"don't you know too much already?
i'll only hurt you if you let me"

AUGUST 31ST, 1993

"But, mother, I don't want to go there. It smells strong, and everyone from Hogwarts shops there. I wouldn't like to see any mudblood." Draco whined.

Narcissa Malfoy gave him a brief but intense look. "Be quiet, Draco. I haven't seen your sister complain that much. Maybe you would do good if you'd learn from her."

Draco snorted and crossed his arms. The truth was, Maia wasn't even paying attention, so it would have been difficult for her to complain about something she hadn't even heard. She didn't mind shopping, in fact, she liked it — it reminded her of her childhood with her mother— and she reckoned that she needed new cloaks. She had barely turned thirteen, but she had already grown a few inches.

Narcissa took the hands of both children — even Draco reluctantly — and disappeared from Malfoy Manor, to appear in Diagon Alley. Several people around them quickly became aware of the presence of three-quarters of the Malfoy family, whispered about them but left a gap for them to pass. No one wanted to anger Narcissa Malfoy, because if looks could kill, many would already be dead. Other than that, the Malfoy twins were intimidating. At only thirteen, but their haughty gaze and continuous grimace on their lips, plus taller than most children their age, could make anyone shudder.

The matriarch walked ahead, opening the way for them, and Maia and Draco walked a little behind, always fascinated with the amount of things that lived and happened in that Alley. They reached Madam Malkin's in the blink of an eye.

"Draco, you go first. Be polite, or else." Narcissa said. Then turned to her daughter. "I figure we'll take a while, you can go for a walk if you'd like, Maia. I made sure you got galleons in your purse, so feel free to buy your books for third year." She smiled.

Maia nodded, and heard the faint voice of her brother and mother when the doors closed. "It's not fair, Maia always gets the fun things!"

"Maia didn't throw a fit when she was told we'd come here."

The girl rolled her eyes but smiled slightly. Draco could be childish, whiny and somewhat jealous, but he was her brother, after all, and although he didn't seem so in the face of others, he was affectionate, smiling and cheerful.

Suddenly she felt a tug on her cloak. She frowned and looked down at where the strength came from. A huge ball of orange fur meowed angrily, as if searching for something the girl was hiding. Maia shot it a disgusted look and tried to kick the cat away —she didn't want to hurt it, either— but the cat was still glued to her dress.

"Crookshanks!" She heard the girl scream in the distance.

She looked where the voice was coming from, and Hermione Granger hurried down the stairs of the Diagon Alley pub, followed, of course, by Potter and Weasley. The Gryffindor gave her a withering look when she realized who her recently acquired cat had gone to.

"I've never seen something as ugly as this cat." Maia said, not in a low voice.

Ron Weasley chuckled, still behind Granger, and turned to Potter. "I think it's the first time Malfoy and I will agree on something."

Maia listened to him. "It's no coincidence it has the color of your hair, Weasley."

"Next time I'll keep my mouth shut, yep." Ronald muttered once again.

"I thought you had better taste, Granger. What can I say? Disappointed, but not surprised." Maia said, looking at her nails. Then, she smiled up at Harry Potter. "Potter, always a pleasure to see you. I was not hoping to see you here, though. Now that Sirius Black is walking free, again." Maia smirked when she saw the trio's questioning looks. "Oh you don't know ? Don't worry, I'm sure you'll find out soon enough. Don't you always?"

TODAY

"Come on, let me see." Maia demanded.

Ginny's eyes widened as she looked for what she needed. She stood on tiptoe and tried to reach for a book, but Maia reached out before the redhead could catch it and took it. Ginny reached out to take it from the Malfoy, but the Malfoy put it over her head, making it unreachable for the Weasley.

"I'll give it to you if I can come and see."

Insufferable was the only word that came to the head of the redhead in those moments, although she was surprised not to think that because the Malfoy was messing with her, but because, apparently, they had banter. This surprised and pleased Ginny equally.

She had to admit that she had come to feel terribly lonely at Hogwarts, but since she and Maia had started that strange friendship, the feeling had diminished considerably. Her days were made better just by seeing the Malfoy — something she would have thought unimaginable years ago — from whom she had learned many things that she would never have expected. She was good company, and it seemed that they were submerged in comfortable silences or conversations that went nowhere but stayed in her mind.

Ever since Maia had discovered that Dumbledore's Army had returned, she had pressured Ginny to let her observe what they were doing. Although it was true that two years ago she had belonged to that group led by Umbridge to dismantle it, now she was more curious. It seemed to Ginny that her eyes no longer had the evil of that moment, but now sparkled with curiosity.

But Ginny had told her many times that this could not happen. The redhead may have begun to open up her trust, but the other students would most likely rebuked the Slytherin's presence and refused to let her share a room with them. Ginny was annoyed that for Neville, Luna and the others Maia could be a nuisance, because if they knew her as her...

She glanced at her, but Maia was not looking at her, but was going through the turns of the Potions book that Ginny was looking for, looking absentmindedly at the drawings. With her, Maia was a different person than the one that was shown in front of the others. She didn't know why, but it seemed that this year a completely different person was awakening from the one she had known years ago. She didn't know if it was loneliness, or maybe she just wanted to be rebellious, but her recent friendship with the girl made her feel good. The Malfoy she knew was cynical, always with a smirk on her lips; but the one in front of her seemed genuine: she frowned every time she saw something she couldn't remember, she moistened her fingertips to get through the pages. She didn't treat her like the others who were like her, and that made her feel terribly curious.

"I told you a thousand times that's not a good idea. They might not be that open to it as I could be."

"But I'm not going to tell anyone. You know it."

Ginny turned again, rolling her eyes. "I know it, but they don't. They won't trust you, and honestly, you can't blame them."

"What are you implying, Weasley? That I cannot have my own redemption arc?" Maia looked amused, but deep down, her own words hurt her.

The truth was, she was never going to be able to leave the past behind. She was barely seventeen, and she was going to be judged all her life for her past actions or, even, for actions that she herself had not committed. And if she couldn't change teenagers about their opinion... No one would ever see her with good eyes.

Ginny seemed to pick up on the joke, but she also saw Maia look away after those words, and seemed to understand what the Malfoy was thinking. Ginny thought of all the times Maia had been picking on her brother, on Harry, on Hermione ... But she never found words beyond slight disqualifications. She knew she shouldn't justify her attitude, but Ginny also knew that people deserved second chances, and the girl in front of her seemed to be crying out for it.

"There are no Slytherins in the DA, Maia. Everyone will judge you. Maybe hex you, too."

"You think I can't take them all at one?" Maia laughed in a low voice, as they were in the library. "I've fought bigger things any of you dumbasses."

"You really think by you calling us that there's a slight improve of chances I'll let you come? You're wrong."

"Okay. Let's just say you're right. Truth is, I don't give a fuck about what they can do. Show me what you can do, Weasley."

"Oh, we're back on the surname basis?" Ginny said, fun laced in her voice.

There was no denying that she enjoyed the company of the Malfoy. She had finally given her the book, since she had completely lost interest in Ginny not having it. Maia smirked.

"Slughorn said you were good doing Merlin knows what —I didn't even pay attention to him back in sixth year, poor man—, and if you were chosen by Slughorn, that means you're good."

"It's not like you'll learn anything from me. I bet you can cast any spell." Maia looked at her expectantly. Ginny gave up. "Okay, okay, stop giving me that look. Meet me by the Room of Requirement in ten." Ginny winked subtly at her, and suddenly Maia felt her body heating up.

When she saw Ginny come out of the library, not without first giving her a knowing look, she leaned back on the nearest bookshelf. It was at the end of the room, so nobody used to go there, much less now with the Carrows — people preferred to stay in their common rooms. It was difficult for her to assimilate how much she liked being with the Weasley, much more than she should like. But it was even harder for her to stay away from her. She didn't know where so many mixed feelings had come from all of a sudden, but she couldn't help her heart from skipping every time she saw her approach.

She felt stupid, because she knew that Ginny would never feel those things for her. She was in love with Harry Potter from the first year of the Weasley, and it was probably in her best interest: it was much easier to be on Potter's side than hers. With Potter she had a chance to get out of that war alive; on the other hand, if she sided with Maia, the chances of her being killed would be very high, and Maia didn't find the idea attractive.

She didn't want to ruin the first genuine friendship with a girl she had, so she decided that the best thing would be to swallow those fledgling feelings and continue as if nothing happened.

She followed in the footsteps of the redhead to the Room of Requirement. She encountered Pansy on the way, who gave her a mischievous wink, and she answered rolling her eyes. She didn't know if she liked the trust she and Parkinson were beginning to have, or if it was all just for Draco's sake. Pansy probably didn't know that she and Draco had been on non talking terms for over a week, which was destroying her inside, but she couldn't apologize as if nothing had happened. Not after realizing that Draco's stance would never change, and that hers had already changed a long time ago.

Maia knew that her brother didn't like being like this. He didn't like being cold, arrogant, and evil, but she wondered if the Draco she knew was the real one or if it was just one of the facets the boy created. She knew he had been completely scared at the time of his marking, as well as the time he knew he would have to fix Borgin and Burkes' closet, or else his entire family would die. She knew he didn't want to be a Death Eater, nor did he want to harm anyone. But then why was it so hard for him to understand Maia's words?

He was her brother, and everything she was doing was for his own good, and if she had to get away from him to save him, she would do it without hesitation.

"Where were you? You took your time, Malfoy." Ginny said smiling, leaning against the wall and watching that no one approached the area.

"I'm very popular, and'know? You aren't the only one eager to see me."

Ginny shook her head as she closed her eyes and walked three times from side to side. A few seconds later, a door appeared in front of them. Maia had once entered the Room of Requirement, but did not remember her like that. When she had imagined it, it was full of useless things, as if it were some kind of scrap yard — she thought it was because she hadn't asked for what she wanted—  but this time it was totally different. Suddenly, metal figures like those that had been used in DADA class from time to time appeared. There were large windows, as if it were a Common Room, but the blue light that illuminated the room was artificial.

"I didn't remember it like this." Maia whispered, admiring the room.

"You've come here before?"

Yeah. It was messier than this, though. Everything you want appears, right? That would explain a lot of things."

"You don't seem a girl who needs to hide. What did you come for?"

"It was after the Yule Ball, on my fourth year." Maia felt her cheeks heat up. It was a memory she'd never shared with anyone.

Ginny smirked. "Oh, I see. You came with someone. Naughty. Who was it?"

Maia pulled out her wand and twirled it between her fingers. "If I told you, I'd have to kill you."

The redhead threw her head back and laughed. "Come on, it can't be that bad. Was it... Theodore Nott? I heard he puked on his partner's dress." Maia shook her head. "Hmm. Please don't tell me it was either Crabbe or Goyle."

"It was Fleur Delacour." Maia said quickly.

Maia was a little uneasy about Ginny's reaction — basically because she'd just confessed one of her biggest secrets out loud — but she opened her mouth wide.

"Fleur?! I don't understand what you all see in her! She's so... hollow! She's enticed you with that French accent of hers. Besides, she's married, did you know that? I had the privilege to attend her wedding because she's married to my freaking brother."

Maia couldn't help the laugh that came from her lips. "Oh Merlin. I definitely didn't know that. We stopped talking a long ago, when everything got ugly. It was dangerous for us to keep talking, I didn't want her to be in danger because of me."

Malfoy felt the silence that reigned in the Room of Requirement. Ginny had moved away from her to fix the utensils in the living room, and Maia wondered if the redhead's initial reaction had not overshadowed the real one. She had confessed her sexual orientation almost for the first time, and since then Ginny had said nothing. Maia cleared her throat, somewhat uncomfortable in Ginny's presence for the first time.

"Well, show me—"

"Stupefy!" Ginny shouted.

It didn't even take Maia to open her mouth for a protego to form around her. She had the wand in her hand, but it was still in its original position. Ginny's spell ricocheted off the Malfoy's protective shield, which raised an eyebrow at the unexpected attack. A blizzard of air from the force of the spell disheveled the Weasley's hair.

"You didn't even give me a chance to prepare myself!" Maia reproached her.

"No one is going to. Besides, it's not like you need it. You even know how to defend yourself and stun non verbally. You're brilliant."

"I'll show you. Come here."

Ginny obeyed. The two prostrated themselves in front of the metal doll that had appeared at first. Maia positioned herself behind Ginny, and she shuddered when the older girl's delicate hands stayed on her waist.

"You have to adapt your posture. Head up." She said, and touched her chin to lift her face. Her hands moved to Ginny's. "Don't lift your wand. You have to be concentrated and think hard about what spell you want to practice. Start with expelliarmus, yeah? It's the easiest one. Don't be discouraged, though, it's unlikely you have the required level to practice non-verbal magic. You haven't even got a chance to start your sixth year properly."

However, the blonde's words did not make Ginny give up. She followed her advice and stood still, staring at a undetermined point on the metal puppet — that even if it had no weapons to defend itself, it would still be useful to use the spell — and concentrated hard on expelliarmus. She imagined in her head what movement she would have to do with her hand if it were a verbal spell, and the puppet moved slightly.

Maia did not hide her surprised expression. "Impressive. It has moved, at least. Not bad for your first time."

"Did you do it right your first time?" Ginny asked, her eyes still concentrated on the puppet.

"'Course not. But I nailed it the second time." Maia smirked. Ginny rolled her eyes. "I had a damn good teacher, what can I say."

"Who was it?" Ginny said for the second time in that evening.

"Fucking Bellatrix. She's mental, but she's really good. My mother didn't want me to learn because I'd just turned fifteen, and she thought I was young to learn, yet. But my aunt seemed to think otherwise. I had to get it right, or I'd suffer the consequences."

The redhead turned to her, horrified. She imagined Bellatrix Lestrange in front of a younger Maia — and something more innocent, Ginny liked to think— yelling at her to make everything perfect, and then she imagined the kind of spells that would fall on the young Malfoy the times she had failed. She shuddered.

"Did she hurt you?"

"Not anymore." Maia smiled a bit. Uncomfortable, she headed towards Ginny, wanting to change the topic of conversation. "Now, let's be real. Show me the most impressive thing you've ever learned from Potter. Let's see if it really lives up to the expectations."

Maia thought it was funny. It wasn't her intention to brag about all the spells she knew, or how she did them, but she liked challenges and learning new things. She knew that Potter was Dumbledore's spoiled child, and that Dumbledore must have taught him things she might not know. She raised her eyebrows when she saw Ginny raise her wand into the air and shout: "Expecto patronum!"

A huge whitish horse sprang from the tip of her wand, and Maia backed away. It was fully formed when it prostrated its legs on the ground, neighing and shaking its head slightly, as if waiting for orders from its creator. Maia looked at the animal as if it were gold: she had never seen anyone emit a patronus.

"Looks like you've seen a ghost. What's yours?"

Maia thought there was no point in lying to her. She could try executing a patronus, but she knew that nothing would come out of her wand. She didn't have enough good memories to conjure one, and that had never given her as much trouble as it did right now.

"I don't know, I've never been able to cast one."

The Malfoy's words shocked Ginny a little. Her patronus was so internalized that she hadn't stopped to think that possibly there were people who could not cast it. And, of course, she knew it wasn't about the girl's lack of skill, but about the feelings part.

"I can show you, if you'd like."

"It's not use, Ginny. I've never been happy enough to cast a patronus, what makes you think I'll be able to now? Being me is exhausting. The bad always outweighs the good. I've seen people be tortured, be murdered, in front of me. My aunt forced me to be the torturer once. She said she wanted those people to become as sick as the Longbottoms." Ginny looked at her with sympathy. "I was horrified, but she didn't have to see it, so I pretended I liked it. It was horrible. I still have nightmares sometimes."

"What happened? Did you...?"

"My mother stopped it. I think it's one of the few times I remember they've fought. Sometimes I think my mother is not like my father, that she really cares for us and would do anything for us, but she's as caught in this as Draco and I are. She's not bad."

The redhead watched her as she cast spells at the puppet, seemingly releasing all the anger she felt. Ginny was fully aware of the power inside this girl, so hard on the outside but so fragile on the inside.

"You know, when all of this ends, you should do everything that makes you happy. You deserve it. What's the first thing you'll do when you get out of here?" Ginny asked.

"I've seen a lot of muggle films. I think I'd like to go to a paradisiac island, enjoy the weather and the alcohol, swim in the beach. I've been in London my whole life, I'd like to see the world. What will you do?" Maia asked, smiling down at Ginny, who was sitting on the floor.

"Go to the funfair. What? Don't look at me like that! I've always wanted to go to one, but my parents thought it was dangerous because it doesn't work with magic and maybe it's not as safe."

"Is that what you think about when you cast a patronus? Your family?"

"Usually, but not necessarily. I think about when my brothers and I used to play Quidditch in the garden, when my mom made me my favorite dish, when I laugh so hard that I cry... But I also think about when I was sorted into Gryffindor; it was one of the most special moments of my life. They might seem stupid things."

"I don't think they are. They're powerful enough for you to cast a patronus, so they must be important to you. Everytime I try to think about good, happy moments, something bad appears to ruin them. It's sad that that's my life, isn't it?" Maia laughed humorlessly. "Would you come with?"

"Where?" Ginny asked.

"To the paradisiac island." Maia smiled toothlessly. "Maybe that would be my memory."