"don't ask if i'm happy, you know that i'm not
but at best, i can say i'm not sad
'cause hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have"

SEPTEMBER 1ST, 1991

Maia smiled. She was finally at platform 9 3/4.

It was completely the same as it had been described to her, but much more magical. The children ran from one side to the other, saying goodbye to their families and looking for their friends to occupy a compartment on the train. Maia was amazed at such a scene; it definitely exceeded her expectations. She watched the wizards and witches appear through the wall, something that had fascinated her from the moment she had experienced it, pushed by her father.

Lucius had already left her luggage on the train and had returned to say goodbye to his children. Draco looked much more excited than Maia, but that didn't mean the little girl wasn't. It was her dream come true — she was finally going to be a powerful witch.

"Children, it's time." Lucius said with a small smile on his lips. Maia thought it was one of the few times she had seen him smile genuinely away from home. "Slytherin will be lucky to have the both of you. Make us proud."

Draco smiled broadly, looking up to make eye contact with his father. Maia, meanwhile, gave a sly smile. Narcissa hugged Draco first, then let him say goodbye to his father.

"Love," Narcissa started with watery eyes. "You'll do great. There is nothing to worry about. We will write to you at least once a week." Then she turned her gaze to peek at Lucius. "Don't listen to your father; I'll love you no matter what, okay?"

"I'll love you too no matter what, mother." Maia hugged her mother's body, as she was still too short to reach her shoulders.

Narcissa swallowed imperceptibly and hugged her daughter back tight. She hoped that fate wouldn't destroy that love that united them.

Lucius wasn't very affectionate, but Maia had already gotten used to it, so she didn't complain when her father just squeezed her shoulder with a small smile. Draco and Maia looked at each other and smiled widely — their adventure began there.

In the compartment they sat with two very tall and big boys whose faces did not convey confidence to Maia, while Draco had instantly claimed them as henchmen, claiming that they didn't seem very smart, and that they probably didn't mind being manipulated, as it was a Malfoy, one of the best and most recognized families in the wizarding world. Maia looked around, but saw no one to befriend, much less people to greet as minions.

A little later a little girl with dark hair appeared, short and in a black robe. She said her name was Pansy Parkinson, and that she had heard a lot about the Malfoy twins. The name Parkinson seemed familiar to Maia, so she made a place for her, hoping she would be good company and that, unlike those two Draco gorillas, they would become real friends.

However, Pansy didn't speak much during the ride, and that disappointed her a bit. She was reading a book between her legs and whose title Maia had not been able to discover, but she knew it would seem like a gossip if she leaned out and looked at it for herself. On the other hand, she didn't want to disturb her while reading either, because when Draco came into her room to play while she read it irritated her deeply.

The one who did speak was a boy who had entered the compartment shortly after Draco and his two new friends went for a ride on the train. He spoke very fast and did not wait for anyone to answer him, he almost seemed to speak alone. He had bought something the two times the lady had passed, and he hadn't even offered her and Pansy, which she found incredibly respectful. Mother said that you always had to offer, even if it was just out of courtesy and you didn't want to share, because it was polite.

"You never shut up, do you?" Maia finally said. Pansy lifted her head from the book and snorted loudly.

Eden Whitaker gaped at her, and no longer opened his mouth the rest of the ride.

TODAY

Nightmares had become more frequent. She woke up in the wee hours of the morning, her heart about to fall out of her chest, her eyes wide open and her hair stuck to the nape of her neck with sweat.

After that, she couldn't fall asleep. If they had seen her, Pansy and Daphne might have said it was a strange image: that girl who never showed her feelings, who always had an impassive look in her eyes, who dueled and defeated any of her opponents ... huddled between the sheets , with her back resting on the head of the bed, frequently looking towards the window, anxious that it was finally daylight.

The dark circles under her eyes had been slightly accentuated, and her pale skin made them stand out. She forced herself to wear a good hairstyle, elegant clothes and some makeup, but her face was always serious, occasionally she smiled to show that everything was fine.

But nothing was right. The only thing she had to do before the end of that year at Hogwarts was not succeeding. If her guesses didn't fail, there must be at least one horcrux there, her hunch told her — and this one never failed. She knew that searching for Voldemort's soul would be difficult, almost impossible, and incredibly exhaustive, but it all piled up on her shoulders. She was used to success, to things inevitably approaching her, and when it did not happen, she was discouraged.

Eden constantly tried to encourage her, saying that they would soon find something that would help them. However, Maia was more irascible than normal, and had occasionally snapped and rebuked him that it was her who did everything, that he claimed to be as involved as she was, but who really took the risk was her. Normally Eden endured Maia's words while looking into her eyes, knowing that she really didn't want to say that, and the boy's gaze made her feel bad, she covered her head with her hands and let herself be hugged by her best friend.

Neither her mind nor her heart were focused on the true cause. She hadn't stopped thinking about Ginny Weasley since she had last seen her that day in the library. Their paths had not crossed since then, and she couldn't say that she hadn't made an effort to make them cross. She had briefly stopped by the Hospital Wing at some point, knowing that the redhead might be around, but had never found her. She had even returned to the Gryffindor Tower some night, her mind articulating the excuse that she wanted time for herself, but her heart was busy hoping the Weasley would show up there.

She knew that this couldn't be happening to her. It could be that her mother - even Draco, but never her father - could accept her as she was someday, but, all for a Weasley? They would never allow that. She convinced himself day after day that this was just a whim, something she now wished for because she had nothing else at hand and that she would probably be tired sooner rather than later. So one day she decided she would stop trying to bump into her, because they were just teenage stupid things that would soon pass.

McGonagall had called her to her office that morning.

"I need to have a word with you, Miss Malfoy," she had said. Maia listened to the teacher's gesture, who motioned for her to take a seat. "I am sure you understand the seriousness of the matter. If you'd have any information that could be useful to the situation... It would be very much appreciated. "

Maia frowned, her mouth opening a bit. "I'm afraid I don't understand, professor."

"He who must not be named is arising, we all are aware of it. If you know anything that could be used to ease the situation here." McGonagall looked at her, her eyes above the glasses. "We could help you."

"What makes you think I'd betray my family, professor?"

"You wouldn't be betraying anybody. We both know that's not what you want for them nor for yourself."

The blonde rose from the chair, being aware of what was asked of her. She was really tired of having to be a carrier pigeon. She was always in the middle, between one side and the other, she never got to be on one side.

Maia glared at her. "There is nothing you can do. No one can help me! Look how ended up the only person who ever tried to —dead! Dumbledore is dead, and no one can save Hogwarts now. Not even your beloved Potter!" Maia screamed. "Might as well accept our fate, professor. Darkness has won."

"Hogwarts is not going to give up that easily."

"This is not Hogwarts, professor. Hogwarts has died, too. Might as well put up a good fight if you don't want to lose more than everything's that's already gone." She whispered, tired.

Maia left the room, not even bothering to give the teacher a turn to talk. McGonagall was still sitting there, her mouth parted but no sound coming out from it.

Her lower lip trembled, which always happened when she was going to start sobbing. It had happened to her since she was a child, and while her mother had looked at her with pity, her father had told her that crying was a weakness, and that she could not allow anyone to see her cry.

But she was not like her father. Merlin, she had tried. She had spent all of her childhood and part of her adolescence trying to fulfill his wishes, to do everything possible to make Lucius feel proud of her, but whatever she did, it was never enough. Draco had almost risked his life to satisfy his father, and even that had not been enough. She wished with all her might that she was never as coward and selfish as her father.

She was overwhelmed with just the thought; what was happening to her? It seemed like her heart was going to jump out of her chest. She turned the corner and collided with someone, all her books scattered on the floor. Her heart calmed the moment she realized it was Eden.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't looking where—," he started, but stopped. "You look really pale. Are you okay?"

"I feel like everything's rushing inside me." The girl muttered. Eden took her arm. "The nightmares have started again."

The boy dragged her to the nearest empty class. He made sure there was no one around spying, and closed the door and hexed it.

"Why do you keep calling them nightmares when you know they aren't?"

Maia smiled sadly. "Because it makes me feel hopeful. If I still call them dreams then that'll mean they're not real, right?"

"How long?"

The blonde sighed. "A week or so. I didn't say anything because I didn't want Draco to worry. He doesn't seem like it, but he's so fragile... I don't want him to be hurt."

Eden held her in his arms. "You have me. I'm here and I'm not leaving not even when we're done with this. Please tell me anything that goes through your mind. I can't— "Eden separated from the girl, who looked at him, intrigued. Close your mind. Right now, Maia."

Malfoy closed her eyes gently as she tried to relax. She left her mind blank, and after that she built the walls, as her aunt Bellatrix had taught her. She started to feel a little better, and opened her eyes when she stopped feeling her thoughts running through her head.

"Better? You should practice occlumency more often. Anybody could enter your mind if you disregard it. Do you think...?"

"No. We would've been dead by now. He'll have more important things to fix his attention on than me." Maia sighed and let herself fall on a chair. "I'm really sorry about what I've said this past days. The visions have really made an effect on me and I was angrier. I don't think I'll ever be grateful enough for you and everything you're doing. You're risking everything, putting up with me and have a smile in your face at the end of the day." Maia let out.

Eden smirked a bit. "Maybe I have this pretty smile right now because I think I have reasons to. Pansy told me you were talking to McGonagall, so I thought I could give you the surprise there."

"What are you talking about?"

"I know what they were looking for in the Headmaster's office." Eden smiled. "It's Gryffindor's sword. It's said only true Gryffindors can take it, that's why you couldn't find it. However, it's not always in the same place. It can appear to true Gryffindors when in need. I read all about it."

"Wait, how did you even find out?"

"I overheard Longbottom mentioning it to the Weasley girl. He said they didn't find it, either. They didn't know I was near, so it's all clear."

"Why would they even be looking for it? Why would it be useful to them now?"

Eden sat next to her and took a book from his pocket. "I have a theory, but I don't know if it's truthful yet. You said there's horcruxes of each house, except Gryffindor. Horcruxes can't be destroyed like it's just paper, they are black magic and need something else. Godric Gryffindor defeated Salazar Slytherin once. What could it be that destroyed the soul of Slytherin's heir? Gryffindor, once again." Eden pointed to something on her book Maia didn't fully understand. "Back in second year, when the Chamber of Secrets. You mentioned the Diary was a horcrux —which Lucius had at first because Voldemort had given to him—, how was it destroyed? With a Basilisk fang. It's like his soul can only be destroyed with his own power and his enemy's."

"That would imply they know of horcruxes." Maia added to the conversation, thinking. "I don't think Potter has told them about the horcruxes, maybe Weasley and Granger, but not them. I don't think they're that close to him to spill all these secrets like it's nothing. Dumbledore made very clear that he only trusted us two —obviously, we both trusted our dearest friends— to hunt them and take them down. Maybe Potter mentioned Gryffindor's sword one time and they're trying to find it to help him."

"I don't think they know anything about this. But at least we know now what it was about. They simply risked everything for nothing."

Maia nodded. "Like I do with Draco." Silence fell upon them. "You are truly great, Eden. You could've made a great Ravenclaw."

"Oh yeah, I asked the Sorting Hat to sort me in the same house that little girl on the train that told me to shut up. I enjoyed her company."

They both laughed. The truth was, Maia was feeling much better, the pressure on her chest disappearing at times.

"By the way, did you know Pansy fancies Draco?"

Eden seemed shocked. "What?"

"It's crazy, right? I didn't expect it either. She just told me last week, saying she needed my help to talk to him."

"And what are you going to do? Do you think Draco likes her back?"

Maia shrugged. "I really don't know, but he could use the entertainment these days. Who knows? Maybe he'll fall for her, too."

Eden smiled a bit. "Yeah." He then kept his book on his bag and opened the door. "Shall we? Dinner's starting soon and my stomach's really craving it."

"Check mate, you wanker."

Maia's piece toppled Draco's, smashing it to pieces.

"Damn it, you always win. Father was always trying to make me a profitable man, he would never spend his time teaching me things like this." Draco said, making a move to start another game. Maia enchanted the pieces to repair them and return them to their original position. "You know, making me learn how to fly on a broomstick, teaching me how to dress up, taking me to his meetings with the others... I just wish I had a normal childhood."

Maia moved the first tab. "Why do you say that? He always spoiled you, bought you a brand new broomstick, bought the team broomsticks."

"I never wanted to get in the team that way. I liked to think I'd be a good Seeker. But he always gets what he wants, right?"

"He does. Look at us, eh? " Maia added humorlessly. "Aunt Bellatrix taught me how to play. It's strange, but she was the only one who taught me not girly things. She used to say I had to be pretty but deadly."

"And Merlin, she also got what she wanted." It was Draco's turn again. "You were always her favorite. I had father, you had aunt Bella. She was brutal. I remember a summer when you wouldn't even rest; she made you duel her until you passed out. She took care of your wounds, though. She even smiled when you were with her. I think she really cared about you."

"Do you reckon she and Rodolphus ever wanted to have kids?" Maia asked. Draco shrugged, not knowing what to say. "She'd be a horrible mother. She did what she wanted to me because our parents let her, because they were scared of what she'd do if they said no. I don't give a fuck about aunt Bellatrix. She could be dead for what I care." The blonde clenched her jaw. "Check mate, again."

Draco snorted and lay down on the common room rug. It was quite late, so there was no one around them anymore; all you could see was a dim light and the waters of the Black Lake out the window. It was cold, but Maia seemed not to notice it, she only wore a sweater while Draco wore the scarf around his neck. The boy felt the silence and that the tension could be cut with a knife.

"Are you okay? Did I say something—?"

"It's okay. I just don't like to think about her. Reminds me that she's at the Manor and I don't think I want to come back."

"We have to. I know they will all be there, but we have to come back."

"Why?" Finally asked Maia.

She was so tired of having to follow orders, that her life was owned by everyone but herself. That they had to go home like lambs because otherwise things would go wrong and they would all end up dead. How could their parents be in favor of something that didn't even benefit them? She felt helpless.

"Why do we have to keep doing this? Our lives are more than ruined by now. What's the worst thing that could happen to us?"

That caught Draco by surprise, who leaned back.

"What are you talking about? He would kill mother and father, and then us."

"And why do you care so much?" Maia shouted at last. "They have ruined your life, they've ruined mine. Why do you care what happens to them if they didn't care for you?" Maia spat.

"They did care!" Draco answered, his mouth open and angry eyes. "They didn't have a choice. He would've killed us all if they didn't obey!"

"You're so blind, Draco. The choice was theirs to make when he was destroyed by Potter. They could've run away if they cared so much, start a family somewhere safe where we wouldn't be chased because of who we are. If they decided to stick around is because they're not as good as you think."

"Why are you being like this? I didn't see you complaining all the times you were torturing people."

Maia clenched her jaw. "You were scared as fuck when he marked you. I was there comforting you when no one was. I was there to defend you every time father hit you, or all the times you've felt alone. I have been here all my life, but all you seem to see is the bad side thinking we really have no other choice. I hope you to run back to hide in between mommy's legs instead of coming to me. Because there's a difference between me and them that you don't want to see. Everything they do is out of cowardice; everything I do is for you."

The girl left, tears streaming down her cheeks and her voice trickling into Draco's head.