"Come on, come on, come on!" Coach Terrence screamed, the whistle on her lips screeching every time she blew. The girls had put their hands to their ears the first few times, but now they were so used to the woman's character that they were unfazed.

Lydia slowed her trotting pace to keep chatting next to Heather, who was flushed red with exhaustion and her legs weren't going to stand much longer. On the other hand, it seemed that Lydia had just joined the training, because her ponytail was still perfect, she was breathing evenly and she even had time to have a conversation as long as the pain did not appear on her body.

However, in her head everything was spinning. She opened her mouth to ask Heather, but decided it was best to keep the matter buried. It was only three days since the accident occurred, that fateful Saturday night party to which she had insisted on going and with the tragic end that had happened, and in her mind she kept repeating each and every one of the actions that had taken her to the garden, Julia in front of her, her face contorted.

"You've got to run faster, Winston, or those bastards from Manchester will crush us again," the coach growled, blowing the whistle again. Lydia positioned herself in front of the goal, one of her teammates trying to intimidate her with her eyes so that she didn't score, and when Lydia kicked, the ball was easily stopped by the other girl. "What was that, Winston? It seems you have your head elsewhere, so a little training will help you to wake up. Go to the gym, and don't come back until you do 50 pull ups."

"Coach, I'll do better next time. It was just a mistake, it won't happen again."

The coach gave her a quick look. "Of course not, because if you're still so distracted tomorrow, you'll start Saturday's game from the bench."

Lydia opened her mouth to complain, but knew it was best to keep quiet. The coach didn't bother to look at her again, but whistled again and the others went back to their tasks, casting surprised looks at Lydia, who walked with her head down and feeling humiliated into the gym. She kicked one of the mats in rage, and did it again until she felt her foot hurt.

She headed for the pull-up bars, the exercise she hated the most, and which she assumed the coach knew, because it was useless if she wanted to kick better. She started to do one, but couldn't. She released her hands from the bar and fell to the ground, her mind too clouded to focus on her task.

She had been forced to attend training, because it was obvious that she hadn't wanted to go by her own will. She just wanted to stay in her bed, curled up there, watching TV and sleeping, maybe setting aside an hour of her free time to torture herself for being a shitty friend and person. The party looped through her head by the minute, and even Coach Terrence's arduous training had not momentarily erased the guilt.

"I can't do this," she whispered to herself.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Fatin's voice snapped her out of her focus. She looked down at her, her hands gripping the tree branch, which she had used as a makeshift pull-up bar. She made one last effort, the last breath leaving her chest as she dropped and landed on the sand.

"Keeping myself distracted."

"That's your definition of' distracted '?" Poor, poor child," Fatin dramatized, putting a hand on her forehead and smiling moments later.

Lydia giggled a little, adjusting her tank top so it wouldn't rise. "I can't exactly travel by private plane to Hawaii, can I?"

"That was low," Fatin growled. "Can you teach me to do that? I was sleeping but Dot woke me up, so now I don't wanna go back or I'll fucking punch her in the face."

"Sure thing," Lydia nodded. "But I warn you, you need to have strong ass arms."

Fatin nodded at her words, and Lydia was surprised to see that she was serious, as she took off the pink fur jacket she was wearing and left it for Lydia to keep herself warm. Fatin was a little taller than Lydia, so it didn't take much effort for her arms to reach the branch. She mimicked Lydia's gestures earlier and, with a grunt, started to lift her feet off the sand.

Her head didn't even get above the branch, as she dropped with a high-pitched groan onto the sand and rubbed her hands together. Lydia held out a hand and helped her up, a kind smile on her lips. "That wasn't bad at all. Most of us don't even last two seconds on the first try. Your arms aren't as weak as I thought, your hands are calloused, what's your secret?"

"I play the cello," Fatin confessed, although Leah had already told Lydia that. "My mother makes me practice seven days a week, some days even more than six hours. She's so obsessed with me," Fatin scoffed, and Lydia knew that although she masked it sarcastically, Fatin was still hurt.

"Are you good?" Lydia questioned when the two of them returned to camp.

Nora and Rachel were still lying, but now with their eyes open and chatting with each other. Dot paced back and forth, making sure that the fire was still burning and that Fatin and Lydia weren't going far, as she didn't want the scenes from the first day and days ago to be repeated —those two were too easy to get away. Shelby was away from the group again, and Lydia saw her cling to her necklace as she muttered to herself.

"Good?" Fatin scoffed again. "I was more than fucking good, baby. I was going to Juilliard, but given the circumstances... I don't know anymore. And I like it, I really do, but I wish I had more of a teenager life rather this... hell my parents put me through."

"Of course you're going to Juilliard," Lydia smiled, nudging her. "When we get out of here, those stuck up pricks will fight to get you on their team."

"You should come sometime," Fatin smiled, and her smile continued growing. "I'll get you VIP tickets."

Lydia put her hand to her chest, pretending to be surprised but flattered, and Fatin's smile grew even bigger. The cellist thought that she probably would never have approached someone like Lydia under other circumstances. She was too stubborn in her thinking that girls were bad company, always wanting revenge and envy creeping in their blood, but upon meeting these girls she had realized that she was deeply mistaken. She wished internally that she had met them at home, in high school, in a real retreat because, for better or for worse, they had changed her life.

"Hey," Dot murmured, moving closer to them. "You remember when you said that you were never going to shit outdoors? How's that resolution holding up for you?"

Fatin clicked her tongue, a smile fighting to take over her lips. "So fucking broken. Along with my colon. And my dignity," which made Dot and Lydia laugh, though they did it quietly so as not to disturb the others.

Lydia looked away from the fire when she saw Nora raise her hands and urge her to come closer. Rachel groaned to herself when she saw the blonde approach, but Lydia decided not to make any more of it than she was —it wasn't exactly that Rachel was involved with them regularly.

"Rachel's blaming herself for what happened today. Tell her she's being irrational!" Nora almost screamed.

"What? Why?" Lydia frowned, addressing Rachel. "It wasn't your fault, you couldn't have seen this coming."

"If I hadn't brought back those fucking mussels... Nothing would've happened. And I was so happy, shaking them in the air like some fucking prize," Rachel trailed off, visibly affected by the situation even though she didn't want to show it.

"No, look, everyone's fine!" Lydia smiled, her hand signaling the other girls chatting among themselves. "We were happy, too, excited for some change after everything, that we also ate them without knowing what was going to happen. Believe me, you could ask any of us and no one would blame you, Rachel. It was just misfortune, anyone could've brought them. I know people like you," Lydia started again with a small smile, nudging Rachel, who was suddenly interested. "I bet you're a good swimmer, and you demand sometimes too much of yourself, you're a perfectionist who worries instantly if something doesn't go your way. But I'll tell you, you have nothing to worry about, you aren't the one to blame, no one is, and I assure you everyone thinks the same as I do."

Nora smiled, pleased. "See? I told you, Rach."

The swimmer snorted a little. "She just wanted to ask you because you're the most rational one, you wouldn't start shit because of nothing. Well, at least along with Dot. Fatin's probably too busy with her mani and Leah looks like she could bite my head off if I even go near her."

"Well, that's... flattering. But I'm speaking from the heart. You would sense glares and scowls if anyone blamed you."

"Marty?" Toni's voice made them turn around, alarmed by the glaring concern in the girl's voice. Rachel sat up in the towel, and Nora tilted her head, not quite understanding what was happening. "Martha?" Her best friend repeated.

Suddenly the girl vanished to the ground. The three girls' eyes widened, and Rachel and Lydia were the quickest to come to their rescue, leaping over rocks in their path and rushing to shore, where Martha now lay unconscious. Lydia didn't dare look Rachel in the eye, not after what she had just said; she only gulped when she saw Martha's condition.

Toni shook her best friend a couple of times, but gave up after several attempts, realizing that she had passed out. Many shared knowing glances, thinking the same thing: she hadn't taken the same medicine as Toni, and now she really needed it.

"Lydia, help me carry her," Dot ordered, and the Brit got to work. She caught Martha under the shoulders as Dot carried her legs, and the other girls tried to help as much as they could. "Lay her down. Here."

"Turn her over on her side," Nora recommended, her voice peaceful as always despite the circumstances.

"What's happening to her?" Toni questioned, her eyes wet and her voice cracking.

"I — I don't know," Dot admitted. "Pepto might've not been the right thing."

"So what do we do now, Dottie?" Shelby asked afterward, her voice taking on a darker tone with concern.

"I said I don't know!"

"Figure something out," Toni implored, clinging to her friend, brushing her sweaty hair from her face and stroking her forehead.

"We have to find the other Halophen. You said there were two of them, we have to look for them again in case we didn't see it the first time," Lydia proposed the only solution she could think of. She ran quickly to the black bag and pulled it closer to the group, stirring its contents and dumping them on the towel to get a better view of the pill.

Toni spoke out loud when she saw that no one found the remaining pill. "Why did you do it? Why did you give me the last one? You wasted it on me!" The girl sobbed. "Look at her! She's a good person, she cares about people and people care about her, and she has a whole family and you throw me a lifeline!"

"Toni, you were dying!" Lydia's mind clouded at times, feeling that by saving Toni she was failing Martha, and she felt herself getting dizzy, so she couldn't make out that voice.

"Who cares? I don't matter! Fuck, I don't matter, I don't fucking matter," after her rage, Toni sobbed again. "Why did you do that, Lydia? I told you I was fine, you needed to give it to her, but no, you decided to waste it on me. Fuck you!"

Lydia's lips twitched as she realized she was speaking to her. How could Toni be so ungrateful? She was about to die in her arms and that was the only thing she could tell her. In a fit, Lydia got up quickly and advanced towards Toni in a way that Rachel was about to stop her, because the reaction of the usually patient girl had scared her and she worried that she might hurt Toni in a matter of seconds.

However, they all relaxed a bit when Lydia grabbed Toni by the shoulders, though perhaps with more force than would have seemed normal. "Toni, shut the fuck up! You were dying so we had to make a decision. We will find a solution for Martha just like we did for you, I promise. So now shut up and stop getting on my nerves!"

Lydia released her and looked up when she heard a guttural sound come from Fatin's throat, who covered her mouth with her hand to prevent a smile, Lydia's explosion causing her to laugh.

"There— There might be some more meds out there," Leah spoke suddenly, and they all turned to her. Her face was pale and she spoke guiltily. "Maybe the ones that she needs," Lydia, Fatin and Dot got up at the same time, and it seemed to the others that people like Lydia and Dot, who usually stayed calm, ironically now seemed about to lose it, which scared them again. "In the forest, I might've dropped some. I— I was out there, and basically delirious and I guess I dropped the bag and everything just... spilt."

Lydia freed herself from Fatin's grip on her, and this time she couldn't avoid the push she previously wanted to give Toni to shut her mouth. Leah staggered back from the sudden contact and force of the push, gasping slightly at the sight of Lydia's contorted face, her jaw clenching to keep from insulting.

"Why didn't you tell any of us before?" Lydia's voice trembled, as if fury was about to take over her body. She wouldn't have lost her mind in any other situation, but it was a matter of life and death and they couldn't waste time like that.

"I'm sorry," the girl whispered, on the verge of tears.

"Wherever you dropped it, you need to take me there now, Leah," Lydia growled lowly.

Leah nodded quickly several times, wiping her tears. She ran to the fire, lit a piece of wood that served as a makeshift torch, and nodded in Lydia's direction again. Dot held her by the arm. "Do you need me to go, too?"

Lydia whispered near the Texan. "Martha needs to be awake when we arrive in order to take the pill. You're the only one who knows shit about surviving, so I need you to stay here. We'll be back soon."

At those words, Lydia ran after Leah, who was looking back to see if the girl was following her. They plunged into the woods soon after, and in the damp and cold of the night Lydia zipped up her jacket, forgetting the heat she'd felt barely half an hour earlier from the effort of the pull ups.

She silently followed the path Leah indicated, not feeling like words were needed at the moment. However, Leah seemed not to think like her, because she whimpered when she hit a branch she hadn't seen or asked for forgiveness hundreds of times in whispers, almost hoping that Lydia would tell her it was just a mistake and that she was not blamed. Yet Leah was aware that she had screwed up enormously, and that her lie wouldn't make things easier; however, of course, things would change if they found the pill that Martha needed.

"I'm so sorry, Lydia..." Leah whispered again in the last few minutes, the torch fire lighting her pale, repentant face.

"Not the time, Leah," Lydia just replied, rolling her eyes.

The brunette nodded, sniffing and wiping her tears with the sleeve of her jacket. She lit up a tree trunk, and Lydia recognized it because it was where Dot left the black bag that was now in the camp. Quickly the British crouched down, careful where she stepped in case the Halophen was there. Leah said nothing, just held the light closer to her so she could search better, for Leah knew that helping her out would only make things worse: she felt too guilty to focus, and she couldn't blame Lydia —or any of the others— if they decided not to talk to her, at least for a while.

When Leah least expected it, Lydia ran off, a bundle in her hands, and Leah chased after her as quickly as she could, giving her enough fire so that the ex-footballer didn't trip fatally. However, nothing seemed to get in the way of the blonde, who pushed aside branches and leaped over fallen logs as if she knew the path by heart. They reached the camp shortly after, Leah gasping from the unexpected effort, propping herself up on her knees as she caught her breath, watching warily as Lydia approached the rest of the girls with a plastic bag in her hand.

"We found the Halophen," Lydia panted, too. Leah felt even more guilty when Lydia included her as proactive in her discovery. She handed the bag to Dot, who was looking at it with interest. "We found more pills, bandages and something that looks like medicine. I grabbed everything, but I don't know shit about it."

"We'll manage with this. Good job," Dot patted her back and passed the pill to Toni, who gave them a cold look.

"I'll take it from here. You can leave."

She said it so curtly that neither dared to protest. They all seemed to understand that Toni was very worried about her best friend, who was lying on the floor, shaking and with her eyes half open, struggling to stay awake. However, they too were worried and wanted to take care of Martha, although they didn't express it out loud because of how possessive Toni could be.

Lydia chose to walk silently towards the bonfire, completely forgetting that there were people around her. She did not see how Nora and Rachel left the group, the first trying to make her sister believe that this was not her fault, while the guilt felt by the second prevented her from thinking clearly. However, Lydia did not notice them, but sat in front of the fire, on the log, and tried to blank her mind.

She was exhausted, both physically and mentally. She found herself wanting badly to get out of there, to have a warm place to sleep, food on the table, clothes that didn't smell of sweat and blood; a roof over her head, in short. Yes, this could be an adventure when things were going well, when luck was on her side and when circumstances were positive, but on nights like this, Lydia thought only about wanting to go home.

A little further, Leah watched the fire reflect in Lydia's blue eyes. She didn't quite understand why, but she felt that she had deeply disappointed, and despite having nothing but a cordial relationship with the British girl, it increased her sense of guilt. Perhaps it was because Lydia was one of the most patient and kind people on the island, with a calm temperament and always a conciliatory smile for whoever needed her. It was like disappointing your parents: they weren't yelling at you, but the silence was deafening.

She decided to approach her, her cold hands hidden under the sleeves of her jacket and a nervous look in her eyes, and sat down next to her. Leah breathed a little easier when Lydia didn't react; it was true that she hadn't welcomed her warmly, but also she hadn't gotten up and left, so that was a step for Leah.

"I'm terribly sorry, Lydia," Leah covered her face with her hands. "I— I don't know what I was thinking, I was paranoid and I guess I lost track of... life. I got distracted and I almost cost someone's life. I'm so fucking stupid."

Lydia sighed and broke her silence. "What were you thinking, Leah? You're out of it lately."

"I don't know, I just— I can feel things are getting dark in my head. Since Jeanette's body disappearing, I feel like everything around me is just weird. I try to find out more, to observe, but this is just exhausting. Shelby keeps evaporating, and she was leaving when we all were puking our guts out, so I followed her and—"

"Wait, wait. What are you talking about?" Lydia frowned.

Leah swallowed and opened and closed her mouth a couple of times to say something coherent. Lydia's brow furrowed even more when she realized Leah was talking about Shelby. It wasn't that she was on the best terms with the Texan, but if there was something about her, she wanted to know.

"I've been watching these past few days, and it's like she's never there. She leaves and then she appears out of nowhere, so I thought she knows something that we don't. I mean, she found the bag with the pills, she didn't eat a single mussel, she bails on us when we're scattered around the island in bad shape. What's next?"

"Again with the Shelby thing?" Fatin spoke behind them, crouching down to be level with them.

"Again?" Lydia repeated, stunned. Had them talked about this before? "How come you've never told me?"

"Leah needs to tone it down," Fatin sentenced, casting a serious look at the brunette. "She's been suspicious of Shelby for a few days, and I keep on telling her that's ridiculous."

"Just think about it!" Leah shouted in a whisper, losing her temper. "How come she's never been hurt, she's always finding things? It's like she knows what's happening."

"So you followed her," Lydia told her. "What did you find out?"

"Nothing," Leah answered, realizing she'd started to sound a bit crazy.

"So you're saying you dropped the pills for nothing," Lydia deadpanned, feeling the anger coming up.

"Guys, keep it down," Fatin recommended, putting a hand on each shoulder of the two girls. "People will hear you."

By people, Fatin was obviously referring to Shelby. The girl was sitting alone on a towel, her hands wrapping her knees to find some warmth. Fatin, Leah, and Lydia glanced at her, and almost automatically, Shelby raised her head to find three pairs of eyes squinting at her with interest.

"I've said it once and I'll say it again. You need to stop thinking about everything so much, Leah. Nobody would've signed up for this shit. Do you really think Shelby would've given up her whole life just to make eight other girls lives hell? She didn't even know us," Lydia snapped. "Focus on what fucking matters and be fucking nice to each other."