"oh, I hope some day I'll make it out of here
even if it takes all night or a hundred years"

FEBRUARY 21ST, 1997

Maia saw things.

She saw them, understood them, nodded and kept silent. Because it's what she had to do.

From an early age she had been an observer. Maybe too much. She would stare at something until it ceased to make sense in the reality in which she lived, she would stare at a person until the person felt uncomfortable and intimidated by her gaze, and then Maia looked away, bored. Her parents had said that this was rude, that she couldn't look at people so intently, but she didn't care. People inspired her curiosity.

Perhaps because each one did different things, thought different things, or acted differently than anyone else. She liked to decipher people's gestures and gazes, she liked to understand why they did what they did. She liked how a person's gaze could convey something totally different from what was thought of a person.

And that was just what was happening to her with Severus Snape.

From the day she met him, she knew little about him. She knew he lived in a muggle neighborhood, which her aunt Bella called filthy. He always wore black clothes, as if he were in a permanent duel. He was a teacher at Hogwarts, where she would soon go. They had stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity, until Snape looked away uneasily, wondering if that little girl was trying to get into his mind.

Because she found it so interesting to solve the puzzle that Snape was, she continued to watch him during her stay at Hogwarts. He was a horrendous teacher with any house other than Slytherin, but with Gryffindor especially. Maia constantly wondered what the lions' house had done to him to make him have so much rage.

She investigated him year after year, with no response. However, it came when she least expected it.

She was at Malfoy Manor that summer, when Draco had just been marked as a Death Eater and was barely leaving his room. Lucius and Narcissa were whispering in the dining room, very close to each other, trying to keep even a house elf from listening to their conversation. Maia hid behind the stair railing and held her breath.

"I don't trust Severus. I can't understand why you'd do something like that, Narcissa." Lucius muttered with anger.

"Draco is just a kid. If he can't comply, then Severus will. Maybe the Dark Lord doesn't trust him fully, but he made the promise. He will do as I said if he wants to prove his loyalty. "

"He can warn Dumbledore now, Narcissa!" Lucius shouted between whispers.

Narcissa looked at Lucius in a haughty way.

"I'm not going to apologize for saving my children. Unlike you."

With that conversation in mind, Maia went to the director's office. She muttered the password and went up the spiral staircase, admiring it in detail.

When she entered the office, she met Dumbledore's curious gaze. He looked at her seriously, but finally his mouth lifted slightly.

"Miss Malfoy, what a surprise. I assume you have not gotten in any trouble, so may I ask what brings you here?"

"I know Severus Snape is working for you." Maia said with no doubts.

Dumbledore raised his eyebrows, somewhat really surprised.

"I'm afraid I don't get what you're trying to say."

"Please, director, don't take me for a fool. I know everything."

Albus sat at the table, approaching the girl.

"Then what would you need to know?"

"I'm not going to say anything, director."

"I know, Miss Malfoy. I have been Headmaster for a long time. I like to care for my students, observe them, let them know I'm here to help in every way I can. I observed you since you were sorted into Slytherin. My friend here didn't even take a second to think. " Albus pointed to the sorting hat, lying on a shelf. "I know you're a pure Slytherin. But I also know where your loyalty lies. You're not evil, nor have you been blinded by it. "

Maia's eyes filled with tears. Albus Dumbledore did not move, but was truly shocked to see how the Slytherin struggled to hold back tears.

"He's one of them now..."

"I also know that. It was a matter of time, Miss Malfoy. I understand you've come here because you're worried and scared for him. How can I be helpful to you, Maia?"

"Help me by letting me help you." Maia wiped her eyes on the sleeve of her sweater. "I want him dead, too."

TODAY

That night Maia had barely been able to sleep.

The loud rumblings from the rain lashed the castle, and this added to the concern that lived in her heart. She felt like she was taking too many risks, and sometimes she forgot to think that it was all worth it if she did it right. Other times she thought she was only seventeen, and that it was morally impossible to hold all that pressure on her shoulders if she didn't even know when and where she was going to find the horcruxes.

Frequently she found herself dreaming of the same situation: Draco discovered that she was working with those who were supposedly her enemies, in his eyes a deep disappointment, she did not get the words out, caught in her throat, and her brother did not let her explain. She watched him go, but not before giving her a look of revulsion, and she was left alone while he disappeared.

It was so easy and so tempting to follow the simple path. To be what was expected of a Slytherin and a Malfoy, to be marked by the dark mark, to obey the orders of Lord Voldemort, to fight alongside her parents and her brother for the cause. Defeat the opposite side, destroy the inferior species and the blood traitors. It was so easy to abandon the search for Voldemort's soul, to stop feeling that she was drawing so much attention, so easy to try not to justify her motives.

She could hide behind that cold, impassive girl mask forever, if she wanted to.

But no, that simply would not be her.

And she knew that she would end up dying, or at least hurt, sooner or later, because it was already written, whether she was fighting on Voldemort's side or fighting on the opposite side. She felt in her insides that fate had nothing good prepared for her. And if life was really as short as it seemed, what better way than to use it so that her brother's life did make sense.

She felt it was a walking paradox: they branded her as insensitive, and yet there she was, sacrificing everything that was for love.

Given the short rest time and all the overwhelming emotions, she didn't get up in a good mood. Daphne and Pansy talked animatedly over breakfast, but she read the newspaper biting an apple, refraining from participating in the conversation. They had rarely tried to include her, to which she had replied with nods or with murmurs, so the girls had given up on their attempt. Shortly after, Draco and Eden arrived, inseparable as always lately.

"Good morning, ladies." Eden smiled a bit. Maia's eyes lit up when she saw her brother.

Draco looked at her for a moment, then poured himself some juice. Maia's smile froze on her face.

"What's wrong?"

"Where were you?" Draco did not hesitate a little bit.

Pansy, Daphne and Eden stopped talking when they heard Draco raise his voice a little. Some students around also stopped taking care of their affairs when they listened to the Slytherin.

He realized his tone and spoke low this time. "You didn't come last night. Where were you?"

"I know, and I'm sorry. I forgot, and when I came back to the Common Room you weren't there, so I didn't even remember. I'm sorry, I was stupid. " Maia apologized to Draco, while he wasn't even looking at her. Why was he reacting like that? "Can you forgive me, please? It won't happen again. "

Draco sipped before answering.

"Sure, I guess."

As much as Maia did not agree with that answer, she had to go to class if she did not want to raise suspicions. She shot a desperate glance at Eden without anyone else noticing, and met a cold gaze back. What was happening to everyone today?

"We'll be late to Potions if we don't hurry up." Eden interfered. "You coming?"

"We have free period now." Pansy answered for both of the girls.

"I don't feel like going today." Draco said.

Maia raised an eyebrow at her brother's comment, but she knew she shouldn't push him or her mood would darken further. So Maia left the Great Hall with Eden under the watchful eye of Ginny Weasley, who had overheard the conversation from her table.

"What the fuck is up with everyone today?" Maia asked rhetorically once she was out.

"I saw you today yesterday."

Maia looked at him.

"What do you mean?"

Eden took her arm and they walked away from the door to the Great Hall.

"You know, when you were leaving the Hospital Wing with Weasley and company. What is up with you?"

The girl sighed deeply and closed her eyes. She hoped she wouldn't have that conversation with anyone, and yet there was her best friend, arms folded in front of her waiting for an explanation. Why did he feel he was doing something wrong if he had helped?

"I told you the truth." She finally breathed. "I went to see the Carrows because my father told me to, that was true, I promise. When I got there, they were torturing them because they were looking for something. So I apologized and went to see them, because I figured if they were stupid enough to try to break into the director's office, then it would be something very important."

"Well?" Eden waited.

"I didn't find out anything. They wouldn't tell me. I tried to hex Longbottom, but I don't know what came over me and told me I couldn't do it. I'm not like that, Eden. I can't hurt people like that. "

"You've seen people get tortured and killed multiple times, you've seen the worst of curses, you've even experienced some of them, and you're just seventeen. And you didn't flinch any of those times, because I know you, Maia. What is different now? And why do you even care?"

The Slytherin stepped back, her mouth opening.

"Because when I'm home and see people get tortured and killed I have to put up my mask. Hogwarts is the only place I can be myself. Sorry to be horrified by Death Eaters torturing fucking sixteen-year-olds. Do you even listen to yourself when you speak?"

The boy shook his head several times and approached her.

"You don't have to do this, Maia. This is not your war, you have one of your own. You're not responsible for what others do. You have to focus on what's important to you, on what made you start this. Look, I told you I'll help you, and I will, but we have to do this right and be careful." Eden muttered, coming closer to her. He touched her arm. "I have to go. I'm not going to Potions."

Maia leaned against the cold wall. She watched Eden disappear behind the stairs, but not before looking at her. Once again, that thought. How easy it seemed to her right then and there to throw in the towel, run back into the Great Hall and not leave her brother's side until Draco smiled, just like they did when they were kids. She felt far away, and the worst thing was that she did not know if it was for him or for herself.

More than once she had thought about telling her brother what she was up to. It wasn't stupid; Maia knew he wouldn't believe her lies. They were twins, after all, attached to the hip since the moment they were born. Having lived the best and worst moments together, laughter and tears, joys and disappointments. It was very difficult for them to fool each other, and Maia knew she would never fully succeed. Maybe if the two together devised a plan everything would be easier. She wouldn't have to worry about everything on her own, she could count on her brother's help.

However, she always dismissed that idea quickly. She knew her brother; he would not be able to betray his family in that way. He was not even able to carry out the only mission entrusted to him, to kill a man who was already dying. How could he turn his back on everything he knew just because his sister asked him to? It was crazy.

She decided that she wasn't going to Potions that morning either.

Ginny had had a difficult time getting out of bed, but she knew she hadn't been the only one.

Her roommates had not returned to Hogwarts that year. She didn't know anything about their whereabouts, so she didn't know if they were still alive, and that made her shudder. She didn't know anything about anyone out there. She didn't know how her mother would be —she thought probably very worried, but with the same love she always had— or if her father would be safe, now that the Ministry was taken by the Death Eaters. She also didn't know anything about Bill, who had recently moved out for the wedding, but hoped he was fine. She felt that Charlie belonged completely oblivious to all that magical war, so she was glad that he was so happy raising dragons in Romania. She hadn't seen Percy in a long time, but he was a smart boy, she knew he could take good care of himself. She knew that Fred and George were still in the Burrow, as it was not safe to continue working in Diagon Alley.

Her mind traveled to Ron, Hermione and Harry. How would they be, what would become of them? She touched her chest, thinking deeply that they wished they were okay. They were the Hogwarts golden trio, of course they would be fine. As bad as it sounded, she knew that if they had found them, the entire wizarding world would have found out by now, so she continued to trust that the three of them would cover their backs.

Training had started later that afternoon than normal. The students had learned about what had happened the previous afternoon with the Carrows - ignoring the part where Malfoy had magically come to their rescue - so they were suspicious, always looking around the corners, in case someone decided to appear and torture them all. However, as the hour wore on, the few DA students had lost their fear, knowing that they would not betray each other, and that it was highly unlikely that anyone would enter through the door of the Room of Requirements.

Being one of the DA leaders made her constantly think of Harry. It had been almost three months since she had seen him, that she had not heard from him, and although a part of her understood that she could not receive messages from him, another was incredibly frustrated. Since seeing him, she was infatuated, and now that she could say that their feelings were reciprocal, he had to leave to save the world. She just wanted to have a relationship like the other teens did, was that too much to ask?

She surprised herself by thinking, sometimes, that the relationship was going nowhere. She had feelings for Harry, that was clear to her, but what about him? He had been aware of the Weasley's feelings for years, and now, suddenly, he felt the same way about her. She often felt the last choice of who had always been her first, and that made her feel replaceable.

She walked down the hallways with a heavy heart. They had already left the Room of Requirements, and she was the only Gryffindor who had been able to attend that afternoon. Neville seemed too weak to stand up, casting spells and battling some students. Luna and other Ravenclaw had descended to their Common Room, and the remaining Hufflepuffs had also run with fear in their bodies.

When she arrived at the portrait that welcomed her Common Room, her blood ran cold in her veins. On the balcony of the Gryffindor Tower was a seated figure, with an open book in their hands and steam coming out of their mouth. Ginny recognized Maia Malfoy's profile, and didn't know why, but her feet started to walk towards her.

"Lovely. Another night you're out of your room late." The blonde one said, not looking at her but a her notes. She spoke in a muffled tone with a cigarette between her lips. Ginny then understood that it was not steam coming from her lips, but smoke.

"I ... had things to take care of." Ginny shuddered. She crossed her arms on her chest.

"Sure you did." Maia closed her book and looked at her, finally. Her eyes looked almost white on the moonlight. "You should go in. It's late."

"Oh, I see. You're worrying, now?" Ginny muttered, her eyes not meeting hers. "Since when do you smoke?"

Maia got off the wall, putting her book away.

"I'm not. Are you?" Maia said, entertained. "I'm the new vigilant for the Carrows. So, unless you want me to turn you in and say you have a few trips here and there..."

"You wouldn't do that." Ginny scoffed, and Maia shrugged. "What are you even doing here?"

"It's the last place where someone would look for me. I just needed some time alone to think."

Ginny felt herself leaning on the wall. "What were you thinking about?"

"About how incredibly nosey you are." Ginny couldn't help but laugh a bit, and her cheeks blushed a bit. Maia didn't say anything else.

"I saw you and Eden Whitaker this morning. It seemed like it was pretty heated."

Once again, Maia didn't say anything. She didn't know why, but it didn't bother her when Ginny took interest in her life and surroundings, and she felt mad at herself.

"Don't take orders from a man. They think they know everything, they explain things to you like you haven't even thought about them, they think they can control you, the things you do and feel." Ginny discovered Maia's habit of continually looking at her nails. "Men think they're heroes, they think they can retain you with words that'll try to manipulate you. I need advice and protection, as I'm a girl, you know." Her voice started to get dark, and Ginny gulped. "Let me tell you something: if I get out of here alive, I'll be the fucking hero myself."

"Why do you say that? Don't you know how privileged you are?" Ginny said with anger. "Most of us go to class, have lunch, go back to our rooms with fear, not knowing when will be the last time we can see this. We are alone, we have nobody to stand up for us, we have to do it ourselves. We risk it all, we do, what do you do?"

Maia was a patient girl. She looked into Ginny's eyes, and she was paralyzed by the piercing gaze. The Malfoy knew that Ginny did not know her at all, if not - she would like to think - that she would not have dared to formulate those words.

"You know nothing. But I can't say I'm surprised. You and your friends think you're the only ones who deserve empathy. You do things wrong, you make mistakes, and then expect everyone to treat you the same as before. But when anyone who's Slytherin wants to make things right, you condemn them. You're selfish and inconsiderate. You don't know anything."

Maia didn't even flinch, as if she was saying that emotionless. That surprised Ginny, who wasn't expecting to see a sincere side of the Malfoy. She didn't know what to say, but her words had struck her right into her heart. She had been consumed with her life that she didn't have time to observe others. A part of her wanted to believe Maia, wanted to believe her light eyes and her blunt words. But another part said it was impossible she was justifying Slytherins 'disgusting behavior during all those years.

"I came to think about loneliness. It's engulfing. It's hard to admit that you're surrounded by people and yet you feel nothing but emptiness. I'm telling you because it's easy for me to read people. You feel it, too. You're all alone here. You probably have trouble sleeping and eating. You're constantly worried —you bite your nails. You're afraid. But above all, you're angry. Angry at everybody, at yourself, who knows? And you have to restrain yourself or you'll end up exploding. You're a mix of feelings yet you'd wish you could feel nothing at all."

Once again, Ginny was left with no words. She opened her mouth a few times, but no sounds came out of it. She turned around and went to the Fat Lady's painting.

"I told you this because I see you." Maia said behind her. Ginny stopped in her tracks. "Maybe you don't have to be lonely alone."

Maia left after that, without further words with the redhead, who remained there, stunned.

Malfoy descended all the stairs until she reached the dungeons. She snorted, resigned and wanting to go to bed, cursing the Carrows for that punishment.

She frowned when she saw a silhouette leaning against the window, looking at the Black Lake.

"Draco?"

The boy looked at her.

"I didn't know it was your turn today. I might've seen Daphne around, too."

"What are you doing out here this late? Do you need anything?"

"Do I make you uncomfortable? Is that why you're distant with me?" Draco muttered, visibly worried. He approached her. "I can't stop thinking about the day I was marked. I remember you said you'd be with me with all along the way, and I can understand if you don't feel the same way now. It's been over a year and that image has been with me since. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for this," he signaled his covered arm, "but I know for sure I won't forgive myself if I ever was to live without you by my side."

Maia's face went pale. Her trying to save her brother had made him think she hated him. She caressed his face and looked him in the eyes.

"I don't hate you, Draco. You're my brother, I could never, no matter what you did. I love you, and I'm still with you. I'm sorry if I made you feel like this, I'm really sorry. " Maia thought a little. "Come on, grab your warmest clothes."

"What for? It's either going to snow or rain."

"We could have some fun, just the two of us, like the old times. Or are you a coward who can't stand a bit of rain?"

"You're on." Draco smiled. "But what if the Carrows see us?"

"Then I'll just have to say you used Imperio on me, brother."