and it still made her think, but she had no doubt about the feelings she had for the girl she had met just three weeks ago, the one who, despite everything, went out of her way because the rest had a reason to keep on.

They hardly spoke to each other. Lydia missed the moments when they sat in a circle around the fire, talking about anything, playing games Shelby suggested, or just hanging out with each other. For this reason, the girls hung out with those others with whom it was not necessary to talk. Nora and Rachel seemed to be attached by the hip the last days, perhaps having found the reconciliation they longed for on the island; Dot, Leah and Fatin formed an exceptional trio, in which neither was friends with the others but found peace between them without the need for a conversation, and the same happened with Shelby and Lydia, although the former knew what the limits were that the British needed.

However, Fatin's watch indicated that it would be near dusk, and since Martha remained alone, Lydia frowned, realizing that Toni had not yet returned from her usual escapade. "I think we should go and look for Toni."

"She'll come back," Fatin groaned, her head resting on Leah's legs.

"She's never taken so long. No one's interested in joining me?"

"Shout if you need anything," Dot trailed off as she closed her eyes again.

Lydia rolled her eyes as she walked away from the scene. She glanced quickly at Shelby, who nodded imperceptibly, though she pushed her away just as quickly, though the Texan continued to stare at her for a while, watching her sullenly disappear into the trees.

"Toni! Where are you?" The Brit screamed through the brush. She didn't want to have to search for the girl in that lush forest, for she really wasn't in the mood for it, but she didn't want to leave her to her own either —it seemed that everyone else thought to do so. "This is not funny, come on! Toni?" Lydia murmured her name when she heard sobs coming from nearby. She raised her head and found the girl sitting on one of the lower branches, her back against the trunk and her head between her legs to avoid being seen and heard. "Toni..."

"What do you want?" The girl spat when she saw that Lydia was right below her.

"I came to find you. I know you usually have your me time during these hours, but it was getting late and you weren't coming back, so I thought I'd come to get you. Are you okay up there? Do you need me to get Martha?"

Toni raised her head quickly at the mention of her friend. "No! Leave her out of this. She doesn't have to know."

"Then what's the problem?" Lydia was only met by silence as an answer, and although she knew she shouldn't pressure Toni, her humor was not exactly the best to confront the situation. "You have zero luck, it turns out it's just me who's come to find you, so don't make me get there to find out what's in that mind of yours."

After a few moments Toni's crying seemed to subside considerably, so Lydia waited patiently low. Toni poked her head out, almost shyly. "Don't climb. I'll need you to get down."

The Brit nodded silently again. She cautiously watched Toni roll over on the branch and hold onto it tightly to drop her weight onto Lydia, who used her hands to prop Toni up on her feet and leap to the ground. Lydia pursed her lips when she saw Toni's crystallized eyes and the trail of fresh tears on her cheeks. Toni seemed to realize she was looking at her, so she ran her hands over her face to get rid of them.

"At least you have enough strength to climb a fucking tree. The rest of the girls barely lift their heads from the sand. How do you climb down, by the way?"

"Just let myself fall until I touch the ground."

"You'll hurt your feet that way."

"Who cares?" Toni snorted. "Maybe dying here is the only way we have to get back home."

Lydia frowned. "Your humour is too dry, I don't like it."

"Who said I was joking? I just want to get the fuck out of here! That fucking plane gave us all hope and I hate it. I should've known nothing ever goes my way, why would my luck start now? It's like fate is fucking with us, tricking us into thinking we stand a chance of getting out of here just fine, or at least alive, when in reality we're going to die here because there's no fucking food and there's no fucking one looking for us!" Toni broke down, her eyes watering once again. "There's no hope for us."

"I know it's hard, Toni, but we can't give up. We all deserve our low moments because that means we've been strong enough for those who can't be at the moment. I refuse to just give up, I have to keep going because the day no one has hope, then that's the day we'll be damned."

"You should really cut the crap, Lydia," Toni snapped at her. "We've all had our low moments here, Rachel, Leah, me, and you keep on being the person who tries to solve all the problems, but each and every one of us has them, so why not just be free? You can't be this little perfect thing that doesn't have a problem in her life. If you're so tired of this, if you say you understand why we're feeling like this, why don't you let loose sometime? You're that afraid we'll see right through you?"

Lydia stared at Toni, who was challenging her with her eyes. The British girl knew that Toni was only trying to get her out of her mind, pressuring her to the point that she saw her explode, because maybe that's how Toni was: she didn't trust someone until they really showed her their essence. But Toni was right: under that facet of tranquility and calm there was a fire that burned inside her and wanted to explode.

However, she did not grant Toni the luxury. "You should really try meditating."

Against all odds, Toni let out a laugh. "What I hate about you is that I don't seem to be able to crack you. However, you just keep surprising me."

"You're gonna hate me the day I explode," Lydia muttered with a serious voice.

However Toni did not take it so seriously, because she drew a sly smile on her lips and spread her arms wide. "I can't wait."

They spoke no more on the way back. Thanks to the fact that Toni had chosen a nearby tree —probably so as not to get lost— they arrived at the camp in a short time, so the awkward silence did not have to go on indefinitely. "Hey, about the kiss ... I don't want to feel like we have to be awkward about it..."

"Shut up," Toni said simply.

"God, I hate you," Lydia whispered, earning Toni to show her her middle finger. "Martha, here's the Toni you ordered."

The girl sat next to Fatin, from whom she had inevitably distanced herself a little in those days. She had spent more time with Shelby, and although the cellist had never reproached her despite their past, she did know that she could never abandon Fatin for anything in the world. So she let Fatin rest her head on her shoulder and Lydia laid a short kiss on her hair, their hands meeting without needing to say anything.

However, Lydia quickly rose from her place under the watchful eyes of Fatin and Shelby, who lately seemed to be paying special attention to her. Lydia brought her backpack closer to the group and tossed the bags of food Dot had given her when they decided to celebrate leaving. The remaining eight girls looked at her with wide eyes, almost as if she were their savior.

"I decided to keep these," Lydia shrugged, excusing herself. "I didn't know what was going to happen, and they could be like these little souvenirs —I'm just realizing how stupid that sounds, so just eat, please."

"But these are yours," Dot complained. "We ate all of ours before and you didn't, you deserve to have your own feast, too."

"Are you crazy? Of course I'm sharing it with you. It's been three days since that happened, and since then we've been eating leftovers or fruits we've been hunting. I've been keeping those because I had the hope we..."

"We would get out of here," Nora finished for her, and Lydia nodded guiltily.

"But now it's obvious we have to eat them. I'm sorry, guys."

"You're sorry? I'm sorry for eating mine so greedily, now I feel stupid," Fatin groaned.

"Well, I'm sorry I let you eat all of yours," Dot looked at everyone and nodded.

They ate the bags of chips and snacks that Lydia had kept for days in the hope that she wouldn't have to use them because that would mean they'd gotten out of there safely. It seemed that their moods were rising a bit again, because that evening reminded them of all those nights they had spent around the bonfire, still with food and fewer injuries decorating their bodies. They chatted more animatedly, trying to put aside the issue of the plane and the failed rescue, although it was an arduous task.

However, the joy lasted little. The girls' stomachs had filled up a bit, but when the conversation had subsided, their minds went back to the thought that in those moments they could be at home, comfortable in their beds, watching television before dinner, perhaps watching their rescue on the news and hiding it in the back of their mind as a tragic journey that they would remember forever.

Lydia followed Leah with her gaze, she was moving a little away from the girls despite all of them lying at different points on the beach. She saw her snuggle against herself to ward off the sea breeze, and she realized that it seemed to affect her in a special way. Lydia did not know Leah before despite living in the same state, she did not know anything about her past, but she was sure Leah was a box of surprises.

She approached the girl, who was looking at a fixed point in the sand, and Lydia recognized it as the spine of that book she always carried with her. She took a look at her before taking it in her hands, as if asking for permission, and getting a slight nod from the girl, the British girl investigated it.

"You don't need to hear this from me because you don't know me at all, but I'm glad you've been able to let it go. I know it meant a lot to you and it's the first step of many to come. Just so you know, you're strong to overcome this and everything in your way."

Leah sighed at last. "I feel so stupid. All my life I've been thinking I'm different from people my age, but turns out I'm the same: hung up on some love it's not good for me but I'm keen on trying to hold onto. There's times when I wish I could kick his ass, but most of the times it's just me missing what we had."

"I just want you to know this is not your fault. You're a teenager, he's a grown man; he knew what he was doing and he's the only guilty for your heartbreak," Lydia put a hand on Leah's shoulder, and took a closer look at the back of the book, where the author's photo and a brief synopsis of his book. "Wait, I know this guy."

"You do?" Leah moved into place quickly.

"Yes! He was giving a lecture in some high school some months ago about his new book, I'm guessing this was the one. My grandma was friends with the principal of the high school so she let us stay and listen."

"Do we really have to come here and listen to... Jeffrey Galandis?" Lydia sarcastically asked her grandmother after reading the brochure where the author's name could be read.

Helen smiled a little, patting her on the head. "Come on! You used to love reading, what happened to you? And you also loved coming with me everywhere! What, now that you're old enough you don't enjoy my company anymore?"

"Don't be like that, grandma," Lydia flipped her off. "It's just that I don't understand why you had to drag me to this when I have better things to do."

Her grandmother gave her a stern look. "Staying at home with your music blasting and eating ice cream is not a better thing to do. Come on, stop complaining and find us some good seats, yeah? I have to find a friend to say hi."

Lydia snorted again, but obeyed and stopped complaining. However, she looked around in that small conference room and realized that not many other people would attend that appointment, so she stood a while longer against the wall, looking at her phone absently to go unnoticed while her grandmother chatted with one of the teachers amicably.

When she saw her grandmother approaching the chairs, Lydia moved quickly to take two random seats. However, she collided with a body and had to hold her phone or it would have slipped out of her hands. She looked up and met deep blue eyes that seemed to smile as much as the lips of the girl who possessed them.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't looking."

"No worries, my fault," Lydia smiled apologetically.

"Come on, Leah, or you'll miss the introduction," a boy next to her scolded her affectionately.

"Who were you with?" Her grandmother inquired upon seeing her slight encounter with that pair of teenagers.

Lydia gave her a tired but loving look. Her grandmother was well aware that she wasn't exactly good at making friends, so every time the woman saw her exchange a minimum of words with anyone Helen thought she had friends —or maybe something else! "I don't even know her, grandma. We just bumped into each other because she seems as eager as you to hear this stupid lecture."