"might go to hell and there ain't no stopping

might be a sinner and i might be a saint

i'd like to be proud, but somehow I'm ashamed"

DECEMBER 25TH, 1994

"Are you alright? You seem... lost."

Maia stopped looking at the center of the room and fixed her eyes on the dark ones of Eden, who held her by the waist and let himself be guided by the girl. Eden wasn't an excellent dancer, and Maia had had to endure being stepped on, but it was one of the few inconveniences of taking Eden Whitaker as a date to the Yule Ball.

All eyes seemed to look at this couple: her, with completely straight and blonde hair, a silver dress that made her look as elegant as a bride; and then there was Eden, with his hair combed back and almost as corpulent as the athletic Viktor Krum.

However, despite the looks of admiration and envy, Maia couldn't focus on anything other than the couple who danced happily - apparently - with smiles on their faces. The Malfoy sighed.

"Yes. It's just really hot in here. I'll head out, you can stay if you want." Maia answered, not really convincing her friend. "Besides, you can talk to Daphne over there. She looks bored with Nott."

Eden shook his head while laughing lightly: Maia always managed to dissuade him when she brought up the subject of the older Greengrass. The truth was that Maia hadn't been very convinced to attend the Ball, and since Eden couldn't let her friend miss that, he decided to invite her, when he was really dying to go with Daphne.

"I'll come back, I promise. No snogging, you two."

Maia tried to go unnoticed in the crowd. She didn't want to face her brother right now, she wasn't strong enough to tell him she didn't feel like being there. A nonexistent weight pressed her chest, a voice in her head shouted at her to get out of there and forget everything. But her heart kept making her look at the couple from time to time, which made her collide with someone as she left.

"Watch where you're going, Malfoy."

"Fuck off, Weasley." She pushed him out of her way, and the boy almost fell on his date, which seemed comical to the people around him.

She ran out of the Great Hall, and leaned against the wall, almost breathless. She closed her eyes tightly and covered her face with her hands. That couldn't be happening to her. What would happen if one day they discovered it? What would they think of her? She had to hide it and avoid it forever, or they would disinherit and repudiate her forever. She swallowed at that thought. She hated the feeling of rejection. She hated failure and looks of disappointment.

"You look pgetty."

She carefully opened her eyes and discovered in front of her the girl she hadn't been able to stop watching since she entered the Great Hall a few months ago. Fleur Delacour looked at her curiously, almost as if she found it amusing, judging by the sparkle in her eyes.

"What ag you doing heg, Maia?"

She knows my name, she thought.

"We sat by each otheg a few times duging bgeakfast, of cougse I know youg name." Fleur laughed.

Maia blushed — she hadn't just thought about it. She had no idea what she had to do next.

"You look beautiful, too, Fleur." When does she not? She really thought to herself that time.

"Do you mind if I stay with you? It's ovegwhelming inside. We could do something togetheg, if you like."

Maia felt her heart racing and as if her feet had stopped touching the ground.

"Sure."

TODAY

Maia was very observant. Her reflexes were extremely fast, and her eyes couldn't help but wandering everywhere, looking for signs of any change in the environment. She flew as if she had a gift, as if the broomstick on which she rode was an extension of her own body and could never fail her. While it was true that her broom was the latest model on the market, it was also true that her flying skills were magnificent.

Although those times were already far away, every time she played the Quaffle she remembered the long summers at Malfoy Manor, when she and Draco were children and had no other concern than playing Quidditch in the garden of their house and trying not to break any glass with the magic balls. However, Draco was almost as talented as Maia, and rarely did the elves have to pick up the pieces of glass and repair the windows.

It was the first time Maia had seen Draco so happy for years. Matching his black suit, the dull expression always prevailed on his face and his lips tightened in a thin line. Maia's heart swelled with joy when she saw her brother flying, wearing his old Quidditch clothes and throwing the Quaffle, which, despite not being his natural position, was also not bad. Maia shouted from her position, with a wide smile and waving her fist in the air. Draco greeted her from across the field, smiling.

It was a sunny afternoon, something strange at Hogwarts. The Quidditch field was empty, and Maia thought that if there were no more people outdoors it was for fear of the Carrows. The students used to hide in their Common Rooms, as they were the only place where the Death Eaters couldn't reach them, and not even everyone went down to the Great Hall to eat. A younger version of Maia would have been fascinated by that terror, while she could now understand it. She herself, a Slytherin, a Malfoy, had suffered an aggression from what was supposed to be her ally; how could a muggleborn be able to walk quietly through the castle knowing that the Carrows were willing to shed their blood?

Maia descended to the grass to grab the Quaffle, and returned to the pitch with the ball in her hand.

"We should liven up the game!" Draco suggested. "I'm casting a spell on the Quaffle, so everytime one of us says a word, the ball will try and knock us off our broomstick."

"Bet. Which word?"

"I'm not telling you! That's the best part of it, sister." Draco laughed, and shot off to the other side of the pitch.

Maia shook her head, knowing that her brother could be a bit annoying at times. However, she knew that she would happily give her life for his if the time came. She occupied her position in the biggest ring of her part of the field, waiting for Draco to approach and throw the ball. When he did so, Maia moved to the right, which was the movement that Draco always performed. Draco wasn't a chaser by nature, so he didn't have much technique to distract the keeper, but his mission was to be vigilant and watching. However, Maia's reflexes facilitated her task in all aspects. She recognized that she wouldn't have been a seeker as good as her brother, but her speed and tactics had led her to become one of the best chasers in the Slytherin team - who had felt her loss remarkably by having to replace her with Cassius Warrington -, and if she added her skill and size, bigger than any girl of her age, she could also function as a keeper without envying Ronald Weasley in his best games.

In a batch of ten shots a hoop, Maia blocked six and Draco scored the remaining four, which made him grumble at the Malfoy girl. During Draco's turn as keeper, Maia was much luckier than her brother: she scored nine out of ten shots, denoting the blond's poor performance. Maia had discovered his tactics on the second shot: when he saw that the Quaffle was going towards him, he covered his face with his left arm, leaving the left flank of the ring completely free to filter the ball through that hole.

Maia laughed at the mediocre attempt of her twin.

"Don't be sad, brother. It's just a game!"

And that was when the chaos broke out. Draco laughed loudly, and the Quaffle, lying on the ground, inert, woke up like a spring and began to fly upwards. Maia clenched her jaw when she understood her brother's strategy: whenever she lost, she used to comfort him with those words. Draco had taken advantage of his weakness to make it a strength.

"Sneaky Slytherin." Maia muttered under her breath.

She was grateful to have the fastest broom on the market, because the speed at which the Quaffle approached her was incredible. She toured the entire Quidditch field and did a few pirouettes to confuse the ball, she even expected the spell to fade when the Quaffle crashed into a wooden pole, but the ball seemed tireless. Behind her, Draco laughed and watched the scene, amused.

What at first had seemed funny now began to tire her. She felt that she was wasting all her physical forces to escape from that device, which seemed to have gone mad, and the magic of the Quaffle was unlimited as Maia's techniques began to weaken. The girl understood that there was only one way to make the magic fade: that the Quaffle finally knocked her down from her broom.

So she began to descend the flight, thinking if Draco would continue to laugh at it or start worrying, and dangerously approached the ground; it was probably better that she fell to the grass at that distance than meters above the ground. Maia stopped and waited for the blow of the ball, which came stronger than she expected. The impact would have split the wood of a Nimbus, but her broom was more resistant and simply caused the blonde to lose her balance in a loud way. She landed on the ground face down and tried to cushion the blow with her hand, so the girl shivered in pain when she heard the crack! of her wrist.

"Maia! Are you alright?" Draco threw his broomstick to the side and ran to assist his sister, who flinched in pain.

"You have to practice that spell, you git."

"I'm sorry, Maia. I didn't mean it. I'll take you to the Hospital Wing," Draco helped her up and handed her the broomstick, but then cursed loudly. "The Carrows wanted me in fifteen minutes. Said we had to clear up some things. Think you can go by yourself?"

"I mean, if you plan on letting me keep my legs, yeah, I think I can."

"We can sneak into the kitchen and get some chocolate, how does that sound?"

"Deal. Now go, or they'll be mad."

Draco kissed his sister's hair, and walked away until she lost sight of him when he entered the castle. What was it that the Carrow should discuss with her brother? She clenched her fists but dispelled the anger: she hoped they wouldn't bring up Maia's lip and that it was just routine matters. She told herself that she would ask him later.

Great, another visit to the Hospital Wing, she thought to herself. She took the broomstick with her left hand, the hand that was available to her, and got lost in the halls of Hogwarts until she got there. She shot murderous glances everywhere, frightening the young ones and those curious who wanted to ask her for the grass on her face and the strange swelling on her wrist, and pushed others who stared out of her way, hating that Maia Malfoy was the queen of the halls of Hogwarts and that she herself knew.

When she arrived at the infirmary, it was crowded. Madam Pomfrey moved from side to side, with potions of different colors every time Maia could see her when she passed. Many students who occupied the stretchers had some parts of their body bandaged and others had bruises on their faces or traces of dried blood on their robes. Maia frowned.

She saw Weasley's red hair, and supposed that asking her would be easier than asking Madam Pomfrey, who was terribly busy, while Ginny entered and left the healer's office with potions and bandages.

"The Carrows have forced students to duel until one of them ended up here. Some of them are actually first years, they shouldn't even know how to duel. This is pure cruelty." Ginny explained as she looked at the smallest ones. "Why are you dressed like that?"

Maia had forgotten that she was wearing all of Quidditch's clothing, so at the girl's comment she looked at herself.

"I went to the Quidditch field with my brother, we had a free period. I fell and now my wrist is broken."

Ginny raised an eyebrow. "I've seen you play. I was very young but I remember —and I'm sure so does everyone— that Slytherin-Hufflepuff game. You scored two hundred points all alone, not even Cedric catching the snitch prevented you from winning. You didn't fall."

"I had a lot of things going on my mind, so yeah, I fell. Happy now?" Maia lied.

Weasley snorted but lifted the shirt sleeve to check the condition of her wrist. Maia was too engrossed in her thoughts and watching the children around her to interpret the actions of the redhead, who was looking for the slightest hint of a black snake tattooed on the girl's arm. Ginny's eyes widened when she saw no sign of the dark mark.

"This is gonna hurt."

"What-" Maia stifled a scream when Ginny squeezed her wrist and twisted it, spread some liquid all over her bruise and then placed a bandage to cover it. She handed her a sling to immobilize her arm, which probably meant she couldn't make efforts for a while. Maia's face denoted her anguish.

"Don't move that hand in about a week. The potion will penetrate your skin and repair the broken bones. If you follow my instructions you shouldn't feel pain."

Maia nodded as she opened and closed her fist. She saw how Ginny was going from one place to another, assisting Madam Pomfrey, who seemed grateful for the help, carrying potions, bandages or even food and sweets for the small ones. Maia thought they would be terrified: it was their first year at Hogwarts, they would have heard so many fun stories and so many adventures that happened in the castle, that living it first hand with the Carrows in command would be a nightmare.

The Malfoy saw how Ginny tried to take care of patients carefully, giving them chocolate frogs and Bertie Botts to make them feel better, trying to make them laugh so they would forget the hell they were living in. She understood then how the Weasley girl felt. Her friends and her brother had left, and she probably hadn't heard from them. Sometimes she saw her with Neville Longbottom through the halls, but she knew she wasn't as close to him as her own brother - Maia knew that feeling. Other times she was alone, sitting on benches, sitting alone in the Great Hall, looking for something to comfort her and telling her that everything was going to be okay.

Suddenly, Maia felt something she had never done before: great sorrow occupied her heart. Ginny was completely alone there. What would happen to Maia if she didn't have Draco by her side? Even Eden? She understood that she would have taken that job as an assistant to keep herself busy and think as little as possible. But why did she empathize with a person with whom she had never spoken, let alone a friend?

Probably because Maia knew what it was like to be alone.

Because she knew what it was like to be surrounded by people but feel like you didn't fit anywhere.

The Hospital Wing began to empty. The patients had nothing serious, perhaps some bruises or cuts that would last a couple of days, but nothing more serious than Maia had suffered, although the fear in their small bodies would probably increase every day.

"Do you need anything else?" Ginny approached her and asked her once the stretchers were mostly free.

"I don't." She answered with a blank face. She realized she had zoned out. "Do you ride? I noticed you haven't taken your eyes off my Firebolt."

Ginny blushed. However, what at first was out of shame, now it was rage.

"What? Are you going to make fun of me for not having a super broomstick or something? Because I'm tired of your bull— "

"Actually, I was gonna say if you wanted a ride. I figured you could use it. The Carrows have been very strict about Quidditch, and you've been a good help twice."

"I don't get why you're even talking to me. Aren't you supposed to hate me? It's how it's always been."

"Chill, this was me trying to return in favor."

"But I never asked you! As I never asked you to pick on my family, or Harry, or Hermione."

Maia narrowed her eyes and approached her.

"Have you ever seen me intentionally hurting you or your friends? Have you ever heard an insult coming out of my mouth towards any of you? I bet you've laughed more times about my father being in Azkaban than I've laughed about your family. I'm not my father, I'm not Bellatrix, and Draco's trying not to be. So if you're just gonna stand there and claim I'm the big evil Slytherin then that sounds like your issue. Why don't you Gryffindors stop thinking everything's about you? God."